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July 25, 2005

Spammer Sent To Killfile

Russia's biggest spammer murdered in his apartment.

Initial reports say there was a knife stuck through his forehead inscribed "Thank you but no, I'm quite happy with the size of my penis and/or breasts."

But seriously:

Vardan Kushnir, notorious for sending spam to each and every citizen of Russia who appeared to have an e-mail, was found dead in his Moscow apartment on Sunday, Interfax reported Monday. He died after suffering repeated blows to the head.

Medical technicians arrived on the scene and immediately pronounced him "404: An unexpected error has occurred. Please make sure your URL is correct or try pushing your refresh button."

I've got a lot of these jokes. Not a one of them is any damn good, but I've got a lot.

Okay, I'm not endorsing vigilante murder against society's pests and parasites.

But then again: That's what I call justice. Ace of Spades Justice.

Thanks to NickS.

posted by Ace at 03:11 PM

Comments

haha "thank you but no...", that is funny even if in a sick ph00ked up way

Posted by: sid crawford on July 25, 2005 03:16 PM

ACE -- Now, now children paly nice...

Occasionally I play net-nanny and ask commenters to be restrained in their rhetoric. I guess I will do so again.

Please refrain from nasty homophobic attacks, racist attacks on Muslims (please differentiate between Islamofascists and just plain Muslims), suggesting that "maybe Hitler went after the wrong people," suggesting that liberals (as opposed to liberalISM) be "eradicated," etc.

Comments like that make this site, and the entire conservative movement, look pretty bad. They reflect poorly on me and don't do much to convince moderates to side with us.

And, if we're busily patrolling the Kosmonauts for their unhinged and nasty rhetoric, it's a bit hypocritical to engage in it ourselves.

So... you can make your points in less heated and hateful terms, and it's both more polite and politic to do so as well.

Posted by: 72 VRIGINS on July 25, 2005 03:53 PM

Give me a break, dude.

Posted by: ace on July 25, 2005 03:55 PM

Perhaps someone was simply trying to thank him for their gigantic herbally-enhanced internet penis, and things just got out of hand.

Posted by: apotheosis on July 25, 2005 04:06 PM

I'm thinking he would still be with us had he gotten one of those mortgages with the low low low low interest rates and moved to the country.

Posted by: BrewFan on July 25, 2005 04:10 PM

P.S. - 72, this is just like TV, if you don't like the channel, change it.

Posted by: BrewFan on July 25, 2005 04:13 PM

Would have been more appropriate if he'd been found with every orifice stuffed full of Chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added.

Nikita Krushchev once credited SPAM with the survival of the WWII Russian army. ''Without SPAM, we wouldn't have been able to feed our army,'' he said.

Posted by: compos mentis on July 25, 2005 04:17 PM

"He died after suffering repeated blows to the head."

Sounds like a suicide to me.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega on July 25, 2005 05:37 PM

ACE - Just being a dick.

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on July 25, 2005 06:26 PM

Would you like to add 2 or 3 inches to it?

Posted by: SkyWatch on July 25, 2005 06:59 PM

Great line! Since its Bob Doles maybe I'll just give it back, and I don't need bigger breasts either.

Posted by: 72 Dicks on July 25, 2005 07:08 PM

"Okay, I'm not endorsing vigilante murder against society's pests and parasites."

Why not?

rcl

Posted by: rcl on July 25, 2005 08:30 PM

A Viking blood eagle would have been a lot classier and more memorable...

...but I'll take what I can get.

Posted by: tony on July 25, 2005 08:42 PM

Damn, I love real life. You can't make this shit up.

Posted by: CraigC on July 26, 2005 02:44 AM

"He died after suffering repeated blows to the head."

Wow. And I thought my company had some strict anti-spam measures, but this is truly impressive.

Posted by: OregonMuse on July 26, 2005 10:09 AM

They caught the murderer. Some Norton McAfee guy.

Posted by: lauraw on July 26, 2005 11:12 AM

What do you call a murdered spammer? A good start.

You see a werewolf, a spammer, and a vampire, but you only have two bullets - what do you do? Answer: shoot the spammer twice.

No, I don't know any lawyer jokes. Why do you ask?

Posted by: Les Jones on July 26, 2005 03:00 PM