Man, I hope this doesn't force Paula off the show. I have no great love for her, but think of who they could replace her with...Jody Watley? Lisa Lisa?

It's enough to make you shudder in fear.

Oh, she's annoying as hell. All she ever says is "You look beautiful" and "You really 'colored up' that song with your personality."

They can replace her with anyfuckinbody. The only person more annoying would be Julie Brown from MTV. The wubba wubba wubba one, not the one with the ginormous knockers.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to wonder what the fuck Ace sees in watching such a completely moronic show.

I mean, I can't sing, they can't sing. I'm not on national TV caterwalling for the world

"Wubba-wubba-wubba"

Cripes. Just when I had that one stuffed down the memory hole...

Gads, she was annoying.

I've never understood the phrase, "in the tank for..."

Where did this come from, and what does it mean?

To tank something (say, a football game) means to sink it. As in, my team sucks. They really tanked today.

But this other phrase, I don't get it. If you were in the tank with someone, that might make a little more sense, I guess.

Well, not really; what the fuck are you doing in a tank anyway?

ace:

You will burn in hell for making me remember that "wubba wubba wubba" thing. That was uncalled for.

But that moustache is foul-tempered and sometimes lashes out at underlings and even stabs them in the cheeks with cocktail-forks.

But the Russians were already working on a beard and we couldn't afford to have a facial hair gap.

WEDNESDAY! The show is on Wednesday!

You freaking repukes and your dirty tricks.

They could replace Paula with the guy from "Slingblade" and the commentary would be more relevant.

As I understand her schtick, Abdul just says nice things about Idol contestants, and her vote means nothing, only the fans vote. So her "honesty" isn't an issue.

What matters is her contract with Fox. If she has misbehavior clauses and she did misbehave, she could get tossed for that. Not in the contract, the show will have problems booting her.

Fox, being smart, could even put it to their advantage if Paula was doing some casual boinking and her contract says she could get canned, conceivably, for doing so... Have a special Idol Night where fans vote on Abdul's fate. It would be a ratings winner.

If she does go, I think some good replacement possibilities (limited to loud, colorful women) would be Aretha Franklin, Pat Benatar, Patty Smythe, Deborah Harry, Natalie Cole, Bonnie Raitt, or some old country-singing legend cleaned up from pills and booze.

Cedarford, you're a moron. The judges have a great deal of influence over the voting. Simon especially.

Furthermore, she was supposedly giving the guy tips, too.

For his part, he gave her the whole thing.

(rimshot)

(crickets)

(crickets silently turning their backs to demonstrate shame)

John/WuzzaDem:

Oh, great, now one of my favorite movies is forever marred by the image of Paula Abdul saying, "baking the cookies of discontent..."

I think Paula should be given the opportunity to go to rehab first. Her drug habit is obvious: that junkie rasp is too pronounced and her reticence and confusion are too unlike her old, ebullient self.
Until then, Cedarford has a great idea:

some good replacement possibilities (limited to loud, colorful women) would be Aretha Franklin, Pat Benatar, Patty Smythe, Deborah Harry, Natalie Cole, Bonnie Raitt, or some old country-singing legend cleaned up from pills and booze.

P.S.

I've heard it was Dave and his cat Garfield who are responsible for giving Paula Abdul her raging black-tar heroin habit. (And her China-White one too.)

Cedarford may be a jew-hating turd but he's on to something there: George Jones taking over Paula's spot. Or maybe Tanya Tucker.

Or maybe special agent Dolly Parton, once she finishes testifying before Norm Coleman's committee about Kofi.

Dolly is too far over-the-hill and George is too far Over the Rainbow.

How 'bout channeling the ghost of Sophie Tucker?

Better yet, how 'bout a barrel of monkeys?

Heh! Thank you!

(rimshot)

Barrel of monkeys, heh, get it?

(rimshot and bass thump)

I know you're out there I can hear 'ya breathin.'

George Jones "over the rainbow"? Is that a euphemism for...

what is it a euphemism for?

George Jones "over the rainbow"? Is that a euphemism for...

George Jones has become a tiresome old cumugeon who never stops scolding the country music industry for selling out and adopting a light pop format, which is, he says, the reason country has gone out of style and lost so many fans.

The fact that he may be right changes nothing.

What matters is her contract with Fox.

Good Lord, is Cedarford a frigging lawyer?

Clay Aiken sleeps with women? I could have sworn he was as gay as Boy George.

Andrea- Clay won't be gay until he hits puberty... about five years from now.

Oh dear, there's something FISHY about a reality show. May some of it be rigged or influenced? SAY it IS NOT SO!

My perceptions of this life are ruint. Oh dear, whatever shall I do?

Hmm, perhaps it would help if I TURNED THE TV ON every now and then so I can be devastated with news like this.

Or perhaps I'll just say WAKE UP, SUCKERS! These shows are CRAP!

Later,
bbeck

Full disclosure: I don't watch Idol and don't give a diarrhetic shit who wins.

That said, I think the best judge to replace Paula Abdul would be Space Ghost because Space Ghost is cool and it would make American Idol suck less. Or get the guy who played the Indian Chief in the Village People. It would be less cool than Space Ghost but still cool enough to tune in for a minute or two.

72 Virgins - George Jones??? No way. It's gotta be a woman if they replace Abdul. Other than Aretha - just because she is such a legend....a woman with some serious eye candy appeal as well as having a serious singing career...and a little colorful..

Add Tanya Tucker, Vanessa Williams.

There are many others that would do great like Reba McIntyre or Joan Osbourne but they are smoking hot commercially and actively touring - so Idol wouldn't get them, nor someone like a Streisand - who would be a wonderful babbler.

24 Monkeys--
"George Jones has become a tiresome old curmugeon who never stops scolding the country music industry for selling out..."

That's pretty much me, though not that old. I still got neon in my veins.

George would be great on American Idol or an Osbournes-like show. He could run out of whiskey and go into town on his riding lawnmower every night. I tell you, Jones is the Anka of country music, keeping it grounded in conscious and integrity.

How about they just cancel the damn thing and end our misery.

End your own misery, friend. DON'T WATCH.

There, that was simple, wasn't it?

You are a really good singer