good job See-Dubya!

You take the f***ing money and aint got no integrity.

well, I guess we can see who ISN'T the weakest link here.

nice see-dub

I swear, if I don't get my teeshirt I am personally going to slice like a fuckin' hammer. PayPal has taken my money. No shirt, and I am heading for Long Island. Ace is going to take it up the squeekhole in some Massapequa back alley where the junkie losers hang out.

Not in a gay way, of course. LIKE A VIKING!

Thats Just. The Fucking. Way It Is.

Hey Ace, Did you know you are the #1 google return on "Flop Sweat Man-Titties"? Bet you wish you didn't retire now huh? THAT demographic could bring in some crazy blog-money.

See-Dub is a crack-addled whore. LOL - what the FUCK is that?

...I'm so confused.
And I wish Ace wasn't quitting.

Ace, don't go! You're a funny guy! You have thousands of fans! Why are you doing this? What will you do with your life? Don't quit!

Ace is advertising on craigslist to keep his site alive:

We pay $5 via Palpay per blog posting. If you're interested, reply with your name and URL for your blog and we will send over the subject we would like you to blog about. If you prefer, we can also send a gift certificate to iTunes instead of Paypal. Just let us know which you prefer.

We are looking to pay bloggers today.

this is in or around New York

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: $5 per blog entry

via wizbang

Bravo See "Mix Daddy" Dubya! You sir have fully explored the studio space.

I understand, I thought about quitting once, when I was diagnosed with brain, lung, and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the help of friends and family, I fought through it and kept going. I'm sure you have your reasons, though.

Good thing he's quitting. I would SO kick his heteronormal behind all the way back to Montauk.

Well, probably just to Hither Hills. My old roommate lives there and he owes me a hamster.

No "lightning bolt!"? Loose shit.

(Plus, anyone have clips from the radio appearance?)

Three words - W.O.W. That was STELLAR, See-Dubya! Found myself hummin' along.

See-Dubya, that was outstandingNo loose shit going on there at all. I have just one, small suggestion that might, you know, round out the sound, bring the whole composition together...

MORE COWBELL!!!

WTF?! I'm away for a few days, I come back, AND THE T-SHIRTS ARE GONE, AND SO IS ACE?

Are you (CENSORED) KIDDING ME?

I want a T-shirt. Or at least a picture of WittySexKitten wearing one. Whichever.

This is a crock! ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!

Ha ha, I was just about ready to blast this farewell song (or whatever) as the worst thing I'd ever heard, but then it ended with C-3PO singing "Christmas in the Stars", thus redeeming the whole thing.

Oh, wait a second, it turns out that just happened to be the next thing in my playlist. Oh, well, it cheered me up anyway. As long as I never listen to that atrocity again I should be OK.

By the way, here are two things that jumped the shark (yes, yes, the phrase "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark...whatever):

1. Ace retiring. It was funny for about a day. Now it's just getting really stupid. But how to get out of it? I suggest taking guidance from South Park. After years of killing Kenny every show, they killed him for good. He was gone for a long stretch, but then they wanted to bring him back. Well, what to do? Here's what they did: The other three guys were waiting for the bus, and Kenny walked up and they said, "Oh, hi, Kenny", and acted as if nothing unusual had happened. And that was that. I suggest the same thing here. Don't have a good plan to come back? Then just come back and be done with it. (Of course, if you've come up with some ultra-witty scheme after previously admitting you didn't know what to do, then go with that.)

2. Indicating pauses with periods: "That's. Just. The. Fucking. Way. It. Is." OK, fine, for a few Paul Anka quotes or whatever I guess it's funny, but it seems like everyone feels they have to do this at least once every three paragraphs or the cool kids are going to look down on them. And half the time it doesn't make any sense to do it. It. Really. Is. Just. Stupid. (See? It is.) Enough already.

I'll let you know when I have further orders for everyone.

Whoops, posted that twice. I must be so deliriously sad over the departure of Ace I fell on the keyboard while committing sepuku.

OK, this rapidly degenerating into a hostage tape. My list of demands are as follows:

1) a T-shirt (yeah, yeah, I'll even pay for it. With PayPal. Stop b*tching.)

2) a picture of WittySex Kitten wearing HER t-shirt as Ace's new side-banner, to advertise MORE t-shirts, for MORE sales. (Crazy blog-money, Ace. THINK of it.)

3) The return of Ace. This guest-hosting gig by Hoke is OK in small doses, but you know the deal: don't settle for imitation. It's like MST3K after Joel was replaced by Mike.

(For God's sake, my regular blog-reads are disintegrating: No Allah, Politboro is sporadic, ASV is records-o-rama, IMAO became a group-blog...)

Grey Lark Calls Its Mate
Stop whining now, Bob
you complain to hide the fact
you fucked your sister

Another thing that has jumped the shark:

3. Haikus. Haikus suck.

Here's my experience with Haikus: I have always hated Haikus. In fifth grade I was forced to write Haikus as part of a literature assignment. I banged out some crappy Haikus, turned them in, and promptly got accused of cheating because apparently I am some kind of latent Haiku master.

I convinced the stupid teacher that I had written the stupid moronpoems myself, so I was off the hook for cheating. So what did I do with my mastery of the Haiku form?

Nothing. Because they suck. And so why would I want to contribute to that?

