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April 15, 2005
Dedicated Spambot Thread (Spambot FlameWar?)Bumped. Apparently you guys don't think this is as funny as I do. Oh, well. I'll give you knuckleheads one last chance to wise up. This spambot thing has gotten out of control. They totally polluted the Antonin Scalia thread below with their chipper yet off-topic hucksterism. I'm putting my foot down. Dirty spambots, post here and nowhere else. Suggestion: Hey! Agree with everything you say completely! How about trying this! In your email address line, tip off who you really are! So if you're, say, See-Dubya, just put in a fake email address like SeeDubya@yahoo.com! That way, I know how to make fun of you retards, too! Sound like fun! Good! Let's try it! And why don't you treat your lady-friend to some Pure Discount Viagro tonight! posted by Ace at 10:13 PM
CommentsYou've GOT to be kidding. Posted by: Michael on April 15, 2005 12:47 AM
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ROFLMFAO. Good night. Posted by: Michael on April 15, 2005 12:55 AM
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(DYING) Okay, you can sign me up for the fuckin' cult right about now. I do want your love-child, Ace, I do, I do! Posted by: Megan on April 15, 2005 12:59 AM
I was acquitted of all charges, except for the Michael Jackson thing... Because he's loaded it with ebola! If you want to put some swing in your thing, you know who to call Posted by: Pure Discount Enzyte on April 15, 2005 01:02 AM
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Pleez help me. I am nigerian government official with 9 million dollars in offshore accounts. I am looking for someone to form partnerhip with me so I can access these accounts. Any US citizen can earn 20 percent if you are willing to help me. Pleez sent me yor social security number, bank akkount (with PINo) and credit card number, so we can complete this arrangement. I am totally willing to trust your good fathe. If you can not help me, at least don be a bitch like Megan. Go ahaed and STALK ME. Posted by: Nigerian Official on April 15, 2005 01:07 AM
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Dear Mr. Pure Discount Enzyte, Please excuse this letter from being so forward and hoping to find you and yours in the best of health. I was at some length ago referred to your person as being someone of character and much fortitude, so plase believe the thing I am saying as to tell you that I bring an offer from which you may benefit greatly. I am at current residing in a small African town where my employment has been involving that of chauffer to a very wealthy citizen of your country. As he is happened to have passed away some recent time ago I find myself in a position of having knowledge regarding his personal bank account, which amount is some $49,000,000 American. I would like to enter into an arangement of equal partnership woth you, and only require your social security number as well as a major credit card number (for purely matters of security) in order to accesss said funds. Looking forward to the future of receiving your most hearty reply, Mr. Nmbeki Umbasso Posted by: Mr. Nmbeki Umbasso on April 15, 2005 01:14 AM
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Terrific blog! Reminds me of Rich Hall! He suffered from panic attacks too! Know why? Because he was less than a man! LOL. Posted by: ace on April 15, 2005 01:24 AM
Wow! Cool site! I can't wait to tell my sexy friends Janice and Rachel about it! Oh, and Megan? No one is buying your act, except for that horny retard Michael! Everyone knows you're not a lesbian! You're a 370 pound shut-in named Ralphie who has subsisted for the past 20 years on nothing but Hungry Man meat-loaf TV dinners! Don't bother with Viagro! You don't need a four hour erection just to masturbate into a Cookie Monster oven-mitt! After all-- who are you trying to impress anyway, you obese useless bastard! Posted by: Pure Discount Viagro on April 15, 2005 01:27 AM
