Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















« What Did Andrew Sullivan Expect in the War, Anyway? | Main | Another Outage, Damnit »
October 27, 2004

Another Kerry Football Folly

What the hell is it with this guy?

Rude joke follows. You've been warned.


This guy catches a football like a virgin with pinkeye catches a money shot. For crying out loud, you feel almost bad for throwing the ball to him in the first place. You think maybe you should have been more of a gentleman and just tossed it into a Kleenex. Less crying that way.

Never trust a man who sleeps with his eyes open or shuts them when catching a ball.

It's just not right.

H/t to StreetGOP. He's got some cool stories about the missile defense shield and why it will work, and Madonna and why she can't act.

And Yet He Keeps His Eyes Open For This Update: Like I said: what the hell is it with this guy?

posted by Ace at 03:06 AM
Comments



I think John Sr. is trying to make it absolutley clear that John John is the "catcher" of the couple, er, running mates.

Of course, John Sr. throws like Cartman at the Special Olympics, so I'm not too sure who is pitching to the Breck Girl.

Posted by: Dear Johns on October 27, 2004 04:40 AM

Gee, all this talk about *Bush* taking his eye off the ball...I'm having trouble deciding whether he catches worse or throws worse. I'm sure in this last week we will have ample evidence for both...

Cheers,
m@

Posted by: M@ on October 27, 2004 06:14 AM

I guess throwing around a baseball would just make him look like *too* much of a pussy.

Maybe they should knock around a polo ball...or croquet...yeah croquet, that's more faggety.

Posted by: sentinel on October 27, 2004 09:14 AM

Sentinel, if you really want a questionable sport, it would have to involve either ice skates or a well-oiled Roman.

Posted by: bbeck on October 27, 2004 09:32 AM

Give the guy a break! He's working on a Football Catching Plan as we speak. Final version hung-up on what to call the "pointy end" of the ball.

Posted by: The Old Coot on October 27, 2004 10:08 AM

Sentinel -

He DID 'pitch' a baseball - and, it did make him look like a limp noodle. Ditto his hockey experience.

See article via Sporting News

Two quotes that describe Kerry perfectly:
Though Kerry scored three goals to help Yale University's soccer team defeat Harvard in 1966, his Scottish soccer coach once told him not to "diddle with the ball," a scolding that led to the nickname "the Diddler."
and
Someone once said, and maybe it was Yogi Berra, "Anyone who carries a baseball stuffed against his palm and enclosed by all his fingers is a rink-turning kitesurfing diddler."

I say, let's all start calling him 'The Diddler'. 'Cause he catches like a pansy, and you just KNOW that nickname had to really tick him off.

Posted by: bkayel on October 27, 2004 10:44 AM

The "Diddler" .........I like that. We will need to get the word out to Rush and Hugh Hewitt and Sean and the other guys on radio so it gets some traction. "Fiddle, diddle, dee, the Diddler man is he".....I know, don't quit my day job.

Posted by: Donna on October 27, 2004 06:23 PM

Some thoughts on questionable sports:

1) Anything involving a judge is NOT a sport (no, this doesn't include referees)

2) Anything that involves the deliberate pointing of toes (my sons are not permitted to participate in any sports that involves toe-pointing - in fact, I commonly use the term "toe-pointer" to identify some folks, like, well, Sullivan)

Posted by: on October 27, 2004 06:31 PM

Sorry, forgot to sign the above post. Blame me for the toe-pointing post.

Posted by: Dear Johns on October 27, 2004 06:32 PM

Ace.

The Street thanks you.

you will forever 'slice like a fucking hammer' in my book.

Posted by: StreetGOP on October 27, 2004 07:32 PM

I have to vote for Kerry now. That photo-op convinces me he's a regular Joe.

Posted by: rdbrewer on October 27, 2004 07:44 PM

Welcome back to the realm of the living Ace.

Posted by: fat kid on October 27, 2004 08:12 PM

I have noticed before that Lurch has a hard time keeping his eyes open when he's playing football. It could be something serious.

Posted by: Joey on October 27, 2004 11:31 PM

Totally unrelated, but is Johnny Coldcuts a prophet? He called the Red Sox in 4 2 months ago.

Posted by: Jeff Kelley on October 27, 2004 11:45 PM

Did Johnny Coldcuts actually predict that?

Fuckin' amazing if he did. I'll have to find that post.

Posted by: ace on October 28, 2004 01:54 AM

If it was not Johnny's debute appearance on your site it was close to it.

Posted by: JeffK on October 28, 2004 08:42 AM

If Johnny Coldcuts is that amazing with baseball, what could he do with poltics?

