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October 27, 2004

Another Kerry Football Folly

Rude joke follows. You've been warned.

This guy catches a football like a virgin with pinkeye catches a money shot. For crying out loud, you feel almost bad for throwing the ball to him in the first place. You think maybe you should have been more of a gentleman and just tossed it into a Kleenex. Less crying that way.

Never trust a man who sleeps with his eyes open or shuts them when catching a ball.

It's just not right.

H/t to StreetGOP. He's got some cool stories about the missile defense shield and why it will work, and Madonna and why she can't act.

And Yet He Keeps His Eyes Open For This Update: Like I said: what the hell is it with this guy?

posted by Ace at 03:06 AM

Comments

I think John Sr. is trying to make it absolutley clear that John John is the "catcher" of the couple, er, running mates.

Of course, John Sr. throws like Cartman at the Special Olympics, so I'm not too sure who is pitching to the Breck Girl.

Posted by: Dear Johns on October 27, 2004 04:40 AM

Gee, all this talk about *Bush* taking his eye off the ball...I'm having trouble deciding whether he catches worse or throws worse. I'm sure in this last week we will have ample evidence for both...

Cheers,
m@

Posted by: M@ on October 27, 2004 06:14 AM

I guess throwing around a baseball would just make him look like *too* much of a pussy.

Maybe they should knock around a polo ball...or croquet...yeah croquet, that's more faggety.

Posted by: sentinel on October 27, 2004 09:14 AM

Sentinel, if you really want a questionable sport, it would have to involve either ice skates or a well-oiled Roman.

Posted by: bbeck on October 27, 2004 09:32 AM

Give the guy a break! He's working on a Football Catching Plan as we speak. Final version hung-up on what to call the "pointy end" of the ball.

Posted by: The Old Coot on October 27, 2004 10:08 AM

Sentinel -

He DID 'pitch' a baseball - and, it did make him look like a limp noodle. Ditto his hockey experience.

See article via Sporting News

Two quotes that describe Kerry perfectly:
Though Kerry scored three goals to help Yale University's soccer team defeat Harvard in 1966, his Scottish soccer coach once told him not to "diddle with the ball," a scolding that led to the nickname "the Diddler."
and
Someone once said, and maybe it was Yogi Berra, "Anyone who carries a baseball stuffed against his palm and enclosed by all his fingers is a rink-turning kitesurfing diddler."

I say, let's all start calling him 'The Diddler'. 'Cause he catches like a pansy, and you just KNOW that nickname had to really tick him off.

Posted by: bkayel on October 27, 2004 10:44 AM

The "Diddler" .........I like that. We will need to get the word out to Rush and Hugh Hewitt and Sean and the other guys on radio so it gets some traction. "Fiddle, diddle, dee, the Diddler man is he".....I know, don't quit my day job.

Posted by: Donna on October 27, 2004 06:23 PM

Some thoughts on questionable sports:

1) Anything involving a judge is NOT a sport (no, this doesn't include referees)

2) Anything that involves the deliberate pointing of toes (my sons are not permitted to participate in any sports that involves toe-pointing - in fact, I commonly use the term "toe-pointer" to identify some folks, like, well, Sullivan)

Posted by: on October 27, 2004 06:31 PM

Sorry, forgot to sign the above post. Blame me for the toe-pointing post.

Posted by: Dear Johns on October 27, 2004 06:32 PM

Ace.

The Street thanks you.

you will forever 'slice like a fucking hammer' in my book.

Posted by: StreetGOP on October 27, 2004 07:32 PM

I have to vote for Kerry now. That photo-op convinces me he's a regular Joe.

Posted by: rdbrewer on October 27, 2004 07:44 PM

Welcome back to the realm of the living Ace.

Posted by: fat kid on October 27, 2004 08:12 PM

I have noticed before that Lurch has a hard time keeping his eyes open when he's playing football. It could be something serious.

Posted by: Joey on October 27, 2004 11:31 PM

Totally unrelated, but is Johnny Coldcuts a prophet? He called the Red Sox in 4 2 months ago.

Posted by: Jeff Kelley on October 27, 2004 11:45 PM

Did Johnny Coldcuts actually predict that?

Fuckin' amazing if he did. I'll have to find that post.

Posted by: ace on October 28, 2004 01:54 AM

If it was not Johnny's debute appearance on your site it was close to it.

Posted by: JeffK on October 28, 2004 08:42 AM

If Johnny Coldcuts is that amazing with baseball, what could he do with poltics?

Posted by: Nick on October 28, 2004 11:59 AM

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/034762.php

"Wanna get rich, fuckface? Five fuckin' words: Red Sox World Series Sweep!"

Posted by: Stumbo on October 28, 2004 12:07 PM

Johnny has just predicted the outcome of the election.

Posted by: ace on October 28, 2004 01:56 PM

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Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
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Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

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