So that those who to see the original threads without scrolling down down down, perhaps you could provide links to them?

Well, I call this issue settled.

There's a special place in hell for you, Mr. Spade.

If it's in a book, that's good enough for me. But I find that leather-bound books are more persuasive than paper-backs. Are you quoting from a leather-bound, Ace?

And does it smell of rich mahogany?

I looked at my copy of Stuff Jefferson Said, and you're right, it wasn't a campaign speech in Weehawken. So I totally messed that up.

I was working from memory.

Yep...now with this issue behind us, our resident rocket scientist/Jefferson detective, Jersey, can go back to his day job at NASA in which he has very nearly perfected the abilty to split atoms....with his mind!

That's telekinesis, Kyle. Mind bullets.

By the way the "That's telekinesis Kyle. Mind Bullets." quote?

Thomas Jefferson, to John Jay, explaining how he was able to buy the Louisiana Territory so cheaply.

Source: Stuff Jefferson Said, 4th Edition (Leather Bound). Monticello Press, 1994

I remember that one. IIRC, Jay was always getting mad at Jefferson for calling him "Kyle." It's one of the reasons he left the Supreme Court.

Ace, you should look at page 320 of "Stuff Jefferson Said"

It seems nobody ever uses that famous - and long Jeffrson quote.

"Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no country
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say, I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say, I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one"

If you also look at page 696, you'll find another neat quote - where he's talking about one of his slaves. It goes:

"Well she was just seventeen, if you know what I mean,

And the way she looked was way beyond compare,
So how could I dance with another, when I saw her standing there.

Well she looked at me, and I, I could see,
That before too long I'd fall in love with her.

That's a good one. On page 48 he's discussing Napoleon's wife, who he apparently met as Ambassador to France. He speaks of her grace and intelligence and concludes "Yeah, I'd hit that."

Yes, Sobek, you're right. It's a little-known fact that until the late nineteenth century, "Kyle" was a vicious insult, not to be tendered lightly.

The Hamilton-Burr duel was fought because one called the other "Kyle," but I can't remember which it was. I seem to have misplaced my leather-bound copy of Stuff the Founding Fathers Fought Duels Over, which is too bad because it smelled pleasantly of mahogany.

Was the famous Hamilton-Burr duel fought in Jersey, perhaps near Weewaeuken(sp)? That might explain everything.

Waiting for Jersey's contrite apology...

Waiting...

I'm going to stand by my original contention that the Hamilton-Burr duel was fought (in Weehawken, yes) because Hamilton misspelled "Weehawken," and Burr was a regular Dick Cheney on spelling errors.

Don't be such a "Kyle," utron. That's ridiculous.

Sooooooooo, this is the actual quote.

"Of all the Necessities of a Prudent & Effective Government, the Virtue & Wisdom of the People is paramount. Free Speech is Nice & Everything, but really, it's No Big Shakes in the Greater Scheme of Things." -- Thomas Jefferson

Opposed to: "Free speech is overrated, but not overtly so".

And only after three days and over 100 postings, blasting me for just being able to understand Dave or where to find hs "quote."

Geeeez, Dave, wasn't your translation just a tad on the loose side? I mean, why not just edit and change it to this:

"Speech really, big shakes of things."

But, again...I can't thank you and everybody else for Jersey alive and well...and now...on the front page no less...and even above the fold!!!

I swear to God...I have little tears in my eyes.

I swear to God...I have little tears in my eyes.

I'll bet. Getting the truth jammed up your squeakhole like that?

It's gotta smart.

Jack M,
How did you know?

Hey, I get off at 7. I'll whip up a few frozen isotopes cocktails and we can talk.

Hey, SeanM., just ask Dave about this. Those Jersey people can get really bent out of shape over trivial spelling errors.

Anyway, Burr told Jefferson all about the incident in a letter I read in Stuff the Founding Fathers Wrote to Each Other. It was leather bound, and smelled just like those carseats that Ricardo Montalban used to swoon over.

C'mon Jersey, you gotta admit, "overrated" and "it's No Big Shakes in the Greater Scheme of Things " are pretty close.

Cut me a little slack dude, I haven't read that in like, 25 years.

my squeakhole smells of rich mahogany. Damn you Cheney and your gimp suit!

Lee I'm-Already-Dead Atwater,

"the truth jammed up your squeakhole"???

Guess that reading course didn't take, huh?

Oh, well...you ARE a Republican, so what can I expect.

Who the hell is believign this crap you people are posting about the supposed Hamilton-Burr "duel"

We historians KNOW FOR A FACT that Hamilton "dissed" Burr's girlfriend while they were playing hoops in 118th St.

Burr wipped out a Saturdy Night Special and pumped Hamiton in his gonads.

Geez! Would you people get your fact straigh!

Jersey,

Hey, it happens. I appreciate your frustration. But sometimes it takes time to track down an exact quote.

I hope you're satisfied now, and this argument can end. Hopefully with no bad feelings on either side.

Like Thomas Jefferson said, "That's why God gave pencils erasers!"

Is Jersey really as stupid as he seems or did he finally get the joke?

Im pretty sure Hamilton won Burrs brand new Stetson hat when they were shooting craps.

When Aaron Burr swears he threw a seven- He threw a fuckin seven.

Republicans are dumb and don't read jokes?

Shit, Jersey...get some new fucking material.

And for the record, my reading class is going quite well. We're up to "Green Eggs and Ham" now. Sure, the complexities of Suess confound me, but I'm sure I'll get it someday.

Hey Jersey,

Thanks for that attention, but what I'd really like is for you to get out of my face.

By the way, moron, you do know the post you're responding to is a joke, right?

The real book's title is called Shit Jefferson Said. Ace got the title a little wrong.

Also Suess - Seuss. My class hasn't gotten to spelling yet.

Like Thomas Jefferson said, "That's why God gave pencils erasers!"

Jefferson didnt say that dumbass. They didnt even have pencils back then! Im pretty sure Jefferson actually said "Thats why quills have erasers"

God, you republicans are so stupid.

I guess it's possible that Burr might have shot Hamilton just so he could watch him die.

Because that Burr, he was mean.

Dave,
If, at some point you had asked me that question, you know...before taking the 100 shots from you and every other yahoo on the thread...about what a dumbfuck I must be because I couldn't find what you said was a "quote"...when we both know now was a loose translation, reading, or memory of what the man said...
I would have responded in this way:

Hey, let's discuss what he meant, what you think he meant, what I think he meant, what Ace thinks the man meant, etc., but...hey, who the fuck really knows, the man may have been getting a header from one of his favorite chocolate friends at the same time he was musing.

Regardless...and as I said before...I'm so proud to have made it above the fold on the front page I can hardly contain myself. (Hey, and I may be meeting Jack M. for isotopes later, too!!)

I can't take it... I've got to spill...

the thing is, other people already did spill, so I'm not sure if we're not the ones being pwnd...

could be.

Also, I think Jersey and Geno are all the same person.

I mean, I'd hate to think that Jersey is such a moron that he actually thinks the "Lee Atwater is dead" joke is actually funny.

Fuck. Repetitious repetition in that last comment.

This is my brain after a busy day and a glass of Shiraz.

"Don't spill. The fate of the Republic is in the balance!" Thomas Jefferson, letter to Aaron "Ace" Burr, 1774.

Hey! Great site! Agree with everything you say!

Don't forget to check out the winningest on-line slots on the Internet at www.bigmoneyslots.com!

"The tree of comedy must be watered with the blood of trolls"

Thomas Jefferson

the thing is, other people already did spill, so I'm not sure if we're not the ones being pwnd...

Yes, he gets it now. Actually, his current tack is kind of clever. Not in Cedarford's league, of course, but not bad.

Lee I'm-Already-Dead Atwater,
Boy, you people are D-E-N-S-E.

Do you REALLY think I'm buying this bullshit?

Or, am I to believe that there are actually people on this thread (like YOU for instance) who believe Jefferson ever in his life uttered the words: "no big shakes"?????

But, on the plus side...GOOD GOD...I'M STILL ALIVE!!!!

You did for a while, son. You got PWNd.

Actually, his current tack is kind of clever. Not in Cedarford's league, of course, but not bad.

Yeah, if he was Cedarford he would have typed up ten pages of absolute proof that the Jews were behind his pwning. Im pretty sure 'Stuff Jefferson Said, 4th Edition ' is published by Simon & Schuster.

Crafty Heebs.

Mmmmm...wine.

Not even a liberal troll can ruin a good Australian red.

You're getting kind of boring. Insults are a little stale. Let's see some fucking flames, buddy. Put some effort into it.

Lee I'm-Already-Dead Atwater,
"Waiting for Jersey's contrite apology...

Waiting..."

My, God...you DID believe it.

Jersey,

You keep suggesting that we might meet for "isotope cocktails" (which were invented by Thomas Jefferson in 1792) but I have to be honest with you.

You seem like you are a 7. Maybe a 7.5. And I only meet up for isotope cocktails with those in the 8-10 range. I don't placate.

Cause, you know, sometimes you ask me if your body looks good. And you are on your period and retaining water and stuff, and I just gotta be honest and say "No."

So, speaking pubescently, lets just acknowledge that we can part on good terms. Will we talk? No.

"Well, it was good for shits and giggles while it lasted." -- Thomas "Shecky" Jefferson

Jack M. ,
I'm hurt.

Please...reconsider...they don't have to be frozen.

Ace,

It's no longer entertaining me. Make it dance or something.

My, God...you DID believe it.

Jeebus. If you really believe that, then you are just as stupid as your comments make you out to be.

(sarcasm) Yes, asshole. I REALLY believed there was actually a book called "Stuff Jefferson Said" and that proved a suspiciously modern quote was real. (/sarcasm)

Are you this dumb in real life?

The best was Dave's helpful demeanor throughout it, and the killer line, "You still can't find it? I don't think you're really trying very hard."

That's what got me.

Virginia is for Lovers. Fuck Jersey - Thomas Jefferson

It's called playing along with the joke. Guess you've never been on the giving end, huh?

You're a catcher all around.

Amishford:

Crafty heebs.

That's hebes, you goyische dumbass. For hebrews. Oy vey, such silliness I see here, it makes we want to plotz. If it weren't so fercockt, it would be funny. Whadda schmendrik!

I kvetch, but I love.

Sorry Jersey, but I have this thing that works for me, for which I am gracious. At the end of the evening, all the women call me "Daddy" because they are hungry.

But you? You just don't bring anything to the table.

You know...usually when I wink or flash a cute little smile, the woman knows she's being seen in a predator-prey type relationship.

But when I look at you? I see a dumb ass troll who took two freakin' days to figure out that Dave in Texas was bullshitting you. A troll who is now desperately attempting to save face by pretending he knew all along.

You have no substance. You are not a man of conscious. You lack integrity.(Which are also running jokes on this site, thought you might need to be clued in.)

So, like I said before, in the words of Thomas Jefferson, "thanks for the attention, now get outta my face".

"I may be smart, but I'm not atom-splitting brilliant like Jersey. He's one of a kind."

ace,
Oh, yeah, that really narly "killer line"...man, that was really, really neato.

Based on what I see on this blog...it's not hard to understand how we ended up with an idiot in the white house.

Master-Bators, all.

