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August 17, 2004

Now She Done Really Found Us Out, Cletus!

I love any excuse to recycle old material. Especially when it's a good excuse.

Long ago, a moonbat named Kathleen Anderton wrote a letter to the editor of some newspaper. Her letter was full of such unhinged paranoiac moonbattery that I couldn't wait to inform her that yes, her lunatic suspicions about conservatives were all true.

Well, Ms. Anderton has apparently Google-searched her own name and discovered that article, as well as Way Off Bass' own verbal doses of Thorazine. And she's hopping mad about it all.

She wasn't being a nutter-- she was being ironic and/or satirical, like Jonathan Swift. (PS: Jessica Cutler is also a genius.)

Read her response and draw your own conclusions.

Update! Apparently she didn't just respond to Way Off Bass, as I'd feared. (How could she have forgotten me?) She actually did respond in the comments to the original post, under the shadowy alias "the author."

Sort of like "The Artist" aka Prince, but without the fetish for purple sequins and platform shoes.

Or, you know, the talent.

I'm happy now.

I just hope she didn't miss correspondent Paul's enigmatic and ominous warning:

When they came for the Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Women, I said nothing because I'm not a Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Woman.

When they came for the Legally Huntable Sub-Helots, I said nothing because I'm not a Legally Huntable Sub-Helot.

When they came for the Cyberclone Slaves, I said nothing because I'm not a Cyberclone Slave.

So when they came for me, I invented the Boson Reversal Disintegrator and it turned out not to matter that none of those other people were around any more.

I think that says it all. Ms. Anderton, "The Author," might want to put those words up in her kitchen, right next to the engraved chopping board reading "Bless this Mess."

Update: Responding to "The Author" more, um, thoughtfully:

That's what it was meant to do. As for my use of bad words - jackass, jackass, jackass - oh no, better close your eyes and ears to the things in this world that offend you.

I have no idea what she's talking about here. She writes this in response to Zetetic, but he himself called her a "jackass," and then appended his missive with the slightly-informal valediction "FOAD," which, last time I checked, did not mean "Fine Old 'appy Day." It means "Fuck off and die," so I don't really understand why Ms. Anderton thinks that it's her foul language which is being criticized.

Maybe the Shadowy Man Who Lives In the Back Of the Refrigerator called out to her while she was composing her response.

Besides, we really have done so much good with our war against terror.

I sense this is some of that "Swiftian irony" I've heard so much about.

In related news, the Shadowy Man Behind the Tupperware Casserole Dish says that Farenheit 9-11 may be "factually flawed," but it exposes a "truth greater than mere fact." He also says he's "super pumped" about the upcoming The Apprentice sequel.

I'm sure we're just one step behind that wily Bin Laden, and the Iraqi people are so much better off since we've gone in.

Subtle. I've got no beef against sarcasm, but simply stating the opposite of your beliefs in this bitchy sort of whine (I can almost hear her voice trembling) really isn't much of a trick.

They really do embrace our help and the rebuilding that's going on is just amazing.

In case some of you were taking solace from that remark, be warned: I think she probably doesn't mean it.

Thank goodness the U.S. is such a benevolent force.

Okay, first I doubted her Swiftian talents, but now I'm becoming a believer. The woman slices like mighty Gulliver through my Lilliputian mind.

Sarcasm. The opposite of what you mean. Not. Very. Challenging.

Our peace plan for Israel and Palestine is moving along quite well too. In case you all miss it again, I'm being ironic.

Shut up, really?!!

Plus the newest suggestion for sanctions against Sudan will show those rebels to stop killing the African villagers. I am so glad that we have such a wise and wonderful leader to follow.

His name is Dr. Barrows, and he's been meaning to have a word with you about the disturbing images in your fingerpainting.

Okay, my sarcastic response was hardly any better than The Author's, but, like any artist (such as fellow-literary-heir-of-Jonathan-Swift Kathleen Anderton), I'm limited by the materials I have to work with.

posted by Ace at 10:49 PM

Comments

I never read the original when you first posted the link. If I had seen the title "Modern Day Modest Proposal," the connection to Swift would have been immediately apparent. But the mere fact of allusion does not necessarily mean the humor will be successful.

Posted by: Sobek on August 17, 2004 11:26 PM

I find it mildly and pleasantly confusing to be sent via Mr. Whoopy's Wayback Machine to posts that I thought would never be equalled, only to find that even though they've been subsequently equalled, I still laugh my ass off when I read them.

Thanks for the mammaries.

