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November 16, 2005

“Crazy Asian Regime? Why, we invented Crazy Asian Regime!”

Burma just upped the ante in the Crazy Asian Regime title race. Their ploy? Suddenly move the capital for no reason whatsoever:

At precisely 6:37 a.m. last Sunday, according to one account - with a shout of "Let's go!" - a convoy of trucks began a huge, expensive and baffling transfer of the government of Myanmar from the capital to a secret mountain compound 200 miles to the north.
…

[A]ccording to reports from the capital, [Rangoon], officials and civil servants were given only a day or two to pack and say goodbye to their families.

When they arrived at the new site, called Pyinmanaa, it was still under construction, and there were shortages of water, telephone lines and even sleeping quarters and food, according to family members quoted by news agencies and exile groups that monitor Myanmar.

Foreign diplomats said they were told that if they had urgent business with the relocated government, they could send a fax but that no number was yet available.

That ‘get in touch with us by fax,’ but no fax number? That’s just good crazy.

Ok, maybe there’s a reason behind this. Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion, but that ain’t the favored explanation. No, the leading candidate is advice from fortune tellers.

Joseph Silverstein [Burma expert at Rutgers] believes the most likely explanation for the relocation is advice by traditional Burmese fortune-tellers.

"Everybody listens to fortune-tellers in Burma," he said.

General Ne Win, who came to power in 1962, was totally dependent on their advice, Mr Silverstein added.

"He is once said to have decided to change the direction of traffic overnight [as a result of a fortune teller]. It caused a huge number of accidents," he said.

All in all, a diabolical move. North Korea isn’t expected to take this challenge lying down, however. Kim Jong Il has already announced N. Korean scientists are working round the clock on ways to “Up the crazy. Bigtime!” Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna.

posted by Dr. Reo Symes at 04:10 PM

Comments

Is that Pyinmanaa...or Pyinmanaa-aa-aa?

Is it two a's or three?

No, I said Tommy Corman, not Chief Orman!

Posted by: sentinel on November 16, 2005 04:15 PM

I think you mean Kim Jong Il there at the end, but that was laugh out loud funny.

Posted by: See-Dubya on November 16, 2005 04:20 PM

The Five Pools are here ? Why didn't you say so right away?

Good stuff, Dr. Reo.

Oh, yeah: They seem to be building a nuke plant, too.

Posted by: ace on November 16, 2005 04:20 PM

Right you are See-Dub. Corrected. And thanks.

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes on November 16, 2005 04:22 PM

Burma/Myanmar/Hellburbia, or course, is run by the State Law and Order Restoration Council. SLORC. This fits nicely with my evolving theory that the James Bond flicks are coldly factual political documentaries.

Posted by: utron on November 16, 2005 04:23 PM

Like unbeatable is NOT unbeatable.

I KNOW THAT NOW!

Posted by: sentinel on November 16, 2005 04:28 PM

Glub - Glub; wizard hats made of lasagna.
How did you get a hold of my secret plans?
Filthy Americans!

Posted by: Kim Il Jong on November 16, 2005 04:32 PM

You brought me to Las Vegas and made me a WHORE!!!

Posted by: ace on November 16, 2005 04:44 PM

Burma!!!

Why'd you say Burma?

I panicked.

Posted by: Dale on November 16, 2005 04:58 PM

Reports are already circulating every citizen will be now be named “Glub-Glub” and wear pointy wizard hats made of lasagna.

I have to stop reading this shit at work. That literally made me laugh out loud.

Posted by: JackStraw on November 16, 2005 05:02 PM

Great idea - relocate the government to a place where it is the only thing around. Makes targetting that much easier.

I say J-DAM,
You say J-DayAM,
Let's blow the whole thing up!

Posted by: Mikey on November 16, 2005 05:03 PM

Anyone else notice how they declared independence from the Brits at 4:20 am?

Posted by: Moonbat_One on November 16, 2005 06:46 PM

LOL.

The funniest part? They don't even have any lasagna. That makes it just that much more crazy.

Posted by: The Colossus on November 16, 2005 07:23 PM

Just noted it - they've moved to a mountain lair. Pretty classic in the bad-guy-rule-the-world-evil-government thing. Points for style.

Posted by: Mikey on November 16, 2005 07:43 PM

A mountian lair? Cool. Does it have a false volcanic caldera roof that splits open?

Posted by: Darth Bubba on November 16, 2005 07:54 PM

Maybe it's supposed to stimulate the economy?

The guy that mentioned SLORC reminded me that I saw a documentary about the anti-SLORC resistance fighters. Their official song is sung to the tune of "Dust In The Wind" and the lyrics are about how there is no hope and they will certainly all be killed and forgotten!

Posted by: Dave Munger on November 16, 2005 08:34 PM

I've never been to Myanmar, but I've talked to Burmese emmigrants outside of Burma (some of them illegal), and their stories are just heart-breaking. Familes ripped apart by unnecessary poverty and the stupidest most insane violence. Human beings just weren't meant to suffer like that.

America is one of the few countries that makes any effort to put any pressure on the Burmese government to improve.

Posted by: SJKevin on November 16, 2005 09:17 PM

Old news...

I was on this goofiness a week ago

Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 16, 2005 09:24 PM

So, the entire government of Myanmar is in one little place in the mountains. Construction is still under way, so it can't be very well hardened.

Is anyone else thinking: why did we invest billions in precisely targeted tactical nukes?

Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 10:20 PM

Michael, why "precisely targeted"? Couldn't we just get ourselves a not-so-bright jihadi, dress him up in a faggy little messenger's outfit like Cleavon Little in "Blazing Saddles", and airdrop his silly ass into the new capitol. "Nuke-O-Gram for Myanmar!"

All we have to do is convince a few islamoretards that Myanmar is the world's leading producer of pork chops, or industrial Koran-flushing toilets, and we'll have them begging to carry the mail for us on this one.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 16, 2005 10:48 PM

Russ:

I like the way you think. Low-tech solutions seem to be working these days.

Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 11:22 PM

Russ:

Brilliant!

Posted by: Mikey on November 17, 2005 08:55 AM

Some are speculating that the too-long-in-the-jungle generals are worried about U.S. invasion

I guess nobody has the heart to tell them that, in the plan of things, they're rather low on our priority list?

Posted by: on November 17, 2005 05:31 PM

And the best part of farming this job out to a Pakistani/Saudi jihadi? We can lay off two or three of our overpaid domestic jihadis by doing it this way. We've got a smoldering target, deniability because a foreign national carried out the attack, and we bump up the profit margin just a wee bit more. Win-win-win, if you ask me.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 18, 2005 12:43 AM

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