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CNBC: Here Are The Ten Worst States to Live In or Start a Business In. They're All, Get This, the Red States Experiencing The Highest In-Migration.
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October 04, 2004
Romanian Man Mistakes Penis For "Chicken Neck;" Chops it Off, Feeds it To DogEven Less Hot Than "Kelvin Lynn" Strumming His Doucheboy Folk Guitar While Trying to Pick Up a CISPES-G Chick: Greg sends this story, which I sorta suspect will be one of those stories that gets big play and then gets retracted in 48 hours. Still, when someone sends you a link about a man "mistaking his penis for a chicken neck" and then cutting it off and feeding it to his dog before he realized his "mistake," you link that story. That's my policy: BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency says. "Out of danger?" That's one way to put it. Now, I never mistook my penis for a chicken neck, but I did once erroneously believe that one of my testicles was a tangerine that would be very tasty blended up into a margarita, so I can sympathize with this guy. Yes, I lost a testicle, but I did invent Mangerine Margarita Mix, and I'm now well on my way to being a multi-millionaire. As my Pappy used to say, no door closes without a window being opened. My time is far too precious to make up jokes about this, but I can make up a few punchlines. Fill in the straight lines as you see fit. Top Ten Punchlines About Man Who Mistook His Penis For A Chicken Neck and Fed It To His Dog 10. "In fairness, you can understand my mistake. It was up every morning at the crack of dawn waking the neighbors. And, also, it had bright red wattles." 9. "Yes, but apart from that, how did the soup turn out?" 8. "Hey, that's not a beak, that's your vas deferens!" 7. "Say what you will, but my dog's coat is shinier and healthier than ever." 6. "And so, having been tricked by a crafty chicken into cutting off his genitals, he swore vengeance upon the entire Chicken-Race. That man's name? Frank Perdue, the Ahab of Poultry." 5. "Snausages!" 4. "I used to think it was cool to drop a tab of acid before taking off my pants and spending the night butchering poultry. Now, I'm not so sure." 3. "Stop him before he goes for the gibblets!" 2. "It's just not a party until someone chops off his weiner and feeds it to a wolfhound." ...and the Number One Punchline About the Man Who Mistook His Penis for a Chicken Neck and Then Fed It To His Dog... 1. "Well, sir, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about the penis you chopped off after mistaking it for a chicken-neck. We can only apply a salve and attempt to make you comfortable. What kind of salve would you like-- Barbecue, Honey-Mustard, or Mesquite?" posted by Ace at 12:26 PM
CommentsMangerine? OMFG, I don't think I'm gong to recover from that one. I can barely type from the laughing... Posted by: IgwanaRob on October 4, 2004 12:46 PM
SNAUSAGES!!!! I am howling.. Howling! Posted by: Arvin on October 4, 2004 12:59 PM
CNS has a pretty wild Iraqi memo story out... here (by way of Powerline) http://www.cnsnews.com//ViewSpecialReports.asp?Page=\SpecialReports\archive\200410\SPE20041004a.html My thoughts here...http://curbsideprophet7.blogspot.com/ Posted by: James on October 4, 2004 01:14 PM
My thoughts: 1) James - while I applaud your efforts to alert the country to the CNS story, is a chicken neck/penis top ten really the venue? 2) Not being a professional humorist, I can't understand how some sort of "chicken choking" reference couldn't crack the top ten. Posted by: David on October 4, 2004 01:19 PM
Cock-a-doodle-DON'T!!! Posted by: Uncle Jefe on October 4, 2004 01:33 PM
"Kibbles and WHAT?" Make up your own wiener dog joke here. The dog used to just beg at the table. Now it follows him EVERYWHERE. Recurring nightmare: the guy's a chicken and someone's coming to collect the eggs. Posted by: glove on October 4, 2004 02:57 PM
1st:how the fuck do you make that big of a mistake? Posted by: $ N I K I N K $ on October 6, 2004 09:34 AM
Are you certain this event didn't happen in "Butcher-est"? Posted by: Skye on August 16, 2005 07:38 PM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
CNBC ranks Tennessee as dead last in its “Worst States to Live” analysis. The specific reason is that cross-dressing men in TN are denied access to children and women’s private spaces. Texas finished 49th. The “worst” states were all red states. [Buck]
Senator Lindsey Graham (R - SC) has died after a "brief and sudden illness." [Buck]
The "Evel Knievel Experience," a museum dedicated to the famous daredevil, opens in (where else) Las Vegas
Well I guess they could have opened it on the Snake Canyon.
In response to someone asking why the video tape doesn't show Tyler Robinson's face (PS, it does, but it's crappy video so it's blurry):
Candace OwensFor such an "open and shut case" they have thus far provided ZERO evidence of anything outside of a criminal government conspiracy, the likes of which hasn't been seen since the JFK assassination.
More "fedslop" that Cavernous Nostrils is too smart to be taken in by:
Blake Neff Fenix Ammunition Post here, showing Tyler Robinson's ammunition, matching this guy's own box. And it is an expanding-tip hollow-point round. Boy these Internet Experts (TM) sure do get a lot of things wrong.
Lost 70s Mystery Click
And a song with another song as an intro, too: Be it sight, sound, smell, or touch There's something Inside that we need so much The sight of a touch, or the scent of a sound Or the strength of an oak with roots deep in the ground The wonder of flowers to be covered and then to burst up Thru tarmac, to the sun again Boy do they look like absolute dorks.
Lost 70s Mystery Click
Doing alright A little jiving on a Saturday night And come what may Gonna dance the day away Jenny was sweet She always smiled for the people she'd meet On trouble and strife She had another way of looking at life
RIP Lord Humungus
[CBD]
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
It happened one summer, it happened one time It happened forever, for a short time A place for a moment, an end to dream Forever I loved you, forever it seemed One summer never ends, one summer never began It keeps me standing still, it takes all my will Recent Comments
tubal:
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Of the top ten "Bad States" Missouri is ..."
one hour sober: ">>Because a lot of CNBC people have homes in Flori ..." Sponge - F*ck Cancer: "[i] Was she abducted ?? Can we exchange you for h ..." Piper: "60 Posted by: Piper at July 14, 2026 12:23 PM (pZE ..." NR Pax: "[i]Any guy 24 and above hitting on a 21 year old g ..." ...: "Posted by: bonhomme at July 14, 2026 12:26 PM (mkw ..." Minnesota = Shit Magnet: "Minnesota is much cheaper than the coastal Blue st ..." Sponge - F*ck Cancer: "[i]Why did they leave off Florida? Because a lot o ..." bonhomme[/i][/i][/i][/b][/b][/b][/s][/s][/s][/u][/u][/u]: "> Maybe Missouri IS a "Bad State." It was liter ..." Somalia: "Maine gaining big is also bizarre. The lefty-Nazi ..." first time commenter: "I miss Piper. Posted by: Sponge - Was she abdu ..." UGAdawg: "Huh. I live in Atlanta, and we certainly have plen ..." Bloggers in Arms
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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