Ah, so you dig it up and repost it on an active blog renowned for the viciousness of the people who read and post on it daily? LauraW, put down Ace's discount vodka and go to bed. And leave his klonopin alone too.

But I didn't dig it up.
It was reposted to another thread right here on Ace's site.

Wow, that REALLY sucks, Laura.

Later,
bbeck

Busted up into a haiku it would be OK...

...well, not OK really, but you know what I mean.

Whoa. You have to let us know which spirits inspired that writing.

So the rest of us can steer clear, that is.

It was a magical moment, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Whiskey and water.

Laura, I know how painful that was to share with us. For me, anyway.

I was kinda hoping ace had written that. Y'know, so I could call him a fag.

Thanks for harshing my mellow, laura.

It had to be done.

I couldn't sleep with myself.

Good thing I'm married.

Yup.

Memo to self: avoid whiskey. Stick to red wine.

Dude, that's even gay for a GIRL.

I'm so glad that this affliction is finally coming out of the closet. Blogging Under the Influence, or B.U.I., has resulted in countless meandering postings on my site. It's scary shit. I mean, I can understand a drunkie call, but drunkie blogging? It's fucked up.

I hope we find a cure someday, or at least a 12-step program.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Laura:

OK, I'm wasted at the moment. I've been visiting my good friend, Mr. Jack. It took me trhree attempts to get my email address right (I know I misspelled three. but I dontt have the energy to back up and fix it)),

Still, even making allowances for you being totally fuckin' drunk, that is the WORST FUCKING POEM EVER WRITTEN. I mean, even in my impaired condition I can tell you that your poem sucks so bad.

Just sayin'. You know I love you.

See, Laura? Your poetry is the biggest smash hit since Beatallica turned "Let it Be" into a song about Cthulhu.

If there was one thing I did well at the Blogtower, it was discover talent.

Good times....

Hmmm. Googling Beatallica actually returns a bunch of interesting hits.

I'm thinking Jack has a history.

Another good reason I don't have a blog, and I guest blog under a pseudonynonym. Both Ace and Dave have been the recipients of my schnockered e-mails before. I shudder to think what I might throw out there for all to see once Evan Williams gets his claws into me.

PS LauraW you nearly commited a double violation of The Rules.

and I guest blog under a pseudonynonym.

If you're Dr. Reo Symes, I can well understand why you use a pseudonynonym.

Nah, Michael. The story is this:

I used to have a blog called "All Along the Blogtower". It is still listed on Ace's blogroll, but is now defunct. (I got a new job and moved to Hawaii and had to cut back on something, so the blog lost out).

Anyway, when I was blogging I stumbled across a story about a fusion rock band called Beatallica that combined Beatles and Metallica tunes. My favorite song was called "The Thing that would not let it be", and it featured lyrics referencing Cthulhu. The story had to do with a lawsuit that Sony had filed against the band.

Anyway, I wrote an entry and sent Ace a tip and he put a post up about the band as well. Then Allah showed up and we all had some fun as I found their official web site and they had a bunch of MP3's we could listen to.

At one point, the thing came full circle as someone from Beatallica actually linked both Ace and the Blogtower to the bands message board. I don't think Ace or I posted anything about it after the first two days of playing with it though.

So no history here. Just a funny story about a wierd fusion band that captured our attention for about 48 hours. :)

Hey LW, if Ace likes you half as much as I do he will make "The West" his top post for the next month.

After all, his blog has a much larger readership that the 'Tower. Think of all the peeps who could see it in that time!

"Chancing some Spring Awakening!" could be the new "Slice like a f'n hammer!".

So, the cool thing is that "All Around the Blog Tower" was a hip reference to Dylan.

There must be some way out of here . . .

Flattered, but the esteemed Doctor is not me, nor am I Doctor Symes. Actually all the new guest/co/deputy/whatever bloggers are doing a great job and really keeping the Ace-of-Spades in-your-face, aggressively stupid Andrew-Dice-Clay-with-PMS vibe going.

I hereby dub them the "Aceholes".

I love you guysh...you guys are GREEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAm5l4a htgy3498uqu...

Yep. AATB was a reference to Dylan. He's my favorite musician/singer/songwriter/song and dance man.

In fact, most of the entries made reference to his songs in one way or another. Usually the post titles were plays on song titles, or I worked lyrics in that fit with whatever the story was that was being linked.

It was like Seiinfeld and Superman: every post had a Dylan reference somewhere within it. Sometimes it was explicit, sometimes really subtle. I always liked to see if anyone noticed them.

Jack M:

Sorry I missed your blog. I think I would have enjoyed it.

