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| Jeff Goldstein's Christmas Wishlist, Circa 1985 »
December 22, 2004
'Tis the Season For Withering Lileks SarcasmOnce again we're having a few scattered engagements in the ongoing and interminable Christmas Wars. Responding to a typically unhinged James Wolcott piece about how no one hates Christmas at all and, anyway, even if they do hate it, it's perfectly hateful anyway, Lileks launches a few surgical strikes of scarcasm: I believe it was quite clear in the column, where I explicitly condemned the godless networks for not having an animatronic Baby Jesus read the news the third week of December, or running a crawl below all prime-time programming spelling out the recipe for figgy pudding. As long-time readers of this site will note, I am not just a loud militant Christian who wants to tamp the thick bristling wad of God down everyone’s throat with a miter, I am frequently given to posting long MP3 files of myself sobbing in despair over the fact that advent candles are not forcibly screwed into the facial apertures of government officials. That’s me, all right. Lilkes makes a point that I think is quite important: I don’t think people in the Evil Coastal Godless Baal-Loving Media hate Christianity. I’m sure some hold it in disinterested contempt, the way they view NASCAR and Simplicity dress patterns and those giant salad forks some people inexplicably used as kitchen-wall decorations. But for many – yes, the dreaded inexact “many” – religious ideas don’t register at all, so they don’t know how their actions might seem to those who take the whole God thing seriously. This is the key. I'm not religious myself. But I don't get very flummoxed about anyone's expression of heartfelt religious beliefs -- live and let live, let's be tolerant and all that. And it should be noted the Left is quite tolerant of religion, too, so long as that religion is some sort of hybrid Eastern Mysticism/Kabala/Wiccan-Santeria New Age concoction (assuming that chickens are not in fact slaughtered, as Santanistas occasionally do, but are instead merely photographed upon the altar as some kind of f-stop offering, and then set free into the wild where they can be viciously devoured by wilding raccoons, which I have always considered the Crips of the surburban garbage-can ecosystem). They always say that it's important to tolerate not the beliefs or practices which you like -- that's not tolerance, after all; that's just doing your thing -- but to tolerate those beliefs and practices which you abhor. Well, most of the people saying this abhor Christianity and all of its expressions; where's this reservoir of good-spirited tolerance I keep hearing so much about? But Lileks himself can't resist a less-than-tolerant attack on Wolcott, an attack I must say I enjoy. Noting a rather shabby typo of Wolcott's: But when I read that, I thought: he has cats. Everything about his work suggests that he has cats. Not that there’s anything wrong with cats. I love cats, even though I prefer dogs. But sometimes you just get the impression of a soul whose incessant pissy hauteur is best expressed at the moment when they dump a stinky disk of fish guts into the bowl and mutter something clever to the elegant creatures feasting at their feet. It turns out Wolcott doesn't have cats, but rather "ocicats," whatever they are, and they're named Roland, Jasper, and Henry. What-- he couldn't have named one Monsieur Faggsworth? That's every bit as good a name for an "ocicat" as "Pretzel" is for a chocolate lab. Thanks to NickS. posted by Ace at 01:31 PM
CommentsSantanista? You must mean Santeria. Posted by: SWLiP on December 22, 2004 01:39 PM
Thanks for the correction. I didn't think "Santanista" or whatever the hell I wrote sounded right. Forgive me, I was out with an old friend who was/is a real European lefty and the world "Sandanista" came up about a hundred times before I said "No more politics." Posted by: ace on December 22, 2004 01:49 PM
Apparently, the ocicat is actually a breed of cat, so there ya go. Posted by: zetetic on December 22, 2004 02:23 PM
