Got mine last night. . . wow, the XL is *really* small.

Either that, or I suddenly became quiet the husky man overnight.

Let me be the first to say...WOW!

Let the speculation as to which reader it is begin!

My guess...JeffB!

No picture, but I did comment on my shirt last night.

For the benefit of the more hesitant females - you do not need a scoop neck. You could be very slight, and you would still look like a barmaid in a bad fantasy game.

Dave--

Sorry about that. Maybe contact them about an exchange?

I'm worried now myself. I ordered Larges, because XL's tend to be too big and baggy for me. But now I'm thinking I'm going to be walking around in a shirt that's just a bit too tight.

But now I'm thinking I'm going to be walking around in a shirt that's just a bit too tight.

and this is wrong beeeeecause...?

a BIT too tight, not bad. Saran Wrap type, very gay.

Hate to be a voice in the wilderness, but....

Your old logo was better. That was the true Death Card with the Grim Reaper, not with this quasi Jolly Roger. No wonder they ain't sellin' like hotcakes; pirates are 3 for a nickle with a cash discount.

Dave, I thought my XL was great but the wife cocked an eyebrow and said "Is that an X-L?", emphasis on the X, implying "damn you're fat." So unless Ace's website is sending out secret fat rays that have caused us to pork out, I think they're running small.

It's also, she noticed, a great charcoal grey and great worksmanship and, I noticed when I looked at the tag : "sewn in Los Angeles in our non-sweatshop factory". Which is a bonus for me in the Conservative Kosher thing--made in USA is good.

Your old logo was better. That was the true Death Card with the Grim Reaper, not with this quasi Jolly Roger.

I know, I know. A lot of people say that. But... I actually wasn't keen on the old death card, and I do like this one a lot. Plus, there were copyright concerns.

Not a major concern if you're only selling 60 shirts or so, but then, I did this in the hopes I'd sell 500... more if military guys saw them and just wanted a shirt like that, even if they never heard of this dumb blog.

I think I should have had the new logo up for a long time before doing the t-shirt sale, so people could get used to it.

let's all try and guess whose ginormous cans those are.

Ahh, pictures of breasts make the internetted world go 'round.

Why not a scull in a Viking-horn helmet? Fits in with a preexisting theme here. Maybe clutching a micrphone, ala Anka? Just tossin that out, not super-crazy bout pirate stuff either.

People... wish to purchase t-shirts of Skulls clutching microphones, as if they were funereal contestants on American Idol?

Errr... I think I like 72Virgins "Nazi SS Death's Head" idea a little more.

I dunno, maybe a microphone crossing a hammer, ala the crossed bones sometimes seen underneath scull heads.

Damn, just realized that's piratey too. Just free associating here.

Uh, I think I'll pass on the Totenkopf shirts for now.

As for the Ace of Spades shirt, it *IS* very cool. It fits okay, I'm just worried that it'll fit like a baby tee after the inevitable shrink.

That said, I've been quite fortunate to be on the winning side of my battle of the bulge lately (yay Atkins!), so hopefully I'll soon be svelte enough to model the Mencken in style.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

I liked the old death card, too...but I think this one goes much better with the Mencken quote.

And Ace, you ain't kiddin' about the possibility of the military looking for shirts like that. The hubs wear a black t-shirt under his flight suit, and as long as it has a normal crew neckline, it can say anything or have any picture on it.

Later,
bbeck

I'm guessing that's bbeck's pic, but I won't tell anyone.

nice cans bbeck

they're real, and their fabulous

I ordered a few, got one. I guess they come in packages of one.

Looks fucking great, as far as I'm concerned. Already washed it, didn't shrink. XL was fine, and yes, I can thank Atkins for that.

The quote on the back? It kicks ass. Wore it at the post office today dropping off my taxes. That's what the folks collecting tax forms read on my way out. Perfect statement shirt to wear and quote for filing taxes on April 15.