You may get a second chance. Now that I'm settled in to my new surroundings, and have a handle on my work/life schedule, I've been thinking about bringing it back.

Should I do so, I'll let ya know so you can come by sometime. It's always good to have a few Dylan fans around.

LOL! I just checked blogspot, and someone else has taken the All Along the Blogtower name.

So if I start one up, I'll send LW an e-mail with the new name.

Damn cyber-squatters! :)

/kicks self for deleting blog, cause I liked the name.....

I [C]knew a man Bo[Em]jangles
And he'd d[Am]ance for you[A7]
[F] In worn out s[G]hoes[G7]
The s[C]ilver hair, a r[Em]agged shirt
And b[Am]aggy pant[A7]s
[F] The old soft sh[G]oe[G7]
[F] He'd jump so h[G]igh, [E7] jump so hi[Am]gh[A7]
[D9] Then he'd lightly touch d[G]own[G7]
[Am] Mr. Boja[G]ngles, [Am] Mr. Boja[G]ngles, [Am] Mr. Boja[G]ngles, [C] d[Em]anc[Am]

Yeah, I can do those chords on my guitar (which needs new strings).

Michael, did you post those lyrics as a Dylan reference? Not to be pedantic, but Jerry Jeff Walker wrote that.

Yep, JJW wrote it. But Dylan did cover it on the album "Dylan" (which was never meant to be released officially as it consisted of nothing but demos and b-sides and covers..but that's a story for someplace else) so at least Michael gets partial credit.

Buncha phillistines. Everbody knows when a lady of style and substance sets down to do poetry, you listen. And if its too painful, you drink (silently) until you can take it. Just manners, that's all.

And if I hadn't been so gentlemanly and diligent in the drinking part, I'd have spelled 'philistines' correctly.

I came home too drunk to read your comments, ate some braunschweiger with stinky cheese, drank some whiskey, and I still post anyway. I come back to see if anyone responds and then go back to a porn site, but I really don't care. Because typing this pointless crap over and over again, until it comes out somewhat cogent, takes 27.75 minutes, and, since I don't have time to go to meetings, I know I don't have a problem.

Blow me and stuff. Goodnight, be here all week...yada yada yada...try the veal.

My drunken self leaves notes for my sober self all the time. Some of them are quite insightful. Most are gibberish. A few are a little scary. I recently woke up to a post-it note which read "unpleasant breasts."

Here's a handy tip: always compose your comments in Notepad, then cut and paste them into the comments block. Prevents some of the worst babbling from accidentally escaping into the wild. Like, when you fall face down into the keyboard and your chin and your nose together just happen to hit CTRL and ENTER.

Jack M. went to Hawaii to get as far away from Iceland (?) as possible. (The government had a bounty on him.)
Let me know when you get your blog back and I'll add you to my blogroll again.

Friends don't let friends post drunk.

Unless they are going to embarass themselves and it's really, really funny.

Nonsense! Drogging blunk is the only way to

*

Hang on. Okay...

Blogging drunk is the only way to blog! Ain't my fault y'all can't hold your liquor.

That poem is not that bad, what if we put it to music? Acoustical guitar, some piano in the background and William Hung belting out the vocals.
Blockbuster!

Man, I was really, really smashed that night. I remember sitting on the porch and composing that...shitstain on a yellow legal pad.

Inordinately proud of this brain excreta, I knew I just had to post it that very minute.

Hey, at least I'm a sweet goofy drunk, not the mean kind. That counts for something.

Right?
Hello?

It was meant to be a devastating commentary on how nations lose their way.

I thought it was a sonnet about attempting to maintain an unruly pubic patch.

How about not posting hung over? For example:

ahem . . .

A haiku entitled The Morning After a Night of Value Rite Vodka and Fast Food

My ass is on fire!
Human rootbeer dispenser
Damn you Taco Bell!

Nice haiku, compos.

Did you have to wear girls shorts after the explosion this time?

I like those women who are sloppy-sweet drunks--they're easy and they forget what a humiliating experience it is for them.

My cue for leaving parties or bars was always when I became the most charming, attractive man there, it was time to hit the door. Sure, it's counterintuitive and it's hard as hell to leave when you just know you're walking away from an opportunity to have humiliating sex with some poor sloppy drunken woman with low self-esteem. But it works.

Ha ha. That's funny Slu. No. Really it is. Funny. Heehee.

*wanders off*

Girls shorts! *snort* ahhhhhhh . . . heh. sumbitch>

I didn't drink much in college, so I was often called upon to be a designated driver. There is nothing more fun than being the only sober person in a room full of drunken morons.