"It is all now finally coming together, in a surreal dali-esque sort of way. "

Thomas Jefferson when Aaron Burr fled the country after trying to steal Louisiana and Jersey from the United States

No, no, no, you've all got it wrong . Burr shot Hamilton 'cause he (Hamilton) was snoring too loud.

It was either that or for not pouring some out for his Homies.

It's no longer entertaining me. Make it dance or something.

Since we are evil Rethuglicans why don't we just go ahead and stick it with knives and watch it squirm and bleed all over the floor. Or we could maybe let the lions loose and watch it getting eaten. Just musing about entertainment.

I find this Jersey fellow to be a somewhat dim-witted chap. I recall the type from my years in London, you know: a guttersnipe; rude, boorish, and completely unlettered; often carrying a stench that would defeat the most potent perfumed handkerchief; possessed of more head-lice than brain-matter, if you mark me. Where it up to me I'd deport the stinking savages to New Guinea where they could furnish the next meal for the Hottentots. Fit ending for this Jersey fellow, I must say.

So Jersey, how much time did you spend on Google looking for that quote?

I'm thinking hours.

You seem the type.

My favorite line from Dave was:

"Jersey,

You are very welcome."

Just musing about entertainment.

Well, it already shit its pants three posts back so that's out......

hebs? I am so embarrassed. Im not very good at being racist.

Im just glad that stupid kite, Jeff Goldstein, didnt read this.

Mr. Finkelstein:

You are a fershtinkiner putz, sir. Schlep your nit-picking to another blog; only a zhlub does that here.

From a letter entitled "Lazy Sabbath-Day:"

Lazy sabbath day
Wake up in the late afternoon
I visit Aaron Burr just to see how he's doin'
"Yo, what up Burr"
"Hey Thomas, What's Crackin'"
"You thinking what I'm thinkin'"
"Tea Party!"
Then it's happenin'

My favorite part, for the record, was when he pointed to the fact that we were all using the word "placate" as evidence that we are morons.

I mean, he's right, but it was still funny.

Jack M.,
It really takes some guts to use the term "integrity" on this thread.

Oh, and by the way, I've owned a number of saloons over the years and it's been my experience that whenever someone refers to themselves as "Daddy"...they're over compensating for a lack of balls.

And I bet you're short, too.

I find this Jersey fellow to be a somewhat dim-witted chap.

Oh shit, Monty, not this again. Can't you stick with Yiddish insults?

I shot a man in Weehawken,
just to watch him die.

Michael,
Oh, believe me...there were many, many other terms you idiots used that identify you as mostly morons.

You voted for Bush, didn't you?

And...here I am...still aggravating the living shit out of you dickwads.

.,
It really takes some guts to use the term "integrity" on this thread.

oh boy. Hes done it now.

"I shot a man in Weehawken,
just to watch him die."

continued -

But he was a troll
So it doesn't really count.

And anyway, he's back
For more.

Well, I see my little boys have been picking the wings off a fly again.

Good job.

Maybe we could set it on fire. I'd find that to be somewhat entertaining.

Then again, it does look ready to do the BDS dance for us again. Dance, troll-monkey, DANCE! You superiors demand it!

Well,
It's time to throw together a few cocktails and head for sunset at the beach, but just for fun, since most of your are locked in on quotations and what you think is "witty"...here's one that's real...and it comes from the little twit running our country into the ground:

"As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself—not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch."—After visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006

Now...try to imagine what the wounded soldiers thought of that little "quip."

I personally prefer Howard Zinn's 'People's History of Stuff Jefferson Said'.

I'm still big. It's the threads that got small.

See, the problem is, Jersey, you say you were just playing along (although what the point of that would be escapes me), indicating you're not only smart but have a sense of humor, but then you start saying stupid, unfunny shit again, which leads me to think you didn't know what the hell was going on until I said "I'm going to spill... people already have spilled" and then you went back and reread Lee Atwater saying, in bold no less, IT'S A JOKE, MORON.

If you had the subtlety to play along as sort of a triple-joke, why is your sense of humor limited to calling people short?

See? Makes no sense.

My favorite part, for the record, was when he pointed to the fact that we were all using the word "placate" as evidence that we are morons.

Posted by Michael at January 6, 2006 07:18 PM

Speaking of morons, that was Geno, not our current troll.

LOL.

Jersey, you make it too easy.

You just don't get the jokes on this site. Even when I tell you, in advance, what they are!

One thing is clear, you definately don't get a shirt. And some of these posters have definately owned you, like a viking. And when Johnny Coldcuts wants your opinion on something. he'll write it on a piece of paper, wrap it around his cock and shove it up your ass. And you aren't the most important man on the stage, although you probably do need Vinny Falcone to ride your ass.

And if you had a fever, you wouldnt even think of asking for "More Cowbell". Further, you probably have no clue who Kim Richards is, or why she and Justine Bateman heralds economic growth.

And you probably have never sampled the delight of a Val-u-rite vodka/klonopin induced nite out, nor ever asked yourself What Would Kevin Spacey Do?

This blog is all about integrity. Ace slices like a fuckin' hammer. You may have thought eight things tonight, but thats just. the. fucking. way. it. is.

So go back to Filet O Fish's blog and hang out with that crowd.

You are too out of it to comment here. That is a privilege reserved for men (and women, and b'beck's tits) of substance.

Ha ha ha. Real mature, you guys. Ha ha ha. Yeah, you guys are being real mature.

So go back to Filet O Fish's blog and hang out with that crowd.

Am I the only one who thinks Jersey probably has a lucrative career ahead of him hanging out next to Oliver, making him look smart?

Oh, believe me...there were many, many other terms you idiots used that identify you as mostly morons.

Jersey:

Dude, I'm gonna show you some love. You've earned it.

