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October 04, 2004
Romanian Man Mistakes Penis For "Chicken Neck;" Chops it Off, Feeds it To DogEven Less Hot Than "Kelvin Lynn" Strumming His Doucheboy Folk Guitar While Trying to Pick Up a CISPES-G Chick: Greg sends this story, which I sorta suspect will be one of those stories that gets big play and then gets retracted in 48 hours. Still, when someone sends you a link about a man "mistaking his penis for a chicken neck" and then cutting it off and feeding it to his dog before he realized his "mistake," you link that story. That's my policy: BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency says. "Out of danger?" That's one way to put it. Now, I never mistook my penis for a chicken neck, but I did once erroneously believe that one of my testicles was a tangerine that would be very tasty blended up into a margarita, so I can sympathize with this guy. Yes, I lost a testicle, but I did invent Mangerine Margarita Mix, and I'm now well on my way to being a multi-millionaire. As my Pappy used to say, no door closes without a window being opened. My time is far too precious to make up jokes about this, but I can make up a few punchlines. Fill in the straight lines as you see fit. Top Ten Punchlines About Man Who Mistook His Penis For A Chicken Neck and Fed It To His Dog 10. "In fairness, you can understand my mistake. It was up every morning at the crack of dawn waking the neighbors. And, also, it had bright red wattles." 9. "Yes, but apart from that, how did the soup turn out?" 8. "Hey, that's not a beak, that's your vas deferens!" 7. "Say what you will, but my dog's coat is shinier and healthier than ever." 6. "And so, having been tricked by a crafty chicken into cutting off his genitals, he swore vengeance upon the entire Chicken-Race. That man's name? Frank Perdue, the Ahab of Poultry." 5. "Snausages!" 4. "I used to think it was cool to drop a tab of acid before taking off my pants and spending the night butchering poultry. Now, I'm not so sure." 3. "Stop him before he goes for the gibblets!" 2. "It's just not a party until someone chops off his weiner and feeds it to a wolfhound." ...and the Number One Punchline About the Man Who Mistook His Penis for a Chicken Neck and Then Fed It To His Dog... 1. "Well, sir, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about the penis you chopped off after mistaking it for a chicken-neck. We can only apply a salve and attempt to make you comfortable. What kind of salve would you like-- Barbecue, Honey-Mustard, or Mesquite?" posted by Ace at 12:26 PM
CommentsMangerine? OMFG, I don't think I'm gong to recover from that one. I can barely type from the laughing... Posted by: IgwanaRob on October 4, 2004 12:46 PM
SNAUSAGES!!!! I am howling.. Howling! Posted by: Arvin on October 4, 2004 12:59 PM
CNS has a pretty wild Iraqi memo story out... here (by way of Powerline) http://www.cnsnews.com//ViewSpecialReports.asp?Page=\SpecialReports\archive\200410\SPE20041004a.html My thoughts here...http://curbsideprophet7.blogspot.com/ Posted by: James on October 4, 2004 01:14 PM
My thoughts: 1) James - while I applaud your efforts to alert the country to the CNS story, is a chicken neck/penis top ten really the venue? 2) Not being a professional humorist, I can't understand how some sort of "chicken choking" reference couldn't crack the top ten. Posted by: David on October 4, 2004 01:19 PM
Cock-a-doodle-DON'T!!! Posted by: Uncle Jefe on October 4, 2004 01:33 PM
"Kibbles and WHAT?" Make up your own wiener dog joke here. The dog used to just beg at the table. Now it follows him EVERYWHERE. Recurring nightmare: the guy's a chicken and someone's coming to collect the eggs. Posted by: glove on October 4, 2004 02:57 PM
1st:how the fuck do you make that big of a mistake? Posted by: $ N I K I N K $ on October 6, 2004 09:34 AM
Are you certain this event didn't happen in "Butcher-est"? Posted by: Skye on August 16, 2005 07:38 PM
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@KFILE 21m So the campaign is collapsing due to the truth of the sexual harassment allegations. That hissing sound you hear is the air going out of the Swalwell campaign. UPDATE: No it wasn't, it was just Swalwell one-cheek-sneaking out a fart on camera Eric Swalwell more like Eric Farewell amirite thanks to weft-cut loop.
This is the dumbest AI bullslop I've seen in a while: the CIA can use "quantum magnetometry" to track an individual man's heartbeat from twelve miles away
I wouldn't click on it, it's not interesting, it's just stupid clickslop. I just want to share my annoyance with you.
Oil prices plunge on bizarre realization that Eric Swalwell may actually be straight. A rapey molester, allegedly, but a straight one.
Classic Rock Mystery Click
This is super-obscure and I only barely remember it. Given that, I'll give you the hint that it's by the Red Rocker. And I guess you think you've got it made Oh, but then, you never were afraid Of anything that you've left behind Oh, but it's alright with me now 'Cause I'll get back up somehow And with a little luck, yes, I'm bound to win Now twenty people will tell me it's not obscure, it was huge in their hometown and played at their prom. That's how it usually goes. When I linked Donnie Iris's "Love is Like a Rock," everyone said they knew that one and that his other song (which I didn't know at all) Ah Leah! was huge in their area.
Ryan Long goes to the No Kings rally to pick up young liberal hotties and is greatly disappointed in the quality of the mish
thanks to stevey You know we "joke" about the GOPe just "conserving" leftist things? I couldn't hate this queen of the cuck-chair more if it paid seven figures and came with a corner office.
In more marketing for Project Hail Mary, scientists say they've found the biosigns indicating life growing on an alien planet. It's not proof, just signatures of chemicals that are produced by biological metabolism, and it could be nothing, but scientists think it's a strong sign that this planet is inhabited by something.
In a paper published in the Astrophysical Journal Letters, a team of scientists announced the detection of dimethyl sulfide (along with a similar detection of dimethyl disulfide) in the atmosphere of an exoplanet called K2-18b. This is actually the second detection of dimethyl sulfide made on this planet, following a tentative detection in 2023. He means they tried to prove the signal was caused by things other than dimethyl sulfide but they could not.
Artemis moon shot a go, scheduled for 6:24 Eastern time tonight
Great marketing arranged by Amazon to promote Project Hail Mary. Okay not really but it does work out that way.
What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)* Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown. A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask). * Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV. Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.
A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR. Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him. LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR. Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too. LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils. Recent Comments
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