Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021

Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

TBD





















« Belated Bad Poetry SLAM! Winners: Category One, "Integrity" | Main | Legal Smackdown Of Tom DeLay's Original Indictment »
November 16, 2005

“Crazy Asian Regime? Why, we invented Crazy Asian Regime!”

Burma just upped the ante in the Crazy Asian Regime title race. Their ploy? Suddenly move the capital for no reason whatsoever:

At precisely 6:37 a.m. last Sunday, according to one account - with a shout of "Let's go!" - a convoy of trucks began a huge, expensive and baffling transfer of the government of Myanmar from the capital to a secret mountain compound 200 miles to the north.

[A]ccording to reports from the capital, [Rangoon], officials and civil servants were given only a day or two to pack and say goodbye to their families.

When they arrived at the new site, called Pyinmanaa, it was still under construction, and there were shortages of water, telephone lines and even sleeping quarters and food, according to family members quoted by news agencies and exile groups that monitor Myanmar.

Foreign diplomats said they were told that if they had urgent business with the relocated government, they could send a fax but that no number was yet available.

That ‘get in touch with us by fax,’ but no fax number? That’s just good crazy.

Ok, maybe there’s a reason behind this. Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion, but that ain’t the favored explanation. No, the leading candidate is advice from fortune tellers.

Joseph Silverstein [Burma expert at Rutgers] believes the most likely explanation for the relocation is advice by traditional Burmese fortune-tellers.

"Everybody listens to fortune-tellers in Burma," he said.

General Ne Win, who came to power in 1962, was totally dependent on their advice, Mr Silverstein added.

"He is once said to have decided to change the direction of traffic overnight [as a result of a fortune teller]. It caused a huge number of accidents," he said.

All in all, a diabolical move. North Korea isn’t expected to take this challenge lying down, however. Kim Jong Il has already announced N. Korean scientists are working round the clock on ways to “Up the crazy. Bigtime!” Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna.


posted by Dr. Reo Symes at 04:10 PM
Comments



Is that Pyinmanaa...or Pyinmanaa-aa-aa?

Is it two a's or three?

No, I said Tommy Corman, not Chief Orman!

Posted by: sentinel on November 16, 2005 04:15 PM

I think you mean Kim Jong Il there at the end, but that was laugh out loud funny.

Posted by: See-Dubya on November 16, 2005 04:20 PM

The Five Pools are here ? Why didn't you say so right away?


Good stuff, Dr. Reo.

Oh, yeah: They seem to be building a nuke plant, too.

Posted by: ace on November 16, 2005 04:20 PM

Right you are See-Dub. Corrected. And thanks.

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes on November 16, 2005 04:22 PM

Burma/Myanmar/Hellburbia, or course, is run by the State Law and Order Restoration Council. SLORC. This fits nicely with my evolving theory that the James Bond flicks are coldly factual political documentaries.

Posted by: utron on November 16, 2005 04:23 PM

Like unbeatable is NOT unbeatable.

I KNOW THAT NOW!

Posted by: sentinel on November 16, 2005 04:28 PM

Glub - Glub; wizard hats made of lasagna.
How did you get a hold of my secret plans?
Filthy Americans!

Posted by: Kim Il Jong on November 16, 2005 04:32 PM

You brought me to Las Vegas and made me a WHORE!!!

Posted by: ace on November 16, 2005 04:44 PM

Burma!!!

Why'd you say Burma?

I panicked.

Posted by: Dale on November 16, 2005 04:58 PM

Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna.

I have to stop reading this shit at work. That literally made me laugh out loud.

Posted by: JackStraw on November 16, 2005 05:02 PM

Great idea - relocate the government to a place where it is the only thing around. Makes targetting that much easier.

I say J-DAM,
You say J-DayAM,
Let's blow the whole thing up!

Posted by: Mikey on November 16, 2005 05:03 PM

Anyone else notice how they declared independence from the Brits at 4:20 am?

Posted by: Moonbat_One on November 16, 2005 06:46 PM

LOL.

The funniest part? They don't even have any lasagna. That makes it just that much more crazy.

Posted by: The Colossus on November 16, 2005 07:23 PM

Just noted it - they've moved to a mountain lair. Pretty classic in the bad-guy-rule-the-world-evil-government thing. Points for style.

Posted by: Mikey on November 16, 2005 07:43 PM

A mountian lair? Cool. Does it have a false volcanic caldera roof that splits open?

Posted by: Darth Bubba on November 16, 2005 07:54 PM

Maybe it's supposed to stimulate the economy?

The guy that mentioned SLORC reminded me that I saw a documentary about the anti-SLORC resistance fighters. Their official song is sung to the tune of "Dust In The Wind" and the lyrics are about how there is no hope and they will certainly all be killed and forgotten!

Posted by: Dave Munger on November 16, 2005 08:34 PM

I've never been to Myanmar, but I've talked to Burmese emmigrants outside of Burma (some of them illegal), and their stories are just heart-breaking. Familes ripped apart by unnecessary poverty and the stupidest most insane violence. Human beings just weren't meant to suffer like that.

America is one of the few countries that makes any effort to put any pressure on the Burmese government to improve.

Posted by: SJKevin on November 16, 2005 09:17 PM
Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 16, 2005 09:24 PM

So, the entire government of Myanmar is in one little place in the mountains. Construction is still under way, so it can't be very well hardened.

Is anyone else thinking: why did we invest billions in precisely targeted tactical nukes?

Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 10:20 PM

Michael, why "precisely targeted"? Couldn't we just get ourselves a not-so-bright jihadi, dress him up in a faggy little messenger's outfit like Cleavon Little in "Blazing Saddles", and airdrop his silly ass into the new capitol. "Nuke-O-Gram for Myanmar!"

