Dumb and Dumber.

That's in response to the last question, not the post in general.

Oh, wait...

"Jew Fu"

that's pretty damn funny, ace.

The real jews I've spoken to don't even know what that kaballah crap is.

As far as Madonna goes, that skank's fifteen minutes should have been up about 5 second after "Like a Virgin" was released.

One could infer from this silliness that the tsunami was the Joos' fault.

Oh, wait...

Yes, but who will she endorse for Pres in '08?
Mwaaa haa ha aaaaa

Here's the Telegraph story for those who haven't seen it.

Hypothetically, if Madonna and her Kabbalah took on John Travolta and his Scientology in a kind of jedi mind power celebrity death match, who do you think would win?

could the collective mind power of paris hilton, britney spears, and madonna compete with a common houseplant? a study should be done

great Dumb and Dumber and Fitzgerald reference btw

superfragikabbalistic.

Having just endured (and it was a test) Mary Poppins with my children the other day, this one had me in stitches.

Maybe both of their heads would explode and the rest of us would win. However, there could be hell to pay if Tom Cruise felt a disturbance in the force. I like Ace's title for Madonna's next children's book. After that she could get started on "Who moved my chi?"

Unbelievable.

And that's Woody Allen's character in "Manhattan" in quip #2.

You sure it was Manhattan? I haven't seen that one, but I'm sure I've actually heard the quote.

IMDB confirms it was Manhattan. But Allen re-used a lot of his jokes; maybe I read it in one of his short-fiction collections.

Actually, strike that-- I think I only heard the quote from someone who used to quote it.

These are all very important comments, I realize.

The world's airwaves have been tortured with Madonna's bleating for years and people are just NOW figuring out she's a con artist? Um, I don't think Paris, Britney, and Demi are the only idiots this planet has to offer.

Later,
bbeck

It doesn't get much funnier than "Jew Fu."

Snatch the Torah from my hand...

Wasn't "Jew Jitsu" the more obvious choice?

Damn - you beat me to it CL.

It cracks me up every time I see the banner for Ju Jitsu outside the Hebrew Community Center.

Yeah, that would have been better. Damnit.

[...] "digital censoring" of Madonna, replacing her in every scene with a five-foot six walkie-talkie in a corset.

Tell George Lucas to dust off Jar-Jar Binks - we've finally found a use for it.

INFIDELS AND UNBELIEVERS!!

The only reason it didn't work was because you forgot the chicken bones and dice in the fuzzy cup with the Ouija board, dammit!
Do I gotta do it all??? Oh wait...that's Richard Gere's role.
Who'd a thunk a fat, shirtless guy into chanting would know where Jerusalem was way back when???

I find it telling that these intellectual giants never "find" a traditional religion. It's always something trendy.

And, I once heard someone compare Madonna's form of Kabbala -( which the writer said only should be studied AFTER you are basically a "Jew Master") - to flying over the trees, and saying you understand the forest. It apparently *is* really deep stuff. That guy Madonna follows sounds like he is a merchandising master ...

Carin, good point. In the 90's Scientology was all the rage among the hollyweird elites. That's the "religion" where you pay to take courses in order to gain enlightenment...that's also the "religion" created by L.Ron Hubbard when he reliazed that he could never make any money selling crappy science fiction novels. When I lived in Florida back in the mid 90's, Clearwater was the Vatican equivalent for the Scientologists. You'd see them walking around basically wearing Star Trek uniforms (the orginal series).

uuuuummmmm...

Jew Master--is that like...
a super powerful D & D character???

What kind of special powers does he have--besides flying and casting spells????
uuummm whose the subject matter expert here???

Sorry, didn't know I needed to be so formal. "Jew Master" I used in place of a phrase "somone who had studied the Torah for (like) a really long time." Here, from "Judaism 101" (www.jewfaq/torah.htm)

We also have a mystical tradition, known as Kabbalah. The primary written work in the Kabbalistic tradition is the Zohar. Traditionally, rabbis discouraged teaching this material to anyone under the age of 40, because it is too likely to be misinterpreted by anyone without sufficient grounding in the basics.

The sages mandated that only married men over 40 could study kabbalah, to ensure that practitioners would be stable mature adults. This shows that they weren't strict enough.

From the limited reading I have done on the subject, I thought it meant that it would take years and years of study, before someone was even ready to BEGIN studying Kabballah it - that at age 40, you might have had enough time get be ready. Madonna, I believed, skipped all those years of reading and studying the Torah ... and that was what my original comment meant (that she understood the forest, by flying over the trees ... starting at the top.)

"Regarding esoteric intentions based on the wisdom of the qabbalah, one must be on guard and extra cautious not to come to heresy. Nowadays, one should not rely on any person to teach him this wisdom, especially on one who has not filled his belly with Talmud and Halakhah. As for those who glorify themselves as knowing this wisdom, do not believe them or desire them or listen to them, even on the smallest matter[...]" -- the will of the Netivot (R. Jacob Lorberbaum), d. 1832

I've always thought that this loony bitch had shit for brains, and this confirms it; IN SPADES!!!
And is Kabballah a "Clown" religion? With members like madonna, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Demi Moore, I'm surprised the Krusty the Klown isn't its High Priest!!!