I'm sure he Lileks knew he had cats, since it was the title of one of the books mentioned in the bio. I think he was making fun of the fact that he SAYS he had "ocicats" instead of just cats. It was a really good Lileks - glad you linked and reminded (encouraged) me to read it. Earlier this week, he was just kinda blowing it off, so I figured he was taking it easy. And, I totally agree- all these people trying to dispute that "Christmas" is under attack are just off base. At our HOME SCHOOL "holiday party" we weren't allowed to sing Religious-oriented Christmas songs. He is DEAD on when he says 'these people' don't understand what they do, because they have no idea regarding Christian culture, and unlike Wiccan or Kabbala, they don't extend any tolerance toward Christian traditions. It is merely an institution to be disrespected and torn down. He might not have been offended by the hamburger/Christ ... but I was. Not enough to get my panties in a wad, but enough that it registers. Posted by: carin on December 22, 2004 02:41 PM
If every religion were banned from public property, then most people would grudgingly accept it, but even that's not the matter at hand. The Bill of Rights states our inherent right to religious expression, it does not state our inherent right to be indignant at the mere sight of religious expression. Posted by: Trevor on December 22, 2004 03:03 PM
I used to be a Santanista, but that "Supernatural" album with Everlast and Dave Matthews didn't so much sacrifice chickens as blow goats. Posted by: Alex on December 22, 2004 03:43 PM
Yup... I so love multiculturalism... "Let's celebrate any culture except our own... and our own we will morph into a grey meaningless nothing that cannot offend [but will not inspire, either]". Posted by: DaveK on December 22, 2004 03:57 PM
Making a point of owning Ocicats just means that you're a sucker who paid a ton of money for a "pure-breed" instead of going down to the local vet and getting a nice kitty for free. Posted by: Iblis on December 22, 2004 04:07 PM
See http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,1072-1410786,00.html for the story of how the original Puritan, Oliver Cromwell, banned Christmas. Posted by: on December 22, 2004 05:38 PM
Lileks said. "At this rate we will have to rename July 4th The Holiday of Perceiving Nocturnal Airborne Explosives, lest we offend the few who regard the American Experiment as a grievous stain on human history." ...yeah, those would be the same people who are mortally offended by the utterance "Merry Christmas." Maybe would strike an agreement with these chumps ... we get Christ's Mass, you get May Day. Posted by: brian on December 22, 2004 05:52 PM
Wait--I'm a Santanista. We worship St. Nicholas as part of the holy tetrarchy and have milk and cookies for communion. Then we go overthrow the governments of tiny Central American countries and install Maoist voodoo zombies as the dictators--though we are opposed by the violent extremist Pentagoncostals. No chickens for us though; they must be the orthodox Santanistas. Posted by: See-Dubya on December 22, 2004 06:30 PM
Ocicats are cats. Little, spotted cats. That poop in open bins as ALL cats do, and in this case, cost toooooo much. These cats are the cats of hyper-pseudo intellectualism. Ok, is it clear that I am a dog person? My Boston Terrier would eat these cats. As snacks. Posted by: BrendaK on December 22, 2004 07:42 PM
The Left has simply substituted the state for God, as did Marx. Posted by: Ruth on December 22, 2004 09:42 PM
I greatly enjoyed Lileks' response. but am unfamiliar with his target. Who is James Wolcott? Is he someone I should have heard of? Fellow sounds a bit of a tick. Posted by: D Carter on December 23, 2004 12:21 AM
Even though your GOP has the federal government locked up, you just can't stop carping at Democrats. Your stereotypes are utter witless crap, as well. Be that as it may, the election season's over, and you won on the federal side. But do you actually think your leaders are perfect? That they deserve no scrutiny? Come on. A Republican can and will screw you just as fast as a Democrat. Always scrutinize their deeds. Merry Christmas. Posted by: Marc on December 23, 2004 05:39 AM
The US Postal Service is offering seasonal stamps: Kwanzaa (2 Kwanzaa Commemerative) http://shop.usps.com/cgi-bin/vsbv/postal_store_non_ssl/display_products/productCategory.jsp?prodCat=/Stamps%20by%20Subject/Holiday&prodCatCursor=0&passFlag=1 I find this more amusing than offensive. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Posted by: too many steves on December 23, 2004 06:33 AM
Wolcott's a twit who writes for the Villiage Voice - that about sums up everything one needs to know about him. As for his cats, it's not their fault their master is a wanker. Lay off the cats. Ocicats are a fine breed. At this time of the season it's nice to remember our little companions, both feline and canine. Posted by: barbula on December 23, 2004 07:36 AM
