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June 10, 2004

My Vagina is Large; It Contains Multitudes

A useless story which I didn't read and which I recommend you don't, either.

I'm only linking it because it's so frickin' asinine it's sort of funny.

Eve Ensler is advocating that women "vote their vaginas," whatever the hell that might mean. Odd that the very people who so stridentely insist that sexuality is a "construct" imposed by "society" also believe that their sex-organs have something meaningful and vital to contribute to the national political debate.

In related news, my left testical is very upset about the Central American Free Trade Agreement.

Why is it that liberals, particularly liberal women, are so damnably unfunny? Here's the author-ess' big laugh line, a comedic cliff-hanger intended to get you to follow her story through the jump:

The word, which Ensler has spent six years rehabilitating through her oft-performed show "The Vagina Monologues" and her V-Day campaign to end violence against women, all traditionally centered around Valentines Day, was plastered all over the Culture Project Theater in Manhattan. It adorned posters and pamphlets and buttons and tee-shirts worn by the hundred or so women who had gathered to help Ensler and her V-Day squad launch a "V is for Vote" campaign. Their hope is to mobilize young women off of their Marc-Jacobs-encased petards and into the polling booths. And on Monday, the day after the 60th anniversary of D-Day, they were officially launching the program. If D-Day and V-Day got together, would we call it V-D Day?

Ummmm... "we" wouldn't. Obviously some of us might. Some of the more, um, retarded among us.

Lots of big funny from the feminist left. Can't wait for the Vulvapalooza comedy tour, featuring the comic stylings of Shecky Pink and "Slappy" Pudendum.

Update! Now Hanoi Jane Fuckin' Fonda is stealing my new act:

This movement will be a volcano that will erupt in a flow of soft, hot, empathic, breathing, authentic, vagina-friendly, relational lava that will encircle patriarchy and smother it. We will be the flood and we'll be Noah's arc. "V" for Vagina, for vote, for victory.

Yeah, I've got some soft, hot, vagina-friendly relational lava for you right he--

I just can't do it. I just can't make these cheap, easy, juvenile non-jokes like Wonkette can. There's something blocking me from doing that.

Oh yeah: Talent. That old albatross around my neck.

But Hanoi Jane's just getting started:

And then, of course, there are what Eve Ensler calls Vagina-Friendly men, who choose to remain emotionally literate. It's not easy for them – look at the names they get called: wimp, pansy, pussy, soft, limp, momma's boy.

I've got a vagina-friendl man for yo--

Wait, I already decided against that one.

I don't know. One on hand, I sorta dig all this. I like politics, and I like chooch, so really, why not combine my two passions, as Ensler and Fonda do so eagerly?

Seriously. Why am I posting stuff about the economy when everyone just wants to talk about pooter? Why waste time writing about Iraq? Let's cut out the middleman and go straight for the tangberry.

We may have to rewrite the feminist slogan: All politics is pudendal.

Three words: Em. Fucking. Barassing.

Thanks a "load" to Way Off Bass.

posted by Ace at 03:52 PM

Comments

Ace: Since you've been on a Wankette terror lately, check this out...

Close enough for government work

The gist of it? "Evoke" as a synonym for "understand"?

You be the judge.

[Just to clarify, she earlier was haranguing the excess of what Matthews said. Only problem: She misquoted him.]

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on June 10, 2004 03:58 PM

It looks like Eve and Emo Philips have been using the same barber.

Posted by: sonofnixon on June 10, 2004 04:00 PM

Lots of big funny from the feminist left. Can't wait for the Vulvapalooza comedy tour, featuring the comic stylings of Shecky Pink and "Slappy" Pudendum.

I wonder if they would approve of my carpe pudendum philosophy.

Posted by: rdbrewer on June 10, 2004 04:03 PM

Dude, I did read the entire, miserable article. Scrinkled through-out with referances to ladies HOO-HOOS. I swear who attends this crap? What a stinking fishy load of nonsense! Who the hell takes these people seriously? Flighing around the stupid vagina sky in a friggin vagina 747? I can only say, that the mental picture of all those damn hoo-nahnnies flapping around the air paints a picture my gahstly than a thousand ghouls.

Posted by: Marty on June 10, 2004 04:13 PM

Nuttier than a fruitcake. Sorry, Ace, but there's no way I'm reading that.

Ironically, these are the same hairy-pits that would scream bloody murder if a "vote with your dick" campaign was launched.

Posted by: Emma on June 10, 2004 04:31 PM

Ironically, these are the same hairy-pits that would scream bloody murder if a "vote with your dick" campaign was launched.

But no one needs to mount such a campaign, Emma. All guys already vote with their dicks.

Guys pretty much do everything with our dicks. Even when we mow the lawn, it's because our dicks have decided that the grass needs a trimming.

Posted by: ace on June 10, 2004 04:35 PM

If I were voting my dick, Ace, I assure you I would not have voted George W. Bush. Is Halle Berry running for anything?

Posted by: Aaron on June 10, 2004 05:05 PM

I just put up a link you may enjoy. I'm surprised you haven't seen it yet.

Posted by: ccwbass on June 10, 2004 05:07 PM

Wonkette-style punchline alert! You have been warned:

'Course, the reason the Vagina movement will never succeed is because, ultimately, nobody wants a bunch of pussies in charge of anything.

Posted by: ccwbass on June 10, 2004 05:41 PM

My Vagina is Large; It Contains Multitudes

Is this code reference to Canada?

Posted by: rdbrewer on June 10, 2004 06:45 PM

"What a stinking fishy load of nonsense"

You know that laugh that blurts out with a 'B' sound in front of it and surprises you even while you're still laughing?

I just had one of those when I read that.

Look, just because they're feminazis, doesn't mean they don't WASH.

Posted by: lauraw on June 10, 2004 09:23 PM

Join the Linux community. Linuxwaves.net

Posted by: Christian on July 5, 2004 05:32 PM

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What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
Melanie Phillips lays out the case for the total destruction of the Iranian government and armed forces. [CBD]

TJM acts like he knows anything about John Wick and screenwriting. It's embarrassing, really.

Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."

Batman fires The Batman
Batman is disgusted by the Joachim Phoenix version of Joker
Batman tries to fire Superman
Batman is still workshopping his Bat-Voice

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
I gotta do it my way
Or no way at all

Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

Sec. Army recognizes ODU Army ROTC cadets for their bravery and sacrifice in private ceremony
[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

TJM gives you a brief tour of his movie collection.

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
One day I'm gonna get that faculty together
Remember that everybody has to wait in line
Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine

US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.

Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies

“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

TJM has thoughts on Superheros and Iconography

Canadian School Designates Cafeteria And Lunchroom As "No Food Zones" For Ramadan
Canada and the UK are neck and neck in the race to become the first western country to fall to Islam [CBD]

Chuck Norris, Action Icon and 'Walker Texas Ranger' Star, Dies at 86

Podcast: Sefton and CBD have a short chat about Iran, the disgusting SAVE Act theater, Mamdani's politicizing of St. Patrick's Day, and more!

Official confirmation from the Joint Chiefs of Staff: the Warthog is now strafing Iranian fast attack boats