For that alone, it was worth every penny. If you haven't filed your taxes, and plan to do so late at night, wear your shirt with the quote and get some TV news guy or gal to interview you. When he or she asks you how you like the IRS, just turn around and show him or her the quote on your shirt. Give Ace some media attention, and make a point. Sure you might com across a bit freakish, but Ace won't mind; at least I don't think so. Be Ace's traffic pimp.

Especially the lovely ladies. Can't ladies be traffic pimps? There's nothing seedy about that. And what conservative likes tax day?

Lady in teeshirt - pleez help me com to America. I want no more to live in Banda Aceh.

Hey, I haven't gotten my shirt yet.

This is a swindle, a scam, a...oh, wait.

I live in Maine.

Pony express takes a lot longer than regular mail.

They're hooking a team of huskies to the mail truck as we speak. Patience, man.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Whoever this lovely super secret reader is, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM JACK M.

He's into red heads. And any man who's willing to piss of an entire country is capable of almost anything. Even ripping your shirt off.

Actually, staying away from Jack M. is probably good advice for everyone.

Because ever since I realized I was a mammal as well as being a ninja I've had this habit of just flipping out on the spur of the moment and unleashing my real ultimate power.

I don't know why I'm like this. I'm not a professional ninja.

And it's hardly a real country I've pissed off. It's just Iceland.

Of course, Jack M.

It's just sort of a running joke I'm trying to create based on one comment you made about readheads.

Iceland? A country? They're a bunch of mutant Vikings that inherited the whimp gene and got banished thousands of years ago. I think you can take them without breaking a sweat. One hour should do it.

Just keep your hands off of the redheads, you sick fuck.

Yikesahooters.......uh, hootie!

Let the speculation as to which reader it is begin!

My guess...JeffB!

Ha-fucking-ha.

(so what if you're right?)

KCT,

Some European blog I never heard of linked to my Iceland war posts with this real whiny post about how awful I am for disliking Chomskyite Icelanders. He then went to the trouble of translating the Icelandic National Anthem for me, so I could appreciate the "character" of the Icelandic people.

I left him a comment suggesting that when I get done with Iceland, I'm gonna replace their national anthem with a rewritten version of Iron Butterfly's "In A Gadda Da Vida" called "In A Glacier, Defeated".

Think that's appropriate?

Slouching towards perfection, my good man.

Add "radioactive" and you might get even closer.

Wait, are all the shirts American Apparel? Cause the guy who owns that is like a total perv.

Very appealing photo, mystery girl.

I happen to know JeffB. is a manly man.

I wonder if I could sell sparkley pink shirts? Hmm.......

oh, And I think the model is Megan....;-)

Nah, not me.

My guess is the model is really ace, or "Weekend Ace". It is Friday...time to get in touch with his feminine side.

I vote we make "mystery" girl the front page mascot.

"I vote we make "mystery" girl the front page mascot"

Give me two good reasons!

Nevermind :)

Hob:

That idea should get cowbell and siren and Vinny Falcone.

OK, that's probably a stretch. But if the shirt were wet...

with ace's shirt, it doesn't need to be wet, it's tight as a flea's squeakhole.

I think "mystery" girl should be proud of her "accomplishments" in life.

(PS - see, Brewfan, QED)

Hands off that flea, you fuckin' pervert.

Stick to insects your own size. Like Bjork. I think utron might give her up just for you.

Give me two good reasons!

1. Ring 2. Finger

I'm thinking that's fat kid's gf/wife.

I'd hit it. I mean that respectfully, Mr. kid, sir.

All this means the three large shirts I bought are
going to be too small, right?

On the jolly roger issue, Ace, let me put a few designs there for the next version. How'd you like Hatchet Face and Broken Toof over on your thread?

And whose boobies are those? Really. I gotsta know.

Just got mine today, though the XL is to tight (Normally XL hangs nice and baggy the way I like, this one almost shows off my manly boobies)

Now if they were womanly boobies like super secret squirrel ace girl, people might not mind.

rdbrewer: I believe the 'Napolean Dynomite' thread holds a clue.

Yeah... it's not really the most difficult mystery ever.

She's cute, too. Too bad she made me lop off her head.

