When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body.

You have to press the "say no" button.

That's not a remote; it's the contents of Chris Klein's skull.

I already have one of these. It helps keep my pants up and goes great with my muscle tee.

Mind control is for btk types.

Chris Klein doesn't need the "remove clothes" to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation.

And at the end of the day, she's pressing the "remove clothes" button.

I don't need one of those. Wanna know why?

Cause if some woman won't lay down for me, well, somebody else in this town will. Because I’ve got this thing that’s working, you know?

And I'm very gracious for that.

uhhh whining is spelt wrong. Unless of course you meant for her to fly away. Which of course I would do if someone pointed this at me.

I just think it's significant that there's no "Placate" button.

Mute button should be bigger.

Leonard Lake and Charles Ng were also into this stuff.

What's the minus sign for under the word Boobs?

What's the range on this thing?

There are just so many buttons missing, really.

And at the end of the day, she's pressing the "remove clothes" button.

...and it's very exciting, to say the least.

Dear Anonymous Henny-Penny:

It's a joke, dear. You can keep on claiming that a joke about a female remote control is the equivalent to serial killers actually attempting to "mind control" female abductees, but it just makes you sound silly.

In case you need a disclaimer:

Neither Ace of Spades, his cobloggers, nor any readers or commenters support the coercive mental domination of abducted women by brutal male sexual psychopaths.

Criminy, do you have a bug up your ass. And not even a little ladybug or something cute like that.

It needs a Bug-Up-Your-Ass On/Off button. Speaking of which, how about a "but that's where I poop" mute button.

Hey, I'd be OK with JUST the mute button.

An "auto-snuggle" feature would be nice.

Auto-Snuggle

You mean a Snuggle Repellant with Sandwich Making function, right?

It's a joke, ace. Why are you so upset? Something up your ass?

I just think it's significant that there's no "Placate" button.

That'd be easy to fix in Photoshop....

You're really a terribly annoying person. You realize this, don't you?

This isn't anything new. Platinum Credit Cards have been around for years.

I think anonymous thinks this thing really works. Has someone told him/her? (Could be a him, you know, one of those guys that goes around calling himself "a feminist.")

"Whinging" is the Brit spelling. Looks like this joker ran out of room.

Ace,

Dude, really.

And I mean this in the best possible way.

You are on F'in Fire.

Really.

Auto-snuggle.

LOL.

That, and just about every other post this past week.

Just sayin'

Ace, if you don't stop auto-snuggling, you could go blind.

Now some chick is going to say, "Hah hah, now we'll have to come up with a male remote control."

The sad thing is you already have one. And you know it.

Ha! Very, very true...

'auto-snuggle'

I'll never understand why men don't like a good cuddle.

Hubby says its because it initiates the launch sequence but does not assure liftoff.

Snuggling is just placating without words.

If my man won't snuggle with me, well, somebody else in this town will. Because I’ve got this thing that’s working, you know? It's called 'fried chicken and cheesecake dinner for one.'

And I'm very gracious for that.

uhhh whining is spelt wrong.
"Whinging" is the brit spelling...

Either way, they STILL spelt it wrong!
(Winging)

I don't know about Ace, but the commenters have been on fire this week.

And I don't mean colonoscopy here.

I don't know about Ace, but the commenters have been on fire this week. The commenters so bold and foolhardy as to actually put a name to their posts have, indeed, been on fire. The anonymous ones? Hmm, not so much; perhaps their cups runneth over?

I don't know about Ace

Me neither, man. Me neither.

And I don't mean colonoscopy here.

So where, then?

The anonymous ones?

They are the brave ones that speak truth to mysogynistic power.

Well, the sorta brave ones. Lacking the spine to be identified even with a psuedonym really detracts from the bravery.

Also: Being totally fucking stupid does not help.

The anonymous scold. Sorta bravely speaking truth to something she/he lacks the congative ability to understand. Possibly has a future as an editor for USA Today.

I DON'T GET IT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY

YOU REMIND ME OF GACY

Why would there be a "shop" button? You guys would never push that.

Wait. Does that mean for food?

Well then, that makes sense.

RWS: Why would there be a "shop" button?

Oh, dare I tell her?

There are three things at work here:
a) Victoria's Secret
b) Christmas
c) nap time

You know who else thought about women shopping? Ted Bundy.

Tons of guys are into snuggling, but we never get any because snuggly guys lack the cool, souless charisma of your Chris Kliens and Ted Bundys. I mean "they".

I love the way you bring us the au courant funnies, Ace. Although I do seem to recall a remote-control-for-women sidebar article in UK Loaded magazine sometime around 1997. Ah well.