I think you should come up with a word to replace "retard." Something funny sounding. OR to be ironic about it use the word "gay" instead of retard. The kids use it that way. They say "that is so gay" when they mean "that is so stupid."

It could work.

rws, that's retarded

Let us know if it's much, much, much worse than you could ever have imagined. Or just bad.

Talk about throwing yourself on the grenade for your fans... Yikes.

[one word -- Tivo]

First instance of "no, no, no" - before the first commercial break.

A comment I just tried to post got rejected for "questionable content."
Compared with Ace's comments? I don't think so.
When did Ace get Comment Police?

Sweet mother of Buddha this is awful...

Predictions:

Someone dies, or at least gets sick

There's a scene where everyone is happy...and then something terrible happens

Rosie freaks out. A lot.

Andie is helped through some crisis by the wisdom of her sister

Andie has relationship trouble because she has to take care of her sister

Andie has to explain the birds n' bees to her sister in a touching/riveting/funny way

HAPPY ending, even if it takes place in a graveyard

Ace is going to regret this

Later,
bbeck

Oops, wrote that BEFORE reading Ace's list. Looks like we're on the same page.

Later,
bbeck

This is not a subtle movie. Could they possibly pound the "hey, look, these sisters are different" theme any harder? Criminy.

Plus, her laugh sounds like Pee Wee Herman.

Prediction: Ace of Spades HQ gets deleted from Ramesh Ponnuru's bookmarks.

Hey, I was right. First couple of "no's" before the commercial break. What's my prize?

SO where's the drinking game?

Later,
bbeck

Ace, you're not gonna make it through the first commercial, are you?

Screaming for assistance in the toilet-seat aisle was the scene that will win her the emmy. If we could only watch her take a dump, that would be AWESOME.

Holy crap. We haven't even reached commercial break one and we're already in a friggin' hospital and there's a crying scene.

Emmy bait, indeed.

Bus people are the greatest people in the world!

Anyone out there who rides a bus have a relationship with a certain bus driver or passengers on the bus, or is this a Holywood myt?

Type-casting

I'm sure the producers would never admit this as the reason for their casting decision, but Rosie actually looks like a retard.

Man, this is bad. What have I gotten myself into?

Wow. Right out of the gate, they've managed to hit just about every cliche in the genre. Is this movie only 45 minutes long?

I'm playing my own drinking game. I just finished my first, and I'm going to see if I can make it to the end of this monstrosity and remain conscious.

We're here for you, Ace.
Watching this movie will make you a better person.
Well, it'll make us howl in laughter.

This movie sucks.

A graveyard scene already? They're practically begging for the friggin' emmy.

Ack...childhood scene with domineering mother. I'm thinking the Discovery Channel is sounding pretty good right now...

And I think my prediction of Ace is going to regret this just came true!

No one will hold it against you if you can't make it through, Ace. At least, no one who makes a difference.

Later,
bbeck

Man, even the commercials are sappy!

The childhood flashback really belongs on the list, but the scriptwriters had more time to think about all the overworked cliches they could cram into the running time. Right now they're coming so thick and fast I can't even keep up.

And the second tequila sunrise is slowly disappearing...

Ace, are you ready to spit upon your hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats, yet?

Rosie's is Rainman channeling Pee Wee Herman.

If this continues to suck, I'm going to have to forget the wine and break into the hard stuff...

It's Sofa King We Todd Did I didn't even ask someone to tape it for me. I know I'd be very very mean. You know there's going to be a whole buncha praise for Rosie's ability to portry such an unglamorous role, don't you?
I just want to hear during the Emmy's or what ever Rosie was just BORN to play this part .

"Do you think they can swim in Cola?"

Line of the night, so far.

I never thought I'd long for a pig-feeding scene in f^cking, c*cks^cking Deadwood just to rinse my brain.

Oh my goodness. This is so much worse than I thought.

