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November 16, 2005
“Crazy Asian Regime? Why, we invented Crazy Asian Regime!”Burma just upped the ante in the Crazy Asian Regime title race. Their ploy? Suddenly move the capital for no reason whatsoever: At precisely 6:37 a.m. last Sunday, according to one account - with a shout of "Let's go!" - a convoy of trucks began a huge, expensive and baffling transfer of the government of Myanmar from the capital to a secret mountain compound 200 miles to the north. That ‘get in touch with us by fax,’ but no fax number? That’s just good crazy. Ok, maybe there’s a reason behind this. Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion, but that ain’t the favored explanation. No, the leading candidate is advice from fortune tellers. Joseph Silverstein [Burma expert at Rutgers] believes the most likely explanation for the relocation is advice by traditional Burmese fortune-tellers. All in all, a diabolical move. North Korea isn’t expected to take this challenge lying down, however. Kim Jong Il has already announced N. Korean scientists are working round the clock on ways to “Up the crazy. Bigtime!” Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna. posted by Dr. Reo Symes at 04:10 PM
CommentsIs that Pyinmanaa...or Pyinmanaa-aa-aa? Is it two a's or three? No, I said Tommy Corman, not Chief Orman! Posted by: sentinel on November 16, 2005 04:15 PM
I think you mean Kim Jong Il there at the end, but that was laugh out loud funny. Posted by: See-Dubya on November 16, 2005 04:20 PM
The Five Pools are here ? Why didn't you say so right away?
Oh, yeah: They seem to be building a nuke plant, too. Posted by: ace on November 16, 2005 04:20 PM
Right you are See-Dub. Corrected. And thanks. Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes on November 16, 2005 04:22 PM
Burma/Myanmar/Hellburbia, or course, is run by the State Law and Order Restoration Council. SLORC. This fits nicely with my evolving theory that the James Bond flicks are coldly factual political documentaries. Posted by: utron on November 16, 2005 04:23 PM
Like unbeatable is NOT unbeatable. I KNOW THAT NOW! Posted by: sentinel on November 16, 2005 04:28 PM
Glub - Glub; wizard hats made of lasagna. Posted by: Kim Il Jong on November 16, 2005 04:32 PM
You brought me to Las Vegas and made me a WHORE!!! Posted by: ace on November 16, 2005 04:44 PM
Burma!!! Why'd you say Burma? I panicked. Posted by: Dale on November 16, 2005 04:58 PM
Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna. I have to stop reading this shit at work. That literally made me laugh out loud. Posted by: JackStraw on November 16, 2005 05:02 PM
Great idea - relocate the government to a place where it is the only thing around. Makes targetting that much easier. I say J-DAM, Posted by: Mikey on November 16, 2005 05:03 PM
Anyone else notice how they declared independence from the Brits at 4:20 am? Posted by: Moonbat_One on November 16, 2005 06:46 PM
LOL. The funniest part? They don't even have any lasagna. That makes it just that much more crazy. Posted by: The Colossus on November 16, 2005 07:23 PM
Just noted it - they've moved to a mountain lair. Pretty classic in the bad-guy-rule-the-world-evil-government thing. Points for style. Posted by: Mikey on November 16, 2005 07:43 PM
A mountian lair? Cool. Does it have a false volcanic caldera roof that splits open? Posted by: Darth Bubba on November 16, 2005 07:54 PM
Maybe it's supposed to stimulate the economy? The guy that mentioned SLORC reminded me that I saw a documentary about the anti-SLORC resistance fighters. Their official song is sung to the tune of "Dust In The Wind" and the lyrics are about how there is no hope and they will certainly all be killed and forgotten! Posted by: Dave Munger on November 16, 2005 08:34 PM
I've never been to Myanmar, but I've talked to Burmese emmigrants outside of Burma (some of them illegal), and their stories are just heart-breaking. Familes ripped apart by unnecessary poverty and the stupidest most insane violence. Human beings just weren't meant to suffer like that. America is one of the few countries that makes any effort to put any pressure on the Burmese government to improve. Posted by: SJKevin on November 16, 2005 09:17 PM
Old news... Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 16, 2005 09:24 PM
So, the entire government of Myanmar is in one little place in the mountains. Construction is still under way, so it can't be very well hardened. Is anyone else thinking: why did we invest billions in precisely targeted tactical nukes? Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 10:20 PM
Michael, why "precisely targeted"? Couldn't we just get ourselves a not-so-bright jihadi, dress him up in a faggy little messenger's outfit like Cleavon Little in "Blazing Saddles", and airdrop his silly ass into the new capitol. "Nuke-O-Gram for Myanmar!" All we have to do is convince a few islamoretards that Myanmar is the world's leading producer of pork chops, or industrial Koran-flushing toilets, and we'll have them begging to carry the mail for us on this one. Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 16, 2005 10:48 PM
