6) pinkeye

7) a urinary tract infection

8) a chatty room-mate with a big family who likes to visit all the time

9) slow death

10) sewn into a pigskin

11) filled with shoes

9) boils
10) cattle disease
11) frogs
12) and the slaying of the first born

Might as well get biblical.

Pray for him to be captured quickly so he can be subjected to miraculous U.S. healthcare to become healthy for his trial after which he can be put to death when he receives the death penalty after being found guilty of heinous crimes.

13) Flesh-eating strep
14) British Public Health Service
15) Hospital gown that doesn't close in the back

O holy Father, heavenly Physician of our souls and bodies, who have sent Your Only-begotten Son our Lord Jesus Christ to heal all our ailments and deliver us from death: visit and heal al-Zarqawi, granting him release from pain and restoration to health and vigor, so that he may continue to:
- kill
- behead
- maim

innocent Iraqi muslims and foreign soldiers from the nations of the infidels. Thanks unto You and bless Your Holy Name, of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Yeah, right.... make him die a nasty death and deliver unto him 72 whores from Haiti.

Rachel -

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

A fucking PG Wodehouse reference. In addition to my favorite name in the whole damn world. I think I'm in love.

Pray for divine revelation, so that he realizes the profound evil to which he has subscribed and which he has committed.

Then pray for a miraculous recovery, followed by a long and healthy life so that he can live with the anguish of recognizing his own foulness.

Pray that he spend decades knowing that he deserves the scorn all decent men heap on him. Pray that he loathes himself and all jihadis. Pray that he longs for the oblivion of death, so that he might feel relief from the greatest torment of all: guilt.

Pray that his self-hatred and extensive efforts to ease the suffering he has inflicted are seen by his victims and their families. Pray that his pain might balm their minds.

Finally, pray that there truly is a God. For only He could ever forgive Zarqawi.

And then a poll on which supermodel is hotter, Cindy, Naomi, Claudia, Giselle, or Heidi... and you live in Maryland. Free for dinner tomorrow, darlin'?

16) Bad case if koro

Amen.

Wow, I smell wet carpet!

cutaneous Leishmaniasis

On his balls.

Pray for him to get that bug that crawls up your unit in tropical waters. The one that crawls up there and extends barbs to hold it there.

BTW, that's a parasite spread via sandfly, so it's regionally appropriate as well.

ha! wet carpet!

Successive waves of explosive diarrhea. (Although a chatty roommate with a huge family is worse.)
God help me, I can't stop laughing about Compos mentis' story in dorkwars.

I don't pray for bad things to happen to other people because God forgives. Rather, I do bad things to evil people and pray to God for forgiveness (for them of course; they're the evil ones).

Well, whatever else happens, I pray that he doesn't get wrapped in an Israeli flag. Wouldn't want to fill Sully with any more heart-ache, would we?

17) FRENCH health care (hell, let them go 2 for 2)

18. 20 minutes alone with Megan in a cave, while she discharges every weapon in her formidable arsenal into his cowardly ass.

Shit, forget the guns.

19. 20 minutes alone with Megan in a cave, while she expresses her honest opinion on any topic.

20. And then he has to listen to bbeck's rebuttal.

only a koran for shit-paper, and
a male nurse with a huge cock.

LD: They are microscopic catfish!

This post is gob-smackingly vile.

Oh, and (21) Breast cancer. Ever since I've found out that guys can get it, I've thought it would perfect for someone like Zarqawi.

I hope he gets bitten by a brown recluse.... on his face AND balls.

Pray for intercepted cell phone calls, followed by a JDAM from Heaven.

22. Put him moneyless in US health care for the working poor - meaning he gets none at all until he is in a terminal condition, then he gets every tool of medical technology to prolong his dying, at huge expense.

23. Whatever he dies of, release on the death certificate that he died of pork trichinosis, hastened by liver damage caused by alcohol consumption.

24. Catheterize him. Administer lethal injection through that pathway.

25. Death by infomercial. The Schlockmeister himself, Ron Popiel, slowly saws Zarqawi's neck with the 19.95 Ronco Electric Whiz Knife. "Wafer thin slices. Saws through terrorist gristle and bone while staying sharp enough to cut butter....and when this guy stops screaming...a special One-Time Ronco Sale-O-Rama!! 15.95 plus 7.95 shipping and handling in 2 easy payments! ' Ron Is Great....the infomercial audience chants..."and I'll toss in a free Ginsu vegetable paring knife" Ron is Great! Ron is Great!

This is gonna get evil. I do have too many issues and listen to too much heavy metal.

1. Chain him to a floor, force feed him enough food to live, and have him live in his own feces. For a month.
2. Get medieval on his a$$ with a blowtorch and a pipe (sorry for the obvious "Pulp Fiction" reference).
3. Stretch him out and flay him, peel the skin off him.
4. Cut off his head, the same he's cut other's heads, and use it as a front lawn decoration on top of a 10 foot pike, leaving enough room for bin Laden's, Hussein's, Zawahiri's, and Kim Jong Il's heads.
5. Give the rest of the body to scientists to see if they can get any stem cells.

