All that meth is starting to harsh their buzz man.

Will they also force him to play fantasy football?

The bastards. The filthy bastards.

All of Chris Klein's previous kidnappers say, "Things ended on good terms."

Are they still friends? Absolutely. Do they talk? No.

Terrorists want to control the situation. You have to give hostages enough credit to let them take the reins once in a while.

But if it's a two-week spark-off, fuck it. Have a blast and fizzle out. It can be just as fun.

Ace and Allah arent giving C-Money enough credit here.

Everyone knows that when Klein walks into a room and sees a bunch of terrorists, all he has to do is make eye contact, and give them a cute little smile. This instantly lets the terrorist know that it is now a predator-prey relationship.

And CK doesn't placate terrorists. They better bring something to the table.

You're right. Just because a terrorist has his period and isn't feeling good about his body, you don't tell him he looks beautiful. If he asks if he looks beautiful, you say no.

You have to be firm.

Being kidnapped by terrorists was the worst thing that ever happened to Chris Klein. When they threw the hood over his head and pushed him into the back of the van, he was like, "Thanks for the attention. But get out of my face."

The scary thing Allah? When it comes to CK, he doesn't have to compete for the terrorists attention; the terrorists compete with themselves over obtaining his.

Which, as CK would say, is probably something every kidnap victim reading this blog can relate to.

Yes, he never had much competition for terrorists, but he remembers terrorists competing for him, and it was quite exciting, to say the least.

Speaking pubescently, of course.

You know, once the braces came off.

It's a little known fact, but C-Money was first kidnapped while a high school freshman by a terrosit in the 12th grade.

The terrorist was really hot.

(I've got nothing on the C-Money jag. I'm still assimilating his comments into my vernacular.)

Next thing you know, those insurgents are going to kidnap Excitable Andy and force him to renounce pussy.

Terrorists kidnap Paul Anka; demand the guys get shirts.