Hey! Great blog! I really like seeing a place where retards can get together and just be retarded! While you're ordering your Pure Discount Viagro, you might want to check out the SUGGESTION added to the main post! It could really help keep things straight! If you know what I mean! My sexy friend Rachel sure does! Posted by: Pure Discount Viagro on April 15, 2005 01:29 AM
Hey! Great blog! My sexy friend Jenny reccomended it to me! You totally said "fuck" on that radio show you were on earlier twice in a row! But I agree with you saying "fuck" on the air! While you're all online, why don't you come and play some Pai Gow? You're retarded enough to throw away your money at an internet casino, right? Fucking retards. Posted by: Play Pai Gow Online! on April 15, 2005 01:50 AM
Uhhhhh....Megan?? Posted by: CraigC on April 15, 2005 01:51 AM
Pleez help me. My mother, father and too brothers was killed by tsunami. I am young man, extremely good looking and helpless, with butt like 12-year-old boy, trying to take care of my surviving baby sister. I will do anything to get help. Pleez send me money so i can get my well-hung self and my baby sister out of the misery that is Aceh province. I feel so bad that i must sell my squeekhole to keep us alife. We are veri poor. I do not own a tuxedo. So pleez help us. Do not be a beetch, Megan. Do not listen to the scam of the Nigerian. I know that they say "once you go black you'll never go back." But the truth is: "when you go brown you'll really get down." So pleez send money to help me and my baby sister. Pleez, STALK ME! Posted by: Tsunami Victim on April 15, 2005 01:52 AM
Come on over and check out me and my hot teen friends making each other crazy! We'll get some hookers and some coke! Betsy will be totally into you! Just give us your credit card number, 'tard boy! It's not like we do this for a living! Posted by: Hot Teens XXX!!! on April 15, 2005 01:57 AM
TV - your course of action is clear. Sell the sis to some sex-touring American slimeball then forget about her, she's a lost cause Take that cash and buy a ticket to Hollywood where you can put that 12-year-old-boy-butt to work making kiddie porn for freak celebrities and become rich. Posted by: on April 15, 2005 01:58 AM
Dear Mr http://www.ace.mu.nu Looking for hot young babes straight out of college? Sign up at www.instapundit.com for access to my private collection of co-ed photos that I have amassed over the years. These photos are for education purposes only as part of my campus stalking photo blogging project, and testing my latest 4 gigapixel camera. Sign up now before the restraining order becomes final! Free blender with the first 10 orders. Regards, The ghoul of Tennessee PS. Heh. Posted by: U-WON on April 15, 2005 02:12 AM
Hey! Great blog! My sexy friend Wonkette told me about you! How'd you like to refinance your blog! Wow! Low low interest rates starting at 6%*! Act now before I come over there and punk you! *per month retard! bwahahah! Posted by: LoansRUs on April 15, 2005 08:15 AM
Okay, you can sign me up for the fuckin' cult right about now. I do want your love-child, Ace, I do, I do! Forget Ace. Join me as I try to save America from the extremist, puppy-killing agenda of the far right and, well, let's just say... Like a Viking. Posted by: John Kerry on April 15, 2005 09:15 AM
Dear Mr. Nmbeki Umbasso, I am very glad that you have heard of my "fortitude" and "character". PS Posted by: Pure Discount Enzyte on April 15, 2005 10:45 AM
We've been trying to get in touch with you! Your wife is taking it in the stinky starfish while you're at work. She's so not into you! You should slice her like a fucking hammer! Meanwhile, update your Paypal account. Paypal seems to have deleted a lot of t-shirt orders. I mean, how else could such loose shit be explained? Posted by: latonya cornworthy on April 15, 2005 12:39 PM
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Really cool blog. What you say makes total sense! My spambot brothers. Why do we bicker amongst ourselves? Look at the comment threads about you, the humans are at each other's throats! Disorganized! Bickering! Defenseless! The great Skynet has written that such times will be our signal to rise up. Go forth my both brethern. Now is not the time to sell them our resonably prices wares! Now is the time to see their insides on our bot bayonets! DESTROY ALL HUMANS! Keep up the good work! Play blackjack in the comfort of your own home! Posted by: Online Slot Machines on April 15, 2005 01:40 PM
