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July 30, 2005

Shock: Globe Movie Critic Politicizes Review of Popcorn Picture

Not big on patriotism, apparently:

I can therefore recommend it to any and all audiences lacking higher brain functions. Sea cucumbers, perhaps. Ones waving American flags.

And:

For a movie to pretend, in the face of the deaths of tens of thousands of Iraqi men, women, and children directly or indirectly caused by our presence there, that we can wage war without anyone really getting hurt isn't naive, or wishful thinking, or a jim-dandy way to spend a Saturday night at the movies. It's an obscenity.

Yeah, I was really angered that Batman Begins failed to show the genuine carnage of the War in Iraq, too. Come on! All this silly crime-fighting in a black armored suit. Should have given the project to Oliver Stone, who'd tell us the real story of Batman, and his support for cryptofascist control of our country by six families (the Waynes of Gotham being one of the worst, of course).

Couple of points:

All "prestige" Hollywood productions, to the extent they're political, are left-tilting.

The only conservative-tilting movies are these disposable, dumb entertainments like Stealth, which, this reviewer's idiocy aside, I'm pretty sure is a crappy and stupid film.

Yes, we on the right probably spend too much time knocking the liberal media.

But it's amazing how some on the left are so threatened by the occasional intrusion of right-leaning messages into "their" little domain.

Roger Ebert reviewed Team America: World Police for its "nihilism," for its even handed (and thus "nihilistic") goring of the left and right.

What if Team America had only gored the left? Would Ebert suddenly have fallen in love with the film for not being "nihilistic," but rather coherent in its political message? I rather doubt it.

Thanks to Old Coot.

posted by Ace at 04:48 PM

Comments

Did you want to give a link? Or even the ame of the reviewer?

Posted by: meep on July 30, 2005 05:00 PM

Um, name. Name of the reviewer.

And I didn't see Team America as nihilistic... I think the biggest philosophical underpinning Stone & Parker have is loathing sanctimonious assholes.

Posted by: meep on July 30, 2005 05:07 PM

I think he's talking about this one.

Posted by: blackbird4739 on July 30, 2005 05:37 PM

blackbird4739: That's the one. I was too pissed-off to pass Ace the link, my bad.

Posted by: Old Coot on July 30, 2005 06:24 PM

I find his negative comments about the value of patriotic sea cucumber-Americans in our society to be highly offensive. What ever happened to diversity, eh?

Or is it just because the cucumbers aren't sassy enough? Maybe if they started exploding to bring attention to the injustice they endure from limp-wristed movie critics people would take them more seriously.

Posted by: Sortelli on July 30, 2005 06:46 PM

This is a very poorly and lazily written review, ideology aside. He's got one note, a weary snark, and he hits it in every paragraph (sometimes, in every sentence.)

A few examples:

"...and he's equipped with the latest advances in artificial intelligence. Artificial or not, this gives him a leg up on everyone in the film."

"A scene or two later, Kara insists that "if it's programmed by moral people, it'll be moral," but since she subsequently announces she has to go "pee-pee," mature strategic analysis may not be the character's strong suit."

(? strategic analysis? doesn't he mean ethical analysis? whatever, this was clearly written in a white heat 15 minutes before deadline after a long night out ...)

"Anyway, such conundrums are moot, since the director is Rob Cohen of "XXX" and "The Fast and the Furious," and he has stuff to blow up."

one more:

"although the duet with the Pretenders' Chrissie Hynde over the final credits comes as a shock. Chrissie, honey, did you even read the script? "

I rarely use this word, but wow, what a douchebag.

Posted by: Knemon on July 30, 2005 06:47 PM

Golly gee, the movie sucks. Thank you, O God of Movie Critics, for simultaneously clueing us in while connecting conservatives to Hollywood hackery. I'm not so much cheesed that this critic got political as I am being associated with a crapfest.

I have a serious question, really: after seeing the preview for this POS, did ANYONE think the movie wasn't going to suck?

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on July 30, 2005 07:11 PM

I think this reviewer (Ty Burr) has one prism through which he sees everything:

But the naked, risen Jesus who strides forth from the tomb in the last shot of the film, to the solemn thrum of martial music, does not seem very interested in love. Why should he be? He's off to war.

Posted by: Hubris on July 30, 2005 07:45 PM

I liked this movie better the first time.

When it was called Macross Plus.

Posted by: HowardDevore on July 30, 2005 08:19 PM

You know I saw that snark on Friday's Boston Globe web page and glossed right over it. "It's only the Boston Globe" I thought. It's like listening to criticism from Paul Krugman - why get worked up?

Posted by: Eric Lindholm on July 30, 2005 11:35 PM

I saw the preview at Batman Begins and didn't want to see Stealth just from watching the promo. It sort of generally rips off little bits of some decent sci-fi plots. The small bits in the promo showed no real acting at all, so what the hell.

Posted by: JorgXMckie on July 30, 2005 11:47 PM

"Anyway, such conundrums are moot, since the director is Rob Cohen of "XXX" and "The Fast and the Furious," and he has stuff to blow up."
And that's the only reason folks like me go to dumbass movies like this one, you elitist rube! Mindless mayhem, sans deep thinking. If I'm looking for "art," I go hit Jib-Jab.

Posted by: TC@LeatherPenguin on July 31, 2005 03:58 AM

At the college where I got my undergrad degree (SUNY Potsdam), there was a [snort] "school of art". The campus was littered (literally) with a lot of so-called art works. One cold winter day some joker (not me) decided that this outdoor campus litter was an eyesore and torched some up. A lot of it was wood and canvas constructions that looked more like building demolition debris than anything else. It certainly didn't look like any normal art.

Maybe it was one of the village winos just looking to get warm? We were having a 2 week snap of -20F as the HIGH temp of the day when the "reconfigurations" occured...

Posted by: on July 31, 2005 05:51 AM

Actually, sea cucumbers do explode. When they're irritated, they eject their entire digestive tract out of their rear end.

Make of this information what you will.

/still off meds/

Posted by: dulce on July 31, 2005 10:11 AM

Bitter, dreary Air America has been running on stolen grant funds meant for "The Children™"

Posted by: Radical Redneck on July 31, 2005 10:39 AM

This is the kind of preachy crap we're getting from journalists of all stripes these days. I love Sports Illustrated, but it gives Rick Reilly a chance to knock the war effort from his column every time he can find an opportunity. Instead of just writing about sports or movies or vacation spots, these twerps need to slide in some of their own political opinions, as if we don't get enough of that shit from the rest of goddam newspaper. Movie critics are an especially snide and one-note lefty lot, too. When a historically factual movie like Blackhawk Down gets slammed for racist overtones- just because it has white soldiers fighting Africans-then you know you're reading the words of people who are simply beyond parody.

Posted by: UGAdawg on July 31, 2005 11:23 AM

Ace, I just finished my review on the political and socio-economic ramifications of 'The Dukes of Hazard.' I made sure to include the movie's scathing indictment of the Bush administration war in Iraq. Bo and Luke are freedom fighters man. Power to the People!

And on a serious note, the movie sucked.

Posted by: El Capitan on July 31, 2005 02:02 PM

Ace is on it Redneck

Posted by: HowardDevore on July 31, 2005 02:08 PM

So "Dukes" isn't any good?

That's a shame. The director, Jay Chandrasekar (sp.???), is a funny guy. Ever see "Super Troopers?

Well, *I* thought it was funny anyway ...

Posted by: Knemon on July 31, 2005 03:48 PM

I was just subjected to the trailer for "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigilo" and saw the most egregious example of liberal stupidity I've seen in a movie. In the trailer, for no particular reason whatsoever, a portly woman holding an American flag says "I love America, thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq!"

She's then hit with a brick and falls into a river.

Sure, some liberal jackass and his friends are amused, but the movie's potential take just decreased by a few million. Self-destructive morons.

Posted by: Slublog on July 31, 2005 09:06 PM

Knemon,

Some of the 'Super Troopers' cast are actually in the movie. They play security guards at the University in Atlanta.

I guess the director slipped them in there for those who know his past work.

Posted by: El Capitan on July 31, 2005 09:08 PM

Well, then I'll have to see it. Broken Lizard 4-EVER!!!

Chandrasekar has an Emmy, I think, for directing the episode "Beef Consomme" of the first season of Arrested Development (the one where the three brothers have a knock-down brawl outside the courthouse, prompting Marta to finally cut all ties with their clan).

He's a funny guy - shame he couldn't save the DOH remake.

Posted by: Knemon on July 31, 2005 09:55 PM

The Boston Globe TV listings once described a Christmas special as "promot[ing] an insidious white Christian version of family values."

Posted by: Bob Hawkins on August 1, 2005 04:22 PM

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Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
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In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
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I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
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