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« Iraqis Think Things Are Going Better Than Americans | Main | McCain Moving Towards Acceptability By Conservative Base? »
December 12, 2005

Odd: Senate Won't Let Senator/Doctor Coburn Deliver Babies One Day A Week

Instapundit, I think, has a book or law review article about how often-nonsenical rules forbidding an appearance of improriety frequently (perhaps deliberately) permit or mask actual impropriety. By creating a set of clear-but-jackass rules about the former, true impropriety is permitted, by someone who just jumps through the right ethical-cannon hoops. Common sense is removed from the equation in favor of clarity, but a clarity largely divorced from reality.

Senate rules permit folks like Barbara Boxer to write (or should I say "write," as in "based on a dopey idea by Barbara Boxer, actually written by a romance-novel hack") and be paid by large media corporations -- players who obviously have a legislative interest in currying favor with Senators.

And yet only 51 Senators were willing to vote in favor of a sense-of-the-Senate resolution which stated that Tom Coburn's one-day-a-week obstetrician practice would not warrant an Ethics Committee investigation.

Several Republicans voted against this, claiming that if you're in the Senate, this is your job. Your only job. Citizen-legislators are, I guess, passe.

John Fund wants to know if it's more likely that Barbara Boxer will be influenced by a megamedia corporation publishing her daffy little political potboiler (a book, I feel confindent in saying, would not be published were she not a Senator) or if Tom Coburn will be corrupted by the relationship he has with a family whose child he's just delivered.

What favors, precisely, would they ask of him? Government subsidies on pacifiers and diapers? A Senate resolution declaring their kid "#1 Superbaby" or "World's Greatest Infant"?

And furthermore-- where is the risk of corruption in providing a service at proveable market rates?

There aren't any royalty payments for baby-deliveries, nor big marketing budgets to promote them. The very fact that a bad book, which would otherwise not be published, is published at all means that someone out there is getting payments they wouldn't otherwise have. And, while a big advance is often suspect, there are other, more subltle ways to corrupt a Senator/thriller-writer -- a big part of any publishing deal is the marketing budget. The more money in that budget, the more copies you'll sell, the more money you'll get.

It's a hidden form of payment to the "writer." It's not a direct payment, but it indirectly increases profits to the "writer."

If Barbara Boxer's marketing budget was anything north of two-buck fitty cent, they threw more money at her than her, ahem, literary talents would warrant. And that is a form of genuine corruption.

And yet the Senate frets that somehow Tom Coburn is going to be improperly influenced by delivering a baby. Despite the fact that the amount of money he makes for this endeavor only just covers his malpractice insurance.

Thanks to Deep Stoat, my super-secret government source, who sends me all sorts of obscure information that you can read yourself in the Wall Street Journal.

Update: Bad Sex From Barbara Boxer: Fund can't help but quote her hhhhhot sex scene:

"Greg's naked body was long and elegant, his embrace enveloped her utterly, and they meshed with ease and grace. He smelled good too, faintly and astringently of aftershave. He was clinging to her as if he'd never let her go, it was all so easy and right."

"He was clinging to her as if he'd never let her go, it was all so easy and right." Very original. I think this line has only been used in like seven hundred thousand boy-band love ballads.

Bonus sexiful points for using the turn-on word "astringently." Everyone gets a little charged up by erotic allusions to Blackbeard's Delight or Sex Panther.


posted by Ace at 12:44 PM
Comments



Would it surprise you to learn that Democratic Underground has a theory that Coburn only delivers Republcan's babies. He counsels abortion for pregnant Democratic women.

And Coburn allegedly implants Norplant contraceptives in brown skinned women using a specially designed umbrella he carries around - one with a pointy tip.

Posted by: BumperStickerist on December 12, 2005 12:55 PM

Clearly he should write a 5 page "book" and sell it for the price he charges for delivering a baby. And say "Free baby".

Posted by: Al on December 12, 2005 12:55 PM

My guess? Delivering babies = "actively conspiring with pro-life interests."

Posted by: David C on December 12, 2005 12:56 PM

Hyper-partisanship at its worst, I think.

I blame Bush, of course.

Posted by: Slublog on December 12, 2005 01:01 PM

I blame Bush, of course.

And I question the timing. Haliburton! Chimpy McBushitler.

Posted by: Dale on December 12, 2005 01:12 PM

It stings the nostrils!

Posted by: Dave in Texas on December 12, 2005 01:27 PM

Dave in Texas, don't be put off by that smell of pure gasoline. They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works *every time.*

Posted by: Robb on December 12, 2005 01:52 PM

That doesn't make any sense.

Posted by: Ron Burgundy on December 12, 2005 02:04 PM

What are Blackbeard's delight and Sex Panther? Cheap men's aftershave??

"long and elegant" Could that be any more UNSEXY????

Sounds like skinny and soft to me.

And "meshed?" (ohhh sexy!) with "grace?" Sex is a lot of things, but graceful it aint.

This woman has obviously never had good sex.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on December 12, 2005 02:46 PM

Just reading that passage made me want to thrust my purple-headed yogurt slinger into Barbara's ultra-divine Boxer of........ok, no it didn't. But I've always wanted to write one of those kind of letters to Penthouse Forum. After all I did attend a small, boring, mid-western college.

Posted by: Sticky B on December 12, 2005 02:50 PM

Sex is a lot of things, but graceful it aint.

Tell me about it. Especially when it's done right. "Honey, less Baryshnikov, more Cheney. Go for the oil!"

This woman has obviously never had good sex.

Like sex, she faked the writing too. The article mentioned a ghostwriter.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on December 12, 2005 03:09 PM

I scored an extended excerpt from another sex scene in her novel back in January. Hot stuff.

Posted by: Bill from INDC on December 12, 2005 04:53 PM

More Boxer sex, por favor...

"smelled good too, faintly and astringently of aftershave"

So that's all it takes to bag a babe like her? Some Polo splashed on with Eau de Listerine?

I bet it would bring down a bigfoot like Maureen Dowd, too.

Rowr!

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on December 12, 2005 05:08 PM

So that's all it takes to bag a babe like her? Some Polo splashed on with Eau de Listerine?

With her it would take the famous Eau de Carp.

Posted by: rls on December 12, 2005 05:51 PM

I bet it would bring down a bigfoot like Maureen Dowd, too.

Of course it would. Everyone knows that Sex Panther smells like bigfoots dick

Posted by: JackStraw on December 12, 2005 07:21 PM

Jack, I'm gonna to be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.

Posted by: Alex_fs on December 12, 2005 07:50 PM

Here's a stupid question:

Why can't the good doctor set up his practice as a non-profit, donate his services to it, and have the practice charge the patients (and pay for his malpractice insurance)?

Am I missing something?

Posted by: Norman Rogers on December 13, 2005 08:38 AM

Some of the discarded outtakes during the ghostwriter selection process:

Take 1 -
Greg's form was amorphous and glutinous, his embrace enveloped her utterly, emitting a sharp odor as he slowly digested her one cell at a time.

Take 2 -
Greg's naked body was long and elegant if headless, found behind a nearby Walmart. He-

Take 3
"Greg's naked body was long and elegant, his embrace enveloped her utterly, and they meshed with ease and grace. He smelled good too, faintly and astringently of aftershave. He was clinging to her as if he'd never let her go, it was all so easy and right."

Posted by: Scott on December 13, 2005 12:39 PM
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