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« Ailing Arafat to be Treated in, Surprise Surprise, Paris | Main | MarcLand Gets a Little Paper »
October 28, 2004

Red Sox Run-Down

Congratulations to the Red Sox.

The great thing about the win is that we don't have to hear about that stupid "curse" anymore. Well, we'll hear about it a lot in the next few weeks, and in the beginning of spring training next year, and then-- not so much. From now on, Sox, when you blow a 6 game lead in September, you'll have to admit it's just because you collapsed and weren't very good rather than carrying on with this nonsense about a curse.

Political ramifications? Obviously, John Kerry wants to read the win as some sort of a metaphor for the triumph of Northeastern liberalism. That just got a little bit harder:

GIBSON: "Well, well said, Curt and Shonda. You both have certainly lifelong membership now in the Red Sox nation. It was a great thing to watch, and I think everybody – whether they were great Red Sox fans or not -- had to admire what this team did. It was extraordinary, and one of the great stories of sport. And sport always produces such great stories. Curt, Shonda, great to have you with us. Congratulations."

SCHILLING: "And make sure you tell everybody to vote, and vote Bush next week."

The Sox victory, combined with the Schilling endorsement of Bush, just caused Son of Nixon's head to explode like Michael Ironside in Scanners.

Son of Nixon will be missed. A little.

H/T: Tanker.

And, for that one of you who is a fan of the foul-mouthed time-travelling baloney sandwich known as Johnny Coldcuts, turns out that he got another one right, back on June 8:


Wanna get rich, fuckface? Five fuckin' words: Red Sox World Series Sweep! Eh, go ahead and fuckin' ignore me, ya dirty shitmongers.

Now, Johnny travels in time, but he's a 1 a substance abuser and 2 a moron, so his visions of the future are often clouded by Rufies and old-fashioned stupidity. But it looks like he got that one right.

Thanks to Jeff Kelly for reminding me of that and Stumbo for tracking the prediction down.

Johnny Coldcuts has another prediction to make-- let's hope he's not high:

George Bush wins 54-43 in the popular vote; takes all battleground states and Michigan and New Jersey. You can bet your dirty-bastard lives on it, jerkweeds.

Sounds good to me, Johnny.

But Curses Can't Simply Disappear; They Have to Be Passed on to Someone Else, Like the Monkey's Paw Update: Dave from Garfield Ridge offers this tidbit, for those of you who believe in hexes and gris-gris and such:

If Bush really does have Big Mo, I'm thinking that, by saying that he'd rather have the presidency than a Red Sox victory, John Kerry might just have sucked the Curse out of the Red Sox and into him, like Father Karras yelling "Take me! Take me!" to the possessed Regan at the end of The Exorcist.

Well, actually, that is how curses and such work. There's never a win-win resolution; there's got to be a sacrifice. Blood in, blood out.

It would be delicious. Delicious like the blood-filled cursed cherry pie the daughter eats at the end of Thinner.


posted by Ace at 01:52 PM
Comments



OH, Johnny, I hope you're right. Winning Michigan would just be SO SWEET!

Carin/Heather from Detroit

Posted by: Carin on October 28, 2004 02:03 PM

Schilling was born in Alaska.

Bill Mueller (3B) was interviewed after the game and said he wanted to Thank God before anyone else. He is from Missouri. I think I know who he is voting for as well!

Posted by: Greg Schreiber on October 28, 2004 02:13 PM

I knew there was a reason I loved Johnny Coldcuts-- he's witty, he's tasty, and he has a great eye for baseball teams.

BTW Ace, with all the donations dough rolling in, have you ever thought about t-shirts? Man, a Johnny Coldcuts shirt would be great.

Even better-- PAUL ANKA SHIRTS!

Cheers,
Dave

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on October 28, 2004 02:22 PM

I'm naming my first kid Curt - boy or girl.

I'm going to buy a dog and name him Curt.

I'm going to start calling my Mr. Coffeemaker - "Curt".

Hmmmmmmmmmmm...Son of Curt.....me likes the sound of that.

Posted by: sonofnixon on October 28, 2004 02:37 PM

LONG LIVE JOHNNY!!! Maybe this is a rumor, but there's something not getting ANY play whatsoever outside of boston. Apparently some big real estate developer bulldozed the babe's old house days before the run up with the Angels. LOL I've gotta do some more digging but wouldn't that be killer?

Posted by: fat kid on October 28, 2004 02:39 PM

Hey fat kid--

Anyone know Kerry's home address(es)?

(Just kidding-- I am not, in fact, advocating anyone take a bulldozer to John Kerry's mansions. Or give him indian burns, either).

Cheers,
Dave

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on October 28, 2004 02:51 PM

As the one person who reads this site solely for the Johnny Coldcuts appearances, it is nice to finally see my patience and faith rewarded!

Who here would like to see Johnny Coldcuts and Hoke Malokey get in a bitch-slapping, pimp-jackin', trash-talking, bash fest? Damn that would be some good programming.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on October 28, 2004 03:09 PM

I just got a call from Pinchas Kosher Pastrami on Rye with Mustard Sandwich who tips his yarmulke and says I should tell Johnny, "54-43 for Bush?!? From your mouth to G-d's ears!"

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