Posted by: Patton on August 17, 2004 11:52 PM

M. Anderon, her Ladyship, that Doffer of the Literal/ Lady of Girth oft, and too oft misguessed for David Letterman/ Your Sight-Gags--retractable Dicky, o'rsized Hat and horse Pill--/ Lady o' the Lounge, oh ever-Sampler of the Veal.../ M. Anderton, where your Gambols now?/ That girthy Merriment which was to set the Water Cooler on a Roar--/ The refreshment Nook where you became a Woman, in the reach of a Co-worker--a Penis: and there a Woman no more, a Womanist!/ M. Anderton, sad Ironist, opera Clown, bow out./ You are hilarious/ The Day, with the Laughter, is yours.

Posted by: way of tribute on August 18, 2004 12:38 AM

As with Alanis Morrisette, someone needs to be taught the definition of the word irony. In the case of Alanis, she should have substituted the term "coincidence," and with Anderon I believe the term would be "unfunny."

Posted by: Emma on August 18, 2004 01:11 AM

Whoops! Dropped a "t."

Posted by: Emma on August 18, 2004 01:50 AM

Patton,

Thanks, that's very nice to hear.

Emma,

Well, in fairness, she's as funny as Oliver Willis.

Posted by: ace on August 18, 2004 02:16 AM

I'm going to go watch the Men's Olympic Gymnastics finals now. Later this year, I'll be voting for John Kerry. To celebrate those events, I'm giving up beer.

Wow this sarcasm stuff is fun and funny!

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer on August 18, 2004 03:19 AM

Jesus, that poem sucks. Who are these people?

Posted by: Theunpopulist on August 18, 2004 03:28 AM

Just a clarification here: she used the word jackass first. I just reminded her that the jackass was the symbol for people like her (i.e. Democrats). But I did tell her to FOAD. Does that make me a bad person?

Posted by: zetetic on August 18, 2004 07:21 AM

Maybe we're all being too subtle. Maybe we should have fisked her with editor-approved phrases like "Is this funny?" and "I just don't get this."

I've got a working theory that dicates that the irony-challenged also have a hard time with sarcasm. Thus, I'm pretty sure Paul's truly superb "When they came for the Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Women, I said nothing because I'm not a Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Woman," etc. was entirely lost on our angry satirist.

Posted by: ccwbass on August 18, 2004 10:22 AM

I just got a letter from Johnny Coldcuts! I'll skip all the embarassing stuff about being named President of his Fan Club (Greater Northern Virginia Chapter), to get to the relevant part.

I quote:

"Yeah...I've seen that uptight bitch's post. Irony like Swift, huh? The only thing Swift about her letter was the rate at which chunks blew out my ass after reading that drivel. Who needs high colonics when you have anal injections like this wandering shred of syphilitic-induced-delirium seated at her typewriter? I gotta tell ya, Senator, I used to think your writing sucked major donkey balls. But hell, after reading "The Author's" pretentious piece of pseudo-intellectual pablum, I have come to two conclusions:

1) Your blog still sucks donkey balls;
2) But as much as you suck, you don't SWALLOW. Know what I mean? I mean "The Author" swallows like Oliver Willis at a Filet-o-Fish buffet with free Kool-Aid refills.

Your pal,

Johnny Coldcuts"

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 18, 2004 10:58 AM

Oh Senator.

You make me laugh. Too bad about your blog. But funny funny post.

You do Johnny as good as Ace.

Posted by: lauraw on August 18, 2004 11:27 AM

Lauraw,

Thanks! Now you know why I am President of the JC fan club. I just consider his critique to be constructive criticism. No more, no less.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 18, 2004 12:45 PM

Wow, there really isn't much left of her for me to take on, is there?

One thing I'd like to point out to her, the beauty of Swift is that he feigned support for the satirical proposition he made. It's like the comedian delivering a ridiculous line with a straight face. By forcing people to react with revulsion to his own position, he forces them to think about the point he really wants to make. But by accusing her opponents of the extreme position, she makes herself sound like a loon. Maybe if she had added a comment like "Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?" She would have been truly ironic.

The way Ace's and Way Off Bass' first posts were.

Of course, I didn't really need to tell any of you this, did I?

Posted by: Brian B on August 18, 2004 01:39 PM

Johnny boy, I gotta agree. And not only that, but she's a total two bagger, let me tell ya. I mean, I'll hit pretty much anything but The Author grosses me out like Steven Tyler wearing a bright red teddy. Now I've gotta take a trip downtown just to get the image out of my mind. See you guys later.

Posted by: Geoffrey the Duck on August 18, 2004 01:47 PM

The Author grosses me out like Steven Tyler wearing a bright red teddy.

Thanks. I'll never feel clean again.

Posted by: Brian B on August 18, 2004 02:00 PM

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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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