Turns out The Passion of the Christ did less to bring people to Jesus than to make martyrdom fashionable. So it's time for the Christians to play victim now, is that it? Fine. That's cool. When you guys are done whining we'll just about have heard from everyone. Posted by: frameone on December 23, 2004 10:49 AM
FWIW, this was sent around via email at the highly-PC San Francisco law firm that I work at, with several partners who contributed $2000 to Kerry and where I'm right now doing pro bono work for a client who I can't stand (but since I'm ethically obligated to do a good job, I'll still try to win). Anyway, at least some of these people still have a sense of humor:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all ... ... And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the Western Hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. (Author unknown)
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The INNOCENTS and their FAMILIES are the losers in WAR in IRAQ. Up until today; 1,571+ innocent American soldiers have been killed in IRAQ. All the dead and those wounded are Innocent, because they were defending (and still are) the erroneous Vision of FREEDOM of a utopian political demagogue; whom had received power from the people to lead them and enlighten a dark World with Mercy and Love (if he in deed was a follower of CHRIST as he had said). However, he deceived the people with his own vision of “WAR on TERROR” for PEACE; Instead of using that power for good he used it to steal, kill and destroy because he is also a liar As it is written and the MESSIAH says: Innocent Iraqi civilians killed by U.S. BOMBING are estimated to be between 21,000 and 25,000 in two years; most of them elders, women and children. IRAQ is in chaos and all people including American soldiers and their families of the nation are suffering. Is this not a WAR CRIME against the people of IRAQ and all humanity? Can we humanly say that this insane killing and human suffering should be called Liberation? WE THE PEOPLE (TAXES) ARE BEING ASK TO DONATE MORE MONEY TO SUPPORT OUR SOLDIERS IN IRAQ. SAY TO YOUR CONGRESSMAN: “WE WANT OUR FAMILY HOME! STOP THE KILLING AND BRING THEM HOME.” The Word of GOD written says: PAT ROBERTSON from the 700 CLUB said something like this: “GOD told me that He is going to remove some Judges from their benches.” “AWAKE to RIGHTEOUSNESS, and SIN NOT: For some HAVE NOT the KNOWLEDGE OF GOD: I speak this to YOUR SHAME.” I Corinthians 15: 34. “BENDITOS LOS QUE CREEN EN EL NOMBRE DEL SENOR.” Posted by: Ivor Manuel prophet on April 28, 2005 01:48 PM
COSEN and FAITHFUL! HE FOUGHT to establish JUSTICE The LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS HE shod HIS feet with MERCY and LOVE HIS FAITH is not a WEAPON to KILL But the WORD of GOD and HIS LAW HE crowned HIMSELF with the HELMET of SALVATION The PRINCE of PEACE is HIS TITLE And he that OVERCOMES A NEW VISION of PEACE that comes with HIS NEW NAME. ALELUYA! AMEN! ALEUZENEV! CHOSEN and FAITHFUL! Posted by: Ivor Manuel prophet on May 14, 2005 04:35 PM
Has the President fulfilled his PROMISES to the PEOPLE? Posted by: Ivor Manuel prophet on May 16, 2005 04:02 PM
Answers to PROPHET LODELIA TATE from Ivor Manuel Open your eyes wide and read if you are blind and want to see, because the LIGHT is shining and HIS WORD is WRITTEN: “I will make Darkness LIGHT before them, and CROOKED things STRAIGHT. This things will I DO unto them, and not FORSAKE them. Isaiah 42 “A certain man (being the LORD of the HOUSE) had two sons,” the OLDEST ONE, stayed in the House with His FATHER, and never Sinned and was unblemished and became the LAMB SACRIFICE for the SINS of the WORLD, JESUS the CHRIST, the SACRIFICE. I am here to testify of My FATHER and HEAVENLY BROTHER. And LODELIA, I tell you: “That day has arrived!” That is the QUESTION to answer your questions. But that question, also has to be answered by the LEADERS of the NATION. If you are one of them answer IT. If you are not, you must ask them the same question, writes Ivor Manuel, For I hear HIS VOICE saying: Ivor Manuel prays for you and PEACE for the World. “Behold my servant, whom I uphold, mine elect in whom MY SOUL delights, I have put MY SPIRIT upon him, he shall bring forth JUDGMENT to the GENTILES. He shall not cry, nor lift up, nor cause his voice to be heard in the streets. A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth JUDGMENT unto TRUTH.” Isaiah 42:1-3... “And the LORD shall inherit Judah His portion in the HOLY LAND, and shall choose JERUSALEM AGAIN…” Zechariah 2:12… “The NEW JERUSALEM” LODELIA, the LORD has already chosen IT. It is written in Revelation 3:12: That is written LODELIA, and here it is WRITTEN again to remind you, “The WORD of the LORD was unto them (and is now unto you that BELEIVE to be HIS FOLLOWERS) PRECEPT upon PRECEPT, PRECEPT upon PRECEPT; LINE upon LINE, LINE upon LINE; here a Little and there a Little…” Isaiah 28:13. Then go to St. John and read there 14:12-21 and 16:7-15 ALELUYA! AMEN! ALEUZENEV! GO and tell the World you CHOSEN and FAITHFUL! Posted by: Ivor Manuel prophet on May 19, 2005 08:04 PM
GEORGE W. BUSH said about Stem cell: The WORD of GOD in Proverbs that is written says, “A righteous man regards the life of his beast; but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.” Moreover, “He who hides hatred is of Lying Lips, and he who utters slanders is a FOOL.” Now I say, “Read the REVELATION for PEACE from JESUS CHRIST to the WORLD at, www.aleuzenev.com and Judge for your self, if I have spoken presumptuously or the things spoken have not come to pass, 9/11. It is also FREE, freely I have received and freely I must give to the World HIS WORD of TRUTH which is MERCY and LOVE for PEACE. Ivor Manuel prays for you and PEACE for the WORLD; prophet pillar branch of the LORD JESUS ALEUZENEV, HIS NEW NAME, LORD and SERVANT of all PEOPLE. Posted by: Ivor Manuel prophet on May 21, 2005 08:38 PM
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FALSE PROPHETS IN AMERICA. This early morning, while Hurricane Wilma was in action against the Florida coasts, I went to my place were people come to have their health restore. As I listen to the messages recorded in my telephone machine, I heard the voice of false prophet Kenneth Copland saying: Then, the Word of the Lord came upon me saying: “No weapon that is form against thee shall prosper: and every tongue that shall raise against thee in Judgment you shall condemn. This is the Heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their Righteousness is of me, saith the Lord. Isaiah 54:17. I AM the vine saith the Lord, you are a rotten fig Kenneth Copland, and My Judgment is upon you and all the fat goats that have jumped the fence and gone out of My House to find their own pastures. The Lord and His Word rebukes thee Satan!” “And the stars of Heaven fell unto the Earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs (not good to eat), when she is shaken of a mighty wind (hurricane). And the Heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain (place of Idolatry) and Island were moved out of their place.” Revelation 6:13,14. “Behold My servant, whom I uphold: Mine elect, in whom My soul delights; I have put My Spirit upon him; he shall bring Judgment to the Gentiles…To open their blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house. I AM the Lord; that is My Name; and My Glory will I not give to another, neither My praise to graven images.” Isaiah 42: 1-8. “And My LORD said unto me, Thou must PROPHESY AGAIN before many PEOPLES, and NATIONS and TONGUES, and KINGS.” Revelation 10: 11. “So shall My Word be that goes forth out of My Mouth; it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it…Instead of the thorns shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree; and it shall be to the Lord for a Name, for an everlasting sign that shall be not cut off.” Isaiah 55:11-13 Posted by: Ivor Manuel prophet on October 25, 2005 10:01 AM
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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?" I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove Chris
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near Somebody else holds your heart, yeah You turn to me with your icy tears And then it's raining, feels like it's raining
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source" Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held. Basil the Great
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.
Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing. Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult. Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending. (((Dan Hodges))) Nick Lowles
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98. Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years. Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45 Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%. I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens. REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs. Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.
Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:
![]() That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time. I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"
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