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July 27, 2005

World War II: The Real-Time Strategy Game

The chatlog of the actual war, from Jimmy Page:

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
Eisenhower has joined the game.
paTTon has joined the game.
Churchill has joined the game.
benny-tow has joined the game.
T0J0 has joined the game.
Roosevelt has joined the game.
Stalin has joined the game.
deGaulle has joined the game.
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this effin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the eff up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is effin weak u guys suck
deGaulle has left the game.
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge effn army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bs u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u biotch! WE HAD A EFFn TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy
soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh DOH help
Hitler: o man ur screwed
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
benny-tow has been eliminated.
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my stuff
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun phreak
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are effn gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: f u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: F this im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
Roosevelt has left the game.
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: now we need some1 to join
tru_m4n has joined the game.
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
T0J0 has been eliminated.
The Allied team has won the game!
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** f u suck
T0J0 has left the game.
Eisenhower has left the game.
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for
****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
tru_m4n has left the game.
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
Churchill has left the game.
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
Stalin has left the game.
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
paTTon has been eliminated.
paTTon: o damn!
paTTon has left the game.

posted by Ace at 03:33 PM

Comments

Dude, you're like a week too late on this post. Your arch nemisis Dave at Garfield Ridge already linked this WWII Strategy Game site with exellent commentary.

I think you're slipping. Just stick to dancing gerble videos and you'll be fine.

Posted by: El Capitan on July 27, 2005 03:38 PM

late or not, that shit was funny. is that what they're using to teach history these days?

Posted by: ken on July 27, 2005 03:47 PM

d00d that was l33t!

Hehehe it read like some games I used to play. Funny Stuff, late or not.

Posted by: Cracka Jack on July 27, 2005 03:53 PM

sounds abiut right

h4xor5!

Posted by: brak on July 27, 2005 03:59 PM

OT: There is hope for you losers

Female androids

heh

Posted by: brak on July 27, 2005 04:06 PM

That is outstanding. America Hax!

Posted by: Silk on July 27, 2005 04:18 PM

Dave's going to be pissed when he sees this.

Posted by: Matt on July 27, 2005 04:18 PM

I'd never seen it before. It was sent to me by email. I thought it was hilarious and right up Ace's alley.

Man, you guys read too many blogs.

Posted by: Jimmy Page on July 27, 2005 04:35 PM

It is friggin' hilarious. But yet again, Ace is a week late and a dollar short.

The legend builds.

Posted by: Jeff B. on July 27, 2005 04:37 PM

ROFLOL That is tooooo funny!

Posted by: idgit on July 27, 2005 04:46 PM

T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!

I'm dying over here.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on July 27, 2005 04:54 PM

grrrr...

Everybody sees these things when they see them.

Posted by: ace on July 27, 2005 05:14 PM

Yikes ACE - Either I've been on the couch in my underwear shooting up my welfare check on speedballs and Wild Turkey enemas for too long, or you've had too may clonopins and Val-U-Rite Vodka or both.

Posted by: 72 speedballs on July 27, 2005 05:17 PM

"whos crippled now biotch"

OT: Camper van Beethoven have obnoxious politics. But snappin' tunes.

Posted by: Knemon on July 27, 2005 05:34 PM

Wait a minute. . . there was a *SECOND* World War?

Wow, the things I learn here at Ace of Spades HQ.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on July 27, 2005 08:30 PM

Lol... That was kickass.

So, Jimmy, what's up with you and John Paul Jones? Why don't you guys wanna play together any more?

Posted by: Dogstar on July 27, 2005 11:39 PM

This actually made coffe come out of my nose:

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets

Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on July 28, 2005 11:55 AM

Hell, I think Dave got it from me!

Of course, I got it from Random Nuclear Strikes...

And I think the Patton punchline was the best part.

Posted by: Chris of Dangerous Logic on July 28, 2005 02:49 PM

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This is super-obscure and I only barely remember it. Given that, I'll give you the hint that it's by the Red Rocker.
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He means they tried to prove the signal was caused by things other than dimethyl sulfide but they could not.

Artemis moon shot a go, scheduled for 6:24 Eastern time tonight
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Good rickroll

What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
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Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
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In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

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