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October 07, 2004
If He Can Put Hayden Christiansen in Return of the Jedi, Can't He Replace Jar-Jar With, Say, Norm MacDonald?I sorta want to buy the Star Wars trilogy on DVD, even though the trilogy was almost ruined by the prequels. But Lucas, determined to "improve" the originals until they suck just as bad as the prequels, has inserted Hayden "Manniquin Skywalker" Christiansen into the end of RotJ, replacing the "Force ghost" of old Annikin with young, annoying Annikin. I also understand that not only does Greedo shoot first, but now, before he shoots, he says "Captain Solo, I am going to go cut down acres of virginal rainforests as soon as I am done killing you by shooting at you from close range (and yet missing by a good half yard). You would certainly be well-justified in drawing out your gun furtively and giving me what's what right in the chest! And furthermore, no children younger than 6 years of age should get the idea that you would be behaving dishonorably by doing so!" Yeahp. It's kinda like the J. Giles Band's Centerfold, except with droids and muppets. But it hurts even worse, because, nudy pictures or not, Angel was still hot. Oh no, I can't deny it. Oh yeah, I guess I gotta buy it. Update: Sort of an interesting discussion there, if you're a geek for such things. Pressing question: Did Lucas really intend Leia to end up with Han from the get-go? Did he always envision Luke and Leia as twin siblings? If so, why does one of the spin-off "novels" feature Luke and Leia making out? A bit kinkier than we've come to expect from George "My Kids Wanted More Jar-Jar, So I Gave Them More Jar-Jar" Lucas. Urgent Update! I'm not the only one pissed off and crazed over this incident. Apparently Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, is so distraught he's taken to mugging pizza-delivery men. Armed with what is either a blaster "set to stun" or just a conventional stun-gun. Don't believe me? I find your lack of faith... disturbing. Thanks to AndrewF for that. posted by Ace at 10:45 AM
CommentsMeh, The changes don't bother me so much and I am a pretty hard core Star Wars fan. These films belong to Lucas and if that is what he wants to do, so be it. In my mind, the changes are not catastrophic, and in the case with the Annakin change, as Episode III will reveal, there will be a reason for it. Oh, actually, I hate the Jedi Rocks bit on Jabba's barge and miss the Ewok song at the end of Jedi. If anything, it is the prequels that have been disappointing so far. Lucas seems to believe he is still making movies for kids, when his real audience is the people that were kids back in 1977. In addition, one cannot but notice that the highlights of the original trilogy were when Lucas took a hands-off approach and let someone else direct and took input on the script. There are too many cringeworthy lines in all the films as it is. Lucas is a great story teller, but at the end of the day, the enthusiasm for Star Wars was sustained by years of games, books, comics, all of which made the franchise more adult. I think the reason the prequels fail is that people flock to see it because it is Star Wars, but are disappointed because it is Lucas' vision of Star Wars, with good stories, but told in a fashion fit for children. While these stories may belong to Lucas, and it is his right to take them where he wants, it still doesn't mean the audience can object to him moulding the films to please his kids. Already I sense the disappointment from Episode III since it is said that vader will only appear in the last 20 minutes, that probably gives him about 5 minutes screen time, and possibly no ass-kicking. It will be interesting to see how any fighting Vader does will mesh with the new acrobatic, martial artsy fights of the previous two films as opposed to the 'Old man' style fighting we saw in the original trilogy. Posted by: DelphiGuy on October 7, 2004 11:40 AM
Correction : "still doesn't mean the audience can't object to him moulding the films to please his kids." "its almost laughable how the Imperial officers" Posted by: DelphiGuy on October 7, 2004 11:42 AM
If you ever get ahold of this book and read through all the revisions that were made to the 'story', it should become clear that Lucas never had more than the barest outline of the stories finished. He made it sound like he had a nine-part story already completed....but if so, why did the storyline morph into one of "redemption from evil"? With the direction he has taken by focusing on Anakin's fall into the Dark Side and recovery, what would the point of the last three movies of the trilogy even be? Lucas got lucky and accidentally made a classic with Star Wars. He got smart and let an excellent director make it even better with The Empire Strikes Back. Then he believed what the press said about his genius and started making kids movies that were only tangentially related to the Star Wars story. That's my take, and I'm sticking to it. Posted by: Nathan on October 7, 2004 01:27 PM
One of the lines they left out: "The ability to rob a pizza delivery man is insignificant next to the power of the Force!" You can see how it just didn't "fit" the main storyline. Posted by: George on October 7, 2004 03:37 PM
Can we all agree that episode I was the most disappointing movie in the history of film? I still remember sitting in the theater during the opening credits, thinking about the years of anticipation. I remember all of that build-up: the renaming of the originals, talk of "clone wars", the unveiling of Darth Maul, talk of a tragic fall. It should have been epic. Instead, what did we get? Jar Jar f'in Binks and metachlorians (if you are going to rip off the concept of mitochondria, and you have 20 years to think of a name, can't you do better than that?). Crap. Anyway - Lucas caught lightning in a bottle with the original. He never planned the Luke/Leia thing (that kiss "for luck" is icky if he did), and the whole "A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi knights. He betrayed and murdered your father" would have been worded differently if the original plan had Vader as Like's father (change murdered to destroyed and you have all the ambiguity that you need). As I said, anyway. If Lucas wants to trash his franchise, I suppose that is his right. Me's-a waste too much time on Jar Jar. David Posted by: David on October 7, 2004 04:54 PM
