LET'S GO FOR 400!

No, forget it, I'm going to go to church tomorrow morning.

I have too many sins to confess. Like my impure thoughts about Lipstick.

Always available to help, ace. :)

I think this armadillo ass stuffing issue needs to be resolved.

Maybe we can call in Richard Gere as an expert consultant...

Wait. You've got advertisers? I've never noticed before. Since Ace won't link me, I'll pimp my own Sheehan story here .

Capitalism, baseball and moonbats. Can it get any better than that?

Oh, Open Thread! What will you show us tonight? Will you be serious; will you be nerdy? Perhaps a little dirty?

I cannot predict you Open Thread. Your nature is turbulent and unknowable. And that is why I love you. Be gentle with me.

Weird, your comment system screwed with my signature.

HA! You're all morons!

Flame wars have begun
On Ace's site the...what?

This is an open, not a flame war thread?

Sorry about that.

Nothing to see here.

As a result of our 300+ thread below, I have personally confirmed that if you email Dave in Texas and ask for his tortilla soup recipe, he will give it to you (mine arrived at 12:17 am). Just reading it over, it looks really good. Apparently, the big thing is freshly ground cumin. My mouth was watering just reading this email. Me and Mrs. Michael are definitely going to try it (when she's not busy boinking the pool boy, of course).

You have to seize and savor the good things in life, and a really good tortilla soup recipe is one of those things. I strongly recommend that you email Dave in Texas for his tortilla soup recipe.

Yes, let's all start swapping recipes. Then we can share hair care tips and split one of those to die for chocolate-raspberry tortes that yummy waiter just scooted by with!

Let's butch up a little round here, kay?

Chocolate-raspherry tortes?

Where?

Loose crap...I meant raspberry.

It's late.

What's wrong with swapping recipes?

"when she's not busy boinking the pool boy, of course"

I'll bet he likes tortilla soup too! lol!

Linguine with Chicken Scampi

INGREDIENTS
2-3 chicken breasts, cut into strips
1 egg, beaten
Italian bread crumbs
1 package linguine
1 stick butter or margarine
4-5 cloves garlic, minced
3-4 teaspoons lemon juice

Dip chicken strips in egg wash, then coat with bread crumbs. Shake off excess. Fill pan with ½ inch or so oil and fry chicken until brown and crisp. At the same time, boil linguine.
In a small saucepan, melt butter or margarine over low heat. When melted, add garlic and lemon juice.
When linguine is al dente, drain and put in large bowl. Add chicken and drizzle sauce over mixture. Toss until coated.

Broccoli Salad

2 – 3 heads of broccoli (just the crowns)
2 cups red seedless grapes, sliced in half
1 ½ cups cashews

These amounts are approximate. As long as there’s not too much of any one ingredient, the salad will work. Mix ingredients together in large bowl.

Dressing:
1 cup mayonnaise
½ cup sugar
¼ cup vinegar (can be rice, wine, apple cider or plain)

Combine ingredients, then add to broccoli mixture.

How to check fuel pump output.

Your carburetor requires 4 to 7 psi of fuel supply at all times, under all conditions. Many "carburetor" problems are actually fuel delivery problems. Bogging and not enough power can be caused by too little fuel, and overflowing can be caused by too much fuel pressure. Before blaming your carburetor for problems you MUST check the fuel delivery while driving under whatever condition you use the vehicle. This means rigging up a fuel pressure gauge outside the passenger compartment and going for a drive. If your fuel pump doesn't deliver 4-7 psi at all times to the supply line at the carburetor, then you need to examine/replace ALL the lines and hoses (this includes the hoses at the tank) and possibly replace the fuel pump if it isn't delivering enough fuel.

Lentil Soup

1 1/2 cups dried lentils
6 cups beef broth
1 1/2 cups sliced carrots
1 1/2 cups sliced onions
1 cup sliced celery
1 1/2 cup grated potato
2 cups sliced sausage or kielbasa
1 bay leaf
3 Tablespoons vinegar
pinch salt
pinch pepper
pinch parsley

Bring to boil lentils and beef broth; remove from heat, cover and let stand 1 hour. Put back on low heat, add remaining ingredients (add water to cover if needed) and simmer until lentils are tender.

Bitter Almond:

I've never seen you on this blog before, so maybe you don't understand the AOSHQ Lifestyle [trademark].

So, here's my suggestion: Come over to my house and I will fuck your squeekhole like a Viking and make you my dirty little bitch.

How to kill a Polar Bear without a rifle.

Slub, Mrs. Michael has that broccoli salad nailed except she adds dried cranberries. You should try it.

