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October 07, 2004

If He Can Put Hayden Christiansen in Return of the Jedi, Can't He Replace Jar-Jar With, Say, Norm MacDonald?

I sorta want to buy the Star Wars trilogy on DVD, even though the trilogy was almost ruined by the prequels.

But Lucas, determined to "improve" the originals until they suck just as bad as the prequels, has inserted Hayden "Manniquin Skywalker" Christiansen into the end of RotJ, replacing the "Force ghost" of old Annikin with young, annoying Annikin.

I also understand that not only does Greedo shoot first, but now, before he shoots, he says "Captain Solo, I am going to go cut down acres of virginal rainforests as soon as I am done killing you by shooting at you from close range (and yet missing by a good half yard). You would certainly be well-justified in drawing out your gun furtively and giving me what's what right in the chest! And furthermore, no children younger than 6 years of age should get the idea that you would be behaving dishonorably by doing so!"

Yeahp.

It's kinda like the J. Giles Band's Centerfold, except with droids and muppets. But it hurts even worse, because, nudy pictures or not, Angel was still hot.

Oh no, I can't deny it. Oh yeah, I guess I gotta buy it.

Update: Sort of an interesting discussion there, if you're a geek for such things. Pressing question: Did Lucas really intend Leia to end up with Han from the get-go? Did he always envision Luke and Leia as twin siblings?

If so, why does one of the spin-off "novels" feature Luke and Leia making out?

A bit kinkier than we've come to expect from George "My Kids Wanted More Jar-Jar, So I Gave Them More Jar-Jar" Lucas.

Urgent Update! I'm not the only one pissed off and crazed over this incident.

Apparently Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, is so distraught he's taken to mugging pizza-delivery men. Armed with what is either a blaster "set to stun" or just a conventional stun-gun.

Don't believe me? I find your lack of faith... disturbing.

Thanks to AndrewF for that.


posted by Ace at 10:45 AM
Comments



Meh,

The changes don't bother me so much and I am a pretty hard core Star Wars fan. These films belong to Lucas and if that is what he wants to do, so be it. In my mind, the changes are not catastrophic, and in the case with the Annakin change, as Episode III will reveal, there will be a reason for it. Oh, actually, I hate the Jedi Rocks bit on Jabba's barge and miss the Ewok song at the end of Jedi.

If anything, it is the prequels that have been disappointing so far. Lucas seems to believe he is still making movies for kids, when his real audience is the people that were kids back in 1977. In addition, one cannot but notice that the highlights of the original trilogy were when Lucas took a hands-off approach and let someone else direct and took input on the script. There are too many cringeworthy lines in all the films as it is.

Lucas is a great story teller, but at the end of the day, the enthusiasm for Star Wars was sustained by years of games, books, comics, all of which made the franchise more adult. I think the reason the prequels fail is that people flock to see it because it is Star Wars, but are disappointed because it is Lucas' vision of Star Wars, with good stories, but told in a fashion fit for children.

While these stories may belong to Lucas, and it is his right to take them where he wants, it still doesn't mean the audience can object to him moulding the films to please his kids.

Already I sense the disappointment from Episode III since it is said that vader will only appear in the last 20 minutes, that probably gives him about 5 minutes screen time, and possibly no ass-kicking.
I think I speak for many Star Wars fans when I say that Vader should be 'created' mid-film, and spend the last hour slashing his way through the jedi council. If only to show that Vader was once able to kick ass with the best of them. In Episode IV, its almost laughable how the Imperial offices ridicule and talk back to Vader (something that was fixed in the later 2 films).

It will be interesting to see how any fighting Vader does will mesh with the new acrobatic, martial artsy fights of the previous two films as opposed to the 'Old man' style fighting we saw in the original trilogy.

Posted by: DelphiGuy on October 7, 2004 11:40 AM

Correction :

"still doesn't mean the audience can't object to him moulding the films to please his kids."

"its almost laughable how the Imperial officers"

Posted by: DelphiGuy on October 7, 2004 11:42 AM

If you ever get ahold of this book and read through all the revisions that were made to the 'story', it should become clear that Lucas never had more than the barest outline of the stories finished. He made it sound like he had a nine-part story already completed....but if so, why did the storyline morph into one of "redemption from evil"? With the direction he has taken by focusing on Anakin's fall into the Dark Side and recovery, what would the point of the last three movies of the trilogy even be?
No, I think the "I am your father!" thing was yanked out of someone's butt, and even Lucas was trying to figure out if it was true or not for the first year after that appeared on the screen. So the brother/sister thing was a complementary afterthought, although not to the level of the metachlorian travesty. I mean, if metachlorians are so dang important to being able to use the force, how come Ben and Yoda never once mentioned Luke's metachlorian count???

Lucas got lucky and accidentally made a classic with Star Wars. He got smart and let an excellent director make it even better with The Empire Strikes Back. Then he believed what the press said about his genius and started making kids movies that were only tangentially related to the Star Wars story. That's my take, and I'm sticking to it.

Posted by: Nathan on October 7, 2004 01:27 PM

One of the lines they left out:

"The ability to rob a pizza delivery man is insignificant next to the power of the Force!"

You can see how it just didn't "fit" the main storyline.

Posted by: George on October 7, 2004 03:37 PM

Can we all agree that episode I was the most disappointing movie in the history of film? I still remember sitting in the theater during the opening credits, thinking about the years of anticipation. I remember all of that build-up: the renaming of the originals, talk of "clone wars", the unveiling of Darth Maul, talk of a tragic fall. It should have been epic.

Instead, what did we get? Jar Jar f'in Binks and metachlorians (if you are going to rip off the concept of mitochondria, and you have 20 years to think of a name, can't you do better than that?). Crap.

Anyway - Lucas caught lightning in a bottle with the original. He never planned the Luke/Leia thing (that kiss "for luck" is icky if he did), and the whole "A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi knights. He betrayed and murdered your father" would have been worded differently if the original plan had Vader as Like's father (change murdered to destroyed and you have all the ambiguity that you need).

As I said, anyway.

If Lucas wants to trash his franchise, I suppose that is his right. Me's-a waste too much time on Jar Jar.

David

Posted by: David on October 7, 2004 04:54 PM

"It's kinda like the J. Giles Band's Centerfold, except with droids and muppets."

Hah...On that note, check out Peter Jackson's magnus opus, Meet the Feebles:

http://www.ween.net/feebles/

Posted by: krakatoa on October 7, 2004 05:17 PM

One of the things that bugs me is Lucas' contempt for his fans. His "I don't care what the fans think, its my movie" attitude just puts a sour taste to the whole thing. Why can't Solo be an anti-hero, plugin low-rent bounty hunter first? You've got plenty of Jedi vaporizing with heroicness.
If you're not going to listen to the fans when it comes to the remakes, the least you can do is give 'em action figures that actually move! The GIJOEs from 82 have more articulation than the crap Lucas is putting out now. (oddly enough GIJOE and SW figures are both made by Hasbro) To say nothing of the new micromen from Japan with 30 pts of articulation! www.microforever.com and http://www.takaratoys.co.jp/microman/index.html (japanese site)
Of course thems of us lucky enough to own the original trilogy in widescreen should be thinking hard about preserving thier copies before they deteriorate.

Posted by: Iblis on October 7, 2004 05:28 PM

Jar-Jar with Norm MacDonald? No, I think we all know who the best choice would be.

That's right, you guessed it:

Frank Stallone.

Cheers,
Dave
Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on October 7, 2004 07:24 PM

I guess you referring to the Alan Dean Foster novel, 'Splinter of the Mind's Eye.' It came ou before even 'Empire...' and while enjoyable on its own it pretty much has to be ingored becaus of how poorly it fits in with the series. Things like the rock that is the Jedi equivalent of Captain America's Super soldier formula for any Force sensitive holding it or Luke serious kicking Vader's ass and sending him packing.

Foster's own original work has an odd parallel. One of his early novels could be a model for Dagobah and a later novel in the same universe has his primary running character discovering the object of his affections may be his sister.

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on October 8, 2004 03:13 AM

Yes, Lucas is free to do what he wants with "his" films. And I am free to call him a stupid dumbass.

Back when the SE Trilogy came out on VHS, I just about fell off my chair when I saw Greedo shoot first. I couldn't believe it. After swearing at the screen, I rewound, watched it again, slack-jawed, wondering how Lucas could be so absolutely lame as to make such a transparently politically correct change. Even now it tickles my gag reflex.

Episodes 4&5 were the best. 4 was done before Lucas discovered he was a genius unto himself, and Irvin Kershner made 5 my favorite of the two. 6 was way too cutesy, and I don't just mean the !@#$% Ewoks. The director (Marquardt) had everyone mugging their way through the whole film.

Episodes 1&2 were darn near unwatchable for me. As has been mentioned, the stories are okay, but the scripts are awful and Lucas couldn't direct his way out of a tupperware. It takes a unique talent to get lousy performances out of actors that are capable of excellence. All the fancy CG and art direction couldn't save his pitiful films. JarJar? !@#$%

Bitter? Me? You think?

Posted by: John on October 9, 2004 08:29 AM
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