A great deal of what you have been reading, which probably seemed nonsensical to you, originated with some hilarious posts that Ace did a few weeks ago, based on published interviews with an actor named Chris Klein. Chris was so obnoxiously and humorously egotistical, sexist, and illiterate, that the regulars here have all been quoting him ever since. Obviously, you did not know this, so teasing you was the typical "insiders hazing the outsider" kind of humor, made all the more funny by your responses.

The thread would have died early had you not put up such a valiant, and occasionally clever, defense, and demonstrated the stamina to maintain the engagement.

Try to understand. On this blog, insults are normally terms of endearment.

Sometimes we get visiting liberal trolls we actually dislike (Proud Liberal Veteran comes to mind), but you are not one of them.

Welcome to AOSHQ.

Speaking of morons, that was Geno, not our current troll.

You got a point there, Jersey. I mean, Geno. I mean, Not Really A Super Genius.

Jersey,

Just based on observation, and really, no malice at all.

I don't think you can pull this off.

I mean, I'm pulling for you guy. I want you to get something from the exchange. Goodness knows I have.

I just don't think it's gonna work.

Hi Jersey, I don't believe we have met.
My name is Timmy.
Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Try to understand. On this blog, insults are normally terms of endearment.

Umm..yeah. Keep telling yourself that, Michael. Whatever gets you thru the night, as it were.

Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

LOL!

In old Vaudeville, this would be the point at which the guy on stage got yanked off into the wings. Before the audience starts throwing fruit.

See ya later, Jersey Rose Lee.

Next!

See, Jersey, Jack's last post references about 15 inside jokes that make perfect sense to everyone here, and that are funny to us. He's telling you that you've been playing a game where you're the only one who didn't know the rules.

Dave is right -- you can't pull this off. It's not because we are smarter or more subtle than you. You're just dealing with a particular internet subculture that collectively decided to have some fun when you showed up. We all started winking at each other.

It's not really hostile, and in our own way we have been honest with you. Numerous commenters, in painfully explicit terms, tried to tip you off to what was going on.

So, Jersey, thanks for being a good sport. And thanks for being such an incredible dumbass.

what does pwned mean?

what does pwned mean?

I had the same question awhile back. It means "owned," originating from misspelling by video gamers. When you kill an opponent you pwn him. Explanation here

We need a new toy. We all know when we don't have a chew-toy with play with, the next best thing is to turn on each other.

pwnd
0wnd
"owned"

It's a gamer term, usually deployed when you have been not only beaten but also humiliated by your opponent. The weird spelling is sort of a hacker-code that stopped being interesting around 1989 or so -- people who use it are, almost by definition, not hackers because hackers don't use stupid lingo like that.

what does pwned mean?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwned

Damn, I just got PWNED!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, Warden. I beat you by four minutes, and I bothered to create a link.

MICHAEL RULES!

I love you guys.

hehe... Ace of Spades #3 Google Search for Free Speech Is Overrated

At least Jersey will know where to find his quote.

Warden got WFTpwnd!!1!

Michael ,
Well, Back from the beach and I see you're still talking about me. (FANTASTICO!!!)

And, oh, thank you for letting me "in" on the incredibly subtle game you girls all play. (Right...)

Actually, what I notice the most is this: Whenever anyone posts anything critical of one of the "girls," the rest of you cluster together and get really, really nasty...kind of like the bad cheerleaders in high school.

But hey, besides being gutless, what did you all think of our little twit leader's comments to the wounded soldiers? Kind of cool, huh?

Wow!!!

Maybe he was just playing some kind of subtle game with the soldiers...you know, like, hey...so what if you're wounded or going to die?

I'm the prez and I think it's funny to say things only me and Rummy and Cheney understand...I mean...what's the diff...we all know we're sure not going to get killed...hell, I don't even stop by to see the caskets when they roll in. (Let somebody else do that...it's too icky.)

Yeah, you girls must be proud as punch...and I can't help but notice no one had the balls to respond...

What a sad bunch you are.

Sorry, like to say more, I'm off to a local saloon for cervezas, etc...don't get those panties in a bunch...because...I'LL BE BACK.

Now we're number 2 for "free speech is overrated."

Congrats. We're now the #2 site in the world for the proposition that free speech ain't all that.

Congrats. We're now the #2 site in the world for the proposition that free speech ain't all that.

Um...am I proud or horrified? 'Cause, you know, I kinda like that free speech thing...I just think Jersey's a dick. Plus, you gotta admit, we played that fool like a Stradivarius.

Awwwww...Jersey thinks we're a 'sad bunch.'

Who else doesn't think he's old enough to buy those cervezas?

I love you guys.

Aww, Sue. That are just so feminine and sweet. I, for one, appreciate that tender thought.

So, I'm going to say it . . .

I love you too.

I'm assuming you understand that, by "love," I mean "I want to make you my dirty little Jewish gag-slut girl."

I'm happy to report that "the Oriental guy who played Hop-Sing on Bonanza's" comments at AoS is #1 on google if someone does a search on "the Oriental guy who played Hop-Sing on Bonanza."

"Bart at Bareback Mountin'" is also #1.
(I have mixed-feelings about that.)

"Repulifag" and "republiqueer" render AoS to the top of the page.

"Toobeano" from AoS is #1.

Now we're number 2 for "free speech is overrated."

Just another Avis. Nobody remembers who finished second. Wadawegottado to be first?

Look whos number three when you Google "artificial horse vagina"

Cedarford: The troll that keeps on giving

OK, so we're a sad bunch, granted. But for whatever reason Jersey can't seem to stay away. Well, I guess the next best thing to actually winning elections is trolling conservative blogs and showing how smart you are.

Well - Jersey, if that is your real name,

I'd hazard a guess that the wounded troops took Bush's comments well.