"It's kinda like the J. Giles Band's Centerfold, except with droids and muppets." Hah...On that note, check out Peter Jackson's magnus opus, Meet the Feebles: http://www.ween.net/feebles/ Posted by: krakatoa on October 7, 2004 05:17 PM
One of the things that bugs me is Lucas' contempt for his fans. His "I don't care what the fans think, its my movie" attitude just puts a sour taste to the whole thing. Why can't Solo be an anti-hero, plugin low-rent bounty hunter first? You've got plenty of Jedi vaporizing with heroicness. Posted by: Iblis on October 7, 2004 05:28 PM
Jar-Jar with Norm MacDonald? No, I think we all know who the best choice would be. That's right, you guessed it: Frank Stallone. Cheers, Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on October 7, 2004 07:24 PM
I guess you referring to the Alan Dean Foster novel, 'Splinter of the Mind's Eye.' It came ou before even 'Empire...' and while enjoyable on its own it pretty much has to be ingored becaus of how poorly it fits in with the series. Things like the rock that is the Jedi equivalent of Captain America's Super soldier formula for any Force sensitive holding it or Luke serious kicking Vader's ass and sending him packing. Foster's own original work has an odd parallel. One of his early novels could be a model for Dagobah and a later novel in the same universe has his primary running character discovering the object of his affections may be his sister. Posted by: Eric Pobirs on October 8, 2004 03:13 AM
Yes, Lucas is free to do what he wants with "his" films. And I am free to call him a stupid dumbass. Back when the SE Trilogy came out on VHS, I just about fell off my chair when I saw Greedo shoot first. I couldn't believe it. After swearing at the screen, I rewound, watched it again, slack-jawed, wondering how Lucas could be so absolutely lame as to make such a transparently politically correct change. Even now it tickles my gag reflex. Episodes 4&5 were the best. 4 was done before Lucas discovered he was a genius unto himself, and Irvin Kershner made 5 my favorite of the two. 6 was way too cutesy, and I don't just mean the !@#$% Ewoks. The director (Marquardt) had everyone mugging their way through the whole film. Episodes 1&2 were darn near unwatchable for me. As has been mentioned, the stories are okay, but the scripts are awful and Lucas couldn't direct his way out of a tupperware. It takes a unique talent to get lousy performances out of actors that are capable of excellence. All the fancy CG and art direction couldn't save his pitiful films. JarJar? !@#$% Bitter? Me? You think? Posted by: John on October 9, 2004 08:29 AM
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Oil prices plunge on bizarre realization that Eric Swalwell may actually be straight. A rapey molester, allegedly, but a straight one.
Classic Rock Mystery Click
This is super-obscure and I only barely remember it. Given that, I'll give you the hint that it's by the Red Rocker. And I guess you think you've got it made Oh, but then, you never were afraid Of anything that you've left behind Oh, but it's alright with me now 'Cause I'll get back up somehow And with a little luck, yes, I'm bound to win Now twenty people will tell me it's not obscure, it was huge in their hometown and played at their prom. That's how it usually goes. When I linked Donnie Iris's "Love is Like a Rock," everyone said they knew that one and that his other song (which I didn't know at all) Ah Leah! was huge in their area.
Ryan Long goes to the No Kings rally to pick up young liberal hotties and is greatly disappointed in the quality of the mish
thanks to stevey You know we "joke" about the GOPe just "conserving" leftist things? I couldn't hate this queen of the cuck-chair more if it paid seven figures and came with a corner office.
In more marketing for Project Hail Mary, scientists say they've found the biosigns indicating life growing on an alien planet. It's not proof, just signatures of chemicals that are produced by biological metabolism, and it could be nothing, but scientists think it's a strong sign that this planet is inhabited by something.
In a paper published in the Astrophysical Journal Letters, a team of scientists announced the detection of dimethyl sulfide (along with a similar detection of dimethyl disulfide) in the atmosphere of an exoplanet called K2-18b. This is actually the second detection of dimethyl sulfide made on this planet, following a tentative detection in 2023. He means they tried to prove the signal was caused by things other than dimethyl sulfide but they could not.
Artemis moon shot a go, scheduled for 6:24 Eastern time tonight
Great marketing arranged by Amazon to promote Project Hail Mary. Okay not really but it does work out that way.
What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)* Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown. A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask). * Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV. Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.
A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR. Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him. LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR. Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too. LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.
The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others. But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring: "But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said." In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power." I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron. Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring. I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do. But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.
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