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« Calling the SwiftVets: John Forbes Kerry's First Diplomatic Test | Main | Update (Possibly a Spoiler) Regarding Iraqi Soccer Team »
August 24, 2004

Not-Very-Funny Top Ten Things Overheard In Liberal Circles

10. "I don't care what the so-called (finger quotes) "First Amendment" says. Find me a loophole."

9. "Those goddamn SwiftVets are savaging us like 'Jenjis Khan.'"

8. "Look, I hate to bring this up, but I have to ask: Do we have actual proof that John Kerry was even in Vietnam at all? I just want to know the potential downside on all this."

7. "We'll just spin this into a positive. We'll say John Kerry was smart enough to keep out of Cambodia, and he'll be smart enough to stay out of Iran, too."

6. "I had a very nice creamy steak suisse last night. It's seared --seared-- seared into my memory. Come on, it's funny. Stop being such a Serious Susan all the time."

5. "I say we just continue to run on our strengths, the strengths that nobody can deny. I propose a new advertising campaign-- John Kerry: He's really, really tall."

4. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Bob Dole is on fucking fire."

3. "We may be losing the veterans, we may be losing the independents, we may even be losing some of our usual Democratic base, but whatever happens, we've still got Chris Matthews solidly on board."

2. "Well, maybe Kerry did dishonestly oversell his 'heroism' in the Vietnam; maybe a more accurate account would be that he didn't want to serve, failed in his attempt to secure secure another grad-school deferment, enlisted in a unit seeing little action at the time in order to avoid combat, and then performed routinely but not remarkably for four months before doctoring up a dubious troika of Purple Hearts and finagling himself an early ticket home. That said, Kerry still has an awful lot to run on: his strong national security credentials, his clear plan for winning the war on terror, his meticulously-detailed plan for improving the economy.... SNORT!!! giggle! ... What, we're not allowed to be funny during a presidential campaign?"

...and the Number One Thing Overheard in Liberal Circles...

1. "Is it too late to run Frank Lautenberg? Someone get me that alte kacher on the horn."


Apologies: Some lists are funny. Some lists are funny and true. This one is merely true.

This list is nothing but "clappers," which I hate, but I'm in the mood for gloating.


posted by Ace at 04:03 PM
Comments



Yes, I hear the loud sucking sound as well. Lets just hope that gaping would stays open a while longer. I could make some really nasty comment about the media maggots cleansing the wound etc. but I will not. :)

Posted by: Jennifer on August 24, 2004 04:11 PM

#10 applies to the 2nd amendment as well.

Posted by: Joe R. on August 24, 2004 04:24 PM

I thought it was funny as hell. Or am I missing more obvious irony? Damn. I sparayed iced tea all over my laptop for nothing again!

Posted by: Dacotti on August 24, 2004 04:48 PM

I love the "Jenjis Khan" line - classic.

Posted by: Beatnik Joe on August 24, 2004 05:00 PM

I thought that was one of your best.

Posted by: rdbrewer on August 24, 2004 05:26 PM

It's like they say on the tee-vee: It's funny because it's true.

Posted by: Sean M. on August 24, 2004 06:20 PM

Hey, I think it's hilarious! Though I have been obsessed with the Kerry unraveling and therefore get the jokes. Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Palooka on August 25, 2004 12:01 AM

But Kerry isn't unraveling. He's getting stronger in the middle of all these partisan attacks.
You see the man at his strongest, most calm, most in control, when he's under pressure. This is what america needs to unravel the tangles of the Bush terror.

Posted by: Akefa on August 25, 2004 03:00 PM

Akefa: I apologize for calling you a fake, or at least pointing out the anagrammatic coincidences extant in your name. I didn't realize that not only are you for real, but you have your own blog:

http://iraqwarwrong.blogspot.com/

Posted by: see-dubya on August 25, 2004 03:11 PM

Is Akefa-too-much-reefa angling for a spot in the annals of trolldom? Every time I log on he's just posted something know-it-all-smarmy that's curiously detached from reality. He was at R.E.Simon the other day, too, same deal. Except he got slapped silly over there.

Posted by: dano on August 25, 2004 03:13 PM
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Top Headlines
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.
Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.


Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.
(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.


Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.
Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:
spidermanthreatormenace.jpg

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"
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Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!
Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys
Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map
Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.
Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
And she can't even go on The View because she's ugly a clump of stranger's hair in the bath-drain
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