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July 27, 2005

World War II: The Real-Time Strategy Game

The chatlog of the actual war, from Jimmy Page:

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
Eisenhower has joined the game.
paTTon has joined the game.
Churchill has joined the game.
benny-tow has joined the game.
T0J0 has joined the game.
Roosevelt has joined the game.
Stalin has joined the game.
deGaulle has joined the game.
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this effin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the eff up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is effin weak u guys suck
deGaulle has left the game.
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge effn army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bs u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u biotch! WE HAD A EFFn TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy
soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh DOH help
Hitler: o man ur screwed
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
benny-tow has been eliminated.
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my stuff
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun phreak
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are effn gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: f u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: F this im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
Roosevelt has left the game.
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: now we need some1 to join
tru_m4n has joined the game.
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
T0J0 has been eliminated.
The Allied team has won the game!
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** f u suck
T0J0 has left the game.
Eisenhower has left the game.
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for
****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
tru_m4n has left the game.
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
Churchill has left the game.
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
Stalin has left the game.
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
paTTon has been eliminated.
paTTon: o damn!
paTTon has left the game.

posted by Ace at 03:33 PM

Comments

Dude, you're like a week too late on this post. Your arch nemisis Dave at Garfield Ridge already linked this WWII Strategy Game site with exellent commentary.

I think you're slipping. Just stick to dancing gerble videos and you'll be fine.

Posted by: El Capitan on July 27, 2005 03:38 PM

late or not, that shit was funny. is that what they're using to teach history these days?

Posted by: ken on July 27, 2005 03:47 PM

d00d that was l33t!

Hehehe it read like some games I used to play. Funny Stuff, late or not.

Posted by: Cracka Jack on July 27, 2005 03:53 PM

sounds abiut right

h4xor5!

Posted by: brak on July 27, 2005 03:59 PM

OT: There is hope for you losers

Female androids

heh

Posted by: brak on July 27, 2005 04:06 PM

That is outstanding. America Hax!

Posted by: Silk on July 27, 2005 04:18 PM

Dave's going to be pissed when he sees this.

Posted by: Matt on July 27, 2005 04:18 PM

I'd never seen it before. It was sent to me by email. I thought it was hilarious and right up Ace's alley.

Man, you guys read too many blogs.

Posted by: Jimmy Page on July 27, 2005 04:35 PM

It is friggin' hilarious. But yet again, Ace is a week late and a dollar short.

The legend builds.

Posted by: Jeff B. on July 27, 2005 04:37 PM

ROFLOL That is tooooo funny!

Posted by: idgit on July 27, 2005 04:46 PM

T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!

I'm dying over here.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on July 27, 2005 04:54 PM

grrrr...

Everybody sees these things when they see them.

Posted by: ace on July 27, 2005 05:14 PM

Yikes ACE - Either I've been on the couch in my underwear shooting up my welfare check on speedballs and Wild Turkey enemas for too long, or you've had too may clonopins and Val-U-Rite Vodka or both.

Posted by: 72 speedballs on July 27, 2005 05:17 PM

"whos crippled now biotch"

OT: Camper van Beethoven have obnoxious politics. But snappin' tunes.

Posted by: Knemon on July 27, 2005 05:34 PM

Wait a minute. . . there was a *SECOND* World War?

Wow, the things I learn here at Ace of Spades HQ.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on July 27, 2005 08:30 PM

Lol... That was kickass.

So, Jimmy, what's up with you and John Paul Jones? Why don't you guys wanna play together any more?

Posted by: Dogstar on July 27, 2005 11:39 PM

This actually made coffe come out of my nose:

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets

Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on July 28, 2005 11:55 AM

Hell, I think Dave got it from me!

Of course, I got it from Random Nuclear Strikes...

And I think the Patton punchline was the best part.

Posted by: Chris of Dangerous Logic on July 28, 2005 02:49 PM

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Top Headlines

Mary Margaret Olohan
@MaryMargOlohan

NEW: Five FBI employees were fired today over the infamous Richmond Catholic memo on "radical traditionalist Catholics," FBI source confirms to @realDailyWire.

Oof. Reviewers do not like Scary Movie 6. The criticism I keep hearing is that the movie mistakes a reference for an actual joke. The movie (they say) keeps Key Jangling a reference to another movie (or some other pop culture ephemera) and you expect there to be a joke but nope, the Key Jangle was the joke. Other reviewers say that the promise that "no lines will be uncrossed" is a fake-out, and that the movie is bland and inoffensively corporate.

TJM introduces you to the movies of Alexander Mackendrick

Whoops! I posted about Dan Goldman losing the NY congressional primary. He might do that, but it won't be tonight -- the primary isn't held until June 23.