Michael: Official enforcer of the Ace of Spades™ lifestyle.

Dried cranberries? Hm. I'll have to try that. I've always thought they were kind of chewy, though.

Thanks for not calling them "craisins," by the way.

Flour Tortillas

2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 Tablespoon shortening (or lard)
1/2 - 3/4 cup warm water

Mix all dry ingredients. Cut in shortening. Ad water until mixture is kneadable, then break into balls and let sit 10-15 minutes. Roll out and cook on ungreased cast iron pan, flipping when top begins to bubble, a few minutes per side. Makes about 8 tortillas.

You know there's been a decided lack of Geek Porn at the site lately.
And as we all know, Geek Porn is at the core of the Ace O' Spades lifestyle. That and large amounts of Val-U-Rite Vodka.
What else constitutes the Ace O Spades lifestyle?

Discuss amongst yourselves

What else constitutes the Ace O Spades lifestyle?

Knowledge of D&D, of course.

Ace O Spades Lifestyle Tip:

Record the scrambled Spice Channel picture on your TIVO. This allows you to pause those brief moments when the picture is unscrambles.

Hand Cream

Dried cranberries? Hm. I'll have to try that. I've always thought they were kind of chewy, though.

They are chewy. It adds a texture contrast to the crispness of the fresh broccoli.

Oriental massage coupons.

Ace O Spades Lifestyle Tip 2

When you're getting that first lap dance in the VIP lounge at the gentlemen's club, tear up a little and when asked what's wrong say its the first anniversary of your wife's death and its your first night out.

Slub:

I'm curious. What did you do in HTML to get a "Trademark" superscript?

His lifestyle? Well the whole secret identity thing just drives me insane!!! I can understand not wanting people to know their real name and where they live for obvious reasons, but he can't slap a picture up sometime??? I mean I am secret too, but people want to see who you are!!!

If nothing else just to have a blogcrush on some fake man model picture or something.....SOMETHING! Give us crumbs here. An old prom picture perhaps?

Jeff at Protein Wisdom posted a Cat Stevens look he had for awhile and we women coasted nicely on that one for weeks. We don't ask for what guys ask for. No dirty or sexy shots. We just want a peek. Just let us see your face. It would be like a 2nd grade crush.

Come on Ace, be a man. SHOW YOURSELF! (at least to lil ole me!) I will never tell a soul! I rightwing Promise!

After the word you want to™, type in & trade; (without the space between & and trade;).

Constantly finding flimsy 'work related' excuses to get the new girl at work over to your cubicle then repeatedly mentioning how your back is 'all tense right now.'

When packing china:

Wrap each item in a single layer of 1/8" foam wrap. Stack the flat plates together in piles of four or less, then wrap in two layers of 1/2" bubble wrap. Shove these up your ASS.

Teacups need to be handled gently. Set each foam-wrapped cup in the center of a 12" square of 1/2" bubble, draw up the corners and tape securely. Be careful when shoving these up your ASS, as they break into shards easily.

Large serving pieces are too big to shove up your ASS without proper preparation. The small pieces we have already covered should have given you the requisite elasticity.
Wrap each piece in a single layer of 1/2" bubble, box separately in corrugated cardboard, apply lube and shove up your ASS.

Any questions?

"Any questions?"

Does the armadillo have to be removed first?

Oh dear lord, I'm dyin over here

Brewfan!

Hah! I've done you one better and responded to a link from Ace of Spades by blogging about rearranging furniture and French cooking! Crazy. Blog. Money.

What does Ace look like?
Well, I'm sure I'm not giving anything away by telling you he is a tall black woman.
Can't you tell by his voice on the radio?

Oh, you want recipes:
Ice Cream Potato: (f'n delicious)
http://blogidaho.blogspot.com/2005/07/ice-cream-potato.html

Bringing your own silverware from home on the date, then making a scene when the waiter disagrees this means '10% off. Minimum, pal. Minimum!

G'night darling obscene people.

MoS: You need to learn the secret art of linking.

Ice Cream Potato: (f'n delicious)

Ace looks like the kind of guy you use to date, who when he was on his knees begging for a job of some sort ;) -- would look up at you with his big puppy dog eyes and whimper. And you would say, “Oh, alright!"

I seen Ace once, which is to say, I saw him.

No foolin.'

I have too many sins to confess. Like my impure thoughts about Lipstick.

Hey, guess what Michael, I'm doing your pool boy too! So don't feel so bad.

There's a time and a place for everything.

And, the Ace O Spades ain't the place for trading recipes...unless they are for alcoholic drinks. And, none of those sissified drinks...i.e., anything with schnapps or cranberry.

