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« Howard Dean: Heartthrob of the RNC | Main | S.O.S. in Oklahoma »
December 04, 2005

Iraqi "Insurgents" All Hopped Up On Meth

I guess the Koran didn't specify that methamphetamines were "unclean" and "a habit of the polytheists and unbelievers."

You know the sad irony? If we could just get these guys using pot instead, the war would be over in a week.

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Are you a terrorist?

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Huhhhh...?

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Why do you have a gun? Are you a terrorist?

TERRORIST SUSPECT (giggling): That's a funny word. Terrorist. Terrorerrorerrorist. Ter-rist. You're funny. I like you.

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Are you a jihadist? Are you fighting againt the "Crusaders"?

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Dude, dude, dude! Chill! Look, if you want to occupy parts of the Holy Peninsula, that's cool, that's cool. I'm not making any judgements. That's just who you are, and I love you for that. Now, shhhhhh...! I love this harmonica break coming up. Blues Traveller rocks!

AMERICAN SOLDIER: There's no music playing.

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Dude, there's always Blues Traveller music playing. I read somewhere that the brain is the biggest iPod there is.

ANOTHER TERRORIST SUSPECT: You didn't read that, you said that last night.

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Oh, that's right... Man, I was on fire with that one. I've got to submit that to Nature. Or High Times. Either or. Say... anyone straight enough to make a White Castle run? White Castle? White Castle? Who's up for some White Castles?


posted by Ace at 01:07 PM
Comments



Hey, wait a minute!
I went to high school with those guys!

Posted by: harrison on December 4, 2005 01:19 PM

Damn, I need White Castles. I wish we had them here in D.C.

Grrr.

Oh, and yeah: terrorists suck.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on December 4, 2005 01:27 PM

If there is an exception for lapdances, why not an exception for meth?

Posted by: on December 4, 2005 01:54 PM

The only problem is that with all the explosions going on over there, you can't tell which huts are the meth labs.
As long as meth isn't made with fermented grapes or grains they're in the clear.

Posted by: Iblis on December 4, 2005 03:22 PM

A White Castle run? Not while these grenades needs scrubbing.

Posted by: Donnah on December 4, 2005 05:09 PM

These terrorists are hopped up on meth playing Bears and Otters, you know why? Cause they're GAY, that's why! Only they have a hard time finding Otters on account of they're all hairy ass mofo's.

Posted by: Michelle on December 4, 2005 08:22 PM

Well, I remember that the term assassin comes from an arabic word "hashushin", from the days that some towelhead gave hashish to his muslim worker bees when it came time to off some pasha or the other. They could well be mixing it with their speedos, even as we blog.

Posted by: Shep on December 4, 2005 10:22 PM

Dude, you are confusing crank with pot. Instead of a hippie who can't hold the thread of a conversation, picture an inky-necked trailer-dwelling jerkoff who wants to drag race or kick your ass.

Crank's bad shit, but it has a pretty rich history as a combat-enhancer. Makes you alert, twitchy, agressive and cocky. The Germans used it in WWII.

Posted by: loge on December 5, 2005 11:40 AM
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