"As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself—not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch."

I'm just surprised that you missed the obvious coded reference to Bush's plan to either invade Lebanon militarily or foster a coup.

~ in combat with a cedar ~

Dud, c'mon - it's clear as day.

As Thomas Jefferson once said:

Of all the Trees that constitute a forest, it is the Cedar Tree which is most agreeable for the Manufacture of Finished Goods. And the finest Cedar is that which grows in Lebanon.

One Day, in accordance with the will of the Almighty, this Nation will have the Cedar of Lebanon for its own. And Our People will have good sturdy garden furniture and Closets to die for .

Sue,

Can I have a sandwich?

Dave, you're the man and I'll fix you a sandwich any day. Michael's pool bay can have sandwich anytime he wants, too.

Jersey, got a source for that Bush quote?

Well, Back from the beach and I see you're still talking about me.

You need to realize, we haven't had many good left-wing posters on this site. You're one of the best, no joke. Most of the rest just do things like pretend to be vets, blame everything on the jews, and call everyone fags. You ROCK, Jersey!

Actually, what I notice the most is this: Whenever anyone posts anything critical of one of the "girls," the rest of you cluster together and get really, really nasty...kind of like the bad cheerleaders in high school.

Naughty, naughty cheerleaders.

pool boy

Mmmmm. Wine.

Actually, what I notice the most is this: Whenever anyone posts anything critical of one of the "girls," the rest of you cluster together and get really, really nasty...kind of like the bad cheerleaders in high school.

I think Jersey's starting to get into the spirit of things around here--what with all the florid analogies about bad cheerleaders, ah--clustering together, and getting really, really nasty.

Anyone for a bowl of Jell-O and a pillowfight?

That'll do, troll.

That'll do.

sammiches.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Jersey:

"When the government fears the people, there is liberty; when the people fear the government, there is tyranny."

~ B. Franklin

It's true. You could look it up.

Another:

"Besty Ross has a fine backyard; If you know what I am saying."

~Benny Franklin

Fuck you, Dave. You always get the girls.

Wait...Michael wants to boff Dave?

Now this is interesting...

I didn't get the girl. I got a sandwich.

Not that I'm bitchin about it or anything.

Not that I'm bitchin about it or anything.

OK, you got a sammich. I got nothing.

I mean, I was tryin' to be romantic. Didn't I tell Sue I wanted her to be my gag-slut? Huh? Huh?

Yes, I think I did.

What kind of woman would not find that irresistible?

Didn't I tell Sue I wanted her to be my gag-slut? Huh? Huh?

You silver-tongued devil, you.

What kind of woman would not find that irresistible?

but what did you bring to the table? if you brought nothing, you know what's gonna happen

You silver-tongued devil, you.

I'm totally in agreement with you, Slub. But, y'know, sometimes even I strike out in bars. I just can't figure out what those bitches are after...

What's up with the "saloon" thing?

Once again Michael has managed to drag a thread into the gutter.

In an effort to drag it back out of the gutter and perhaps even return it to the orignal topic (sort of), I offer the following real on-topic quote from TJ:

"Thomas Jefferson..... held that freedom of the press....... was among “the principles [that] form the bright constellation which has gone before us, and guided our steps through an age of revolution and reformation.” "

http://www.commentarymagazine.com/article.asp?aid=12101048_1

PS to Jersey -

Don't get all excited and agitated and think that this quote is a joke and that the other TJ quotes were real, because actually all of the TJ quotes on this blog are really real and yet perhaps some of them, but probably not this one, are also jokes.

Actually, AoS is the top Google result for "free speech is overrated" as well as for "artificial horse vagina" if you use the quotes.

That's pretty sweet.

Guys - Guiness should create a special records category for this thread - maybe "Longest Consecutive P3Ning of Overly Credulous Noob" or "Most Brilliantly Executed P3Ning Ever."

Congratulations - simply, freakin' magnificent.

That's pretty sweet.

You know what else is sweet, Dave?

The fact that google.com puts a cookie on your computer which they use to record your searches. In the future, they'll probably custom-tailor the advertising you receive based on the searches you've done, if they're not doing it already.

Enjoy those horse ads, Dave! :)

sandy booger,
Yes, I do have a source for the Bush quote.

Laura was over yesterday, sucking on my dick and when she happened to mention that my it was as hard as a piece of oak.

And that's when she she followed up with: "Oh, and by the way, my idiot husband was over visiting some wounded soldiers, like he could give a flying fuck, and he started talking about some silly little scratch he got from..."

And that's how I heard it, although the quote has appeared in many publications...and there's a video, too...but, hey, why look for something you don't want to hear...or know...right?

Call her, she'll verify it.

And she'll also verify Jay Leno is a Republican, right Jerksey?

Yes, she will.

And thanks for evidently reading and keeping literally every single one of my posts...hope you're keeping them in a safe place...they'll be worth some real douhg some day.

And good God...when was the Leno thing? Three days ago?

Do you love me?

Jersey, fantasizing that your sister is Laura Bush is pretty creative.

he's an animal! oh my God!

ahhhhh sweet mystery of life at last I've found youuuuuuu

BrewFag,
Strangely enough, Laura mentioned you while she was here, and said something about you being like many of the others on this blog...rather gutless...and I thought she was talking about how none of you have the balls to respond to the idiotic mistakes her husband has made or that he's running our country into the ground, or acting like a bunch of howling assholes every time someone criticizes one of your girly friends...but she was talking about the "other" thing...

Have you come out yet?

You know, all of you liberal trolls toss out the "fag" insult a lot. Aren't you guys supposed to be against that? Or is okay when you do it, because it's done "with love" or something?

