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« Bordeaux Wine Sales Down, Down, Down | Main | Update: 2004 Job Creation Best Since 1999 »
January 07, 2005

In the Year 2000...

Michele finds an article (ostensibly) from 1961 telling you what life will be like in 2000 AD.

The family car will be soundless, vibrationless and self-propelled thermostatically. The engine will be smaller than a typewriter. Cars will travel overland on an 18 inch air cushion.

[Michele snarks:] See, this is where they always got me. 18 inches, 18 miles, whatever. A flying car is a flying car and these fearless predictions of autos that hovered above the ground have amounted to a thirty year foreplay session with no orgasm in sight.

Yeah, this is what bugs the stuffings out of me, too. I never cared about domed cities, or about lunar colonies, or even about robots so much. Yeah, as a kid, it's always cool to imagine your parents getting you robot who becomes your best friend and beats the shit out of your enemies, but realistically, some of your your enemies are probably richer than you and will have better robots.

So, practically speaking, your best-friend robot would probably be a K-Mart special that the other kids laugh at, with his unfashionably crude bubble-plastic sensor dome and clumsy three-fingered manipulation claws. Meanwhile, Johnny Parkerson has the new state-of-the-art Toshiba Ultrabot which can mix margaritas in his chest-cavity and do all of his history-project diaoramas for him.

I was always about the flyin' cars. Always, always, always.

I think it's time to give up the dream. We will not have flyin' cars in our lifetimes. We'll just have to content ourselves with almost unlimited access to free, dirtier porn.

Now, I don't mind the free, dirtier on-demand porn. But honestly, I would give it all up for a flyin' car.

At least for a month.


posted by Ace at 01:35 PM
Comments



Posted by: Rocketeer67 on January 7, 2005 01:46 PM

Eh... If there has to be all that tilt-rotoring and stuff, it's just a helicopter with a drive-train.

Plus, I doubt that thing works. I saw something about it on Discovery or something and I think it's prototype. Non-working.

When I speak of flyin' cars, I mean like the spinners in Blade Runner.

Posted by: ace on January 7, 2005 01:50 PM

"Damn it!, I was promised hovercrafts" Red Foreman from That 70's Show.

Posted by: Master of None on January 7, 2005 01:58 PM

Well crap, Ace, if I'm gonna want something from some Blade Runner future, I'm definitely a robot-that-looks-like-Sean-Young guy.

Posted by: Rocketeer67 on January 7, 2005 02:00 PM

I always liked the meal-in-a-pill - who's the jackass that thought that one up, anyway?

"Let's see, how can we make people's lives easier? I know, people hate to eat, right?"

Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on January 7, 2005 02:23 PM

When I was in 1st grade the teacher had us draw pictures ow what life would be like in 1999. It seemed so far off at the time.

I was one of the kids that drew people zipping through the air with those little rocket shoes (which, in retrospect, look like a total deathtrap).

Posted by: lauraw on January 7, 2005 02:43 PM

There will never be flying cars. People can't manage to steer the regular cars along the clearly-defined streets without running over all and sundry; imagine what the average life expectancy would be in a world where 16-year-olds could not only drive, but fly.

ROBOT cars, on the other hand, will eventually become mandatory. You will no longer have direct control of your vehicle; you will tell the robot control system (running a Microsoft OS, of course) where you want to go, it will consult the future version of Mapquest, and before you know it, you'll be quickly and safely driven somewhere entirely else, because Mapquest, even in the future, is poo-poo.

Posted by: The Claw on January 7, 2005 06:23 PM

'Smatter Ace; isn't clapping your lights on and off futuristic enough for you?

Posted by: The Sanity Inspector on January 7, 2005 10:46 PM

Patterico had an item on exactly what the Claw is talking about a while back--new chip implants in the cars and such. As is usual for idicoy, it originated in California but is being researched in the DoT right now.

Posted by: seedubya on January 7, 2005 11:45 PM

Hovercrafts? While you losers are stuck in traffic a mere 18 inches off the ground, I will be flying past all of you in my JetPak, laughing my ass off.

Posted by: No Dhimmi on January 8, 2005 12:13 AM

I was one of the kids that drew people zipping through the air with those little rocket shoes (which, in retrospect, look like a total deathtrap).

Seems Wiley Coyote's pioneer efforts with ACME would have worked out those bugs by now..ya think??
We may have to wait a bit--"Spock" in (Star Trek XIX) had a pair in Yosemite, as I recall

and as far as Bladerunner goes--I'd rather have one of those "blonde" mutants--(who the hell wuzzat, anyhow??) as a "house servant"..heh

Posted by: Ignore the man Behind the Curtain on January 8, 2005 02:09 AM

Claw
izzat kinda like Sly Stallone in Demolition Man--or more recently, Will Smith in I Robot??
I'll take a clone of Sandra Bullock--she can "write my name and lick my ass" as often as she wants.....

Posted by: Ignore the Man Behind the Curtain on January 8, 2005 02:16 AM

The hell with flying cars. Other people's driving scares me enough as it is. I'll just stick with the fast-access porn.

Posted by: SGT Dan on January 8, 2005 04:25 PM

Every time I mention flying cars on my blog some guy thinks he's doing me a favor by leaving a link to the skycar. Then they get all huffy when point out that it's been talked about for 10 years, never flew or even had anything more than a full-sized concept model built, and the guys behind the project keep insisting that they're only a few million in development money away from a the greatest revolution in transport technology since the first horse was domesticated.

Sounds like a big 'ol scam to me.

James

Posted by: James R. Rummel on January 8, 2005 07:11 PM

I just got a great deal on used cars that I wanted. It was tough making a choice which of the used cars to buy, but I did it.

Posted by: Marcy Frye on April 26, 2005 06:03 PM
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