Canada is to America as Queens is to Manhattan.

And I say that as a Queens boy, born and bred.

Sweet!!! Dude.

Another possible question to ask liberal elite canadian douchbags when they offer their valuable, insightfull and completely FU__ING irrelevant opiniions regarding our wonderfull country...
Who squeezed your head to make the shit come out?

I really like the "we should buy it" comment also. God Canada sucks ass.

But me and Stinky were at a bar doing shots of Zima and we heard this other feller down the bar say that Canada doesn't even really exist, that it's a "paper country" established by lawyers for the NHL to evade NCAA rules against recruiting 17-year-olds into professional sports.

Goddammit. Where do you get these conceits? Brilliant.

That should be
Canada is to America as Staten Island is to Manhattan.
From a Brooklyn born Bronxite. And you thought you were confused.

More questions for Canukians
11. Is it true that its so cold up there your balls retract into your stomach and turn into ovaries?

Ooo another question comes to mind.

Do they even have a military force?(hockey teams would only count if armed with something more destructive than those addorable little sticks).

Also exactly how has Canada existed for so long, without anyone noticing?

Also if Canada suddenly sank into the bowells of the earth , would anyone really notice?

Finally, really what are you guys like a state or province or something or what?

Actually, I think he's Squidgy.

(I forgot to put the quote):

"8) Okay, I think I know who you are now. Did you play Carmine on Laverne & Shirley? Or was that someone else?"

Actually, I think he's Squidgy. (You know -- Lenny and Squidgy? Then again he may be Lenny. Nah. He's Squidgy.)

No no thats squiggy. Lenny and Squiggy . Carmine was Shirleys hunky italian boyfreind/dancer. Wait weren't we talking about some stupid island or principality or something??

No we were talking about our favorite Telemundo gameshow girls.

Well I am sure sexy Telemundo gameshow girls are more politically relevant than than anything Canadian. Perhaps if Canadians electected sexy Telemundo gameshow girls to there stupid little parlimant, planning commision, knitting circle they think makes a real government(snicker) they would finally become somewhat more relevant on the worlds political scene. Of course that action might considered an act of agressive mediocrity from France. No doubt stern un warnings and threats of possible discussions regarding meetings about sanctions would not be far behind.

They're still pissed that NORAD intended to blow up Soviet ICBMs over Canadian cities....guess that would have wrecked some of that ice-brewed prime Canadian beer up there and melted some hockey rinks....

Also, Canada's coins are like, totally gay. A "looney" ($1)? Get serious Canada.

In point of fact, Canada was a minor character on the cult hit, 'DeGrassi Junior High'. If I recall correctly, she was this quiet and polite background character who had a big role in the date rape 'very special episode.' Almost no one would believe her about how China 'went too far'. Even the ones who did just didn't care all that much. I think she eventually dropped out and became a beautician or something. It was very sad.

When she was on the WB sitcom 'Unhappily Ever After' Nikki Cox's character once referred to Canada and Mexico as "the hat and socks of America" - a great line. Indeed. Heh.

I love Canadians. I just don't think I could eat a whole one.

I dropped the link to your response in Squiggy's comment section.

I figured those guys deserved to hear an American response.

Who better than you, Ace?

Nobody. That's who. You're the only one who matters up on that stage.

That's. Just. The. Fucking. Way. It. Is.

Canada is to America as Old Coot is to Bill INDC

... or vice versa ...

Aren't they the ones hiding under Liberty's dress? I think I've seen 'em poke their heads out occasionally when things look safe.

Guido and Rocko, friends of mine, suggested they should pay the U.S. protection money because, well, you know, it's not exactly like they have to field an army or anything. Fair's fair.

I wonder if Mr. Trahn can make arrangements?

Damn! I knew I had something wrong. "Squiggy." Now I guess I'll have my feeding tube pulled.

A Johnny Coldcuts sighting!!!!!!!

Well, sort of. The "when I want your opinion, I shove it up your ass" (paraphrased) is Johnny Coldcuts BEST. LINE. EVER.

Ace, can we make Johnny C. the official "Ace of Spades HQ" Ambassador to Canada? I can't think of anyone better suited for the job.

Question for Canada:

Why is your food so horrible? You can get great pizza in Detroit, but go across the bridge and the pizza tastes like Chef Boy-R-Dee spread across cardboard. I once made the mistake of getting scrabbled eggs in Canada, and they had the taste and texture of a sponge soaked in cooking oil. How do you screw up scrambled eggs?