I developed one simple test to determine whether someone is truly intoxicated - when someone suggests tequila shots, then drunkenness has been achieved. Shots only seem like a good idea to the already hammered.

Compos is on f'n fire!

They make a cream for that.

Sorry, compos. But that story you told in the flame war bait thread still makes me chuckle. I tried to read it to my wife once, but couldn't get through it because I started laughing too much.

My cue for leaving parties or bars was always when I became the most charming, attractive man there, it was time to hit the door.

So you're the sad sack who nobody can ever get rid of then!

And it's nice to know certain "women" find you attractive, even if they are drunk and have penises.

Ah hell Slu, I feel the love! I really am glad it made people laugh. I really don't mind the jabs ; )

And Lauraw, smart sensitive chicks are hot! Even if they do write flowery, besotted poetry about goddam metaphoric weeds. I thought your poem was sweet.

Actually, there aren't many easy to offend people who post here on a regular basis.

I realized after I hit "post" that any jabs run the risk of turning a normal thread into a flame war. Especially on this site.

If JackM. does revive his blog I hope everyone checks it out. It was so good that for about 4 -6 months after he quit blogging, his readers still went there just to post comments -hoping to shame him into starting up again.

I kind of tried to fan the flames by suggesting that lauraw is having problems in the summer of her life with keeping her yeti-esque bush from running rampant. I can just see her sitting naked on the front porch, Marlboro Red dangling from her lips, yelling at the neighbors' kids. Too much cheap vodka causes her to lean forward to rest her head on what she thought was a shrub . . . it's the stuff great poems are made of!

I don't know...to truly complete that picture, this version of lauraw would have to be drinking a Schlitz tallboy or coffee brandy.

Compos, I think you're mixing up your imaginings of me with actual memories of your dear mother.

I'm thinking she's got a 40 in a bag, sitting on the porch admiring her 'garden' which sports 'weed' alright.

Aww c'mon laura! I expected better from the Edith Joy Scovell of our generation.

(though I still laughed out loud at your shot at my alcoholic, tatooed and toothless trailer park lizard of a mother dearest)

Maybe you're more like Kilmer:

I think my 'garden' has gone to seed
It looks like one big goddam weed . . .

scott (renamed) (10:57:20 AM): I read your poem, and thought that I was the only person in the world make that connection, weed patch. I guess I am not alone
Laura(10:57:50 AM): thats because you're all just shaved monkeys

Shaved monkeys?

Spongeworthy,

That story just warmed my heart. Who knew there were still guys like you out there.

Dave at Garfield Ridge,

Visit me today, I gave you a blogkiss. I gave one to Ace too, but he ignores me, so he probably won't see it.

Or unshaven, if you so choose not to 'weed your garden.'

I tend to think some of you are more like baboons with red asses.

I don't know about that, but I can tell you those Samoans were a surly bunch.

RWS - if you believe Sponge's BS, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

It's absolutely true!

You have to look at these things like an investment. If you become known as the guy who always leaves a little early, then the next time you can get in and out of a bar or party with whatever slag you've culled much faster.

Plus you get the reputation as the guy who never lurks over women breathing Bud Light into their faces and insulting their friends. Or throwing up.

Or crapping all over the place, in some cases.

Sorry, compos. But that story you told in the flame war bait thread still makes me chuckle.

A classic. Ace should repost it every year on Compos Mentis Day.

Dave takes the prize for most obscure reference. Bloom County. Holy crap that was a life ago.

Some guys get the rep of being the one who lurks over women breathing Bud Light into their faces and saying, "I was in Yearbook Club ya know." If that fails they just go home an jerk it to Endless Love.

I couldn't recall where I remembered it lauraw.

Sometimes I have deja vu amnesia - where "I think I've forgotten this before"

What's really humiliating is posting that on the Web and the realizing the name of the flick was The Blue Lagoon, not Endless Love.

But I have always been able to control my drinking/slag culling as well as my digestive tract, so my life is not the miserable and petty useless sham it appears.

Spongeworthy,

Perhaps compos was referring to the song?

But then again, I don't know why I would defend the perv...;-)

Controlling your drinking/slag culling is why I suppose you see yourself as "spongeworthy?"

RWS - OT, but, how did you, yours, and your property weather the storm?

That and a long list of other stuff, thanks for asking.

Texas has the most handsome women in the world, too, and now you can put smarmy and obsequious on that list.

vonKreedom,

Thanks for asking! Everything was fine. We felt like we dodged a bullet. Just a lot of leaves and branches in my pool.

spongeworthy,

Saying Texas has the most handsome women doesn't make you smarmy! It makes you even more..ummm.. spongeworthy...;-)

Now, compos, see how easy that was?

Watch and learn, little man.