One race to keep an eye on: the Levi's heir nepo baby and egregious "Designated Liar" Dan Goldman -- one of the Democrats from a safe district Democrats send out to spread their most indefensible lies -- may actually lose his lower Manhattan/Brooklyn set due to, get this, antisemitism in the Democrat primary electorate.
Antisemitism? In the anti-Nazi Democrat Party? Sounds crazy, I know, but apparently the anti-Nazi Party wants to eliminate Jews.

Henry Rosoff
@HenryRosoff

🚨EXCLUSIVE POLL:

Brad Lander is 34-pts ahead of Congressman Dan Goldman with #NY10 Democratic Primary voters. @ZohranKMamdani is backing the former Comptroller.

@bradlander: 57%

@danielsgoldman: 23%

Poll by @PIX11News & @EmersonPolling.

MORE: http://pix11.com

Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING!
I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!

Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:

Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

Gallego says the drip-drip of revelations won't harm Platner's campaign.

"I think you guys are all in a bubble here right now. The drip, drip that's actually happening is Americans are really, really hurt the fact that gas is still high, food is still high, they can't buy a home, you can't afford rent. They're not going to care about text messages and everything else like that that happened years ago, especially when it was worked out between spouses."

I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into."
Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life:

Podcast: CBD goes solo in a short segment...talking about Iran, the nativist issues surrounding Reform and Restore in the UK, and the delicious pain of an imploding Democrat Party, courtesy of Talerico and Platner!

TJM ranks all of John Ford's films. All of them. TJM is very tired.

Funny -- if you don't mind clicking on TikTok. "Amy.Pranks.22" set up an AI scam-call screener which replies to a foreign scammer trying to get her bank information with Trumpian bluster. This might be fake because I don't see how a program can respond in real time, but it's funny.

Food Thread Pizza Dough Recipe

The ULA rocket just launched
Thanks to Joyenz
The rocket's enormous engines are fueled by "the volcanic heterosexual lust between James Talarico and his Neighbor With a Uterus 'girlfriend'"
I hope Amazon's rocket works better than the Amazon Prime app does as far as allowing people to watch the black and white version of "Spider-Noir"

From the CA Post:

Spencer Pratt is now Karen Bass' biggest headache.

A bombshell California Post poll conducted with McLaughlin & Associates shows the reality TV star-turned-mayoral candidate has surged to a statistical tie with the incumbent mayor.

And voters blame homelessness, affordability and the direction of Los Angeles as the reason for turning on Bass.

Pratt now leads the field with 30.1% support, compared with 29.5% for Bass, setting up a razor-thin race heading into next week's primary.

Socialist councilwoman Nithya Raman sits in third place at 23.4%.

Thanks to beckster

Just like "Spartacus" Corey Booker, now that James Talarico is running for a higher office, he unveils his previously-unknown "girlfriend" and hooboy, it just so happens she used to work for him, and, get this, likes to "dance the night away" at gay bars
Gee I wonder where they might have met
Oh and she's a vegan
When Corey Booker needed a "girlfriend," he conjured up known LGBTQ activist Rosario Dawson. How convenient that when these guys need a girlfriend to show off to the normies that just happen to find an activist with a strong history of and interest in Supporting Gay Men
But seriously, this James Talarico romance with a Neighbor with a Uterus is a love story for the ages. The passion of their lovemaking is hotter than a blue star with a core of Primordial Sex Atoms created in the Big Bang

"Journalists" are all drunks, criminals, sex-pests, and liars, exhibit #25,239,331

And just like that, #PunchANazi became Punch a Ballot for a Nazi

Was the "transatlantic accent" favored by stage and screen actors of the 40s and 50s "fake"? This linguist says no, it was a real accent

"Teen" charged with five counts of attempted murder after attempting to run down police officers with his car in yet another "teen takeover" permitted by woke racist incompetent Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson
Johnson's response to the "teen takeovers" of streets and businesses that he refuses to make arrests to stop is to go after social media companies for not deleting messages to coordinate the "teen takeovers." Um, they're supposed to find these messages and delete them in real time?
It makes no sense but he has to offer an "alternative" plan to just arresting lawbreakers -- which he absolutely refuses to do, saying we "can't arrest our way out" of rampant crime.

The Babylon Bee's crack AI team uses AI crack to simulate the first woman president

TJM explores the world of John Ford movies.

Future Tucker Carlson guest James Talarico:

James Talarico
@jamestalarico

Black Americans in a church.

Mexican Americans in a store.

Asian Americans in a spa.

Radicalized white men are the greatest domestic terrorist threat in our country.

He's referring to three mass attacks committed by white men in, oh, the past six or eight years. There were a huge number of mass shootings and bombings he had to skip over to cherry pick three committed by white men. Which kind of makes me think that "white men" are not the greatest terrorist threat in our country.
No, I doubt he'll be a guest on Tucker Carlson. The only thing that Tucker clings to that he claims makes him "conservative" is a palpable hatred of gays. Any time there's a communist enslaving their population and executing dissenters and conservatives, Tucker praises that dictator by saying "at least he represses the homos!"