In the immortal words of Captain Stillman, "I wish I was a loofah."

Oh, when Dick Cheney finds out about his profits being sliced by Bill O' Reilly... that's gonna be ugly.

Like the wake is being held on Friday ugly.

If only there were some way for the little guy, the common fella, the joe-6pack to understand what is going on. I mean, come on, isn't there any rule of thumb that we can come up with to explain why prices go up why there is a limited supply of an item (like refined gasoline or xbox 360's) or why prices go down when the supply is incread (like when refineries shut down by a natural disaster are reopenened)?

Nope, I figure we are all better off if we thank Bill. Like the fabled rooster, his crowing has caused the prices to set.

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Now wait just a goddamned minute here -- are you telling me that the executives of enormous private companies looked for "every way" they could to get the best possible price for their product???

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!! Somebody get Al Gore on the phone. We're in need of his special brand of warmed-over socialism pronto!

Kinda puts a face on that whole Crowing Cock thing, huh?

I've never really understood why people think Bill O'Reilly is a conservative. He's an Elmer Gantry-style populist; a rolled-sleeve, lookin-out-for-the-little-fella blue-collar tent-revival preacher. (And believe me, I know those guys.) They're con-men, bone-deep.

I've never been a big fan of Rush either, but at least he's smart and has a sense of humor about himself. O'Reilly is just a not-very-bright blowhard. (John from Wuzzadem did a hilarious parody of O'Reilly interviewing Yoda a while back.)

This seems like a good time to post Wuzzadem's classic O'Reilly vs. Yoda interview.

*Sigh*

Damned comment-lag.

Monty, why don't you give us a link to that OReilly/Yoda interview parody at Wuzzadem?

TO BILL O'REILLY!!!

I've never really understood why people think Bill O'Reilly is a conservative.

This accusation mainly comes from deranged lefty moonbats who are either too stupid to know what they're talking about, or too lazy to pay attention to what conservatism actually is. They just use the word "conservative" as a catch-all epithet which means "people or policiesI don't agree with."

Bill O'Reilly is an unspeakably vile little prick.

You missed the best part. The next line, where hannity claims o-reilley is a fucking whackjob.

I don't know what worries me more about O'Reilly: that a whackjob like him has a daily outlet for his lunatic rants about how he speaks what others are too afraid to say on an otherwise level-headed channel, or that he pulls ratings that are decent enough to feed the pyscho ravings and send him into "Network" (the movie) territory while Ailes stands by and watches this whack pull his crap.

I really believe sooner or later he's gonna pull a piece and shoot a monitor when one of his guests sets him off. The entire staff over at Media Matters will have a collective orgasm, thinking they've finally nailed someone...and O'Reilly will be right there on the air the next day like nothing happened.