Acey, Acey, Acey...
Oh, give me a fucking break...my response, was to the asshole's posting about fucking my sister...and...my posting merely asked if he was going to have the guts to admit he was gay.

Anyway...I'd estimate at last 70 - 90% of the people on this blog are homophobes (see the 100's of postings relating to Brokeback Mountain, or how many times people refer to shoving whatever up whoever's ass, etc.).

Oh, and I think the other 10% are gay.

BrewFag

This is not the opinion of your mom, Jersey. She thinks I'm all man. She even gives me a 'frequent customer' discount.

.I'd estimate at last 70 - 90% of the people on this blog are homophobes

I'm a homophobe. What's your point?

geoff,
It's too late for me to explain in detail, but it can be summed up in a few words you may understand, but I'm not counting on it:

Being a homophobe basically means you're lacking education or knowledge...you know, ignorant.

BrewFag,
Does this mean you're NOT coming out?

Does this mean you're NOT coming...

Not 'til your mom's done. That's how I roll.

"Being a homophobe basically means you're lacking education or knowledge...you know, ignorant. "

Presumably you can toss out the "fag" epithet with aplomb because you're so enlightened?

You're certainly a bear on the writings of Thomas Jefferson, I'll give you that.

I just find it amusing that you can call people "fag" and also accuse others of being homophobic. Do as I say, not as I do?

Anyone who can write a nonsensical non-sequitur like:

Being a homophobe basically means you're lacking education or knowledge...you know, ignorant

is at total fucking moron.

Thomas Jefferson

Of course since taking it up the butt, murdering unborn children, raising taxes and hating America and Bush are, as it were, the 4 legs of the leftists' stool, all leftists are total fucking morons.

George Washington

Incidentally, I call people "homo" and even "fag" in jest all the time. Then again, I don't throw out the 'homophobe" charge too lightly.

You seem to do both. Can you explain this?

Being a homophobe basically means you're lacking education or knowledge...you know, ignorant.

Or it may mean I was assaulted by a predatory homosexual in college. Which I was.

But in any case, that's not why I call myself a "homophobe." This may be a little tough for you to follow, since your past posts have proven you a shallow and humorless thinker, but this is an answer to the classic namecalling that frequents the arguments of small-minded liberals like yourself.

Calling someone "racist," "homophobic," "chauvinistic," or "elitist" are all argument-winners in the liberal mind, even though they are just a misdirection tactic, designed to force the recipient into defending themself instead of continuing the discussion. I'm tired of it, so when people like you start their petty namecalling, I just accept it and continue to pursue the original argument.

geoff,
Being called: "a shallow and humorless thinker" on this inane blog is more and insulting...and actually pretty funny...especially considering the constant barrage of name-calling by your fellow wingnuts.

If you're a homophobe because you were assaulted in college by someone gay, it's understandable, but I have the ditinct feeling that 99% of the disgusting homophopic trash I hear from others is not based on any attacks, but on a lack of knowledge.

oh, and if you don't like my posts...IT'S MY RIGHT TO POST...AND YOUR RIGHT NOT TO READ THE FUCKING THINGS....you know, that "free speech" thing you witless idiots pounced on for over 3 days.

IT'S MY RIGHT TO POST - Jersey

Wrong again - posting here is a privilege, not a right. Just ask your fellow hater, cedarford.

you witless idiots - Jersey

When dealing with a leftist always remember you are entering into an irony-free zone.

The 2nd quote is of course by Thomas Jefferson

Fuck you and your right to post... it your privilege that Ace allows you to post here - dickhead.

It's not that we are homophobes, as that implies that we are frightened of homosexuals. It's that we find it repugnant and disgusting that one man would want to shove his cock up some other man's hairy ass or have the same done to him. Jack-ass!

ace,
Ohhhhhh, I see.

You "call people "homo" and even "fag"...but "in jest"...so you're really not homophobic, but just the kind of guy who thinks that when you call them, what would be considered by most, a derogatory name...they'll know you're just joshing them...and that you're really a well educated, nice guy who just likes to have fun with people.

I'm sorry, Dude, but calling anyone a fag (and yes, I know, I did it today with BewFan, but after he intimated I was screwning my sister.)...shows a degree of contempt for all gays, man or woman...and if you haven't noticed any of it on these blogs you're bullshitting yourself and everybody else.

But, let's do an experiment: The next time you see a group of black men, take a shot at calling them n*****s...in "jest" of course...and see which one laughs first.

We can meet up at the hospital to discuss your findings.

I wasn't screwning my brother! I was blowing him! So there.

Madfish Willie,
Boy, now that's what I call a staunch defense of NOT BEING A HOMOPHOBE!!

I mean, c'mon...who wouldn't recognize your obvious objectivity and open-mindedness when you describe sex between two mean as being:

"repugnant and disgusting that one man would want to shove his cock up some other man's hairy ass or have the same done to him."

But, hey...I just wondered if yu had any thoughts on the gays who don't have "cocks" or "hairy asses??"

You know...two beautiful gay women, wrestling in oil or on a hotel bedd or in a movie?

Let's take a guess...not quite as "repugnant??"

That was almost too easy.

Dude, you've been calling people fags, homos, "girls," etc., since you got here. You haven't stopped doing it.

I just find it amusing that now you're lecturing me about how bad and wrong that is to do while you continue to allow yourself the same.

Because you're "enlightened." You know how to call someone a "fag" with respect and tolerance.

maxie...

when you say: "you witless idiots - Jersey"...are you implying there are more of me?

And who the fuck is "your fellow hater, cedarford"??

And who is it I hate?

C'mon, try to be more specific.

You "call people "homo" and even "fag"...but "in jest"...so you're really not homophobic, but just the kind of guy who thinks that when you call them, what would be considered by most, a derogatory name...they'll know you're just joshing them...and that you're really a well educated, nice guy who just likes to have fun with people.