Where is the Napoleon Dynomite thread? Must. Know.

She bought your t-shirt and you lopped off her head? You sick BASTARD! How could you?

Next time, just crop the photo.

Oh, the humanity!

Too bad she made me lop off her head.

That crawlspace of yours must be pretty crowded by now.

Sorry Slu: I'll let you play through.

Found it.

Bbeck, hey! Your stock just went up.

Ray...no prob. Yours was actually funnier.

For the record, though, I think Ace keeps his "trophies" at a self-storage unit in Queens.

I just got my lucky bag o' human teeth. It's portable and it's easy to hide inside, say, a bleached human skull.

You bleach your skulls? I find it only weakens them. Makes 'em brittle.

Try lacquer. Gives it that appealing shine.

Ahh, memories...

Man, I've got to stop watching "Silence of the Lambs" every time it's on TNT..."IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN..."

I'm getting warped. I actually want my own bag of lucky teeth.

Man, was I jealous when Larry tapped that.

I got pissed off just hearing about it third-hand.

"The Puppetmasters"? Give me a fuckin' break. How fuckin' gay is that?

Okay, it would appear that the proverbial cat is out of the bag.

Kudos to Hob for figuring it out first.

And I asked for my face to be cropped from the photo...but as I told Ace earlier, it doesn't sound like any of you would have noticed it anyway.

You certainly didn't notice the clue in the pic: I'm wearing my LoTR "precious." But then, Ace said that clue was too small for most people to even see.

Anyhoo, thanks for the kind words, all of you. And now my husband is going to kick your azz.

And HEY, Jerry, if Niven said he got THAT far he's writing some REAL science fiction.

Later,
bbeck

PS: Orson, "The Puppetmasters" is HEINLEIN.

Well, the "Puppeteers," then. Whatever. One of the goofy races from Ringworld.

Shit, I'm a sci-fi writer, and even I'm not as much of a geek as you.

Hey, wasn't I supposed to say that?

bbeck...I noticed the ring. I'm married, so it was part of the training regimen.

It took a LOT of shock therapy, though.

"Shit, I'm a sci-fi writer, and even I'm not as much of a geek as you."

Ah, and it's a title I wear proudly, Jerry, Orson, whichever...

And Slu, yah, my wedding ring kinda covers up my precious on the middle finger there.

Later,
bbeck

PS: typo, "Puppet Masters" should be TWO words, lest someone TRY to outgeek me...

*phew* Avoided getting my azz kicked another day.

Excellent.

lest someone TRY to outgeek me...

Uhhh, doubtful.

Andrea Harris gave it her level best but in the end you even blew her away.

Pournelle, I am so fucking tired of you going on everyone's blog, shooting off your mouth like you knew what the hell you were talking about. Oh, and I've read your stuff. You're no writer. That's typing, not writing. Not shut up for once.

God, I've wanted to say that forever.

Isaac, why don't you shut your mouth. Or, as we in the sci-fi biz call your mouth, your "face-pussy."

Um, since Asimov is, like, DEAD, the Internet goes WAY farther than I thought.

Later,
bbeck

Dear Arthur C. Cunt: I have been dead for some time now, and I STILL write better than you! Oh, by the way, I'm doing your biography, How's 'I, Assclown.' grabya. or '2001: The suckiest oddessy ever by biggest hack in the biz.'

Eat me, dickwad!

You're both hacks.

Shut up.

We know, we know.

See, Jerry? Heck of a body on her, but the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

Seems to be lodged somewhere mid-sternum.

Hey Lovecraft: Eat my cthulshit! Seriously, I don't normally talk to nutjobs, but I make exceptions for complete hacks. No seriously, keep on writing. Always looking for something crazy to wipe my dops ass with.

Fucking Assclowns. I wrote every goddamn thing in your books better than you! Theives!

Always looking for something crazy to wipe my dops ass with.

Ok, maybe that doesn't make sense. Still better than a single sentence you ever wrote.

I'm a hack? You wrote a couple of shitty books about robots and suddenly you're a freaking genius?