How do you guys manage not to starve to death?

A few more questions:

Why does the same book cost so much more north of the border? Let's see, here's one example:
$13.95 U.S.
$2,700,000 Canadian

Speaking of money, how much money would the former prime minister's family have made from sweetheart oil deals if Saddam remained in power? Round off to the nearest tens of million (U.S.).

Juno Beach. Fluke? Or proof of atrophy?

The whole idea that you are indifferent to Canada seems contradicted by the fact that you just made a bunch of posts on the subject.

Jason, stay away from Pizza Pizza. Try Pizza Nova or another chain.

I am indifferent to Jon "Duckie" Crier, and yet I use him as the butt of jokes all the time.

And are these people Americans or not?

I was EuroRailing in the 80's and a couple of canucks I was talking to were raking on the U.S. It was amusing, so, very politely, I let them prattle on. Bowie's Young Americans just finished playing on a radio. One canuck looked me square in the eye and boldly announced, "We're Americans too." Caught off guard, I snorted, "What?" with a guffaw I could. not. stifle. A 500 p.s.i. guffaw.

Good thing I didn't have a runny nose.

Then I couldn't stop giggling. I tried diverting attention. I said, "The fact is, no one outside America could possibly give our country more shit than we do ourselves. We're used to harsh, critical self examination." I tried so hard. But I realized I just used the word "America" and started snorting and giggling all over again. Couldn't stop.

"North Americans," maybe.

And, come on, I don't think Bowie had Canadians in mind when he wrote Young Americans. That would kind of, um, water it down, if you know what I mean. "All night/ She wants the young Canadian/ Young Canadian, young Canadian, she wants the young Canadian . . . ." Doesn't have the same, uh, moment. Or something.

Besides, later in the song Bowie asks about "your President Nixon." Was there a Canadian President Nixon? I hadn't noticed.

Anyway.

Are these people "Americans"? When people talk about Americana do they mean '57 Chevys, Marilyn Monroe, Route 66, and Molson? I think not.

You seem like Matthew Good questions have got you upset.

Canadians aren't the only ones who get "junior-high crush/hate".

Shhh. Your country had me at "hello."

Hey gang, stop cracking on the canadians. They might get pissed off and... and... and...

...that's right; I forgot for a second what impotent wusses they are!

BTW, if your country has French as an official language, subtract 20 points for the pussification factor.

Every time I read something about Canada I have the urge to pee sitting down.

I'm glad we cleared that up Ace.

"Hey gang, stop cracking on the canadians. They might get pissed off and... and... and...

...that's right; I forgot for a second what impotent wusses they are!"

Ya I guess if we were potent we'd rename American cheese or something.

He's got you there, ace! Yeah, um... cheese....

"...if we were potent..."

Then there'd be more little Canadians

Resort owners in Mexico and most of Central America and the Carribean all share the same joke about Canadians.
What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? You can get a canoe to tip.
Most of them hate to see Cannucks coming, the help nearly revolts every time. One I know of in Belize has two prices, the higher price is for Canadians with a tip figured in. Dressing and acting like a Canadian may be beneficial in France, but I'd think twice before I did it anywhere else. Who'd want to go to France anyway?

There is one good thing about Canada, besides that it will never challenge us economically or militarily:

http://www.firearmscanada.com/

They actually sell GUNS there!

Curling... what the fuck?

Jason:
You've gotta go to Montreal for good pizza.

Canada. Plucky country. I hear they have their own currency and system of government too!

Some Canadian Guy:

Might I ask, when you posted your comment:

I'm glad we cleared that up Ace.

"Hey gang, stop cracking on the canadians. They might get pissed off and... and... and...

...that's right; I forgot for a second what impotent wusses they are!"

Ya I guess if we were potent we'd rename American cheese or something.

Why did you direct your comments at Ace, when it was Log Cabin who made that post? Or were you simply slotting all American conservatives in the same bucket? Isn't that frowned upon in your country?

No bashing, just asking. I mean, if you are going to address the host of the site, wouldn't it be proper to get the poster straight before serving up your moving, eloquent rebuttal?

We might not have much for a military but those we have are good at their jobs. Just ask an American commander about which sniper teams he'd like backing him up.

We also have several personnel involved with Iraq under the various US/Canada military exchange programs; including the second highest ranking Officer in Iraq, Maj. Gen. Walter Natynczyk.