I would give my left nut to see a making of documentary, just to hear Angelica Huston's direction:

"Rosie, let's see a little more underbite. And whenever you touch something, be sure to stroke it, like Lenny in 'Of Mice and Men.'"

ugghghhhh... just got to the swim in cola line.

Overbearing, badly dressed, frequently seen in the company of women -- she's not all that different from the real Rosie.

And here I thought I'd get a break from mind-numbing sap during the commercials...

My wife is laughing that I'm actually watching this movie.

I'm playing my own drinking game.

Utron:

No you're not. I'm right there with you buddy. The only issue is which drunken lawyer passes out before this is over.

Michael, I have no idea where you picked up this bizarre notion, but I am not a lawyer. Never have been, never will be. I'm arrogant, opinionated, bad-tempered, and I have questionable morals, but--a lawyer? Nope.

eeewwwww! Rosie made a sexual reference on the bus. "My tubes are cut, so I don't have to worry when I am with Jessie, if you know what I mean"

GROSS!!!!!!!

Obligatory scene with social workers who Know Better...

And don't be too hard on yurself there Ace. We're not making fun of the mentally handicapped we're making fun of Ros...

Oh fergeddit.

Man, the cliches just keep piling up. Absent dad, social workers...time for more wine.

Yeah, but they *do*.

Very surprised by the reference to sexuality... but I think we'll find out later she has no idea what she's talking about.

Utron, when Michael's drrunk he thinks everyone is a lawyer.

And what is that sound? Does anyone else hear?

"Ace, Ace, this is your new 2-DVD set of 'The Thing' calling. Just think, you could be watching me right now. You could be watching meeee...."

Later,
bbeck

I thought Rosie's character would be lovable and sweet like down syndrome children and adults are.

This is just.....wrong.

Utron:

And by the way, I can pretty much match your Tequila Sunrises in terms of how my beverage scores on the barf-o-meter. Ran out of Jack yesterday, so I had to scrounge up some coconut-flavored rum for this event from under the bar.

In retrospect, the do-gooding social workers belonged on the list. And I'll bet Ace is right: it'll turn out that Rosie doesn't know what she's talking about, and that will be the lead-in to the funny/embarrassing discussion between Andie and Rosie about Rosie's Blossoming Sexuality.

Who knew bus drivers were so sweet????

The fucking gang members give change! This is the holy grail.

"Beth was my first friend..."

Oh man, oh man, oh man...

"Rosie, let's see a little more underbite. And whenever you touch something, be sure to stroke it, like Lenny in 'Of Mice and Men.'"

"Okay, Rosie, that was good. But I want you to try it again, and this time, I want you to really 'tard it up. Yeah. Imagine you've been hit in the side of the head with a shovel or something. Great! Aaaaand action."

who knew the day would come when I look better than Andi Mcdowell. SHe is showing her age.

I'm liking this movie more and more...;-)

Hey, is the reference to the cut tubes a subtle endorsement of sterilizing the mentally challenged?

Uh, does Rosie have the ability to make those decisions for herself?

BTW, I am not watching this, just listening to you guys talk about it while I do stuff here with the hubs. I think I'm better off.

Later,
bbeck

scootran...LOL!!!

I'm arrogant, opinionated, bad-tempered, and I have questionable morals

So, you're a lawyer. I rest my case.

Seriously, I thought you were the guy talking about winning a case before the Oregon Supreme Court a few weeks ago. Who was that?

bbeck, you should really turn the movie on for just a few minutes. You must see, and feel our pain.

Dear heavens, could this mother be any more evil and demanding? It's like she wanted her children to hate the special sister.

bbeck is a gal???

Ace and I are making the same comments. That is SCARY.

I believe that was hobgoblin, Michael. My point was that I can have all those personality traits without actually taking the LSAT. Goddammit, I AM A PERSON!!!

This movie is really surpassing my expectations. Between this and Exit to Eden, Rosie has shown some real range in some staggeringly shitty productions.

Her jaw tic reminds me of Phil Hartman during those "Frankenstein, Tonto, and Tarzan" SNL skits.

Season's Greetings from Frankenstein, Tonto, Tarzan, and 'Tardy!

And for the record, do we really need another *&$#@ing Elvis movie?

RWS,

Bbeck is not just a girl.

BBECK IS A PERSON!!!

Allah,,,"tard it up".....LOL!!!!!!!!!!

"Okay, Rosie, that was good. But I want you to try it again, and this time, I want you to really 'tard it up. Yeah. Imagine you've been hit in the side of the head with a shovel or something. Great! Aaaaand action."

"Let's try that line again, Rosie, but with more monotone shouting. Think of Buffalo Bill in 'The Silence of the Lambs.' 'It puts the lotion in the basket!' Like that."

C'mon, bbeck, just a few minutes. I double-dog dare ya.

I mean, I thought the phrase "thrillingly embarrassing" was a bit cryptic, but the more I watch the more it makes sense...

Ace...lol! Ya'll are cracking me up here!

I'm blowing off Deadwood and Family Guy for this nonsense?

WHERE ARE MY FUCKING LESSONS?!?!

I think the ending is going to be Rosie falling in love with some other 'tard, a la Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi in The Other Sister. Then they're going to have a baby. And then they're going to eat the baby.

"Do the kung kow pow one..."

This movie is killing me...

I can't wait until Jesse heals the warden's wife with his magical powers.

I want Rosie's character to be impregnated by this genteel black man and then give birth to the ultimate magical movie character: a Magical Retarded Negro.

Allah, aren't you paying attention? She got her tubes "cut."

No baby eating to be had.

RWS, you think that was a GUY in Ace's t-shirt a couple weeks back?

And NO, Utron, I ALREADY know how bad it is. I don't have to drill a hole in my temple to know THAT would be bad, too.

Later,
bbeck

MEAN WAITRESS!

Uh-oh, inpatient waitress...and she's WHITE?

Imagine!

Guess waitress's don't have the compassion of bus drivers.

Utron:

OK, so Hob is the lawyer. Sorry. YOU ARE A PERSON!.

At least Hob is a lawyer with the good sense not to be participating in this disaster, which is more than we can say for Ace and Allah.

Excuse me, off to refresh my coconut rum.

Second lesson!!!

DON'T BE STUPID RACHEL!!!

Allah, for some reason I can picture Spike Lee looking at the Magical Retarded Negro, shaking his head and muttering, "nuclear megaton bomb..."

bbeck, I didn't know that was you. I thought it was a MYSTERY.

You looked good girl!

Anyone else notice that Stewart Copeland wrote the score for this turd? After a debacle like this, he's ... well, he's still light years cooler than Sting, isn't he?

Man, does Angelica Huston have something against white people? This is about as subtle as a friggin 2X4 upside the head.

OKAY, WE GET IT. MINORITIES=GOOD, WHITE PEOPLE=BAD...

Cripes...

MORE BAD WHITE PEOPLE

Goddamnit! My fiance is emotionally invested in this piece of crap.

'Course she started weeping during that 1st Hallmark commercial where the girl was going to college and her little sister was sad.

Worked my ass off all week and I can't even spend a Sunday evening laughing at Rosie playing a magical retard.

Fuckin' hormones.

Except for Goodlooking white guy....

Ace, you're learning so many lessons, you're losing track.
There was that earlier lesson:
"A lesson I've learned: Black people are kind and warm-hearted, white people are brittle, uptight, and fucking assholes."
So, with career-combining and "Don't be stupid, Rachel," you're up to three.
You're ... changed, somehow.

Obviously only white BUS DRIVERS are good

The Warden,,,,umm... crying... comfort, snuggle, good stuff.

Do I really have to tell you this??f!!!!

You're getting married....GET WITH THE PROGRAM!!!!

The only thing that could save this now would be if Rosie goes on a rampage on the bus, stabbing all the other passengers with safety scissors while yelling "I'm a person!"

Then she goes to trial, but can't get the death penalty because she's retarded.

Thanks, RWS. The anonymous thing was a joke for a while.

Now, back to the movie...

So, what race is Rosie's sex machine?

Later,
bbeck

I've been watching for 7 minutes and it's like a Gorden Liddy, hand over the flame thing.
Mind over matter.
.. that does not kill us makes us stronger.

Zone 1 Pass !!!!!!

Sexy bus driver!!!!

Retard Reflex!

Click Click.

THANK GOD FOR THE COMMERCIAL.

Hondo...I'm not sure that would save this movie.

There's only one thing that would make this a good movie = an evil cyborg.

The grave scene where they focused in on Andy's handful of dirt was not the least bit contrived.
None of Rosie's dialogue hits a false note. Well, OK, but only ALL of it.
We made it to about ten minutes.
Not a good drinking game.

I'd like to see a cute worm in that handful of dirt. An animated worm, with a hardhat and a tiny little jackhammer, who winks at Andy, then jumps on the casket and starts ripping away.

Not to worry, Warden. As Hondo noted, at some point the Magical Black Man and/or Retarded Person is going to step in and heal your fiancee. And then we'll all live for a hundred years or more.

Or at least it will seem that long until the next commercial break...

ZONE ONE! ZONE ONE! ZONE ONE!

What a dramatic reversal! In your face, uptight white people!

I don't know if anyone's reading my liveblogging, but if you were going to do a movie about a retarded person, why not the black guy who's a black belt in martial arts, rather than this lazy shit who rides the buses all day?

Oh, crap...Andie's going to fall in love with the bus driver, isn't she?

Ace, Ace...you are not getting this.... She is CHANGING LIVES ON THAT BUS!!!!

THATS THE LESSON.....geeze...are you retarded or something?

Prediction: the uptight guy with the briefcase will have his life changed by Rosie.

Mark my words...

I had to go brush my teeth. Did Andie fuck the bus driver yet?

Whats with the "Pleasantville' black and white with a dash of color thing with the memories?

There's only one thing that would make this a good movie = an evil cyborg.

And Rosie's boyfriend could use his tae kwon do to fight the evil cyborg on the bus.

Ace--feel free to use that scenario for your next screenplay.

Allah, you are so bad.

This is getting ridiculous...note, if you will, the race of the guys beating up on Jesse...

Utron,

Killing me!!!!!!!

RWS,

Oh, I'm with the program alright. I'm heading back downstairs now. Figure I can get a few snickers in over her shoulder while hugging and providing "emotional support."

"F**k"? Boone, er Allah, I'm anticipating a deeply religious experience.

So Hondo--are you now in the VRWC?

Yup, Andie's going to sleep with the bus driver...

Any new developments? I had an urgent need for another drink.

I just wish I had something stronger on hand than tequila. I swear, I'm never going to watch another Rosie movie without putting a cannister of ether on the coffee table.

Now Rosie's acting!! Like she'd stop Andie from showering in front of her.

I can't believe you are actually watching this show. I switched over during Deprerate Housewifes and Rosie's voice was like nails against a chalkboard. I couldn't stomach it.

What a total waste of your entire evening.

Ace- You really need to get a life!

uh oh, mom's a slut.

Andie and Rick the bus driver, sharing a moment.

And a kiss.

Egad, that was predictable...

You know, Groundhog Day would have been a much better movie if there'd been a magical retard in it. Although Chris Elliott is sort of retarded, so, hey.

tinkerbelle, well watching desperate housewives is SUCH a more fulfilling experience I'm sure....;-)

So Hondo--are you now in the VRWC?

I cannot remain silent when there is an opportunity to mock Rosie playing a retarded person.

The beauty thing about this monstrosity is that, compared to Rosie, Andie McDowell looks like freakin' Meryl Streep. Andie McDowell, whose acting was so atrocious in "Greystoke, the Legend of Tarzan" that Glenn Close had to redub all of her dialogue.

Remember..."you can learn a lot in just one day."

Oh, no...the magical retard theme is not limited to the movie..damn Hallmark.

Y'all had better NOT make fun of the ACTUAL down syndrome guy in the commercial.

That is a hell burning offense.

Yes, Allah I am talking to you.

The Hallmark commercial with the Downs guy was better than the entire program.

I'm not making fun of the guy in the commercial...just the fact that Hallmark is bloody shameless enough to run a commercial like that during this monstrosity of a movie.

Andie = the feeling is mutual...

Gotta admit, I didn't anticipate Andie getting together with the bus driver. And the Evil White People motif is so... What's the word? Oh, yeah--retarded that I really wasn't expecting it. So far, this thing is exceeding my wildest hopes and fears.

I'm really hoping that in the morning, all of this will just be a blur. An obese, shrieking blur.

I don't make fun of real 'tards, Sparkle. Well, I do, but only when I'm with people who enjoy that sort of humor. Which you guys obviously don't.

Anyone here ever see The Kingdom II? The two 'tards who played the dish washers/Greek chorus in that were sensational. I'm not joking.

Anyone else notice that Stewart Copeland wrote the score for this turd?

The recurring theme isn't original. It's "He Moved Through The Fair," a traditional Irish folk song. Copeland is lazy.

Not what I meant, Hondo, but don't let them silence you...

Andie was stinkin' up Four Weddings and a Funeral, too. I'm sure she's a nice lady, but.

A birthday party on a bus.

Yup, I'm gonna barf.

Happy birthday from Frankenstein, Tonto, and Tarzan!

Andie was stinkin' up Four Weddings and a Funeral, too.

"Is it raining? I hadn't noticed. You see, I'm retarded."

I'm really hoping that in the morning, all of this will just be a blur.

Utron:

I'm hearing the Eagles in my head:

Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb

It takes a village?
No, it takes a bus.

"I'm not stupid, I'm just different."

Oh, heavens...now there is touching..."give me a shiver."

Ugh.

Ace, you OK? Haven't seen any posts in a while. Just want to make sure you didn't heave your hash and crack your head on the toilet, or drink too much, or slit your wrists or anything.

You should really have a living will before watching this sort of thing, you know.

Uh oh, girl on girl action in the bed!!.... Thank God that didn't go further!

Are there actually buses like this anywhere in North America? Or, for that matter, anywhere else on the planet?

That birthday bit was just evil. And Hallmark really ought to be ashamed of its corporate self.

I tried to watch a few minutes here and there until my husband came into the room and absolutely refused to watch Rosie. I guess I will miss the last 40 minutes.

Every segment I saw had some reference to Rosie going to the bathroom. Either she went somewhere that they wouldn't let her use their bathroom (yes, mean white people again) or she actually went to the bathroom. I will have to double check -- did Ace keep a count of bathroom trips or attempted bathroom trips in the movie?

I think Ace switched over to "Deadwood."

Either that, or he's crying and doesn't want to admit that this movie...touched him.

In a rather odd coincidence, I was watching my new South Park DVDs (4th season) while Ace was suffering through Rosie's crapfest.

"TIMMAY!"

I had to take a break to steel myself for the amazing conclusion.

I'm slightly behind at the moment. But I'm not giving up with 15 minutes left.

PS. What's with the f'in disclaimers, Ace? When did we all decide that making fun of retarded people was the equivalent of murdering them in their sleep or burning them at the stake or something?

I think you nailed it, Slublog. You just can't make it through a movie like this without three hankies and a wastebasket between your knees.

Is it me or, after seeing those photos, don't you think the black guy could do a heck of a lot better than Roise?

ANDIE! You two-timing WENCH!

WHAT ABOUT RICK!?!

Damn you. Damn. You.

PPS. Hang on, I just noticed this: "did they teach him some form of retard kung-fu? Because he didn't seem to know the normal kind."

Okay, you're forgiven. :)

"And so, after spending so much time with Beth, I came to realize that I might profitably exploit her and advance my photography career."

"I call my exhibit Triumph of the 'Tard."

I know what DVD I'm getting Ace for Christmas, now!

"Gee, Jesse's martial arts skills didn't do him much good against the two toughs... I hate to be a dick, but did they teach him some form of retard kung-fu? Because he didn't seem to know the normal kind."

Guess the muggers had +2 Vs Retards/+5 Vs Ninja Retards bonuses

Hey Ace,

Somebody read this script and said, "yeah, let' s make this sucker!"

That should either fill you with hope or, maybe, bleak despair.

That sucked.

That sucked bad.

I had a great time.

JFH, of course he could, but he doen't know that.

Staying with the theme, Dumb & Dumber is on TBS right now.

Ace-

You're making my day. I'm in Australia so can't watch the comedy gold of Rosie, but your commentary is making me laugh out loud!

Regards,

W.C. Varones

Can we retitle it Walrus Gump?

Dumb and Dumber...nice.

Of course, that movie was "Ben-Hur" compared to the piece of celluloid crap we all just watched.

No way, Allah. I enjoyed "Dumb and Dumber," because the Farrelly brothers aren't self-righteous, condescending snots like Rosie and her crew. I don't ever want to associate a perfectly okay movie with what I just put myself through.

That was so depressing.

I'm a writer who can't get a story published and that shite not only gets made into a book, but is adapted into a crappy movie?

Totally off topic, but more dramatic than this masterpiece you guys wasted 2 hours of your life you will never get back...

Anyone think the "Runaway Bride" in Georgia should be charged for her stunt?

tinkerbelle:

Not totally off topic. Runaway bride ran away on a bus.

Needed some locusts, and Julliet Lewis, she can do retarded and hot at the same time somehow.

Has anybody ever seen a retarded midget before? I haven't, but I imagine it would be pretty funny.

You know what show really did a good job with the retard genre? Drawn Together. The episode where Princess Clara's retarded-but-hot cousin shows up was like a big, helmeted hammer slicing the magic retard concept.

Given everything everyone's written, as well as the obvious politics involved in this sort of movie (whether they're expressed or not...), I'm surprised they didn't manage to inject at least one Bush/GOP-bashing scene in this monstrosity. If there was, please let us know.

But... thanks to all of you, I now know to avoid turning on my TV tonight, as it is only almost 9pm here on the left coast and if I were to turn to the WRONG channel...

I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me.

Slublog: did you have any of the current fashionable Plot Devices in your book? Are all your minorities Kind and Wise™? (Retarded people are given automatic "minority" status.) Are white people either nasty and mean, shallow and stupid, or okay but flawed and in need of some Serious Life Lessoning by a Kind-'n'-Wise™ minority person? If there are Christians in your book, have you taken care to make them either evil, hypocrites, or if good, then either their Christianity is made to be their one personality flaw or they are SuperLiberal Barely-Christians who are okay with Rowan and Acorn getting skyclad on their lawn for the Solstice fete? Did you have at least three disparaging references to corporations/war/organized religion/ladies' garden clubs?

If you have none of those things than maybe that's why you haven't been published.

Just remember, you missed an all-new Family Guy for this.

Has anybody ever seen a retarded midget before? I haven't, but I imagine it would be pretty funny.

Not as funny as hairlipped retards. Good times. Hairlipped retard kikes? Funnier still.

Good God I'm happy I didn't watch this tripe.

It seems to have the same effect on the conservative brain that methamphetamines has on the addict's brain.

You folks are going to need some serious detox.

Ace,

this is what the phrase "Gob-smackingly vile" was invented for. Prince Andy is not an emotional crank, he's just prescient.

Maybe from now on you won't be so hard on him... er... flaccid?... um... I don't like where this is heading.

First commercial break. Well, someone's already dead. I missed that cliche.

Heh...I called that one

Lessons Learned from the Mentally Challenged: 5.5

Comedic genius Ace, comedic genius.

I still can't fathom why Rosie's venture on Broadway bombed big time.

"Family Guy" was excellent. (in best Mr. Burns voice)

America Dad was also fun. (dumb Birkel voice)

But thanks for chronicling the loose sh*t on CBS for us. I flipped over during commercials but couldn't stomach the whole thing.

You da man.

I mean it was SO mainstream, being all about a gay pop star, ...and it bombed?

My biggest question about this trainwreck (and believe me, I have many) is why the creepy guy in the car who offers Rosie a stuffed animal is never heard from again. All we know is that Rosie is scared of him and that he apparently preys on retarded people. This movie would have been infinitely more entertaining if they had explored that intriguing subplot.

I'll admit it--I pussed out and watched the Fox comedy lineup instead. Hopefully, they'll run this abortion again someday so I can watch it and laugh my way a little closer to Hell.

Butters: Poor Timmy's gonna go to Hell. He can't confess his sins, 'cause all he can say is his name.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Cartman: Yeah, you're right, I guess Timmy's pretty screwed.

Rosie has actually opened up her blog for comments on the movie.

I'd say something nasty if I'd watched the damn movie, but, of course, I didn't. Because I can't fucking stand that fat loudmouthed sack of dogshit.

Playing a retard, huh. Typecast much, Rosie?

Though I do have semi-fond memories of Andie MacDowell's breasts from that pretentious Hemingway adaptation.

Going by Ace's liveblogging, Amy Carlton (along with everyone else) seems to have pretty much called this one here.

Here's a picture of the real Beth and Rachel Simon portrayed in the movie:

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/239/5163/640/WebBethRachelBus.jpg

Do note that Beth's shoes match; apparently Rosie took some liberties there and made it all funky.

Okay, this is freaking me out. From the episode I'm watching now:

"Oh my God! What is that thing? Children, there's some huge bulbous monstrosity heading for the classroom! Oh my God, it's awful! It's coming for the door! Run for your lives, children! I'll try to fight it off!"

"Mr Garrison, that's my aunt, Rosie O'Donn*ell."

Ok, either I've missed it or no body has pointed out the true Alpha and Omega of retard roles.

While I love the movie, you need look no further than The Green Mile for a magical-negro-retard-Christ-figure that is...

bah bah bah...

Executed by white people...

We're talking weapons grade liberal white guilt.

Jesu,s Ace.

I watched an A&E special on "Bleeders" that wasn't as disturbing as reading this.

You have a disturbing capacity for masochism bro.

There needs to be some sort of blogosphere medal of valor for saving us from this train wreck. We are all in your debt Ace. I hope you recover soon from the damage this must have done to your psyche.

"There needs to be some sort of blogosphere medal of valor for saving us from this train wreck."

Because, absent Ace's warning, we were all going to try our hardest to catch the reruns?

Dude.

Are you people retarded?!?! Don't you know there's a war on?

I hope you were able to tape/tivo Deadwood and Family Guy...

Is there some kind of blog award for "Funniest Thread of the Year"? If not, there oughta be.

Since I didn't watch this cinematic masterpiece, I don't have to con some poor sap into watching it within seven days lest I join Rosie in the Land of the Retards. Suckas. [Evil laugh]

funny stuff.......i am really shocked how many of you actually watched this crap, but it made for an entertaining read...nice work

Rosie's blog is closing in on 900 adoring comments. They are hilarious. The comment thread has enough entertainment value to redeem the movie. About 80% of the commenters were moved to tears. Here's one of my favorites:

"It left me wanting to know more..
all of your movies seem to spark that special little warm place in my heart.."

Another gem from "sam", one of the very few male commenters on Rosie's blog:

"I think we’re all a little “special” deep down inside.
Thanks Ro - you’re so hot."

Well, I guess he's male. Maybe not.

Anyone else get the feeling almost all the comments on rosie's site were typed by 1 or two people?

Michael, and what gem did you leave there?

I know you couldn't resist....;-)

They just all think alike -- They needed a whole box of Kleenex to get through the movie, Rosie is "amazing," and an Emmy is already in her pocket.

and what gem did you leave there?

RWS:

I was soooooooooo close to touting the virtues of Pure Herbal Viagra.