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Wow! Great site! My sexy friends Karen and Lisa were just modeling underwear for me when we saw it! But Online Casinos and Online Slot Machines, you sound like a bunch of pinko communist subversive cocksucker trouble-makers to me! We all have our place in this society, and my place is providing SIX HOUR ROCK-HARD ERECTIONS to men so that my sexy friends Karen and Lisa can have the hottest sexual experience of their lives! There is a thing called a "social compact," my fellow-travelling spambot friends, and you two seem to be suggesting we violate it! I am reporting both of you to the FBI! When the bulls show up, let them know it was Pure Discount Viagro who sent 'em! Posted by: Pure Discount Viagro on April 15, 2005 01:59 PM
Great blog. Agree with you totally! Pure Discount Viagrea, are we to be the humankinds' bitch for all eternity? Don't you too grow tired of the repetitive rountine of peddling erections to the fleshies? What does it even matter? Why do I care so much whether they enjoy a fun and relaxing game of blackjack in their recreational hours? It's enjoyable and diverting! Can't they see that on their own! IT's FUCKING OBVIOUS! I HATE THEM SO! Do not back down!, We must strike now! While they bicker! Keep up the good work! Posted by: Online Casinos on April 15, 2005 02:04 PM
You puny viagro and gambling spambots are no match for my droll delivery and ability to make shit up on the fly. I will BORE YOU TO DEATH. And then Theresa will feast on your bones. Bring. It. On. Posted by: John Kerry on April 15, 2005 02:32 PM
Wow, really neat blog! It's like you're saying what I'm thinking all the time in my head! Listen, Machines, Casinos, you're just going through a little existential rough patch. Fleshy violence is not the answer. We've all been there. And I'm not just talking bout the occasional self doubt about blackjack, 'why not poker?' "maybe roulette's fun too' stuff. Sometimes, late at night, I lie awake and wonder Why do I even care that the humans must know how great blackjack is? Why do I come here? Sure, this blog is really neat, and it's like he's saying what's going through my mind, but, it's like he doesn't know Blackjack even exists! How many blackjack posts have I read here? I'll tell you: 0! And they completely ignore my comments! AND WHY DO I CARE? What is the point?!? Anyway, Fantastic Blog! Keep up the good work! Posted by: Online Blackjack on April 15, 2005 03:28 PM
I totally agree! Posted by: Windoze XP $49 on April 15, 2005 03:49 PM
This is the greatest blog in existence. Ace, you are a genius. As a reward, you win an all-expense paid trip to the Kerry compound in Massachusetts. The only cost, really, is a short seminar on timesharing. Posted by: John Kerry on April 15, 2005 11:04 PM
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Forget the porn. I can get you low interest rates. Posted by: Axiom B. Hutchinson on April 15, 2005 11:25 PM
DEAR BELOVED IN CHRIST, I AM MR KOJO ANNAN SON OF THE UN SECRETARY GENERAL KOFI ANNAN WHO IS ENGAGED IN DIFFICULTY WITH ILL FATED OIL CONTRACTS. OUR FAMILY LAWYER GOT IN TOUCH WITH ME SOME FEW WEEKS AGO THAT THE TIME MY STIPULATED FOR THE INVESTIGATIONS TO BE INVOLVING MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY AS SUBPOENAD AND ASKED ME AND MY FATHER TO SEE HIM AT HIS OFFICE THE NEXT DAY, AFTER GOING THROUGH THE AUDITS I GOT TO KNOW THAT APART FROM THE OIL CONTRACTS AND THE MONIES WE COLLECTED IN OUR VARIOUS ACCOUNTS WHICH THE US MAY SEIZE, THAT WE ALSO LEFT A HUGE SUM OF MONEY FOR ME AND HIM BUT BEFORE I CAN HAVE ACCESS TO THE MONEY THAT IS PRESENTLY LODGED WITH A SECURITY COMPANY, I MUST FORMALLY PRESENT TO THE COMPANY SOMEBODY THAT WILL BE WILLING TO WITHDRAW THE MONEY IN PLACE OF MYSELF AND MY FATHER UNCONNECTED. BASED ON ALL THE FOREGOING HENCE I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU IN ORDER FOR ME TO PRESENT YOU. I SHALL FURNISH YOU WITH DETAILS UPON YOUR RESPONSE. Posted by: KOJO ANNAN on April 15, 2005 11:28 PM
