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January 04, 2005

ACE OF SPADES WORLD EXCLUSIVE

"I Was Paul Anka's Lighting-Man," Sobs Distraught Stagehand

Tearfully Confesses: I Still Have No Idea Where Joe Was, Or Even Who the Hell He Is

The shocking details follow exclusively for you, Ace of Spades readers.

And yes, this is real, baby.

Or at least it seems real. The guy gave me his name and his performing-arts union. He just discovered blogging a week ago, and found me through Michelle Malkin's site.

I was a (stagehand) lightman for Paul Anka around 1974 - 1976... went out on tour a few times but I don't remember that particular reaming incident.
He chewed out the Caesars crew one time on opening night when we really deserved it. After the next show, he called us all into his dressing room and gave each of us a $100 chip. At the time I was on tour with him, he treated the crew pretty good. We stayed in the same hotels that he did and one time he picked up everybody's Room Service tabs (for 2 weeks). Later on, I heard from other stagehands that he got kinda cranky.

I believe the conductor that Paul was chewing out was Johnny Harris. He was pretty exciting to watch... really got into the music and jumped around on the stage. I liked him.

CJ Powell drove one of the trucks on the first tour and became his Road Manager later on.

I'm thinking "Where's Joe?" might be Joe Guercio who used to be Elvis' conductor, but it might just be a Zen thing after all.

Vinnie Falcone was the Caesars Palace house piano player around the time that Anka appeared there. He later became Frank Sinatra's music director.

In 1970, after a career’s worth of touring and working with the industry’s biggest stars, Falcone relocated to Las Vegas and became the house piano player at Caesar’s Palace. It was there that he caught the attention of Frank Sinatra.

In addition to working with Sinatra, Falcone was music director for the inaugural gala for president Ronald Regan, and has worked with Andy Williams, Tony Bennett, Jerry Lewis, Eddie Fisher and Sammy Nestico.

All in all, that tape was hilarious and so was the Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's band.

Keep up the great work, Ace.

I asked my correspondent-- whom I will only identify as "Man of Substance," even if compelled to disclose his identity by a federal judge investigating the Plame affair -- who Graham might be, and if he knows the name of the lighting-guy getting reamed out on the tape.

When I have plumbed this mystery further, you will have these answers.

Man. Sometimes blogging really is fun. Right out of the blue. Paul Anka's lighting guy. What a funny ol' world.

Update:

Don't remember Graham, that's why I think it was after I left. I can tell you exactly what he's talking about with the blue light though. He had some video playing on a projection screen that was hung over the band... shots of his kids... yada yada. I think the song was "The times of your lives". He wrote it for Kodak and they got a lot of mileage out of it. Anyway, the blue light was probably the conductor downlight. We kept it on all the time so the band (and the pilots) could see the Cut-Offs. It probably got bumped and slashed across the projection screen like a fucking hammer.

If anyone has any questions for "Man of Substance," feel free to submit them, and maybe he'll be so kind as to answer in the comments.

Just don't make a fuckin' maniac out of him.

posted by Ace at 03:24 AM

Comments

did the "man of substance" get a shirt?

Posted by: otalps on January 4, 2005 07:51 AM

Since the guys get shirts, can I have a shirt?

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer on January 4, 2005 07:52 AM

Another shirt question. Were Anka's guys shirts just like baseball shirts, or just like football shirts? The tape leaves it unclear.

Posted by: Rocketeer on January 4, 2005 08:22 AM

What a cheery way to start the morning... new insight into the most important man on that stage! Thanks, Man of Substance.

Posted by: Guy T. on January 4, 2005 08:30 AM

Ahhh...Paul Anka..the gift that keeps on giving. Like Herpes.

That's just. The fucking. Way. It. Is.

Posted by: senator philabuster on January 4, 2005 08:51 AM

Where's the friggin' cowbell for this one? Honestly, I don't think Drudge has ever posted anything that was more worthy of a siren (or cowbell, appearence of Gath Knight, etc.) than this.
I don't know if its possible to have a bigger exclusive semi-interview.

Posted by: Jersey Matt on January 4, 2005 08:53 AM

Jersey Matt,

Come now, cowbell is strictly reserved for economic news, just as Ann Richards is reserved for good polling news. We can't just go haphazardly throwing up pictures willy-nilly or we'll have frigging anarchy.

Though, if there exists a gif of R. Lee Ermy screaming at Private Pyle I'd recommend that for consideration of some sort of siren substitute category.

Posted by: Alex on January 4, 2005 09:08 AM

Yes, yes...I got way ahead of myself there. Sorry everyone. I have a couple of images saved that might fit well here (R. Lee Ermy, dancing fat kid gif, jpeg of a storm trooper taking a shit). Just don't have a web location for them.

Posted by: Jersey Matt on January 4, 2005 09:25 AM

Coolest. Post. Ever.

No, really, I'm not kidding.

It's like Christmas morning, two weeks late.

Thanks Ace,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 4, 2005 11:14 AM

Alex,

That's Kim Richards. Ann Richards was the former governor of Texas, and did not look nearly as hot in her pinup shots.

Loose shit going on around here.

Posted by: Embittered Redleg on January 4, 2005 11:35 AM

Actually I prefer Man of Concious but Ace knows best.

1. Yes otalps, THE CREW GETS SHIRTS! Pictures to follow.

2. Unabrewer , you must demonstrate a certain desire to be humiliated before you are eligible for Shirts.

3. Rocketeer, The Shirts were actually slinky see-through blouses. Since no one was Gay back then, the Band objected to being dressed in that fashion.