If it wasn't for the "can't we all just get along" ideology of the Liberal government we might actually be able to be of more direct use. Sadly, despite an outrageous scandal ridden past/present, every election, they use blatent anti-american scare tactics to get the peaceniks to vote for them.

I'm afraid of Canadians
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't help it.

According to the CIA Worldbook, the United States has 293,027,571 people. Of these 5.96 in one thousand are Canadian migrants, for 1,746,000.

Canada has 32,507,874 people. Of these, 3.41 in one thousand are from the United States, for 111,000.

This means that 5.37% of the Canadians living in the US or Canada live in the US, while 0.0378% of the Americans living in the US or Canada live in Canada.

Why are Canadians 142 times as likely to move to the United States than the other way around?

Whoops -- screwed that up completely. The fact book does not break down migrant population by national origin. My bad.

If I'd have made that shit up I would never come back and admit it.

Yeah KCTrio, the second part of my post was directed at Log Cabin. I should have indicated that.

I would like to answer these questions but the problem is nobody up here really knows where America is, or pays any attention to it. I really hope the author can get over their inferiority complex.

would like to answer these questions but the problem is nobody up here really knows where America is, or pays any attention to it. I really hope the author can get over their inferiority complex.

Posted by Proud Canadian at March 24, 2005 12:55 PM

heheh, dude that's funny. HEHEHHEEH I mean really friggin funny. And tell me, do you REALLY REALLY believe that when people around the world say "American" they are even thinking of you miserable, little peon Canadians. I mean really, in your heart of hearts do you honestly think any human being outside of Canada ever really even thinks about Canada. You meaningless little turd-burglars are probably not even in the top 50.

Your irrelavance as a nation is a result of your government. If you don't like it, change your crummy liberal government. Stop bitching about USA foreign policy. Become a relevant nation and do something about it dude. If USA is as evil, sinister and menacing as you liberal weenies think we are. Stop us. Come on, step up to the damn plate , elect a politicians who are not afraid to act, and change the world. Affect that change with either military or political might. Whining to anyone that will listen, is getting a bit old. I mean sure, you have no military or economy to speak of at the moment, so it will take time, but with all your wonderfully brilliant ideas you guys should be able to fix that in no time, right??

The other easier or "Canadian" option is to keep whining and bitching about the might and power of the great USA while enjoying the security and economic stability you enjoy as a result of your proximity to the greatest nation on the planet. All while we continue smile politely to roll our eyes at your annoying and irrelevant little whining.

Geez Marty.
Don't let him get your goat, man.
This whole post is supposed to be fun ribbing.

'Proud Canadian' is probably a thirteen year old girl in Ottawa. Chill.

Marty you need to chill. We don't hate America. In fact we hardly ever talk about it as we have our own country and our own problems to worry about. You can continue to project your insecurities onto us, if that helps you get through the day. I'm just glad our miserable nation can be of some solace to you in that respect.

Now, now, don't be lumping us all in the useless box, in a recent poll, and we know polls aren't the be all and end all but it said 26 per cent of Canadians believe Canada should support the missile defence program, that my 26% of Canada, too bad we weren't at least 51 per cent, not now. After David Frum was W's speechwriter, a Canadian, come on axis of evil phrase coiner. Funny too, Frum was right on! Mark Steyn, Canadian, eh? Paul Anka, I did it my way, Canadian.

John Novak why do more Canadians move to US than Americans to Canada : in two words TAXES & OPPORTUNITY.

The first is self explanatory. The second also simple - why is the great comedic talent of Hollywood Canadian, in fact Hollywood was established by a few Canadians : OPPORTUNITY!

Of course the problem with Canada is Quebec IMO. The Quebecois are the people who didn't even want to fight in World War II to liberate France. Canadian politics has been about appeasing Quebec to the detriment of the rest of the country and we keep taking it up the arse.

I think it is time for the Hey Hey Ho Ho Quebec why don't you really go campaign.

Curling, dear Americans, is like going bowling, only it's on ice, in hoity country clubs and you drink way way more beer...

in other words, it's a great excuse to party in the winter time.......

Regarding tipping, I'm an overly generous tipper by the way, I had too many friends who were waitresses and bartenders, a bartender in Barbados gave me the scoop:

he said Americans were the best tippers, Canadians second and Brits were the worse

in terms of likeablity, he liked Canadians best, Americans next and Brits were last again and I saw it with my own eyes, some Brits still think they are colonial masters eh?