All we have to do is convince a few islamoretards that Myanmar is the world's leading producer of pork chops, or industrial Koran-flushing toilets, and we'll have them begging to carry the mail for us on this one.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 16, 2005 10:48 PM

Russ:

I like the way you think. Low-tech solutions seem to be working these days.

Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 11:22 PM

Russ:

Brilliant!

Posted by: Mikey on November 17, 2005 08:55 AM

Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion

I guess nobody has the heart to tell them that, in the plan of things, they're rather low on our priority list?

Posted by: on November 17, 2005 05:31 PM

And the best part of farming this job out to a Pakistani/Saudi jihadi? We can lay off two or three of our overpaid domestic jihadis by doing it this way. We've got a smoldering target, deniability because a foreign national carried out the attack, and we bump up the profit margin just a wee bit more. Win-win-win, if you ask me.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 18, 2005 12:43 AM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
Lurker extraordinaire announces impending surgery: Victor Davis Hanson: 'Not Yet and Not Today'
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! [CBD]
Trump Says 'We Have the Makings' of a Peace Deal in Ukraine It sounds nice, but please take Winston Wolf's advice. [CBD]
This isn't Christmas Eve fare, and I thought about waiting until the 26th to post it, but supposedly an amateur detective has solved the Zodiac killer mystery. And the horrific Black Dahlia killing. He says it's the same person! I always thought of them as very far apart in time but I think Black Dahlia was mid-fifties (nope, 1947) mid and the Zodiac murders began in 1968 so it's possible it's the same killer.

The killer, if it's the same man, would have been in his 20s when he killed the Black Dahlia and his 40s when he did the Zodiac murders. Possible.

A little caveat: I saw someone snark on Reddit, "The Zodiac case gets solved more often than Wordle." There are a ton of coincidences here, supposedly, like a Zodiac cipher being solved by the name "Elizabeth." Elizabeth Short was the name of the so-called Black Dahlia.

If you don't know about the Black Dahlia, don't look it up. Just accept that it's grisly on the level of Jack the Ripper.

Yes, the named suspect resembles the police sketch of Zodiac.

Here's a podcast with the amateur sleuth who claims he cracked the Zodiac.
Daily Mail article.
Link to get around the LA Times' paywall for their article.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: The great Trump fleet? The economy is solid, Somalia's corrosive effect on America, Merry Christmas, and more!
Former Republican liberal Ben Sasse announces that he has stage IV metastasized pancreatic cancer: "I'm gonna die"
It's not just a "death sentence," as he says, but a rapidly coming one. I hope he can put his affairs in order and make sure his family is in a good as a position as they can be.
Brown killer takes the coward's way out. Naturally.
Still not identified, for some reason.
Per Fox 25 Boston, the killer was a non-citizen permanent legal resident
It continues to be strange that the police are so protective of his identity.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Will Ukraine be a flashpoint for a Korean conflict, Trump's intemperate Reiner comments, it's the economy stupid! the Monroe/Trump Doctrine, Bondi, Brown, MIT, and more!
Fearful French cancel NYE concert on Champs-Élysées as migrant violence grows
The time is now! France must fight for its culture! [CBD]
Megyn Kelly finally calls out Candace Owens
Whoops, I meant she bravely attacks Sydney Sweeney for "bending the knee." (Sweeney put out a very empty PR statement saying "I'm against hate." Whoop-de-doo.)
Megyn Kelly claims she doesn't want to call people out on the right when asked about Candace Owens but then has no compunctions at all about calling people out on the right.
As long as they're not Candace Owens. Strangely, she seems blind and deaf to anything Candace Owens says. That's why this woman calls her "Megyn Keller."
She's now asking her pay-pigs in Pakistan how they think she should address the Candace Owens situation, and if they think this is really all about Israel and the Jews.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Pete Hegseth is everything the left hates...and we love! Illinois is the next flashpoint for federal supremacy with regard to our borders, Trump's communication leaves something to be desired, and more!
I have happily forgotten what Milo Yiannopoulos sounds like, but I still enjoyed this impression from from Ami Kozak.
More revelations about the least-sexy broken relationship in media history
I'd wanted to review Parts 2, 3, and 4 of Ryan Lizza's revenge posts about Olivia Nuzzi, but they're all paywalled. I thought about briefly subscribing to get at them, but then I read this in Part 2:
Remember the bamboo from Part 1?

Do I ever! It's all I remember!
Well, bamboo is actually a type of grass, and underground, it's all connected in a sprawling network, just like the parts of this story I never wanted to tell. I wish I hadn't been put in this position, that I didn't have to write about any of this, that I didn't have to subject myself or my loved ones to embarrassment and further loss of privacy.

We're back to the fucking bamboo. Guys, I don't think I can pay for bamboo ruminations.
I think he added that because he was embarrassed about all the bamboo imagery from Part 1. He's justifying his twin obsessions: His ex, and bamboo. Which is not a tree but a kind of grass, he'll have you know.
Recent Comments
m: "w00t ..."

m: "Pixy's up! ..."

m: "... not to be confused with a LATIN LETTER SMALL C ..."

m: ">>>Tonight's ONT brought to you by "presidents"-r- ..."

Kent Clark: "Lois or Lana? Lois is certainly more daring and co ..."

Skip : "Now its time to get up ..."

buddhaha: "Brandon Herrera, the AK Guy, had a recent video ab ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "One more thing. Elon's training his robots to hel ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "Good to see you Fen hope all is well. The raven is ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "Remember when your out on a hike stay with the gro ..."

m: "72 When people retire from Congress, they retire r ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Second to last of the Mohicans. I laughed. Thx. ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives