Bullets have a nasty habit of finding their target and that's what's scary about them."

Funny. That's what I find comforting about them. It's their habit of missing that keeps you practicing like a sumbitch.

BTW, from Roger Moore at the bottom:

I played every role tongue-in-cheek because I don't really believe in that sort of hero."

Exactly what I always loathed about him. The.Worst.Bond.Ever.

Bullets have a nasty habit of finding their target and that's what's scary about them

Well thank goodness. I can quit wasting time at the range!

Who knew?

I hate handguns. Handguns are used to shoot people and as long as they are around, people will shoot each other.

Ach! A pussy and a drooling maroon!

I'm sure the next article will tell us that he really only wants to cuddle, and isn't a nice cuppa green tea just SO much better than Dom or Bollinger?

.. and is love for cats and champagne coolies.
He didn't happen to start out as a weatherman did he?

Yeah, I never liked Moore either. He's so obviously gay that he simply ruined Fleming's character. I could almost see him trying not to vomit when kissing the ladies.

How about Vince Vaughn as Bond? At least that guy is entertaining.

"The actor later became an ambassador for children's charity Unicef and declared: "Today I am completely opposed to small arms and what they can do to children."

What about big arms, Roger? Would you be completely opposed to using, say, daisy cutters on children?

And what about fuel air explosives on, say, Smurfs?

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

"Nor does the 37-year-old share Bond's love of Martinis shaken and stirred.

"I love a Martini straight up. I don't think anybody makes a Martini stirred any more," he said. "

Uh, Bond prefers his Martini's shaken NOT stirred. I can't tell if this is loose shit on the part of the writer, or Craig, or both.

Burning questions, Dave, and we have a right to know the answers.

I gotta say that Roger Moore is not quite the namby-pamby some people think he is. Hhe nailed Maud Adams, one of the hottest Bond Girls (Octopussy). That alone should seal his "cool cred" for all time. But some of the problem is that he had to star as Bond during the dreaded Polyester Age; not many actors could have carried that off in any serious way.

Also, he starred in a cool little thriller called Ffolkes that was about ten times better than any Bond flick he ever did. (Although I do think The Man With The Golden Gun was pretty good -- the lovely Maud Adams was in that one too, although Scaramanga bumped her off halfway through).

And Tom Cruise supposedly nailed Nichole Kidman.

VRWC already flogged this a bit, but...

Bullets have a nasty habit of finding their target and that's what's scary about them.

...is so stupid, it deserves one more go around. Buy an inaccurate gun: you'll feel better knowing it's going to miss and hit an innocent bystander!

This sounds like tough-guy send-up talk that Leslie Nielsen would say: "The bad thing about criminals is the way they have of winding up behind bars."

Aside from Robert Mitchum, Richard Burton, John Wayne and other guys who'd never be considered for the part of Bond, though, just how many actors don't come off as pussies?

Think about what it takes to be in the profession: wanting to wear makeup and costumes and do skits. Engaging in fights that are only pretend. Lots of singing and dancing and hoping the audience likes you, really likes you.

I hate handguns. Handguns are used to shoot people and as long as they are around, people will shoot each other.

Yes, because in the days of old, crossbows, bows, spearthrowers and slings were never used to actually shoot children, only dangerous mutant bears.

Wanker.

PS- I think Nicholas has figured out why Tom Cruise became an actor- it certainly wasn't to bone Nicole Kidman (otherwise why would he trade down?)

^^ That was me

Yes?

Sorry, I was counting my money.

What do you expect from a country whose top athlete is the poster-boy for Metrosexuality?

Bullets are scary? Martinis are straight up?

Tell me, does it sound like the new Bond is straight?

This comes as no surprise: 25% of British boys ages 5-11 want plastic surgery to look like celebrities

Their top choices are David Beckham, Brad Pitt, and Johnny Depp.

The UK is becoming land of the metrosexuals.

"Think about what it takes to be in the profession: wanting to wear makeup and costumes and do skits. Engaging in fights that are only pretend. Lots of singing and dancing and hoping the audience likes you, really likes you."

And, you get to be a member of the
Film
Actors
Guild

This guy is an idiot:
Nor does the 37-year-old share Bond's love of Martinis shaken and stirred.

"I love a Martini straight up. I don't think anybody makes a Martini stirred any more," he said.

What the fuck does that mean? A martini straight-up is either shaken, or stirred. The only other way to make a martini is on the rocks, which is a crime against God and Man.

There's not a lot of difference between shaking and stirring a martini in any event. People who make a big deal out of "bruising the gin" are almost certainly complete twats.

Finally, Bond drinks vodka martinis. He specifies "vodka martini" instead of "martini" because a "martini" is made with gin. There's the martini, the vodka martini, then homosexual drinks with names like "appletini" that are also crimes against God and Man.

rho:

I share your hatred of the "appletini" drink. Anyone who orders one, much less drinks one, oughta get a shot to the solar plexus. I blame Coors for starting the whole pussification of liquor drinks with that weak-ass Zima piss. That was the beginning of the end. (Although the "wine cooler" fad might have been the true genesis.)

Now if you want to drink fruit juice with a bit of bark to it, just drink some hard cider. And I mean hard cider. That stuff will mess you up so bad you'll swear you got mugged when you wake up the next morning.

People who make a big deal out of "bruising the gin" are almost certainly complete twats.

I always heard it was the Vermouth that got bruised, which at least makes a bit of sense. (The answer, of course, is not to use so fraggin much Vermouth.)

There's one where Connery strides into his hotel room, whips out a warm bottle of vodka from the bar, pours himself two fingers and downs it. That's my kind of martini. It's the Caribbean one, I think.

A comedian once said that Zima the drink of choice for those a little light in the loafers and stands for Zomething In My Ass!

Hey Monty...speaking of Zima, do you remember when the "fad" among college girls and rave-ing pansies was to put Jolly Rancher candy in the bottle, so that they could have a Jolly Rancher flavored drink?

Beer or Whiskey. Anything else and you are firmly entrenched in the "Andrew Sullivan Cocktail (heh) Party Line".

"Aside from Robert Mitchum, Richard Burton, John Wayne and other guys who'd never be considered for the part of Bond, though, just how many actors don't come off as pussies?"

Mickey Rourke? one scary mofo.

Harrison Ford - maybe a little too "everyman" but not a pussy

Bruce Willis - again, not quite suave enough for Bond.

I actually thought that Brsonan did an OK job - not Connery, but better than any of the others. Sure he was a little fussy with his hair, but you knew it was only for the ladies.

I thought Brosnan was a fine Bond, but he had SHIT plots to work with and SHIT actors to star with. (Denise Richards, nuclear scientist? SHUT UP YOU STUPID WHORE!)

They had a chance to really break new ground with the Bond franchise with Brosnan, and they blew it. You can't simply stick with the guns, girls, gadgets gimmick for 40 years and assume it never gets old.

Back to martinis, people who pull shit like "wave the shaker over the vermouth bottle" or "point the shaker in the general direction of Italy" instead of actually putting vermouth in the martini are also twats.

The final, and greatest class of maritini twats are those who order the martini and let it sit on the bar. Gulp that shit down, dipshit. If it's not cold, it's not a martini, and your drink is shedding BTUs faster than you're making face queefs.

Old tough guy actors; Gene Hackman, Robert Duvall, and Clint Eastwood.

These days, it's Australia that is producing tough guy actors, not the US, where most of them are fops.

Right on, UGA. Russell Crowe is about the only actor around today who could take on any of John Wayne's old roles with a straight face. And I want Hugh Jackman to play Clint Eastwood in the inevitable biopic.

But it's not all bad. Domestic certified Bad Ass Mofos in the US include Samuel L Jackson (we'll just agree that the Shaft remake Never Happened) and Ving Rhames.

How to make the perfect martinin

1. Take highball glass, add ice.
2. Add shot of gin.
3. Take bottle of vermouth, poor down drain.
4. Squeeze wedge of lime over gin.
5. Add tonic water.

Enjoy!

Windrider: Most gay guys I've known love those G&T's. Whassupwidat?

Rule on Vermouth - better too little than too much. Nothing wrong with straight shots; it just isn't a martini. I gotta agree with rho that it's obviously best to get them cold. Best solution I've seen for people who don't want to rush is a small caraf in a snifter full of ice applied as needed.

More Ultimate Tough Guy Actors
Chuck Bronson.
G Gordon Liddy was great as a psycho in Miami Vice.
Vinnie Jones who would've made an interesting non-pussy Bond.
Jason Statham, who aldo would've made an interesting non-pussy Bond.
Harvey Keitel. Ever since he blew a guy out of an airlock in Saturn 3, he's been a bad mo-fo.

Present day tough guys: Joe Pesci, Sam Elliot, Di Nero, Christopher Walker (non-camp), Wesley Snipes, Benicio Del Toro.

Oldsters: Kirk Douglas and Jack palance didn't get a mention?

Not a one of them could do Bond.

The thing in Fleming's descriptions that always struck me was the cruel mouth. Bond was at heart a real prick under all the refinement, along the lines of what Sam Neill caught so well in the Reilly: Ace of Spades series.

Christian Bale has a good mix of charm and menace even though Clive Owen seems more natural for it. (I think Dalton is seriously underrated in this sense, even if he never really seemed to throw himself into it.) Does Adrian Paul have enough inner bastard to play Bond? I never saw it. Connery-lite would be more likely.

But who really cares? The franchise has been running in Connery's wake for friggin 30 years. Let it go.

Walken. Loose shit.

What do you expect from a country whose top athlete is the poster-boy for Metrosexuality?

Lance Armstrong? I don't think so.

5. Add tonic water.

TONIC WATER in the "perfect martini"? I don't think so.

*sigh*

I guess somebody around here has to defend the Ace O Spades Lifestyle™. The "perfect martini" recipe is as follows:

1. Uscrew your bottle of Val-U-Rite vodka.

2. Lay down on bed.

3. Position trash can adjacent to bed for future vomiting.

4. Begin chugging.

Perhaps it goes without saying, but just to be sure, before you indulge in your Ace O Spades Lifestyle™ perfect martini, you should:

1. Pay off the Vietnamese hooker.

2. Secure your TV, stereo, and other valuables so she doesn't steal them. She'll probably take a toaster or something, but you can get over that because she was really cheap to start with.

Where's the black Bond?
When are we going to break the racial barriers in Hollywood and put Afro-Americans in leading roles?

Really, Denzel would be excellent as 007.

"Aside from Robert Mitchum, Richard Burton, John Wayne and other guys who'd never be considered for the part of Bond, though, just how many actors don't come off as pussies?

Think about what it takes to be in the profession: wanting to wear makeup and costumes and do skits. Engaging in fights that are only pretend. Lots of singing and dancing and hoping the audience likes you, really likes you."

Which director said something like, "An actress is something more than a woman, and an actor is something less than a man."? Peckinpah and Hitchcock stand out in my mind for some reason.

Nevermind, I looked it up. Richard Burton.

What do you expect from a country whose top athlete is the poster-boy for Metrosexuality?

Lance Armstrong? I don't think so.

No, David Beckham. He was referring to Britain, not the U.S.