Hostel and B&B owners/managers during my travels in Europe roundly hated French Canadians more than any other group. It's a synergistic combination of arrogance and rudeness.

In my travels in Europe I was told the only Americans that anyone liked were the ones wearing Canadian flags, pretending not to be American. They found real Americans to be fat, over bearing, ignorant and lacking any grace.

My Turn!

1)How come so many of your citizens thought that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11?

Because the government and the conservative-owned media kept saying so, over and over. The lie is always on page one here in the states, and the truth is after the jump on page 47.

2)How come so many of your citizens know so little about other places? I’ve met a lot of Americans and only three of them knew that Ottawa was the capital of Canada, and most of them had college degrees.

The new service economy demands workers that are disposable, mobile, and not too bright---so we spend very little time or money on education.

3)How come so many of your citizens know nothing about the history of US foreign and covert policy? Why aren’t they taught about American involvement in places like El Salvador, Chile, Colombia, Guatemala, Iraq, Iran, and a very long list of other places around the world?

Americans love stories, and we're some of the best storytellers in the world. But we prefer simple stories, told well---with dasterdly villians, thin plots, and the US as the heroes. Any other story tends to confuse and challenge us, so those stories---esp. the true ones---never make it to our teevee screens.

4)How come most of your citizens supported the invasion of Iraq? Is it because they didn’t have all the facts or because they just wanted to see someone pay for 9/11 and were open to suggestions?

After 9/11 we were all scared shitless---and scared, ignorant animals are easy to manipulate, especially when the herd is pretty dumb to begin with. The oil industry had been planning the Iraq invasion for years---that's why they installed Dubya in the first place---so they perpetrated 9/11 and the panic made their con job that much easier.

5)After the world found out that there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and President Bush announced that he was calling off the search for them, why didn’t your citizens demand that President Bush be impeached? After all, they tried to impeach Bill Clinton for lying about getting a blow job – and no one was even killed because of that.

Apples and oranges. The Clinton impeachment was America being stupid---embarrassing as hell, but no harm done. The Bush regime is America being violent, stupid, ignorant and dangerous. No one wants to make any sudden moves around Dubya for fear of getting sent to Camp X-ray.

6)How come some Americans think these sorts of questions are bad?

Self-examination isn't our strong suit. On the other hand, our cartoons totally kick ass!

7)How come your citizens don’t care that the CIA and the Department of Defense don’t have to disclose information to them, even though the Constitution says that they do?

Because reading all that would seriously cut into the timeslot for "American Idol", "Cops" and Rasslin'

8)You make more weapons than anyone else in the world. How come America?

We're totally gun nuts, from .22s to ICBMs. It's a whole phallic, redneck thing.

9)How come it’s legal to own an assault rifle but two men or two women can’t get married?

I have no idea. Our priorities are pretty fucked up. Hate will always win!

10)Why do you spend more money on defense than education and healthcare?

The wisest political philospher of the 20th Century was named Deep Throat. He said: "Follow the money. Ask who profits?"

The corporate power structure makes a HUGE profit off defense. In two years the unelected Shrub Regime managed to give almost $300 billion to DynCorp, Halliburton, Bechtel et al, with no end in sight.

Healthcare is profitable but nowhere near as easy, or fun for redneck racist homophobes. Education is a money loser (and would make the masses less ignorant).

The bottom line is that America is a corporate autocracy, concentrating wealth in fewer and fewer hands while deliberately building a vast underclass. The masses need to be kept stupid, scared, and distracted to maximize corporate profits - and they are.

It's humiliating but that's the way it is. At least, until the Glorious Workers Revolution!

Canada... Canada... hmm...

You mean that weird dude in Akira?

Modern Liberal Canadians are the result of decades of French trappers/traders not having any women around and having accidental offspring via sex with Moose.

Canada is a hypocritical country. They are so big on human rights but see nothing wrong with the senseless slaughter of innocent seals. It's okay for them to bash us with some idiotic comment without knowing the facts but God forbid you say anything about them-you're accused of Canada bashing! And I hate the brown nosing Americans that come to their defense. They won't defend their own country when something negative is said but will kiss some piss ass Canadian's ass just to make themselves look better.

hey, colon (:)

learn to sign your fucking name.

loose shit.

Anyone know where I can read up on more info on this

Good reading

Hi.