I'm an ARTIST, damn you! AN ARTIST!

Watch it, Lar. I still have more college degrees than YOU do, and they're not in ENGLISH LITERATURE, cissy boy.

Later,
bbeck

Bbeck, get your ring from Badali?

I did. I, however, very prudently wear it on a silver chain around my neck. You power freak.

Uh, oh. The comparing of degrees begins.

It's like being in academia again.

I have more degrees than a rectal thermometer. And you?

My degrees beat your degrees anyday.

Unless you're a doctor. Then you win hands down.

Lovecraft: Yeah, an artist.

OOH the beasties are so super scary they made me crazy. I'm nuts now!

There. Just wrote every book you ever even dreampt of writing. Necronomicon? Hackronomicon, more like it.

RD, no, mine's a plain gold ring I bought over 15 years ago when I was working at a jewelry store, and I used their engraving machine to write "One ring to rule them all..." on the inside. My co-workers were understandably afraid of me.

It only turns me invisible when I wear baggy clothing and no makeup. Go figure.

Later,
bbeck

Degrees in CS, Math, Engineering, minor in Physics...AND I graduated with a 4.0.

Don't be going against THIS geek, man...

Later,
bbeck

Wow. I stand speechless in the presence of pure geek greatness.

You've got my degrees beat.

And you wear the ring of power. You're the ultimate chick.

LOL, Slu, degrees don't beat other degrees except in terms of geekiness, and you really didn't expect to beat me on that score, did you? :)

Later,
bbeck

Great. Now Lovecraft is in the corner, crying like a baby.

You know what happens after that - another tiresome tome about monsters and madness written in purple prose.

Nice going, ASS-imov.

"And you wear the ring of power. You're the ultimate chick."

Flattery will get you nowhere, RD, but a good wine might.

Later,
bbeck

LOL, Slu, degrees don't beat other degrees except in terms of geekiness, and you really didn't expect to beat me on that score, did you? :)

After what I've read tonight, I wouldn't even dream of trying.

You engraved your own ring of power?

Damn

Here's my ring.

"You engraved your own ring of power?"

I wore it before it was even COOL. But it's not in Elven or anything, the engraver didn't have a typeset for that.

Wait...is it cool now? Or is it just more accepted since the trilogy came out on film?

Later,
bbeck

Stoker: Gee, I wish I coulda talked to a cople inbred romanian villagers and packed togehter a shitty book outta it to, but I was to busy writing books that didn't suck. You should tried that.

Dracula? More like - and yes, I'm gonna go with the obvious here cause it's so fucking true, douchebag - Hackula.

Really, when you write a second book, then I'll letyou dig up and buff clean off my deceased, wormridden testicles. Till then, shut the fuck up!

Oh yah, RD, I've seen those and thought about getting one. They're REALLY nice.

But, I've already got one, and it's REALLY hard to get off my finger after all these years.

Do you wears yours all the time?

Later,
bbeck

Hell, I would have considered it cool long before the movies came out, when I was reading Tolkien in high school.

Hey Isaac, is Zelazny around? Because if he has access to the Internet, I wouldn't mind him cranking out another book or two. Now THAT man could write, and not all this namby pamby Foundation stuff you were so freakin' proud of. Mathematical psychology, my behind...

Later,
bbeck

Hey, Asimov, I've got three words for you:

Crazy. Book. Money.

Do you know how rich those inbred Romanian peasants have made me? Sure I'm a hack, but I'm a frappin' rich hack.

Plus, Shelley was worse.

Slu, you and I could have hung out together in high school and made fun of all the "normal" people.

Later,
bbeck

Normal people are boring.

Give me geeks and social outcasts any day. In high school, I was Napoleon Dynamite without the cool dance moves.

Zelazny? No, goes out tonight. I know that cause I'm usually at his place on Fridays schtupping his wife.

(b/t/w - wanna know a little known tria fact bout Zelanzy? Ok. HE's A COMPLE HACK!)