Well, yeah. I only call straight guys fags or homos, or a gay guy only if I'm good friends with him and he knows it's a joke.

I'd never call a gay guy I wasn't good friends with "homo." I call one of my better friends (gay) a "homo" all the time.

But then, I'm defending doing that, so long as the person you're talking with either isn't gay or knows you're mean nothing bad by it.

You're the one coming in here and not only calling strangers "fag" but then having the gall to lecture us about how improper doing that is.

One or the other, dude. It can't be okay for you to do but not for me.

I haven't called you a "fag," by the way, because 1, I don't know you, 2, I don't know if you are gay (you didn't seem to care if Brewfan was), and 3, it's just, as you say, a rather low-rent idiot kind of insult, when meant as an insult.

You know-- the way you used it.

I wouldn't use it as an actual insult. As I haven't used it as an insult against you. I use it for joshing with people I like.

And I get called "homo" here about 6000 times a month.

Acey,
I call you people "girls" because I've yet to have anyone respond to my postings regarding Bush and how he's running the country into the ground, which I consider gutless...and the fact that you all appear to "bunch together for protection or to strike out" at anyone who confronts you with any facts or evidence. (Look at the Jerfferson quote routine, which was actually quite a hoot, where I had the entire board trashing the shit out of me for days on end...but did I didn't bitch, moan or hide...NO...I came right back with my own take and opinion.)

As for calling people "fags"...with the exception of BrewFan, who as I've mentioned before insinuated I was fucking my sister, blowing my brother and that he was fucking my mother...show me a posting where I do so.

GFL.

Ace, you homo!

6001

But this is what I'm talking about - the argument has turned from the question of how witless Jersey is, to who's a homophobe and who's not. This was a trivial thread, but it's a common tactic on more meaningful threads as well.

So say it with me: "Sure, I'm a homophobe, but what does that have to do with you being a witless git?"

ace,
You think maybe they mean...Sapien?

Nawwwwwwwwwwwww...doubt it.

geoff,
The thread is really about: "how witless Jersey is"??

Geeeezzzzzzz, I should be getting paid for this abuse.

I'd give everybody my address so you can send checks or cash...but I'd like to live a few more years.

But thanks for the props...

Okay, I have to get out of here to watch the games...and before my wife makes me actually do something...and with all the talk about gays, etc...I'll leave you with a joke...many of you may have heard:

Guy's on trial for fucking a goat. The prosecutor has his star witness on the stand, an 85 year old woman.

"Please tell us what you saw."

She points over to the defendant and says, "I saw that man on the side of the road...fucking a goat."

As the prosecutor walks over near the jury, he spins back to the woman and says, "And did you see anything else??"

She thinks a moment, then adds, "Yes. When he was done, the goat twisted around and licked his balls."

As a murmur, then a hush falls over the courtroom, a male juror leans in close to a female juror and says,
"A good goat'll do that."

Oh, I forgot:
We're the wealthiest nation on earth...and we don't spend the money for this???

Anyone interested in hazzarding a guess why?

By MICHAEL MOSS, New York Times
Published: January 6, 2006

A secret Pentagon study has found that at least 80 percent of the marines who have been killed in Iraq from wounds to their upper body could have survived if they had extra body armor. That armor has been available since 2003 but until recently the Pentagon has largely declined to supply it to troops despite calls from the field for additional protection, according to military officials.

The ceramic plates in vests currently worn by the majority of military personnel in Iraq cover only some of the chest and back. In at least 74 of the 93 fatal wounds that were analyzed in the Pentagon study of marines from March 2003 through June 2005, bullets and shrapnel struck the marines' shoulders, sides or areas of the torso where the plates do not reach.

There's a law of diminishing returns when it comes to the IQ of a troll. Between, say, 50 and 100 there's just enough critical self-consciousness there to be entertaining. But when you approach 50 and below, it's about like arguing with an inanimate object.

I give up. I quote the guy, i.e. use his own words - You witless idiots, to be exact - and it's the 2nd time I've quoted his own words in that one post.

And he still manages to misunderstand me.

But I agree he's not a hater; he's just an incompetent lover. And an irony-free zone.

PS Cedarford is a hater who was banned (rightly) by ace.

Anyone interested in hazzarding a guess why?

I wouldn't know, but would suppose that factors like marginal risk reduction, weight, mobility, body heat retention, comfort, and yes, cost, all were likely factors in the decision.

With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, maybe the decision was wrong. Back in 2003, nobody anticipated an insurgency where the enemy's principal strategy was to set off IEDs. They probably thought that the enemy would mostly be in front of our soldiers and shooting at them, rather than attempting to frag them as their vehicles passed by.

What? Oh, silly me. Of course, the Pentagon just gets a kick out of watching soldiers die.

See, Jersey, now you're just getting tiresome. What's your point in posting that comment? The Pentagon is not perfect? What a shock.

BTW, only one "z" in "hazarding."

PS Cedarford is a hater who was banned (rightly) by ace.

Nice try, but I'm just not in the mood to get into a fight.

maxie...

I realize you've probably never taken an English course in your life, but...when you say things like this:

"I give up. I quote the guy, i.e. use his own words - You witless idiots, to be exact - and it's the 2nd time I've quoted his own words in that one post."

"And he still manages to misunderstand me."

You might want to consider using quotation marks to specify what is it that you're actually "quoting."

That's why newspapers, magazines and books, etc. use them...it makes it easier to "understand," not only what the writer is trying to say, but also whether it can be verified or attributed wo another.

Duh...

Regarding the body armor issue, I'd like to solicit the opinion of Proud Liberal Veteran. As a bona fide American fighting machine, I'm sure he could enlighten us.