Is that evil or what?

God help me, but Cedarford is funny.

I also suspect he's drunk. You don't come up with Popiel when you're sober.

Me, I'm trying to figure out what I could do to Zarqawi with the Popiel Pocket Fisherman.

Hey Cedarford. Let's just offshore his job to China and make him irrelevant.

50. Anthrax.
51. Botulism.
52. Hangnails.
53. Dutch Elm Disease.
54. Shingles.
55. Ringworm.
56. Male pattern baldness.
57. Entitlement conversations with Cedarford.
58. Scabies.
59. Fistulas.
60. Seatworms.
61. Cranial maggot infestation.
62. Flesh-eating virus.
63. Flesh-eating badgers (not technically a disease, but still a good idea).

and finally,

64. Vestigial nipples.

I wonder if we've bothered to ask for his address, you know, to send a get well card?

Strapped to a 2,000 pound JDAM, preferrably.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Cedarford:

We could just stifle his dissent like we do to all the liberal "patriots" in this fascist, Bushitler state. Then we can flush his Koran down the toilet. Then we can have a female soldier flash her ankle or neck at him.

I know, I know. I'm toooo evil.

BTW, the above comment is sarcastic for those of you who have a dimished IQ approaching Cedarfords.

Four words:

"The Keith Olberman Show"

24/7. No commercials. TV screens on all four walls, the floor and the ceiling. No escape. No breaks.

And, in the end, no sanity.

Dogstar:

No. That's just too much. Have you not an ounce of humanity?

Yeah, stick the Popiel Pocket Fisherman up his urethra to try to extract the tiny catfish. Oops, that didn't work, try a steel-bristled brush, rubbing it up and down--on the inside.

For starters at least...

cedarford made me laugh.

not the usual way.

uh, syphillis. anybody mention that one yet?

If it was good enough for Hitler, it's good enough for Al-Z

Can we tack on trimethylaminuria just for fun?

For starters at least...

LD:

Then what? Why don't you just flop a foot on him and put him out of his misery.

[I'm going to stop with the foot jokes, soon, I promise. At the moment, I just can't control myself.]

Well, you could always give him a Tabasco enema.

That would sting.

Just ask Michael.

Me, I'm partial to the Ebola treatment. Let him have all the variants - they're so much fun and collectable!

Or a swift kick in the nuts by the Christ-meister himself. Get biblical on his ass.

Michael, It's funny and doesn't bother me a bit, so don't think that you're hurting my feelings.

Plus you cracked me up with the barge reference.

65. Kidney stones
66. Candiru catfish (which is what LD was thinking of)
67. Gout

Isn't Zarqawi dead yet?

OT, kind of; I would love to see Zarqawi become a Darwin award nominee or winner.

Plus you cracked me up with the barge reference.

I feel like such a fraud now. I actually crossed the Missouri River on the way to my godson's wedding. But, there were no barges at the time. I made that up, just to make fun of your feet.

*Michael contemplates his own personal concept integrity and honesty*

Fuck you, Sasquatch! I'll be honest about the river barges when you start shaving your legs.

Why do these news reports always talk about what an Al Qaeda web site says, but never link to the site?

I would be really interested to see the web sites, but it's as if the URL is some big secret or something.

Parboil him, then stuff him in a burlap sack with 6 feral cats, tie up the bag, and beat it with sticks until the cats rip every inch of his already suffering skin off of him.

Pull him out and if he is still alive, gut him slowly with a rusty, dull, 5 inch steak knife, then pour gasoline over him and set him on fire, and attempt, with your beer-guzzling friends/accomplices in the disposal of the fucker, to put out the fire with copious amounts of piss.

Then, once he's dead, stuff his body cavity with porn mags, wrap his smouldering corpse in bacon, and hang him from a lamppost in the middle of downtown Baghdad with a sign around his neck that says: "Sucking the Devil's Cock in Hell . . . . Forever."

"May he soon be given his 72 Virgins....and find out they are all two baggers."

All those prescriptions for pain are nothing compared to the unyielding grief that will be felt by the punishment meted out by Wren Yummo....