Posted by: Nick on October 28, 2004 11:59 AM

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/034762.php

"Wanna get rich, fuckface? Five fuckin' words: Red Sox World Series Sweep!"

Posted by: Stumbo on October 28, 2004 12:07 PM

Johnny has just predicted the outcome of the election.

Posted by: ace on October 28, 2004 01:56 PM

buy merchant+account
from our secure server! get next day delivery free! and save over 70% on all of our popular brand name medications. Delete if you dont like it.

Posted by: order merchant+account on March 4, 2005 06:44 AM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Boots on the ground in Ukraine? We're against it! Trump shines a light on voting, Miss Universe wearing a suicide vest? And more!
"As the discussion continued, Fox News host Charlie Hurt asked Trump directly to confirm there will be no U.S. troops involved in this potential security umbrella for Ukraine. "Well, you have my assurance, and I'm president," Trump replied."
Good! I hope I am wrong! [CBD]
Lost Seventies Mystery Click: The Darkest Song Ever Recorded?
I think Professor of Rock (on YouTube) claimed this song was so upsetting that people used to pull over to the side of the road when it came on the radio. It's about a fatal plane crash, but obviously it suggests a fatal car crash too, which could wig out a driver.
It's like one of those nasty 70s anti-war body horror movies. Not for the squeamish. I'm not even going to post the lyrics because they're upsetting too.
Compilation of Naked Gun intros
That theme gets me charged.
Compilation of all Police Squad! openings. They're all the same except for the last few seconds where they reveal the Special Guest Star and the title(s).
Pitch Meeting: Amazon's new, terrible War of the Worlds
I don't know why these tech monopolists spend so much money on ripoff/sequel/remake slop. I like popcorn entertainment but is it legally required to be terrible?
Lost 90s Mystery Click: College Radio Edition
Well you look fantastic in your cast-off casket
At least the thing still runs
This nine to five bullshit don't let you forget
Whose suicide you're on.

Also:
You wax poetic about things pathetic
As long as you look so cute
Believe these hills are starting to roll
Believe these stars are starting to shoot
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: In the last Episode of the season CBD and J.J. Sefton chat about Texas Gerrymandering, The Islamist who is about to be the mayor of NYC, Jim Acosta's ghoulish interview, Israel needs a new strategy for Gaza, and more!
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Garrett's Favorite Band Edition
Everybody wants you
Everybody wants your love
I'd just like to make you mine, all mine
I'm frankly surprised the title is 107 Days. I would have thought it would be:

Days Are Important: The Amount of Days Was a Number and That Number Was 100 Plus 7 Which is 107. 107. One Hundred and Seven. It's a Memoir and Memoirs are About Remembering Things Because Remembering Things is Good. Not Bad. Good. Memoir. A Memoir. Like a Reservoir But With Memory. We Have to Let it Flow. We Have to Let It Flow Into the Reservoir of Our Mind and Our Heart. Our Heart Which is the Beating Heart of Not Just Our Blood, But Our Progress. And Our People. And Democracy. The End.

Posted by: ...
Soft weak poop from the early 80s Mystery Click
I never liked this song, but it is memorable. In a weak, annoying way.
The kid's in shock up and down the block
The folks are home playing beat the clock
Down at the golden cup
They set the young ones up
Under the neon light
Selling day for night
It's alright
Nobody rides for free (nobody, nobody)
Nobody gets it like they want it to be (nobody, nobody)
Nobody hands you any guarantee (nobody, nobody)
Nobody
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Recent Comments
Maj. Healey: "[i]415 Noem is wearing high waisted jeans and flat ..."

Frasier Crane: ">>She's been skipping leg day. Posted by: Turn 2 ..."

LinusVanPelt : "I’m on the west coast this week and I’ ..."

Pete Bootyjuice: "[i]Something about tasting her dinner from last we ..."

Alberta Oil Peon: "Posted by: Mister Ghost at August 20, 2025 12:44 P ..."

whig: "375 On the other hand, some commenters have made t ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo (with a beret and a Gauloises): "A friend once said it better and more vulgar. So v ..."

Ian S.: "[i]The Crooks stuff is obviously known and at a ti ..."

garrett: ">>A friend once said it better and more vulgar. So ..."

Crusader: "The Kristi Noem link is in comment 364. Oh...ne ..."

This is tongue in cheek. I repeat, tongue in cheek.: "404 What daycare worker are you referring to? ___ ..."

Mike DeWine: "[i]399 Ace, the guy who was beaten in Cincinnati h ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives