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« Another Grim Milestone: 300 Towns In France Burn | Main | Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding »
November 07, 2005

Australia Announces Major Terrorist Attack Foiled In Order To Distract From Plamegate

Karl Rove-- worth every dime they're paying him.

- Australian authorities believe they have foiled a major terrorist attack, arresting 15 people on Tuesday during raids in the country's two biggest cities of Sydney and Melbourne.

The arrests come less than a week after Prime Minster John Howard said Australia received intelligence about a "terrorist threat."

Note the quotes around "terrorist threat." The same way you'd put quotes around "pink unicorn."

"We believe ... we've disrupted a large-scale operation which, had it been allowed to go through to fruition, we certainly believe would have been catastrophic," New South Wales Police Commissioner Ken Moroney told Australian television.

Australia

Arresting innocent-as-lambs "political dissidents" on "twisted intelligence" in order to "distract from" Bush's troubles and focus attention on a "fictitious threat."

Good on ya, mates!

In related news, the oligarchical ownership of the NFL has announced it will "arrange as many fake cheerleader-lesbian-sex scandals as necessary" to support Bush.

"Let's face it, these 'cheerleaders' are just whores in more-garish outfits," an unnamed NFL official said. "Pretty much we can get them to do anything. We usually pay them in Cheeze Whiz, so eight buck fitty cent goes a long way with them."


posted by Ace at 06:48 PM
Comments



You mean we can expect more lesbian cheerleader scandals? Right on!

Posted by: chip on November 7, 2005 07:00 PM

Faster, please.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 7, 2005 07:01 PM

Next time - Charger girls, please.

Posted by: Josh on November 7, 2005 07:21 PM

Yeh, what the heck's wrong with a couple of ladies providing pleasure to one another. It's not like they robbed a bank or something or forgot to wash their hands after pottying. I'm just going to say it out loud. This shit happens all the time between the girls or at least some of them. Anyone spending time in the bars instead of teething a valu-rite bottle nipple at home has seen a progression of single-gender sexual behavior among our women folk over the past 10 years. Women deep tongue one another pretty regularly when they're drunk (or not). A couple of the women folk I know swear it all starts in middle school with the practice kissing and goes from there. They don't have to worry about getting preggers and still get the pleasure. They don't see themselves as lesbians since they still prefer Mr. Stiffy and the hetero man-woman bonding. It's just a fill-in until they've gotten their shit together or a man. Ten years ago the sight of women tonguing was intriguing. No longer. Of course, they could be lesbians, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by: Laddy on November 7, 2005 07:31 PM

in the above: "single gender" should be "same gender"

Posted by: Laddy on November 7, 2005 07:33 PM

Will the new cheerleader scandals be investigated in more 'detail' than the current affair. ?

Will there be for example, video or some such other repugnant demonstration available for the public? Not that I would be at all interested in such things mind you ,but the public has a 'right to know', and I would not want to stand in their way.

Posted by: dougf on November 7, 2005 07:34 PM

I question the cheerleaders' timing.

Posted by: Howard Dean on November 7, 2005 07:44 PM

I suggest Congress intitate hearings on this cheerleader debacle. Won't someone please think of the children?!

Posted by: brak on November 7, 2005 08:32 PM

They don't see themselves as lesbians since they still prefer Mr. Stiffy and the hetero man-woman bonding. It's just a fill-in until they've gotten their shit together or a man.

If you're serious, you really need to stop watching porno.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 7, 2005 08:35 PM

If the Equal Rights Amendment had been ratified, maybe guys could have demanded viewing galleries in the uni-sex bathrooms.

Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 7, 2005 08:41 PM

Ten years ago the sight of women tonguing was intriguing. No longer

***

Your in denial. These aren't just women. This is Sheena doing Barbarella.

I blame the NFL for this atrocity. Their byzantine rule prohibiting the players from dating the cheerleaders has forced these poor lases to find the only release available to them.

Think about it. In high school cheerleaders did not date guys in the band or, ahem, those ruffle and tumble D&D mad men. No. The proper order of the universe is football stud/cheerleader. When you screw with the laws of nature you get anarchy, and hot steaming cheerleader on cheerleader action.

I like it
I love it
I want more of it

Posted by: JackStraw on November 7, 2005 09:01 PM

When you screw with the laws of nature you get anarchy, and hot steaming cheerleader on cheerleader action.

But not in a really gay way. Like Vikings cheerleaders.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 8, 2005 12:53 AM

Yup, just verified w/ my male friends that Viking Cheerleaders suck. Apparently they are all innocent and wholesome.

Posted by: spurringirl on November 8, 2005 10:41 AM
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Top Headlines
What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*
Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.
A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.
The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.
Finish the job, Mr. President!
Melanie Phillips lays out the case for the total destruction of the Iranian government and armed forces. [CBD]
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!
Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
I gotta do it my way
Or no way at all
Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
One day I'm gonna get that faculty together
Remember that everybody has to wait in line
Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine
US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.
Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies
“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”
Canadian School Designates Cafeteria And Lunchroom As "No Food Zones" For Ramadan
Canada and the UK are neck and neck in the race to become the first western country to fall to Islam [CBD]
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Podcast: Sefton and CBD have a short chat about Iran, the disgusting SAVE Act theater, Mamdani's politicizing of St. Patrick's Day, and more!
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