Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Recent Entries
If I Had An ONT Of My Own, Everything Would Be Nonsense
FAFO Friday Cafe The Week In Woke FBI Deleted Video of J6 "Bomb" Footage Disney Is Making "Brutal" Payroll Cuts, Again Plus: All the Woke Entertainment News I've Skipped for a Month As If Olivia Nuzzi Wasn't Embarrassed Enough About Sending "Demure Nudes" to RFKJr., This New Revelation Is Really Gross Puff Diddler's Lawyer: Don't Even Worry About the 1,000 Bottles of Baby Oil and Lubricant Puff Diddler Bought. That Wasn't For Sex Parties. He Just Buys in Bulk Because That's Where the Savings Are. NYT Reports That NY Court of Appeals Is Very Skeptical of "Tish" James' Almost Half-Billion Dollar Penalty Against Trump For No Crime at All Darrius "Sweetdick" Honeycum Is Scheduled to Testify About His Affair with Fani Willis and Connections to the Biden Administration Today -- But He's Gone Missing THE MORNING RANT: Did Alienating Their Conservative Customers Contribute to Nike’s and Starbucks’ Woes? Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
|
« Zogby: Bush By One |
Main
| An October Surprise On Jobs? »
October 04, 2004
Romanian Man Mistakes Penis For "Chicken Neck;" Chops it Off, Feeds it To DogEven Less Hot Than "Kelvin Lynn" Strumming His Doucheboy Folk Guitar While Trying to Pick Up a CISPES-G Chick: Greg sends this story, which I sorta suspect will be one of those stories that gets big play and then gets retracted in 48 hours. Still, when someone sends you a link about a man "mistaking his penis for a chicken neck" and then cutting it off and feeding it to his dog before he realized his "mistake," you link that story. That's my policy: BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency says. "Out of danger?" That's one way to put it. Now, I never mistook my penis for a chicken neck, but I did once erroneously believe that one of my testicles was a tangerine that would be very tasty blended up into a margarita, so I can sympathize with this guy. Yes, I lost a testicle, but I did invent Mangerine Margarita Mix, and I'm now well on my way to being a multi-millionaire. As my Pappy used to say, no door closes without a window being opened. My time is far too precious to make up jokes about this, but I can make up a few punchlines. Fill in the straight lines as you see fit. Top Ten Punchlines About Man Who Mistook His Penis For A Chicken Neck and Fed It To His Dog 10. "In fairness, you can understand my mistake. It was up every morning at the crack of dawn waking the neighbors. And, also, it had bright red wattles." 9. "Yes, but apart from that, how did the soup turn out?" 8. "Hey, that's not a beak, that's your vas deferens!" 7. "Say what you will, but my dog's coat is shinier and healthier than ever." 6. "And so, having been tricked by a crafty chicken into cutting off his genitals, he swore vengeance upon the entire Chicken-Race. That man's name? Frank Perdue, the Ahab of Poultry." 5. "Snausages!" 4. "I used to think it was cool to drop a tab of acid before taking off my pants and spending the night butchering poultry. Now, I'm not so sure." 3. "Stop him before he goes for the gibblets!" 2. "It's just not a party until someone chops off his weiner and feeds it to a wolfhound." ...and the Number One Punchline About the Man Who Mistook His Penis for a Chicken Neck and Then Fed It To His Dog... 1. "Well, sir, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about the penis you chopped off after mistaking it for a chicken-neck. We can only apply a salve and attempt to make you comfortable. What kind of salve would you like-- Barbecue, Honey-Mustard, or Mesquite?" posted by Ace at 12:26 PM
CommentsMangerine? OMFG, I don't think I'm gong to recover from that one. I can barely type from the laughing... Posted by: IgwanaRob on October 4, 2004 12:46 PM
SNAUSAGES!!!! I am howling.. Howling! Posted by: Arvin on October 4, 2004 12:59 PM
CNS has a pretty wild Iraqi memo story out... here (by way of Powerline) http://www.cnsnews.com//ViewSpecialReports.asp?Page=\SpecialReports\archive\200410\SPE20041004a.html My thoughts here...http://curbsideprophet7.blogspot.com/ Posted by: James on October 4, 2004 01:14 PM
My thoughts: 1) James - while I applaud your efforts to alert the country to the CNS story, is a chicken neck/penis top ten really the venue? 2) Not being a professional humorist, I can't understand how some sort of "chicken choking" reference couldn't crack the top ten. Posted by: David on October 4, 2004 01:19 PM
Cock-a-doodle-DON'T!!! Posted by: Uncle Jefe on October 4, 2004 01:33 PM
"Kibbles and WHAT?" Make up your own wiener dog joke here. The dog used to just beg at the table. Now it follows him EVERYWHERE. Recurring nightmare: the guy's a chicken and someone's coming to collect the eggs. Posted by: glove on October 4, 2004 02:57 PM
1st:how the fuck do you make that big of a mistake? Posted by: $ N I K I N K $ on October 6, 2004 09:34 AM
Are you certain this event didn't happen in "Butcher-est"? Posted by: Skye on August 16, 2005 07:38 PM
Post a comment
| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Yacht or Nyacht?
With a combined score of 49.5 on Yacht or Nyacht, I'd say this one is a "Nyacht." No Hoe Snow snap. Not bouncy. Pretty dreary. No smooth groove. You won't be able to snort cocaine out of the cleavage of a "Naval Mabel" or "Poopdeck Patty." Or even if you do, it will be half-hearted at best.
From Instapundit, a Free Beacon Fact Check:
Joe Biden, nominal president of the United States, sat down with the ladies of The View for an interview on Wednesday. "It's like having one of the Beatles at the table," co-host Sarah Haines said as the audience roared and her colleagues cackled. I guess that's true if you're talking about the Beatles. But individual members of the Beatles did some decent stuff in the 80s. Kyrsten Sinema
Classics of Yacht Rock Mystery Click
Oh but it's all right Once you get past the pain You'll learn to find your love again So keep your heart open This is a fantastic (casual) driving song, when you're actually driving a little below the speed limit because you don't really have anywhere to be. Going forward, if we have any arguments about what is or what is not Yacht Rock, we can just consult the Yacht or Nyacht? website, which has ranked hundreds of songs according to their Yacht Quotient (YQ). I can see this website stopping arguments, fistfights, and formal duels.
In solidarity with the MSM, Rich Lowry and National Review vilified the Covington Kids as racist agitators back in 2019. Now, it’s Rich Lowry being canceled for an accidental slip of the tongue that sounded like a forbidden word. There’s a lesson here for the Polite Right, but they won’t learn it. [Buck]
Forgotten 70s Mystery Click: Pop Princess Edition
'Cause it gets me nowhere to tell you no/ And it gets me nowhere to make you go From the same album
Are Lebanese citizens making up songs praising the #pager bombs?
Olympics judo star Nemanja Majdov banned for 5 months after making sign of cross at Paris Games [CBD]
The Lost Classics of Yacht Rock
You know you can't fool me I've been loving you too long It started so easy You want to carry on I'm not sure this is even Yacht Rock. This might just be very soft rock. I can't see myself sniffing cocaine from a Boat Hoe's cleavage to this song, which is the primary criterion of Yacht Rock. But I think this song more crosses from the shallows of soft rock to the cresting majesty of Yacht Rock. This is definitely bouncy enough for Hoe Snow. Very smooth, a little folky, a little jazzy. It's got that Hoe Snow snap.
From Andycanuck: Hezballah members reporting for work today, a little bit skittish about entering the code on an electronic keypad lock
I don't know if this is real. It's certainly accurate -- no one in Hezballah is happy to be handling any kind of electronic device today.
FAA fines SpaceX $633K for acting without its permission "These fines therefore are simply because FAA management has hurt feelings because SpaceX wouldn't wait for it to twiddle its thumbs for a few more weeks. The fines also suggest that FAA management is either being pressured to hinder SpaceX's commercial operations by higher ups in the White House, or that management itself is trying to exert more power over the company, for apparently very petty reasons." [CBD]
1) Individuals, on camera and audio, stating what they saw is "unconfirmed" with "no specific reports"
Rep. James Comer writes letter to criminal Christopher Wray, seeking information about Tim Walz's many, many suspicious trips to China
The FBI investigated whether Trump was a Russian agent based upon... nothing. Think they're investigating Walz, or nah?
Sopranos vs. Star Trek
Thanks to "NYT c*cksuckers" Recent Comments
AZ Hi Desert (Gringo fuertemente armado-Tempus belli):
"So Kamala was down here is SE AZ today.
Here is ..."
Kamal Harris: "The other day I ran into former President Clinton ..." Gref: "321 “Israeli Sources have confirmed that bes ..." Braenyard: "But nooooo, they just had to try to sucker punch I ..." [/i][/s][/b][/u]Oddbob: "[i]"If Trump wins, I will have no choice but to ta ..." Mr Aspirin Factory: "May as well tone it down and tell the truth. Post ..." azjaeger: "When the internet destroyed the traditional media ..." Erebus- ex-killer whale: "I have heard the speculation that in addition to e ..." Mr. Ray : "It's weird that Sean Hannity still has a nightly p ..." nurse ratched : "Thing is After the Covid hysteria and global wa ..." [/i][/s][/b][/u]Oddbob: "[i]“Israeli Sources have confirmed that besi ..." JQ: ""If Trump wins, I will have no choice but to take ..." Bloggers in Arms
Behind The Black CutJibNewsletter The Pipeline Second City Cop Talk Of The Town with Steve Noxon Belmont Club Chicago Boyz Cold Fury Da Goddess Daily Pundit Dawn Eden Day by Day (Cartoon) EduWonk Enter Stage Right The Epoch Times Grim's Hall Victor Davis Hanson Hugh Hewitt IMAO Instapundit JihadWatch Kausfiles Lileks/The Bleat Memeorandum (Metablog) Outside the Beltway Patterico's Pontifications The People's Cube Powerline RedState Reliapundit Viking Pundit WizBang Some Humorous Asides
Kaboom!
Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
Contact
Ace:aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com |