(ok, I was just joking above. Everyone knows he's a hack)

Bbeck playin' with the fire. Would a Chateau Lafite Rothschild from the 1953 do the trick, so to speak? I have several Latours, Haut Brions, Margauxs, and Moutons from the 50's through the early 70's. But I've been saving the Lafite for a very, very special occasion.

Hey, ASS-Imov...

You're throwing "hack" out pretty freely for a guy whose book ended up as a WILL SMITH movie.

That's right, a-hole...take THAT!

rdbrewer...I think you just became everyone's new best friend.

Stoker: Two words. Blackula.

Okay, guess I owe you another word. Here it is: You're a fuckin hack.

"Blacula"

Dammit...it was the 70s! I needed the money for blow! You know how it is...

Heh, in high school I was the late bloomer who took drafting and math classes as ELECTIVES.

Maybe Slu and I were separated at birth...

And RD, I dunno, any wine that sounds like "La FEET" kinda turns me off. But it's nice to know I'm SPECIAL. :)

What kind of Scotch do you have?

Later,
bbeck

So Isaac, did you find out that all that New Age crap you were so into turned out to be wrong?

Zelazny rulez, and I was able to get his autograph before he died. YOU didn't hang on long enough. Putz.

Later,
bbeck

Stoker: Yeah, I know how tough it is when you're a hack. Oh, wait. I don't.

Listen, don't you have to get home before the sun comes up and you turn into a writer who doesn't suck? Push off, dickface!

Maybe Slu and I were separated at birth...

Heh. Not entirely. I couldn't do math if my life depended on it. My wife is the math geek. She was even a "mathlete."

I was the brooding writer who worked for the school paper and had his nose stuck in a book all the time.

"I was the brooding writer who worked for the school paper and had his nose stuck in a book all the time."

How very Bohemian.

Later,
bbeck

Heh. I call and Bbeck folds.

Scotch smotch. I have Lafite '53. Nothing else in life matters.

Sure...make fun of me now, Azimov. But your life will never equal the pure joy of mine.

Sleep all day.

Party all night.

Never grow old.

Never die.

It's fun to be a vampire.

Of course, now I'm the brooding writer who rants about current affairs and still has his nose stuck in a book most of the time.

Man oh man...I'm going to need more cabernet if I dwell on that too long.

"I have Lafite '53."

YEAH, but has it been kept at a constant temperature for all those years? If not it may just suck.

Later,
bbeck

Sounds like Slu is wine-ing.

Har de har har.

Later,
bbeck

Resting in a cellar for the last 28 years.

Sounds like Slu is wine-ing.

You're darn right. Mmm...whi, I mean, wine.

Now see, RD, you LOSE Geek Points for having a wine cellar because that's just too cool.

And Slu, I'm kind of wine-ing 'cause I'm making a new batch of mead this weekend.

Later,
bbeck

Stoker: Listen assclown, you're like one of those goth chicks readin that vampire shit so much she thinks she's one too. You might be an overwright high scholl loser dressed in black and lace too, but that doesn't make you cool outside your 'maybe one day the cool chicks won't spit on me' coven.

Yeah, you're a vampire, assmunch. The only thing vampiric about you is how much your books suck.

It was my father's. The bottle has been held up and examined maybe 4 or 5 times during that period.

Anyway, I took debate as a highschool elective. So there. And I tried to figure out a way to make a ring of power before you did. But I didn't have access to a jewelry store.

And Galadriel still visits from time to time.

"And Galadriel still visits from time to time."

Yeah, probably when you're taking advantage of that wine cellar!

Okay, I'm off to bed. It's been a fun day. Tomorrow is work work work...

Later,
bbeck

I'm audi too

you bunch of fuckin hacks.

Asimov - I hope one of your robots decides to break the rules and kick your ass.

And for the record, lace is comfortable.

So there.

Well, this has been fun. But it's past 1 a.m. on the East Coast, and I have to go to bed.

Goodnight all.

Party at rdbrewer's! Refreshments provided.

I hope one of your robots decides to break the rules and kick your ass.

Unlikely, I'm keeping them buys rewriting your books so that they don't suck.

Hell, even my Hack-O-Tron 3000 turns out better quality pap, bitch!

(and now, I'm really audi)

Yeah, but half the nerds at my high school wore camouflage, benched around 300, and played defensive line on the football team when we weren't playing D&D. That just made us scary non-p*ssy-getters.

So,,,,,,given the response I'm guessing no one would want my pink sparkley t-shirts.

THATS OK. I'm probably at the wrong site for those anyway.

Please ACE, do a shirt run with the real grim reaper, not the standard, mundane pirate's Jolly Rodger.

I thought the shirts were going to have the cool old ACE logo.

The logo you currently offered is pretty close to the Jolly Roger the Disney Corp offers as "Pirates of the Carribean" TM paraphenalia, anyways.

RightWingSparkle:
Don't take it personally... we're not really a "pink sparkly" type crowd, here.

However, I'm sure we'd all appreciate a pic of you in an Ace of Spades T-shirt. Really!

Ari. Stop it. Everybody is going to hate me if you keep making these assinine comments.

My invisible friend Ari used to say the most dreadful things to my Mom too! Oh the trouble he caused. Sometimes I thought she'd never let us out of the closet. Right Ari?

I don't care if I get my azz kicked or not, those cans are gorgeous.

ring? there's a ring?

Received mine last week, and it's a great shirt! Got the large, because I'm not that big, but it fits great. Girlfriend likes the color and feel of the fabric, although she had no idea what Ace of Spades meant. She's apolitical though, which is light years better than being a moonbat.

I ordered a shirt today. I held out until the last minute hoping that there would be a Giant Blowout 1/2 off sale because I'm, you know, miserly.

And not that Super Secret Model's "cans" aren't "magnificent" (I'm not much of a judge of such things), but I want to know what happened to the slender fellow with the five o'clock shadow.

Well, it worked because I just bought an XL in black. Thanks -- its a good-looking T.

Come ON people!

Ace is taken out a mortgage on his $3 mil loft in the Upper West Side to bring you these fabulous shirts. At least show some fucking gratitude (if only for the bobbie shot)

And bbeck, not really meaning to call you out, I shouldn't have even posted it.

I thought about it immediately after I hit "post" and was frustrated with my impetuosity. I put the 2+2 together from a previous post you did about getting a shirt, and since ace has all of 3 female regulars, it was easy from there.

But you DO have a nice rack (spoken by a happily married man). The hubby is a lucky man.

Enough already with the t-shirts.

I am new here, but I keep seeing that damn post and actually felt sorry for ace, so I bought a shirt. I guess I make the 4th female reader...

Thanks again for the nice words, everyone.

And Hob, No problem. I wasn't trying to keep my identity a secret, Ace did that to be, um, titilating. I'd asked that my face be removed from the picture for a multitude of reasons (and Ace can tell you that it's not because I'm a DOG or anything) but not because I felt like being "super secret." It seemed to work to get the t-shirt a little extra attention, and it was fun watching people guess.

And we were wondering how long it would take for people to get the clue in that thread!

Later,
bbeck

Got mine today! Looks great.

Maybe a picture of the shirt on the all-black Harley would be cool fer ya'.

Thanks

Well, suppose these are the final hours. The last we'll be seeing of the T-shirt post and, sadly, Bbecks breasts perched atop the page, perky like. Soon they will droop down the posts and into the archives of our hearts. On behalf of all the men here, farewell Bbeck's breasts. Farewell. I salute thee.

No, Bbeck's breasts. Don't look back. We'll always have our memories. Just... remember me, occasionally.

*sniff* Thank you, Ray. I'll miss you all. Thanks for the mammaries.

And if Ace ever turns out a logo bikini, I'll model that, too.

Later,
bbeck

Ace? ACE!

Did you seee this post?

And if Ace ever turns out a logo bikini, I'll model that, too.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by bbeck at April 19, 2005 09:18 AM

Ace, get to work on this "bikini" thing. ASAP

Damn it man, I'll buy a bikini and silk screen your gay-ass logo on it just to see that.