Hard liquor, the cheaper the better. That's the Ace O Spades Lifestyle.

Now, pass the f**king tortilla soup.

ok, you redstaters. my award winning (in my own mind) chili recipe. from memory.

3 pounds tri-tip 1/3rd inch cubes
1 pound pork sausage
1 carton chicken broth
1 large can (28 oz? the bigger can) crushed tomatos
1 large walla walla sweet onion, finely chopped
6 tbs cumin
4 tbs pasilla chili powder
3 tbs gebharts chili powder
1 tbs white pepper
1 tsp cayenne pepper
2 wedges ibarra mexican chocolate

gray the meat in a pan with a small amount of corn oil. drain excess liquid and add to large cast iron pot. add broth, tomato sauce, onion, 3tbs cumin, 2 tbs pasilla, 1 tbs gebharts. medium boil for 1 hour.

transfer contents to large crock pot (or turn heat waaay down). add 2 tbs cumin, 1 tbs pasilla, 1 tbs gebharts, ½ tbs white pepper, ibarra chocolate, cayenne pepper. simmer at least 3 hours, stirring every hour or so.

½ hour before serving, add 1 tbs cumin, 1tbs pasilla, 1tbs gebharts, ½ tbs white pepper. simmer. serve.

leftovers taste even better.

because i'm a fuckin moonbat liberal, i prefer to use hormone free meat and organic ingedients whenever possible. but, y'know, it's chili. use whatever you want. the ibarra chocolate really makes this recipe special.

bush sucks!

mwa!

Colt .45 Malt liquor, Thunderbird, and bag of $1 McChickens - that's the AOS lifestyle.

I actually met him a few years back. At that time he was selling canned vegetables door to door (not like his own product line either. Just reselling stuff you might find at your local shop from a little box. Sad.)

Anyway, he knocked on my door and shoved a business card in my face when I opened up. Looked kinda down on his luck, so I let him in. Wiry guy, thinning dirt blonde hair, small little mouth. Eyes had that 1000 yard stare though. I don't think he'd eaten in a while.

Looking at the guy, I feel a little sorry for him so I let him in to go through his spiel. Seems to make his day. (Big production number. Holds up a can of each vegetable as he mentions it and smiles, kinda proud like) Gets done and says now his throats dry. I go get him some water from the kitchen, thinking maybe I'll give the guy a sandwich or something but when I return he's gone... along with my tv, entertainment center, coffee table and sofa. (let me tell you, it was 15 seconds tops!)

I call the cops. They take my info but you can tell it's not like a priority for them.

Long story short, a few months later I check the web address from the card he left. Open up the page and bam, there it is: my living room. Selling it all for next to nothing (this is back when some of his posts were less poltical, more 'make me an offer for this thing here.')

Anyway, I called the cops again. Nothing came of it. Not really sure why I keep coming back here.

Reo:

That made my night. I was laughing out loud.

yo, and i want that tortilla soup recipe, dammit.

Smith Barney: "we make money the old fashoned way, we steal it"

More practitioners of "unbridled American capitalism": CLICK HERE

Views from the recent AOS lifestyle layout in Architectural Digest:

CLICK

CLICK

Ace's current ride. Mind you, he didn't always have it this good. But, the man's got a right to enjoy some of the crazy blog money he's been earning.

1977 Plymouth Volare. Bench seat, landau roof, 8-track. This thing is loaded and in cherry condition

Ace - livin La Vida Loca

Ah, what the heck, never a bad time for the new iPod rumor...

iPod Rumor

Cederford - livin La Vida Loco

CLICK

A "cautionary tale" with a profound "life lesson" for all - do not become a fire chief.

Is is possible to be off-topic in an open thread?

Anyway, I think this site needs one of those little icons that go in the address bar. A death's head would look really good there.

The Guardian pimping scary stuff about the new "meth craze" sweeping the USA.

CLICK

"...Meth is powerfully addictive, instantly hooking users who smoke or inject it and turning them into paranoid delusional wrecks with scabs from constant scratching and dramatic weight loss..."

An old story, but one that didn't get much play the last time...

8 hookers in a room clustered like bats in a cave, NO JOHN visible, and the guard doesn't think something is up? Ummm OK.

CLICK

Life Lesson #2: it is NOT always a good thing to have a nice looking girl sitting on your face.

Eight prostitutes accused of murdering an Italian delegate to the UN's anti-racism conference in Durban last week have told a court that they only meant to rob their victim...

...The two women said that after the delegate passed out, they panicked and tried to revive him. They were joined by six other prostitutes who allegedly robbed Mr Mostafa, who was born in Morocco.

