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« Wonkette Hates Blogging, Bloggers, and Blog-Readers | Main | As If You Didn't Know: It's Only a "Mandate" When They Win »
January 02, 2005

Best of Ace, #5: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Revolting Puns

I like this bit, maybe for the same reason that the Monty Python guys liked Life of Brian: it actually has a beginning, a middle, and an end (which includes the noble self-sacrifice of a brave word processor).

Or maybe I like this piece just because I hate Maureen Dowd so much.

She's really, really awful. And she has been for such a long time. I found it very satisfying when people actually began to notice this fact -- that she isn't, oh, what's the word, good -- about two years ago.

And not just the conservatives, who'd always found her a vapid, self-absorbed twit. But people who had once thought she was funny and insightful. Not that he's some genius or anything, but I really liked it when Don Imus -- long a Maureen Dowd ass-kisser -- finally decided that she had lost whatever relevance she once had.

Lost? Or never had in the first place? Eh, why quibble over such details. The point is that no one reads her anymore, and she has got to know that by this point.

Everytime I post on Maureen Dowd, the guys have to begin debating whether or not she's attractive. Guys-- watch her on Bill Maher. At best she's writer-cute, which is, as I sadly know, one of the most lenient possible standards for attractiveness.

Serendipity Update: I was trying to figure out how to get the Schwarzenegger "Let's be honest" post into the list, even though I didn't think it really was a top ten or anything. But, as luck would have it, I need to post it here, just to explain why that "Let's be honest" is in the title of the Maureen Dowd piece.

Let's be honest: this wasn't the greatest post, but it did provide a week a half's worth of riffing.


posted by Ace at 12:39 AM
Comments



Ummm... I think I'd do her, but then again, all my buds from my Air Force days ALWAYS accused me (often correctly) of having no taste. Actually, I'd give her the ol' "I'll callya, Sweetie..." line and then... Heh.

Posted by: MSgt Buck on January 2, 2005 12:43 AM

MSgt Buck--

As the Navy says, "Any port in a storm." Add in the Air Force corrolary ". . . as long as there's cable TV and air conditioning," and you have Maureen Dowd in a nutshell.

Easy, vapid, and frigid, all at the same time.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 2, 2005 12:46 AM

If the "lets be honest" riff aint in the top ten, then it's gotta be in the top eleven or something. Cuz I loved that shit. Luved it. I think around that time, you were doing an applebees bit too.. That was top fifteen stuff man!.. On a roll you were that week.

"writers cute". I'm 'writers hoddy' which makes me about a 6 in da clubs.

Posted by: Hans on January 2, 2005 01:27 AM

Yeah, the Applebee's post was pretty good. I like the Let's be Honest post, but it just wasn't really a big, well-thought out post or anything. It was just a riff.

I love riffs like that though, and it's fun when everyone starts doing it. I loved reading through all the comments that week, when everything was "Let's be honest." It was such a funny Arnold line.

Posted by: ace on January 2, 2005 02:12 AM

Let's be honest -- that Ah-nuld post was way better than any ink spilled on Dowd could ever be.

Posted by: someone on January 2, 2005 09:22 AM

Ace,

Let's be honest.

No, the Arnold post wasn't any better than the MoDo one, but I have to admit, I have found myself saying "lets be honest" with some frequency now, and always with private pleasure.

Posted by: MeTooThen on January 2, 2005 12:08 PM

'Let's be honest' was a great post, made even funnier by the continual use of the phrase throughout the next several posts. I was actually telling my friends..."Hey, you've got to check out Ace's new 'honesty' policy."

Posted by: jmflynny on January 2, 2005 02:25 PM

As you probably know by now, this is one of my favorites. I can't believe this woman is a regular in the Times; on the other hand, so is Krugman, and that tells us all we need to know about the NYT.

Thanks for re-posting this.

Posted by: Dianna on January 2, 2005 03:48 PM

I'm going out on a limb here to make this guess...

Any guy who would find Maureen Dowd "do-able" also wouldn't object to sex with a blow-up doll.

Now that may be the majority of the male population but it sure doesn't mean those men are choosy.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on January 2, 2005 03:52 PM

I'll second Dave at Garfield Ridge on the Navy thing.


Let's be honest, Navy guys ain't exactly known for their choosiness.


"Oh, she actually breathes!"

Posted by: Digger on January 5, 2005 04:34 AM
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Top Headlines
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.
Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.


Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.
(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.


Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.
Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:
spidermanthreatormenace.jpg

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"
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Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!
Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys
Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map
Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.
Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
And she can't even go on The View because she's ugly a clump of stranger's hair in the bath-drain
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: CBD and Sefton Charge the Democrats with fomenting violence against the nation with their rhetoric, Virginia redistricting going down the tubes? Trump's bully pulpit is not censorship, Lee Zeldin is a star, J.B. Pritzker is an idiot, and more!
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