Because I really don't want to deal with a libel suit.

Oh, come on. It can't be that juicy.

ohhhh... check free republic...

By the way, everyone:

ALLAH'S HERE!

Ask him where's he's been and when he's coming back! He knows! I don't! I really don't!

PS, Allah, thanks for not blogging during the voting... you obviously would have one easily, had you chosen to show a little leg.

Nah, I'd say the right person won. Besides, I only won the humor category last year because I campaigned and Scott Ott didn't. As Darth Vader would say, the circle is now complete.

So. Does that secret you've been teasing us with have anything to do with the screenplay you wrote?

I. Wish.

No, look, it's on about the same level as "I just found a psoriasis medicine that really works for me."

Ah, it's no fun trying to get a guy to return who's clearly having way too much fun with his new apostate blogger schtick...

I don't get the libel suit anglel, but check your email.

Ha. Ain't it the truth.

Good to know you're alive, creator of worlds. I was beginning to wonder...

One thing that would bring me back to blogging (temporarily) is the chance to talk about the legal matter in which I've been ensnarled since late September. I can't get into details because we're in the process of negotiating a settlement, but the upshot is that I'm going to have to pay a three- or four-figure award to a large corporation for a mistake made by a third party with which I had nothing to do.

If I told you what's got the corporation so upset, you wouldn't believe it. And if I told you how the third party is trying to renege on its promise to indemnify me even though this whole thing is their fault, you wouldn't believe that either. Suffice it to say, I'm dying to write about it and shine a bright bloggy light on the whole thing -- but I can't lest it jeopardize the negotiations.

Let's all treat this as an Ace exclusive, not to be publicized beyond this comment section. Please.

Oh Moon God: No offense, but if you were Sully that could be the basis for a whole lucrative pledge drive.

Don't I know it. If I were still blogging regularly, I'd probably do it. But what am I supposed to do now? Come back and beg people to bail me out when I haven't given them squat for two months?

You could. You'd certainly get some jack.

Saw the Telegraph article earlier today. It seems to gloss over how a "particular major funding acquisition programme that I believe is totally unjustified and very wasteful and dangerous to national security" goes to "top secret 'stealth satellite' programme" talked about in foreign newspapers.

Incidentally, how would this thing be "dangerous to national security", exactly? I mean, other than in the fact that money for this is not going to the MX-331 Cyborg-Soldier Program? I can't see how invisible cameras in orbit that no one (before somebody shot off their mouth) would know about could be dangerous unless they fall out of the sky and hit my house or something.

Now I'm curious as to whether the other 3/4 of the budget is going to constructing a Death Star behind the moon or something.

Since Allah made an appearance I'm obligated to say I'm a big fan, your Dean-O stuff in particular had me in stitches.

And speaking of Sully: "The boyfriend has to choose between being deafened or fumigated. But my sleep is heavenly." Over to you, Ace.

Damn Allah - sucks to be you, eh? :( I bet people would still give $$ if you asked though. Seriously - *especially* given the right circumstances. eg. this "situation".

p.s. I liked "pop-up" comments better. :P

"Check Free Republic" - Where?

PS It's still Heinz-Marshall. (Although he will be up for sale again on eBay shortly.)

Oh, please please PLEASE let Wyden get his dick caught in the door on this. I so want to see that embarassment to my home state go down in flames!

Hey A-double-lizzle,

You could ask for money as a payment for future blogging services. Peeps would pony up.

Well, not me, but I am a cheap bastard.

Besides, I'm dying to hear about:

1) Your legal story (I remember you asking one time for good IP lawyers) and

2)Ace's magical mystery cure for crabs...I mean psoriasis.

So keep the comments in this thread rolling!