BrewFan, who as I've mentioned before insinuated I was fucking my sister, blowing my brother and that he was fucking my mother

lol! Freudian slip?

Geeeeeezzzzzz,
Thought somebody might like the goat joke.

Oh, well...you ARE Republicans.

"Nice try, but I'm just not in the mood to get into a fight."

Posted by Michael at January 7, 2006 05:26 PM

What about this one:

"Once again Michael has managed to drag a thread into the gutter."

Would that get you in the mood for a fight? My guess is NO, since Mrs Michael has told her pool guy that you printed it out and taped it on your forehead.

BrewFan,
Geee, sorry...it's hard to keep track...plus, everybody uses about 10 different names.

But I do appreciate the comment about my mother...very classy.

I assure you, Ace does not have a fear of sameness.

Geeeeeezzzzzz, Thought somebody might like the goat joke.

Oh, well...you ARE Republicans.

How could you possibly misunderstand??

Here is the post which contains 2 phrases you used in one of your, i.e. the same, post.

"IT'S MY RIGHT TO POST - Jersey

Wrong again - posting here is a privilege, not a right. Just ask your fellow hater, cedarford.

you witless idiots - Jersey

When dealing with a leftist always remember you are entering into an irony-free zone."

Do you not remember what you wrote? You apparently did get that the 1st phrase was written by you IN ALL CAPS. Why did the 2nd phrase throw you off - ADD blended with BDS? Or does a subscription to the nyt come with a free lobotomy? (Actually it does if you (shudder) read it.)

Jersey the state may or may not be an irony-free state, but Jersey the poster is an irony-free zone.

Alexander,
Interesting, and I'll be sure to file it away with the rest of my "who-gives-a-flying-fuck" infrmation...but, hey, Dude... it was just a joke.

Then again, and as I said before...you ARE Republicans...and Delay, Frist, etc...and with G.W. running the show...it hard to laugh.

No no, Alex, John Popper wrote the introduction. Not only does the fat bastard blow a mean blues harp, but he's also an expert on geopolitics.

with G.W. running the show...it hard to laugh.

Apparently it hard to use verbs too.

Aw, shoot! If I had known you guys were going all "gay" today, I would have been here. Please help a brother out and let me know next time.

Homos.

Alexander, Interesting, and I'll be sure to file it away with the rest of my "who-gives-a-flying-fuck" infrmation

Jersey,

do you consider yourself pretty?

With idiots like the people on this blog running loose...no wonder we have a fucking moron as president.

See no evil, hear no evil...the Republican chant.

Keep your beady little open wide...because an impeachment is coming.

Keep your beady little open wide...because an impeachment is coming.

Beady little what? As for an impeachment: Dream on, moonbat. It'd never get out of the House.

Michael asks (or should be asking) "how can it be that "Mrs Michael has told her pool guy" when the pool guy is on vacation? I mean it's January for crying out loud."

That's a fair question and I'll help out - there's a new web site called www.poolguysandlonelyhousewives.com, where pools guys and their 'customers' can keep in touch. It has message boards and everything.

As an example of how it works, here's a recent post from "Garden State Housewife" and the reply she received.

Garden State Housewife: My Marxist husband has been spending a lot of time on a right-wing site with a lot of really 'primitive' (if you know what I mean) guys on it, and, while he's holding his own, I must say those wingers are tough. And it's gotten me to thinking - how can I make my guy stop nancying around with all this Marxist crap and get a little more tough, a little more primitive in the sack.

Because I mean you can read these wingers' posts and they do know how to 'get to the point'. One especially, this guy named 'Dave in Texas' really seems to know how to put it to you, if you catch my drift. But he's in Texas and I'm freezing my ass off in Jersey so that's a no go.

Please help.

Reply - Have hubby become a Republican - they know how to do it right. Just look at their birthrates vis a vis the nancy boys of the northeast, who when they aren't taking it up the butt themselves, are spending all their time praising taking it up the butt likes it's the greatest thing since Instant Messenger.

PS - For those of you who want to access the site and post messages, the password is Jeb-in-08.

Jersey:

But, hey...I just wondered if yu had any thoughts on the gays who don't have "cocks" or "hairy asses??"

Actually, I don't have ANY thoughts on gays whether they have hairy asses or not. The point was that finding the act revolting and repugnant does not cause me to have an irrational fear of homosexual men, or any kind of fear for that matter. I had a gay male roommate once - he was a great guy, but I still found his sexual conduct repulsive. So... suck my dick!

You know...two beautiful gay women, wrestling in oil or on a hotel bedd or in a movie?

Well, two beautiful cockless gay women (with hairless asses) having sex is kind of fun to watch [as I sit in the corner spanking my monkey]... however, most of the gay women couples I've seen usually consist of two overweight, unattractive females, one with short cropped hair wearing a flannel shirt. Now the thought of them wrestling in oil makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

Now, shut your pie-hole and go back to eating your pudding!

The disturbing sounds of two three hundred pound hirsute woman reaching the threshold of self-induced orgasm shatters the joy Jersey's 'reversal wit' has caused him. The walls shake. The filthy glass rattles. Jersey cowers in sudden embarassment. Two grown women, fringing themselves! "Yer such pigs" he mutters.

"Got you, Madfish Willie!" He cries out in triumph. He stands, throws up his hands and shakes his booty for all it's worth. The pathetic sight is made sadder when his reeking trousers plunge from the two bone racks Jersey calls his hips and plummet to the floor. The matted mess hits the ground with the force of concrete. The sound startles his pudding-eating hairy-ass friend, so much so that he can't hold back and soils his undies. He curses in embarrassment, and sulkily sits down. "Fourth time this week..."