4. Back In The Day, everyone in the Band covered their genitals with Cut-Off jeans, which we called "Cutoffs". Mr. Paul Anka was (rightly) concerned that the audience was unable to properly view these garments.

5. I'm not allowed to think, think, think of 8 things, so I'll stop at 5.

Maybe Ace will let me answer more later. He has given me 3 DAYS... no wait, ONE WEEK to get it right.

Posted by: Man of Substance on January 4, 2005 11:46 AM

You better get it right, quickly Man of Substance. You don't want Ace, who is the only important man on this blog, calling in Mr. Vinny Falcone to ride your ass do you? Do you???!!!

I mean, after all, Ace opened his blog to you, with integrity. Didn't your comment post? Didn't you receive full value for your insights? Can't you understand the integrity kick Ace is on around here?

Fuck. Where's Joe?

Ohhh...and Man of Substance...keep reading this blog and you will see that Joe the Unabrewer is always humiliating himself on here with his posts. I think he qualifies. :)

Anyway...thank you for your insights into the routine of working for Mr. Paul Anka. This really is a lot of fun. :)

Posted by: senator philabuster on January 4, 2005 12:00 PM

This is unbelievably great: the ultimate payoff for all the time and energy Ace has invested in Paul Anka, and never-hoped-for grace note for us readers. Thank you, Man of Consciousness, and I ask you: who is the only important man on that stage?

Posted by: Jeff B. on January 4, 2005 12:02 PM

By the way, Ace: you do realize that it's January 4th and you've already made your Post Of The Year, right?

Posted by: Jeff B. on January 4, 2005 12:09 PM

Don't be so quick to dole out the award yet, Jeff B. You never know when Ace might get an out of the blue e-mail from Mr. Paul Anka! Or Kim Richards!

It is true that it would take a luminary like that, though, to top today's exciting updates.

Posted by: senator philabuster on January 4, 2005 12:19 PM

This is so exciting! Eat your heart out, mainstream media, I don't recall Dan Rather interviewing anyone who worked for Paul Anka.

Posted by: Sobek on January 4, 2005 01:14 PM

Ace,

Priceless.

Posted by: MeTooThen on January 4, 2005 02:47 PM

If the guys got shirts, well, I'd like to break that story.

Posted by: Dan Rather on January 4, 2005 02:52 PM

I'm ashamed to say that I had not taken the time to listen to Mr. Anka's tirade until today.

Oh my.

You know, if you changed the music-specific references to construction references, you'd have a pretty virtuosic scene from The Sopranos. Wait a minute: "Sopranos" is a music reference. Hey...I wonder if that recording was the inspiration for the show.

Ace, your next task will be locating someone who was actually present during that diatribe so we can find out whether or not Mr. Anka was wielding a baseball bat at the time.

Posted by: Deus ex Macrame on January 4, 2005 02:55 PM

Did he ever see Paul "slice" and, if so, was it like a "fuckin' hammer", or an ordinary hammer or something more akin to a mallet.

Posted by: sonofnixon on January 4, 2005 02:58 PM

If Paul Anka got in a vegas lounge fight with Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Frankie Avalon, and Pat Boone who would Vinny Falcone root for, and who would win?

Posted by: senator philabuster on January 4, 2005 03:14 PM

I have a question for Man of Substance: Did Ace preface his questions to you with “Put me some fuckin’ knowledge in here!”?

And as long as ya got it good, you gotta make it good!

Posted by: Dan-O on January 4, 2005 05:03 PM

It's about time I finally get some R-E-S-P-E-C-T in this fuckin' berg!.... After all the shit I had to eat with 'ol Blue Eyes and those mafiosi gum-bahs!

And Man of Substance, YOU FORGOT TO TURN IN YOUR FUCKIN' SHIRT!!

Geeez...the asses I have to ride in here.........

Posted by: Swiftsure aka Vinny Falcone on January 4, 2005 08:38 PM

And a picture of Vinny Falcone, to boot! Ace, I suggest you swipe that shot of Vinny behind the trap set to alert us to any major, Kathleen-Anderton level smackdowns you feel like administering--sort of like a cowbell, except to signify a forthcoming f'n-hammer-slicing, ass-riding on someone.

Man of Conscious, you've made my day!

Posted by: see-dubya on January 4, 2005 09:49 PM

Icing on the cake.
Thanks for taking us behind the scenes of the Paul Anka integrity kick.

Good job, Ace.

Posted by: Donnah on January 4, 2005 11:20 PM

The Paul Anka "pep talk" is the funniest thing I have ever heard period. Question: Did Mr. Anka get bent out of shape when he heard the recording and chew their ass out again? Did he ever find out who recorded the speech?

Posted by: Franco on January 21, 2005 08:21 AM

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What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
Melanie Phillips lays out the case for the total destruction of the Iranian government and armed forces. [CBD]

TJM acts like he knows anything about John Wick and screenwriting. It's embarrassing, really.

Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."

Batman fires The Batman
Batman is disgusted by the Joachim Phoenix version of Joker
Batman tries to fire Superman
Batman is still workshopping his Bat-Voice

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
I gotta do it my way
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Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

Sec. Army recognizes ODU Army ROTC cadets for their bravery and sacrifice in private ceremony
[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

TJM gives you a brief tour of his movie collection.

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
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Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine

US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.

Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies

“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

TJM has thoughts on Superheros and Iconography

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Chuck Norris, Action Icon and 'Walker Texas Ranger' Star, Dies at 86

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