A hotel security guard who searched the room failed to notice the body because the eight women were sitting on it. Mr Mostafa was later found under the bed by cleaners.

That hooker story sounds like a level 72 Ace O' Spades lifestyle &trade death.

Obviously the trademark thingy ain't doin what its supposed to damnit!

Hard liquor, the cheaper the better. That's the Ace O Spades Lifestyle.

Then how come ace is always sipping Appletinis when he is at a bar meeting friends? Does not ace live the Ace O'Spades Lifestyle?

Testin &trade

Testing&trade

Testing™

Ha! We were leaving out the semicolon after "trade". Not Slub's fault -- his instructions were correct. I had to click on View Source and read a comment above where it worked to figure this out.

Ace Of Spades Lifestyle™!

Ha!

A sad and discouraging incident...

WHEN CLOWNS GO BAD

HT to Nickie Goomba for the link

What a bunch of goobers.

oh, in case anyone's interested

ingredient list

4 corn tortillas
salt -- to taste
1/2 tsp white pepper
1/2 tsp paprika
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium white or yellow onion -- diced thin
1 small garlic clove -- minced or smushed with a garlic press
1 teaspoon ground cumin - get fresh and grind
2 canned green chiles -- finely chopped
15 ounces canned tomato sauce
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup water
1/4 pound Monterey jack cheese -- cubed small or grated
some sour cream

fry up the tortillas in that skillet with vegetable oil. make em half in strips, make em crispy.

In a saucepan, heat olive oil medium. Add onion and saute until soft, but clear (don't burn it). Mix in garlic and cumin; then add green chiles, tomato sauce, stock, and water. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes.

You gotta throw it all together now... put the soup stock in bowls, throw in the chips, the cheese.. put a dollop of sour cream if you are so inclined.

crack open an ice cold Corona and slam a lime slice into it. you've earned it, mr Tortilla Soup Making Man.

oh, grilled chicken or shrimp is a bonus in this stuff.

by the way, lauraw thinks I'm a commie or something cause I put picante sauce and sour cream in guac.

She's a yankee though, so keep that in mind.

...What a bunch of goobers....

You say that like it's a bad thing to be a goober. Open threads were made for goobers.

Uhm, pardon me Mr. In Texas, I believe your argument is with bbeck.

Though its true I don't know nothin about mexcan food.
But I can make a rabbit stemperata that will curl your toes.

Yeah Ace O' Spades ™ goobers

thank you, Dave in Texas.

daves rule!

oh, grilled chicken or shrimp is a bonus in this stuff.

I would think grilled armadillo would work too, and they're usually free by the side of the road...in keeping with the Ace of Spades "green" Lifestyle™

Just finished totally redoing my website, www.rcscapital.com. If anyone is interested, feel free to check it out and then flame me mercilessly regarding its total lameness.

And while I'm on the topic of web site design, what's the big deal with everybody posting an XML link on their site? WTF is that all about?

The site is clean and direct. I like it.

Dave:

I'm sooo proud of your for specifying corn tortillas.

A lot of Yankees would otherwise easily default to the wheat tortillas that are readily available at the supermarket.

Dogstar! You live pretty close to me! Small world, huh?

Yes, there seems to be a high ratio of Texans here. No wonder AoS is home to such intelligent discourse.

Dogstar,

The picture on your home page; is that the pool boy and Mrs. Michael?

Dogstar:

I especially liked the page on your site dedicated to Bad Investments. However, you neglected to discuss the merits of investing all your crazy blog money in on-line p0ker games.

Brewfan:

That picture is actually me and Cedarford. Cedarford is the one holding the coffee cup.

A lot of Yankees would otherwise easily default to the wheat tortillas that are readily available at the supermarket.

Wheat tortillas are an abomination.

Two types of tortillas exist - corn and flour.

That is all.

Michael,

Thanks for clearing that up for me. I now understand why you call cedarford your 'tranny bitch'. But pass my compliments along to 'her' for being able to hang on to that coffee cup while taking it up the squeakhole!

:)

Wondering whether its not time to remove the British flag and replace with Old Glory. Or maybe a combo. Just saying.

Cedarford wouldn't pose for my site. He said I probably had some suspiciously Semetic-looking clients, and he couldn't be a part of anything that unholy.

Plus, he said he had some kind of scheduling conflict- something about Downtown Lad and some armadillos.

"something about Downtown Lad and some armadillos."

lol!

BTW, your site looks great! Here's some help regarding your XML question.

lauraw, my bad. I stand corrected.