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October 01, 2004
This Weekend: A Very Special Episode of Ace of Spades HQAce of Spades, Teenager in Turmoil, learns his best friend is addicted to speed. He must decide to keep the secret, or tell his friend's parents. Special Guest Appearances by Tony Danza, Meredith Baxter-Birney, and former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. My own blogging will be light this weekend -- I have a major pain-in-my-ass commitment, though I'll try to get on the damn hotel computer and do some posting -- but I'm proud to announce the site's first guest host. Is "proud" the right word, really? I don't think so. Overstates it by at least 80%. Let's just say I'm required to announce the site's first guest host. I had actually hoped to get someone you might have sorta-mighta heard of to guest-blog this weekend, but the best I could come up with was Hoke Malokey. Hoke is a smart analyst and damn funny too. He's funny in that dry, erudite witty manner -- you know, pussy-shit. College-boy crap. While I was out there bustin'-ass on a tuna boat in the Berring Straits, Hoke was standing around at a fancy-pants university club in his pansy tweeds and spats making cutting remarks about the pate. But seriously: he's good. He knows politics inside and out; I've learned a lot from him. He's also technically incompetent, so if he does anything stupid, like turn the entire site upside down or set the default font to "Sanskrit Sans Serif," try to alert him to that. Be nice to him, but not too nice to him. I don't want to see anything even close to "You're much better than Ace; why don't you start your own blog?" I'm not going to get on Paula Zahn with that kind of crap being posted on my site. If you need to contact him, either about a tip or about how badly he's screwed up the coding for the site, drop him a line at hokemalokey-AT-yahoo.com (replace the "-AT-" with @). Anyway, assuming Hoke doesn't completely nuke the Munuvia software, I'll see you sporadically over the weekend, and then again Sunday night. Playing the Expectations Game: Incidentally, Hoke Malokey is coming off the bench cold. This is all very last-minute, and he hasn't had time to prepare or anything like that. So, while I imagine he'll have interesting stuff to say, it will be all off-the-cuff and posted on borrowed time. posted by Ace at 05:00 PM
CommentsWow...Hoke Malokey! I've herad great things about him. There should be a noticable improvement in this site in Ace's absence......... Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on October 1, 2004 05:15 PM
Is that Hoke as in "poke" or as in "Hok-EE"? Hok-EE rhymes better. Posted by: George on October 1, 2004 05:16 PM
I believe it's "Hok-EE." Senator, See? There you go. Just as I feared. Posted by: ace on October 1, 2004 05:18 PM
I'm just grumpy 'cause I was hoping that Johnny Coldcuts was gonna take over.... Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on October 1, 2004 05:49 PM
Senator, Alas, I think that Johnny Coldcuts was much like the Chris Elliot character "The Guy Under the Stairs" on the Letterman show. Funny for a while, and then forgotten. Sorry. Posted by: ace on October 1, 2004 05:55 PM
Wow that Hoke Malokey is a much better writer than Ace. He should get his own blog. What that? He hasn't started yet? I stand by my words. Posted by: Brass on October 1, 2004 06:00 PM
I'm still holding out for Rich "Psycho" Giamboni. Posted by: John on October 1, 2004 06:25 PM
So let me get this straight.....you threaten to kill off Johnny Coldcuts in order to solicit pledges/donations to save his life...then you write him off (pun intended) anyway? What next? Are you gonna be selling Bush memos to CBS? Or maybe utilizing some of that expensive Andrew Sullivan bandwidth while blogging from P-town? It's all a fraud! I'm gonna rally the pajamahadeen and unleash the full fury of the blogosphere on you. Or not. I'm hungry, and there's a good ballgame coming on. Maybe later. Posted by: senator philabuster on October 1, 2004 07:34 PM
I have reasons to believe that this post is a forgery. There is no Berring Sea, there is a Bering Sea. However, Tuna are not fished in the Bering Sea. What have you done with Ace?! Posted by: Dave Pasquino on October 2, 2004 08:25 PM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
The ULA rocket just launched
Thanks to Joyenz The rocket's enormous engines are fueled by "the volcanic heterosexual lust between James Talarico and his Neighbor With a Uterus 'girlfriend'" I hope Amazon's rocket works better than the Amazon Prime app does as far as allowing people to watch the black and white version of "Spider-Noir" From the CA Post: Thanks to beckster
Just like "Spartacus" Corey Booker, now that James Talarico is running for a higher office, he unveils his previously-unknown "girlfriend" and hooboy, it just so happens she used to work for him, and, get this, likes to "dance the night away" at gay bars
Gee I wonder where they might have met Oh and she's a vegan When Corey Booker needed a "girlfriend," he conjured up known LGBTQ activist Rosario Dawson. How convenient that when these guys need a girlfriend to show off to the normies that just happen to find an activist with a strong history of and interest in Supporting Gay Men But seriously, this James Talarico romance with a Neighbor with a Uterus is a love story for the ages. The passion of their lovemaking is hotter than a blue star with a core of Primordial Sex Atoms created in the Big Bang
And just like that, #PunchANazi became Punch a Ballot for a Nazi
"Teen" charged with five counts of attempted murder after attempting to run down police officers with his car in yet another "teen takeover" permitted by woke racist incompetent Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson
Johnson's response to the "teen takeovers" of streets and businesses that he refuses to make arrests to stop is to go after social media companies for not deleting messages to coordinate the "teen takeovers." Um, they're supposed to find these messages and delete them in real time? It makes no sense but he has to offer an "alternative" plan to just arresting lawbreakers -- which he absolutely refuses to do, saying we "can't arrest our way out" of rampant crime.
Future Tucker Carlson guest James Talarico:
James Talarico He's referring to three mass attacks committed by white men in, oh, the past six or eight years. There were a huge number of mass shootings and bombings he had to skip over to cherry pick three committed by white men. Which kind of makes me think that "white men" are not the greatest terrorist threat in our country. No, I doubt he'll be a guest on Tucker Carlson. The only thing that Tucker clings to that he claims makes him "conservative" is a palpable hatred of gays. Any time there's a communist enslaving their population and executing dissenters and conservatives, Tucker praises that dictator by saying "at least he represses the homos!"
Polls close in Texas at 7pm local (8pm for the East Coast). Vote the RINO out.
Those of you who are longtime Not Watchers of Stephen Colbert will not enjoy this flashback of Colbert dancing with Chuck Schumer while wearing ostentatious covid masks
Rush Limbaugh was an innovator in so many ways, including being among the first to not watch Stephen Colbert
DNI Tulsi Gabbard tenders her resignation for June 30, says her husband has been diagnosed with a rare bone cancer and she will have to help him through this
After threatening that the "clock is ticking" for renewed strikes on Iran, Trump once again calls them off to give negotiating a chance.
I can't even cover this any more. It's embarrassing. It's like covering the endless negotiations over DHS funding. Trump is going to drag this out through the midterms and then lose them. Note to the president: At some point, allowing the Regime to remain in power without actually forcing them to give up nukes is just a back-door, unacknowledged renewal of the Obama policy. Well, I guess we just have to wait for their economy to collapse and their troops to desert. Recent Comments
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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