Hello Mr. Al-Zarqawi, yes, once again it is I, Wren Yummo, patron saint of bad news.
Today Mr. Al-Zarqawi , you will learn about the consequences of impure thoughts and deeds.
When you go to sleep tonight , your mattress, which has been pre-fitted with a secret, fall away compartment, will disintegrate beneath you allowing the death adders access to your vulnerable flesh. Once you have become numb with the pain of the adder's venom you will be acutely aware of the volume of the sub-secret stereo system blaring the backstreet boys music, backwards.
If you then still cling to your puny life, Bigby Flats, a retired wrestler and wet nurse, will begin to prepare your body for the bigby flats fist tornado.
Next, the buzzsaw of love with render your torso in two.
As the two sides of your body sit and stare at their separate selves, no doubt they have conflicting thoughts and emotions, such as, is Wren Yummo friend or foe? madman or medicine man? vegetable or mineral?
These questions are all pointless as your cells begins to flood with tomato juice gone bad, gasoline,spinal fluid, and hair tonic.
The two sides of you will become even more disoriented, angry and confused as they are wrenched , ego intact, to the astral plane. once there your selves will enjoy the duality of man in a way that words may not adequately describe.

If you think that chiggers only strike dogs, you've never been camping in Florida.

I simply hope that he has to have caregivers which slow him down and make his team more obvious to those hunting him.

One bright thought is that he might be dead/dying and this is just a warning to prep everone for the announcement of his death.

Hors D'oeuvres: Jihadi Pate

Here's a great treat to serve at your next Hollywood dinner party, faculty brunch, or MoveOn.org fundraiser!

3 Cans Underwood Deviled Ham
3 Cans Vienna Sausage
1 lb sliced prosciutto
3 boxes Wheat Thins
tooth picks
1 Heavily Wounded Terrorist Fuck

With clean, bleach-sanitized putty knife, remove gangrenous liver of terrorist fuck, taking care that he remain conscious. Puree liver in food processor with olive oil and allow to stand.

Next, shave terrorist fuck's head and slowly peel strips of facial skin with rusty tin key from landfill sardine can. Braise skin strips and 1/4 of prociutto at 275* for 20 minutes.

While waiting, cover freshly-skinned face in kosher salt. Slowly fold deviled ham in liver puree, along with non-essential terrorist fuck parts beginning with eyes, toungue, spleen, and pancreas.

Spread terrorist fuck pate on remaining prociutto and braised skin / bacon strips, wrap around Vienna sausages, and toothpick to wheat thins.

Serves 24, or Michael Moore

Remember, don't just thow the leftovers out in the trash! A still sentient terrorist carcass makes a great treat/chew toy for that special local junkyard rottweiler. Bon Appetit, Spike!

Ace - herpes?

Has Tom Cruise been kissing Zarqawi too?

Can one die from fecal incontinence? I would think so, if it was bad enough.

Before this terrorist fuck is drawn and quartered by 72 of the ugliest unveiled virgins, put him in a space suit full of fire ants, stick a live badger up his ass, and stream in Cyndi Lauper's 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' at ear drum bleeding volume.

Yes, one can die from fecal incontinence. Two words: "ruptured colon."

Yeesh.
Quite the talented imaginations on display.

This guy would have been a perfect candidate to bring to the Catholic Inquisitors of old. I wonder if there's a guy in the basement of the Vatican who still remembers the craft?
That would be a good first duty of the new Pope.

Spiff up the dungeon for some new customers.

BTW, Arianna reviews ROTS

Yeah, right.... make him die a nasty death and deliver unto him 72 whores from Haiti.

The 72 whores from Haiti happen to be "busy" right now, but we'll get back to you.

How about spending Eternity with the parents in Everbody Loves Raymond?

drawn and quartered by 72 of the ugliest unveiled virgins,

According to our contract, we do not do drawings and quaterings. That's done by the Haitian whores!

Moregellon's disease.

NO one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

First break out the flagellum and whip his sorry ass Passion style. But not too much, as you don't want him to die from blood loss.
Second put him in an over pressurized hyperbaric chamber, and quickly open the door. This well give him a monster case of the bends. While that's going on, slash his nads with a razor and pour in the lemon juice and kosher salt. Kick nads repeatedly to mix salt and lemon juice. Repeat to taste.
Then while gas bubbles are destroying his joints shove a piece of bacon in his mouth and feed him feet first into a plastic shredder with a urine soaked copy of the koran.
Feed terrorist pate to other terrorists.

Iblis. Jesus H.F. Christ on a pogo stick.

Iblis:

Sounds OK to me, as long as you don't make him wear shackles in front of a jury.

What jury?

slash his nads with a razor and pour in the lemon juice and kosher salt. Kick nads repeatedly to mix salt and lemon juice. Repeat to taste.

I damned near tear up just imagining that. And not from laughter.

What jury?

Well, I guess that moots the shackle issue. Thank heavens -- I don't want you to get into any legal trouble over this.

Think of it along the lines of "Shot while attempting to escape" or "He shot himself nine times in the head". Something like that.

Cripes. Morgellons, that is. ( the symptomatic equivalent of cocaine bugs.)

Or on second thought, actual large biting/blood sucking arthropods would be just fine. On his balls.

I think iblis wins.

Thanks SarahW, but its not about the winning. Its about making some poor deserving cocksucker suffer, artfully.