Russ: I like the way you think. Low-tech solutions seem to be working these days. Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 11:22 PM
Russ: Brilliant! Posted by: Mikey on November 17, 2005 08:55 AM
Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion I guess nobody has the heart to tell them that, in the plan of things, they're rather low on our priority list? Posted by: on November 17, 2005 05:31 PM
And the best part of farming this job out to a Pakistani/Saudi jihadi? We can lay off two or three of our overpaid domestic jihadis by doing it this way. We've got a smoldering target, deniability because a foreign national carried out the attack, and we bump up the profit margin just a wee bit more. Win-win-win, if you ask me. Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 18, 2005 12:43 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Lurker extraordinaire announces impending surgery: Victor Davis Hanson: 'Not Yet and Not Today'
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! [CBD]
Trump Says 'We Have the Makings' of a Peace Deal in Ukraine It sounds nice, but please take Winston Wolf's advice. [CBD]
Brigitte Bardot, Star of 'And God Created Women' and 'Contempt,' Dies at 91
If you have forgotten what she looked like, try this. [CBD]
This isn't Christmas Eve fare, and I thought about waiting until the 26th to post it, but supposedly an amateur detective has solved the Zodiac killer mystery. And the horrific Black Dahlia killing. He says it's the same person! I always thought of them as very far apart in time but I think Black Dahlia was mid-fifties (nope, 1947) mid and the Zodiac murders began in 1968 so it's possible it's the same killer.
The killer, if it's the same man, would have been in his 20s when he killed the Black Dahlia and his 40s when he did the Zodiac murders. Possible. A little caveat: I saw someone snark on Reddit, "The Zodiac case gets solved more often than Wordle." There are a ton of coincidences here, supposedly, like a Zodiac cipher being solved by the name "Elizabeth." Elizabeth Short was the name of the so-called Black Dahlia. If you don't know about the Black Dahlia, don't look it up. Just accept that it's grisly on the level of Jack the Ripper. Yes, the named suspect resembles the police sketch of Zodiac. Here's a podcast with the amateur sleuth who claims he cracked the Zodiac. Daily Mail article. Link to get around the LA Times' paywall for their article.
Former Republican liberal Ben Sasse announces that he has stage IV metastasized pancreatic cancer: "I'm gonna die"
It's not just a "death sentence," as he says, but a rapidly coming one. I hope he can put his affairs in order and make sure his family is in a good as a position as they can be.
Brown killer takes the coward's way out. Naturally.
Still not identified, for some reason. Per Fox 25 Boston, the killer was a non-citizen permanent legal resident It continues to be strange that the police are so protective of his identity.
Fearful French cancel NYE concert on Champs-Élysées as migrant violence grows
The time is now! France must fight for its culture! [CBD]
Megyn Kelly finally calls out Candace Owens
Whoops, I meant she bravely attacks Sydney Sweeney for "bending the knee." (Sweeney put out a very empty PR statement saying "I'm against hate." Whoop-de-doo.) Megyn Kelly claims she doesn't want to call people out on the right when asked about Candace Owens but then has no compunctions at all about calling people out on the right. As long as they're not Candace Owens. Strangely, she seems blind and deaf to anything Candace Owens says. That's why this woman calls her "Megyn Keller." She's now asking her pay-pigs in Pakistan how they think she should address the Candace Owens situation, and if they think this is really all about Israel and the Jews.
The World Must Stop Ignoring What Iranians Already Know: The Regime Is on the Brink
Isn't it pretty to think so? [CBD]
I have happily forgotten what Milo Yiannopoulos sounds like, but I still enjoyed this impression from from Ami Kozak.
More revelations about the least-sexy broken relationship in media history
I'd wanted to review Parts 2, 3, and 4 of Ryan Lizza's revenge posts about Olivia Nuzzi, but they're all paywalled. I thought about briefly subscribing to get at them, but then I read this in Part 2: Remember the bamboo from Part 1? Do I ever! It's all I remember! Well, bamboo is actually a type of grass, and underground, it's all connected in a sprawling network, just like the parts of this story I never wanted to tell. I wish I hadn't been put in this position, that I didn't have to write about any of this, that I didn't have to subject myself or my loved ones to embarrassment and further loss of privacy. We're back to the fucking bamboo. Guys, I don't think I can pay for bamboo ruminations. I think he added that because he was embarrassed about all the bamboo imagery from Part 1. He's justifying his twin obsessions: His ex, and bamboo. Which is not a tree but a kind of grass, he'll have you know. Recent Comments
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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