Things That Haven't Jumped the Shark and Are Still Cool:

1. Converting word "X" to the phrase "stupid moronX". For example, "blog" becomes "stupid moronblog". That is an all-time classic. Did Ace invent that? If he did, then I forgive him for this this fake retirement dragging on too long. Unless it drags on much longer.

The Thrush's Lament
Fine, I jumped the shark
but Bob wears velvet panties
under a man's clothes

Somebody is peeved b/c Ace has failed to award fabulous gifts and prizes for the Last haiku contest.
That Somebody thinks he should have won said fabulous gifts and prizes for his childhood stupidmoron haikus.
Well, there are plenty of talentless stupidmoron haiku masters in Ace land still waiting for the damn tee shirt and fretting over paypal and really pissed that Ace is running off to Montauk w/ Downtown lad--who is not an eminent haiku master.

The Right hemisphere of blogdom is going to hell in a handbasket and some people are just selfish selfish selfish, even when they don't have their periods.
And frankly my dear, i dont give a damn about sharks.
we just dont want Ace Butler to leave us.
sniff sniff
Miss Scarlett has to take her meds now.

Ace ! Ace!

Cool Breeze on a Cherry Blossom
Bob gets beat up when by
Slayer fans when he mentions
Night Ranger concerts

The insult thread material is so, like, last week.

In all seriousness, I don't know if all this quitting talk is an elaborate hoax or not, and I don't care. I've been reading this site for over a year now, and I've never had to pay for it, so I don't really feel I can complain.

Sure, it's too bad if it won't be around anymore, but I imagine running a really good blog like this requires huge amounts of time and effort, and getting paid in compliments from people you don't know probably loses its appeal after a while. Just be glad you were here while it lasted, and let the man go out while he's still at the top of his game.

If you think there's a humor-blog vaccum now, then by all means start your own. I'll read it, and I promise not to leave comments.

Uh, what hoax? All I see is that Ace said he was retiring... and then didn't.

This "am-I-retiring-am-I-not" shenanigan has about as much shelf life as Jamie Foxx's unrequested and endless Ray Charles impressions.

I'm with Bob. It jumped the shark about 2 hours into it.

The insult thread material is so, like, last week.

4. Insulting people in comments.

Ha ha ha, I'm just kidding -- that will never jump the shark. It's an integral part of the Internet exerience. Even though I'm the victim of it in this case. Speaking of which, just because underwear is velvet doesn't necessarily make it "panties". And I think there's been a little perpetrator/victim confusion thing, as I can show you the scars on my fist from the Night Ranger fan's teeth.

In all seriousness, I don't know if all this quitting talk is an elaborate hoax or not, and I don't care. I've been reading this site for over a year now, and I've never had to pay for it, so I don't really feel I can complain.

Um...this is the Internet. Not only do you have the right to complain, but you have the responsibility to complain, as much and as often as possible. And the more so-called "unjustified" your complaints are, the louder they should be.

Sheesh. Every time I think things are getting better a new generation comes along and it's like we have to go through everything all over again....

Seriously, though, it is a hoax. And, yes, I am glad it is, as I really enjoy this blog. Ace might find this frightening, but it's often my primary news source of the day. Hey, if Ace can't find a way to mock it, then it must not be news, right? Ha ha.

Up all night and what do I see when I get drudge?

Star Wars Geeks are Idiots as well as Nerds

Who'da think it?

Bob,

If you're bored of the joke, imagine how Ace feels.

He's ending the joke sometime today. As soon as possible.

He never even wanted to do this joke. He just thought he HAD TO once Instapundit linked his "Retirement" post (intended as throwaway line, btw) and figured he was obligated to go through with a prank.

You know, Smitty ... I'm getting sick and tired of your self-proclaimed knowledge of how Ace feels. I bet when he gets back from that bender he's on, he kicks the shit out of you.

Though it was perhaps 1-2 minutes too long, that farewell song was hilarious. Fine work.

I'm with carin on this. Smitty, you don't know how Ace feels or what he thinks! You talk like you are actually Ace himself or something, as if someone with the name "smitty" could possible be as cool as someone with the name "Ace."

I bet Smitty doesn't even like cowbells and cannot in fact slice like a hammer.

You'd better get out of here Smitty before Ace comes back, then I think we will hear stuff even more salty than Paul Anka "encouraging" his band, not to mention something something involving his foot and your squeakhole (and possibly Allah's sister and Betsy), but don't quote me on that one.

Erm, two things:
1) isn't "smitty", ace? Kinda like Hoke...
2)

Sheesh. Every time I think things are getting better a new generation comes along and it's like we have to go through everything all over again....

Ace isn't going to be in any shape to kick anybody's ass when he gets back, what with his crusty fists, his scorched fingertips, his bruised chin, scarred knees and the hair on the back of his head all chewed off.

They don't just hand you bus fare in Massapequa.

That theme is just so sad and moving.

Like Bambi's mama dying while Sandra Dee finds out Tab Hunter doesn't really love her.

If I weren't a hirsute Viking, I'd be blubbering more than Barbara Boxer right now.

Now if Pavoratti recorded it, that would be okay. Even real men weep when some I-talian sumbitch hits them high notes.

I have to figure out a way to inject a sarcastic tone in the way I type. I hate adding the sarcasm tag since it ruins the joke, but just so you know I was joking.

Aaron, obviously, our humor is over the heads of some.

Thanks, guys...I'll just lay down that cowbell later. It's no big deal.