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October 27, 2004

Another Kerry Football Folly

Rude joke follows. You've been warned.

This guy catches a football like a virgin with pinkeye catches a money shot. For crying out loud, you feel almost bad for throwing the ball to him in the first place. You think maybe you should have been more of a gentleman and just tossed it into a Kleenex. Less crying that way.

Never trust a man who sleeps with his eyes open or shuts them when catching a ball.

It's just not right.

H/t to StreetGOP. He's got some cool stories about the missile defense shield and why it will work, and Madonna and why she can't act.

And Yet He Keeps His Eyes Open For This Update: Like I said: what the hell is it with this guy?

posted by Ace at 03:06 AM

Comments

I think John Sr. is trying to make it absolutley clear that John John is the "catcher" of the couple, er, running mates.

Of course, John Sr. throws like Cartman at the Special Olympics, so I'm not too sure who is pitching to the Breck Girl.

Posted by: Dear Johns on October 27, 2004 04:40 AM

Gee, all this talk about *Bush* taking his eye off the ball...I'm having trouble deciding whether he catches worse or throws worse. I'm sure in this last week we will have ample evidence for both...

Cheers,
m@

Posted by: M@ on October 27, 2004 06:14 AM

I guess throwing around a baseball would just make him look like *too* much of a pussy.

Maybe they should knock around a polo ball...or croquet...yeah croquet, that's more faggety.

Posted by: sentinel on October 27, 2004 09:14 AM

Sentinel, if you really want a questionable sport, it would have to involve either ice skates or a well-oiled Roman.

Posted by: bbeck on October 27, 2004 09:32 AM

Give the guy a break! He's working on a Football Catching Plan as we speak. Final version hung-up on what to call the "pointy end" of the ball.

Posted by: The Old Coot on October 27, 2004 10:08 AM

Sentinel -

He DID 'pitch' a baseball - and, it did make him look like a limp noodle. Ditto his hockey experience.

See article via Sporting News

Two quotes that describe Kerry perfectly:
Though Kerry scored three goals to help Yale University's soccer team defeat Harvard in 1966, his Scottish soccer coach once told him not to "diddle with the ball," a scolding that led to the nickname "the Diddler."
and
Someone once said, and maybe it was Yogi Berra, "Anyone who carries a baseball stuffed against his palm and enclosed by all his fingers is a rink-turning kitesurfing diddler."

I say, let's all start calling him 'The Diddler'. 'Cause he catches like a pansy, and you just KNOW that nickname had to really tick him off.

Posted by: bkayel on October 27, 2004 10:44 AM

The "Diddler" .........I like that. We will need to get the word out to Rush and Hugh Hewitt and Sean and the other guys on radio so it gets some traction. "Fiddle, diddle, dee, the Diddler man is he".....I know, don't quit my day job.

Posted by: Donna on October 27, 2004 06:23 PM

Some thoughts on questionable sports:

1) Anything involving a judge is NOT a sport (no, this doesn't include referees)

2) Anything that involves the deliberate pointing of toes (my sons are not permitted to participate in any sports that involves toe-pointing - in fact, I commonly use the term "toe-pointer" to identify some folks, like, well, Sullivan)

Posted by: on October 27, 2004 06:31 PM

Sorry, forgot to sign the above post. Blame me for the toe-pointing post.

Posted by: Dear Johns on October 27, 2004 06:32 PM

Ace.

The Street thanks you.

you will forever 'slice like a fucking hammer' in my book.

Posted by: StreetGOP on October 27, 2004 07:32 PM

I have to vote for Kerry now. That photo-op convinces me he's a regular Joe.

Posted by: rdbrewer on October 27, 2004 07:44 PM

Welcome back to the realm of the living Ace.

Posted by: fat kid on October 27, 2004 08:12 PM

I have noticed before that Lurch has a hard time keeping his eyes open when he's playing football. It could be something serious.

Posted by: Joey on October 27, 2004 11:31 PM

Totally unrelated, but is Johnny Coldcuts a prophet? He called the Red Sox in 4 2 months ago.

Posted by: Jeff Kelley on October 27, 2004 11:45 PM

Did Johnny Coldcuts actually predict that?

Fuckin' amazing if he did. I'll have to find that post.

Posted by: ace on October 28, 2004 01:54 AM

If it was not Johnny's debute appearance on your site it was close to it.

Posted by: JeffK on October 28, 2004 08:42 AM

If Johnny Coldcuts is that amazing with baseball, what could he do with poltics?

Posted by: Nick on October 28, 2004 11:59 AM

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/034762.php

"Wanna get rich, fuckface? Five fuckin' words: Red Sox World Series Sweep!"

Posted by: Stumbo on October 28, 2004 12:07 PM

Johnny has just predicted the outcome of the election.

Posted by: ace on October 28, 2004 01:56 PM

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Mary Margaret Olohan
@MaryMargOlohan

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Antisemitism? In the anti-Nazi Democrat Party? Sounds crazy, I know, but apparently the anti-Nazi Party wants to eliminate Jews.

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@bradlander: 57%

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Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING!
I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!

Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:

Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

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"I think you guys are all in a bubble here right now. The drip, drip that's actually happening is Americans are really, really hurt the fact that gas is still high, food is still high, they can't buy a home, you can't afford rent. They're not going to care about text messages and everything else like that that happened years ago, especially when it was worked out between spouses."

I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into."
Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
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Food Thread Pizza Dough Recipe

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Thanks to Joyenz
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I hope Amazon's rocket works better than the Amazon Prime app does as far as allowing people to watch the black and white version of "Spider-Noir"

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A bombshell California Post poll conducted with McLaughlin & Associates shows the reality TV star-turned-mayoral candidate has surged to a statistical tie with the incumbent mayor.

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Thanks to beckster

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Gee I wonder where they might have met
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Future Tucker Carlson guest James Talarico:

James Talarico
@jamestalarico

Black Americans in a church.

Mexican Americans in a store.

Asian Americans in a spa.

Radicalized white men are the greatest domestic terrorist threat in our country.

He's referring to three mass attacks committed by white men in, oh, the past six or eight years. There were a huge number of mass shootings and bombings he had to skip over to cherry pick three committed by white men. Which kind of makes me think that "white men" are not the greatest terrorist threat in our country.
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