Shocker Expose: John Kerry Won the Election

Bush is a new Hitler, except without the rakish moustache. But that's hardly news, right?

Greg Palast -- let's be honest, the most important reporter in the world today, a genius rivaled only by, I don't know, John Elway -- has the facts on the stolen election of 2004.

That's right: 2004. The one we just ended. The one that proceeded smoothly, and ended the normal way, with one man ahead in electoral and popular votes and the other man conceding.

But, see, it was stolen. We Republicans are getting so good at stealing elections that even the Democrats don't notice.

Now, you may say that Greg Palast is just a very low-rent leftist conspiracy-hustler trying to finally launch his career, which is, for all his ranting and raving and acting up and attention-seeking, at about on the level as mine. And that, some might say, is pretty damn sad.

But I know Greg Palast to be the finest throwback leftist working in British tabloid journalism today, and he also kisses like a dream. A dream who's very "handsy."

Anyway, on to the next bit of lunacy that will preoccupy the extra-chromosome left for the next thirty years:

Kerry won. Here's the facts.

I know you don't want to hear it. You can't face one more hung chad. But I don't have a choice. As a journalist examining that messy sausage called American democracy, it's my job to tell you who got the most votes in the deciding states. Tuesday, in Ohio and New Mexico, it was John Kerry.

Most voters in Ohio thought they were voting for Kerry. CNN's exit poll showed Kerry beating Bush among Ohio women by 53 percent to 47 percent. Kerry also defeated Bush among Ohio's male voters 51 percent to 49 percent. Unless a third gender voted in Ohio, Kerry took the state.

So what's going on here? Answer: the exit polls are accurate. Pollsters ask, "Who did you vote for?" Unfortunately, they don't ask the crucial, question, "Was your vote counted?" The voters don't know.

Here's why. Although the exit polls show that most voters in Ohio punched cards for Kerry-Edwards, thousands of these votes were simply not recorded. This was predictable and it was predicted. [See TomPaine.com, "An Election Spoiled Rotten," November 1.]

Once again, at the heart of the Ohio uncounted vote game are, I'm sorry to report, hanging chads and pregnant chads, plus some other ballot tricks old and new.

The election in Ohio was not decided by the voters but by something called "spoilage." Typically in the United States, about 3 percent of the vote is voided, just thrown away, not recorded. When the bobble-head boobs on the tube tell you Ohio or any state was won by 51 percent to 49 percent, don't you believe it ... it has never happened in the United States, because the total never reaches a neat 100 percent. The television totals simply subtract out the spoiled vote.

And not all vote spoil equally. Most of those votes, say every official report, come from African American and minority precincts. (To learn more, click here.)

...

Your Kerry Victory Party

So we can call Ohio and New Mexico for John Kerry—if we count all the votes.

But that won't happen. Despite the Democratic Party's pledge, the leadership this time gave in to racial disenfranchisement once again. Why? No doubt, the Democrats know darn well that counting all the spoiled and provisional ballots will require the cooperation of Ohio's Secretary of State, Blackwell. He will ultimately decide which spoiled and provisional ballots get tallied. Blackwell, hankering to step into Kate Harris' political pumps, is unlikely to permit anything close to a full count. Also, Democratic leadership knows darn well the media would punish the party for demanding a full count.

What now? Kerry won, so hold your victory party. But make sure the shades are down: it may be become illegal to demand a full vote count under PATRIOT Act III.

I used to write a column for the Guardian papers in London. Several friends have asked me if I will again leave the country. In light of the failure—a second time—to count all the votes, that won't be necessary. My country has left me.

Any more of this nonsense and I think I will scream.

To those of you on the left:

You put an awful lot of stock in this moron's claims regarding the "stolen" 2000 election. Now that he's making near-identical claims about an election disputed by no one at all, including the DNC and Kerry himself, what does that say about his previous claims, and your eagerness to believe every idiotic lie he told you?

You been had. You been bamboozled.

Thanks, big time, to TLowery.