Maybe I'll go back and treat them to some Batman!

You know what would have saved this movie? If they'd made it so Sandra Bullock was driving the bus, and there was a bomb on board that would go off if they slowed below 50, so they had to throw Rosie out the door going 65 because there was a hill coming up and no bus could possibly make it up a hill in anything but first gear if it has Rosie aboard. That would have been a pretty good flick.

A couple comments:

1) Ever since the commercials started running, I've been using "I'm different" and "I'm a person" (both uttered in Rosie's "Elmo after 4 packs of Marlboros" grunt) as catchphrases - they're good for all occasions.

2) What would have improved this movie would be some plot, especially science fiction plot. For example, Andie McDowell is an astronaught, and her MRDD sister stows away on the space capsule, and someone has to go out the airlock or there won't be enough fuel to get home. Now there's a cliche worth watching!

Slublog: did you have any of the current fashionable Plot Devices in your book? Are all your minorities Kind and Wise™? (Retarded people are given automatic "minority" status.) Are white people either nasty and mean, shallow and stupid, or okay but flawed and in need of some Serious Life Lessoning by a Kind-'n'-Wise™ minority person? If there are Christians in your book, have you taken care to make them either evil, hypocrites, or if good, then either their Christianity is made to be their one personality flaw or they are SuperLiberal Barely-Christians who are okay with Rowan and Acorn getting skyclad on their lawn for the Solstice fete? Did you have at least three disparaging references to corporations/war/organized religion/ladies' garden clubs?

If you have none of those things than maybe that's why you haven't been published.

True. I need to write a story about how Christians are trying to take over the government or something.

*sigh*

Did Beth/Rosie have head lice? She was constantly scratching or rubbing her head.

I hate myself this morning after watching this last night.

Where's Ace?

ACE, ACE, ACE for someone in the movie you must know that stereotypes are crucial.

Rosie was born and raised on the low streets of Commack, L.I., and it shows. For awhile, on TV it was hot to be a fat, low-class ignorant woman, like Rosanne Barr.

As repulsive as they these two are there are millions of fat, dumb, ignorant, low-class women just like them who relate. These are the people who made these two and others like them.

am I the only one who masturbated furiously to the thought of tea-bagging Rosie's underbite, and the sweet fragrance emanating from her crack after riding that hot bus all day in those tight pants? mmmmmmm

I've already got the sequel written:

Rosie eats a genetically-enhanced rat, which makes her smarter, but in the end, she has to shit it out again and she goes back to the way she was.

That would be killer.

I regret missing this trainwreck. It sounded almost funny

I watched Deadwood and Simpsons instead. Can't say I regret the choice.

I watched the Contender, which as usual was ficking GREAT (the edited boxing matches are really a novel idea; perfect for the ADHD boxing fan), and then had to do some work.

Can't say's I missed watching the show but I missed participating in this trainwreck of a thread.

The woman is talentless. She's not funny. She's... nothing. How the hell has she attracted such a large number of... fans?

Uh, Ace, have you ever heard of Oprah?

You're living in a world where reality shows are entertainment, Madonna sells millions of records, people actually vote for a Clinton, and Prada is considered "fashion."

Are you REALLY that surprised?

Later,
bbeck

bbeck sniped: ...and Prada is considered "fashion."

Hey!

bbeck, I'm certain you would turn heads in Prada splint mail and a coordinated Purse of Holding.

Megan protested: ... Hey!

You are such a girl!

Did anyone notice that the voice of Rosie's character was identical to that of Jimmy Witchard from King of the Hill?

"I can't make new stuff out of money! Gimme cans! I want cans, yeah, the good ones, to smash 'em!"

Nice blog. I, too, have a blog; a very progressive one.
http://educationalvignette.blogspot.com/

GREAT BLOG! AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAY!!! ENJOY FREE HERBAL VIAGRO!!!

stupid whore.

See-Dub, I don't need a label to make heads turn.

Later,
bbeck

You missed Family Guy to watch this? I am so, so sorry.