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October 04, 2004
Romanian Man Mistakes Penis For "Chicken Neck;" Chops it Off, Feeds it To DogEven Less Hot Than "Kelvin Lynn" Strumming His Doucheboy Folk Guitar While Trying to Pick Up a CISPES-G Chick: Greg sends this story, which I sorta suspect will be one of those stories that gets big play and then gets retracted in 48 hours. Still, when someone sends you a link about a man "mistaking his penis for a chicken neck" and then cutting it off and feeding it to his dog before he realized his "mistake," you link that story. That's my policy: BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency says. "Out of danger?" That's one way to put it. Now, I never mistook my penis for a chicken neck, but I did once erroneously believe that one of my testicles was a tangerine that would be very tasty blended up into a margarita, so I can sympathize with this guy. Yes, I lost a testicle, but I did invent Mangerine Margarita Mix, and I'm now well on my way to being a multi-millionaire. As my Pappy used to say, no door closes without a window being opened. My time is far too precious to make up jokes about this, but I can make up a few punchlines. Fill in the straight lines as you see fit. Top Ten Punchlines About Man Who Mistook His Penis For A Chicken Neck and Fed It To His Dog 10. "In fairness, you can understand my mistake. It was up every morning at the crack of dawn waking the neighbors. And, also, it had bright red wattles." 9. "Yes, but apart from that, how did the soup turn out?" 8. "Hey, that's not a beak, that's your vas deferens!" 7. "Say what you will, but my dog's coat is shinier and healthier than ever." 6. "And so, having been tricked by a crafty chicken into cutting off his genitals, he swore vengeance upon the entire Chicken-Race. That man's name? Frank Perdue, the Ahab of Poultry." 5. "Snausages!" 4. "I used to think it was cool to drop a tab of acid before taking off my pants and spending the night butchering poultry. Now, I'm not so sure." 3. "Stop him before he goes for the gibblets!" 2. "It's just not a party until someone chops off his weiner and feeds it to a wolfhound." ...and the Number One Punchline About the Man Who Mistook His Penis for a Chicken Neck and Then Fed It To His Dog... 1. "Well, sir, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about the penis you chopped off after mistaking it for a chicken-neck. We can only apply a salve and attempt to make you comfortable. What kind of salve would you like-- Barbecue, Honey-Mustard, or Mesquite?" posted by Ace at 12:26 PM
CommentsMangerine? OMFG, I don't think I'm gong to recover from that one. I can barely type from the laughing... Posted by: IgwanaRob on October 4, 2004 12:46 PM
SNAUSAGES!!!! I am howling.. Howling! Posted by: Arvin on October 4, 2004 12:59 PM
CNS has a pretty wild Iraqi memo story out... here (by way of Powerline) http://www.cnsnews.com//ViewSpecialReports.asp?Page=\SpecialReports\archive\200410\SPE20041004a.html My thoughts here...http://curbsideprophet7.blogspot.com/ Posted by: James on October 4, 2004 01:14 PM
My thoughts: 1) James - while I applaud your efforts to alert the country to the CNS story, is a chicken neck/penis top ten really the venue? 2) Not being a professional humorist, I can't understand how some sort of "chicken choking" reference couldn't crack the top ten. Posted by: David on October 4, 2004 01:19 PM
Cock-a-doodle-DON'T!!! Posted by: Uncle Jefe on October 4, 2004 01:33 PM
"Kibbles and WHAT?" Make up your own wiener dog joke here. The dog used to just beg at the table. Now it follows him EVERYWHERE. Recurring nightmare: the guy's a chicken and someone's coming to collect the eggs. Posted by: glove on October 4, 2004 02:57 PM
1st:how the fuck do you make that big of a mistake? Posted by: $ N I K I N K $ on October 6, 2004 09:34 AM
Are you certain this event didn't happen in "Butcher-est"? Posted by: Skye on August 16, 2005 07:38 PM
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British travel blogger experiences his first SEC college football game, tailgating, and Southern hospitality. His videos display the true America and not the dystopia shown by Hollywood. (take notice of how 95% of the people are thin, attractive, fun loving, friendly, and polite.) [dri]
Original KISS guitarist Ace Frehley dies at age 74
I heard that his solo album, back when each member of KISS cut their own record, was pretty good. Here's that solo album, from 1978. Sounds a bit like The Sweet.
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Garrett's Infinite Playlist Edition
Why can't you set your monkey free?
Eleventh Starship/Superheavy a complete success
"On the eleventh orbital test flight today of Starship/Superheavy, SpaceX basically achieved all its engineering goals, with both Superheavy and Starship completing their flights as planned, with Superheavy doing a soft vertical splashdown in the Gulf of Mexico, and Starship doing a soft vertical splashdown in the Indian Ocean." [CBD]
The architectural history of the spooky old house
Kind of interesting, looks at the design cues that inform stuff like the Addams Family Mansion and the other media "spooky old houses" of our imagination
Robert Spencer: Hamas Out to Destroy the Gazan Clans That Oppose It [CBD]
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Twitch's prized terrorist Hasan Piker activates his dog's shock collar because it... got up and walked two feet away from its designated area
I saw Nuxanor claiming that Piker is claiming he feels physically unsafe in public. it takes some real gall to play the Real Victim Here card, given that he has called for the murders of Senator Rick Scott and
Chris Dreja RIP: of the legendary 60s Rock band The Yardbirds has died at 79.
Dreja co-founded The Yardbirds in 1963; playing rhythm guitar alongside lead axman Tom Topham, singer Keith Relf, drummer Jim McCarthy and bassist Paul Samwell-Smith. The group would go on to feature three of the most celebrated guitarists in rock history in Eric Clapton, who replaced Topham in 1993; Jeff Beck, who took over for Clapton in 1965; and future Led Zeppelin heavyweight Jimmy Page, who joined in 1966; when Samwell-Smith left. (J.J. Sefton)
I have no regrets about quitting the NFL.
I also have no regrets about quitting the increasingly gay James Bond: Bleeding Fool Censored images of Bond, now disarmed, here via BetaCuck4Lyfe, which coincidentally enough will be James Bond's new cover identity.
Harvard hires drag queen named 'LaWhore Vagistan' as visiting professor
You can't make this up! [CBD] ![]()
Oh great, another reboot of an old TV series for "The Modern Audience"
Trump taunts Democrat leaders with 'Trump 2028' hats in Oval Office
The man knows how to troll! [CBD]
High-power microwave system downs 49 drones in one shot - weaponized electromagnetic interference erases drone swarms en masse Measure...counter-measure...counter-counter-measure? [CBD]
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