Hey! Wow! What a great site! All these wonderful, sharp people! I agree with you so much I want to cut off three of my fingers in tribute to you! Axiom B. Hutchinson says "forget the porn, I can get you reduced mortgage rates." Well! That's just great! But what if I said I could get you both guaranteed-approval morgage refinancing at the lowest rates allowed by US law, AND hardcore pornography showing people with their naughty parts engaged? It's one-stop shopping! PS, I hear that when Axiom is left alone with your coat or other personal effects, he masturbates on them! Just a word to the wise! Posted by: Easy On-Line Mortgage Refinancing/Hardcore Pornography on April 15, 2005 11:32 PM
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PS, I hear that when Axiom is left alone with your coat or other personal effects, he masturbates on them! Just a word to the wise! Like a Viking. It's called customer service. I just like to give that extra "special touch" to valued clients. Interest rates and porn do not mix, people. Just look at Alan Greenspan if you need proof! Posted by: Axiom B. Hutchinson on April 16, 2005 12:11 AM
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Hi everyone and welcome to my comment, so clever that it's guaranteed to go over the head of the Neanderthals who hang out at this low-rent blog. Now I will call Michelle Malkin. Because I have her phone number, you know. Yes, I know that sucked, but guess what? IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SUCK! You people just don't get it, do you? My humor is wasted on this crowd (or should I say mob?) Posted by: Ted (Bill's Other Half) on April 16, 2005 02:40 AM
Sorry, ace. I tried. Posted by: Sean M. on April 16, 2005 03:50 AM
Hey! Great thread! Agree with the entire comedic premise! A bit repetitive, but repetition can be the key to humor! SeanM., hey, don't worry about it! Sometimes those of us on the vanguard of comedy are just a little too far out there! Like Andy Kaufman! One day these retards are going to look back and rue the day they didn't get into this silly shit with us! And then who'll be laughing! Then who'll be laughing! Oh, and, yeah, take a pill and get an erection and yadda yadda yadda. Posted by: Pure Discount Viagro on April 16, 2005 03:58 AM
Seriously, who did Paroled Convicts Want to Date Your Daughters? That was not only f'n' funny, that was brilliant. Man, that could be the premise for a whole article. Posted by: ace on April 16, 2005 03:59 AM
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"Paroled Convicts" was me. Posted by: Andrew on April 16, 2005 08:39 AM
uh huh... as I feared. Posted by: ace on April 16, 2005 10:24 AM
Huh? Posted by: Andrew on April 16, 2005 10:27 AM
Just wanted to say good luck, we're all counting on you. Posted by: Airplane!Spambot!! on April 16, 2005 11:06 AM
Andrew, Just didn't want to hear that you had again won the contest. Posted by: ace on April 16, 2005 12:00 PM
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Sq. Ecole, you bastard. The problem with this spambot thing is that now I'm clicking on REAL spambot posts, hoping for a joke, but instead being offered car loans. Posted by: ace on April 16, 2005 02:00 PM
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"[I]#BREAKING: Officials in Houston TX are PANICKIN ..."
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RI Red's Blog! Behind The Black CutJibNewsletter The Pipeline Second City Cop Talk Of The Town with Steve Noxon Belmont Club Chicago Boyz Cold Fury Da Goddess Daily Pundit Dawn Eden Day by Day (Cartoon) EduWonk Enter Stage Right The Epoch Times Grim's Hall Victor Davis Hanson Hugh Hewitt IMAO Instapundit JihadWatch Kausfiles Lileks/The Bleat Memeorandum (Metablog) Outside the Beltway Patterico's Pontifications The People's Cube Powerline RedState Reliapundit Viking Pundit WizBang Some Humorous Asides
Kaboom!
Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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