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September 29, 2004

Do My Work For Me: Debate Drinking Game

Boy, it sure is fun painting this white picket fence. I can't believe how lucky a boy I am to be painting on such nice day.

You want to try paintin' the fence? I don't know. It's really a lot of fun. What do you have in trade?

AnnieL wants to know what sort of a drinking game can be played during the debate. I'm stumped, myself-- I've never played drinking games, unless you count "drowning your feelings of inadequacy and residual childhood rage with Nyquil and prescription back-pills" as a "game."

So, if anyone has any good ideas, post them here, and I'll use the best ones for a Debate Drinking Game.

Ace of Spades HQ: Interactive Entertainment. And by "interactive," I mean I just sit here and drink Nyquil-and-prescription-back-pills highballs.

posted by Ace at 12:08 PM

Comments

I got one. Everytime the word "Vietnam" is used take a drink.

On second thought that might end up with people dying....

Posted by: Midaz on September 29, 2004 12:17 PM

I have a feeling Kerry is going to use 'I have been very clear on this' to mask the fact that he hasn't been clear on anything. If he mentions Vietnam even once, I think it's all over for him.

Posted by: Karol on September 29, 2004 12:25 PM

Debate drinking game:
1. Every time Bush uses a malaprop take a drink.
2. If the word 'nuclear' is mispronounced take a drink.
3. If Kerry breaks out in flop sweat, take a drink.
4. Every time Kerry's response is longer than Bush's take a drink.
5. If Kerry finishes speaking and you still have no clue what his position is, take a drink.
6. If Kerry revises his position on an issue during a debate, take a drink.
7. If Kerry insults one of our allies in Iraq or Afghanistan, take a drink.
8. Every time 'Vietnam' or 'TxANG' is mentioned, take a drink.
9. If Ghengis Khan is pronounced 'Jenjiss Khan', take a drink.
10. If you're watching it on CBS and Dan Rather uses forged documents to bash Bush in his analysis, drink the rest of the bottle.

When this results in alcohol poisioning, I will not take responsibility. I actually told you not to drink that much before I told you to drink that much.

Posted by: Brett on September 29, 2004 01:10 PM

Brett -

Come on, that's way to complicated. Take #4, for example. You expect a drunk to keep track of how long Kerry speaks? He'll just fall asleep! Even sober people will just fall asleep...

Let's keep the rules simple. Just listen for specific words (or phrases). Focus people! Focus!

(# of sips from the beer glass - word or phrase)

1 - Vietnam
1 - Fallujah
1 - I have been [very] clear (Kerry only)
1 - weapons of mass distruction
2 - Cambodia
2 - Halliburton
2 - Texas Air National Guard
2 - gay marriage
3 - Quagmire
3 - Bin Laden
3 - Terezzza
3 - Dan Rather

Posted by: Rich on September 29, 2004 01:22 PM

PS It may be a long way to complicated, but I really meant "too".

Posted by: RIch on September 29, 2004 01:28 PM

On the Kerry side:

1. Every time Kerry says "don't spin here" or any reference to spin, chug-a-lug.

2. Any time Kerry metions a Republican "secret plan", a jello shooter.

3. "Tax cuts for the richest Americans." Drink up. Same goes for "ignoring the Poor, the elderly, etc.

4. Any reference to doing things "better than Bush" without actually providing details, means another gulp.

On the Media Side:

1. Anytime you think you can ask a better question than the one being posited, hoist your tankard and drink deeply, knowing you'd be right.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on September 29, 2004 01:29 PM

And here I have been thinking that Nyquil and pain pills were only ol'Smitty's problem....

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on September 29, 2004 01:36 PM

Ok,Rich, you win:
amend #4: Anytime John Kerry starts to put you to sleep, take a drink.

Posted by: Brett on September 29, 2004 01:38 PM

Regretfully, as Bush is a "dry Christian", no Presidential Drinking Contest is likely.

I suspect if he fell off the wagon he would be a riot though. A wee bit cruel, but witty.

You know, if I wasn't married, sober, and saved, I'd never been President, but I would have still had a lot of fun! Johniie baby, even with all your wife's money, you don't enjoy it, do you?? All soooo serious! Even when you play, like your wind flip-flopping, you look like you have a 2X4 shoved up your ass. OOoooo, Christ will be pissed at me for that! Whoops! But come-on John! You and Theresa???? Bwhaaaahaaaa! But I reckon after that prostate surgery it isn't a big deal. Hey, ya know Bob Dole? After you lose this election, he's looking for a famous miserable man for his commercials. Why does Theresa Botox your dick as well as your face? Oh, darn! That's another sin! Sorry, Jesus!"

Kerry shit-faced? Even more pompous, sonorous, slow self-promoting droning. Just slurred:

"As I saaaaaay,, 'hup! hup!', let me say that again, as I saaaayyyy, and I repeat myself as I saaay as a man who has said many things in combat, under great stress and pressure that would have daunted, yes daunted a lesser man than someone like myself, if I may saaaay........err, could you please repeat the question???"

I know Ralph Nader isn't allowed in the 2-Party lock on the system to speak, but I'd pay to see him go do a drunken "mano a mano" with Kerry and Bush:

"Neither of these corrupt suckers cares about mother Earth, Gaia! They are both whore-pimps of big business who don't care if a caribou lives or dies so we can have oil, more oil, more caribou blood for ooiiillll! Heee, heeeee, heeee!"

"Mr Nader, you seem to have some bleeding from the side of your mouth! Shall we take a break?"

"No, thasssOK! I just smiled for the first time in 40 years and my mouth wasn't used to the stretch...just a little skin crack....and speaking of Mammy's cracks...nooooooo, maybe I shouldn't with little innocent consumers watching...But come on! Caribou? You think I really care about caribou? Fuck the cari-Boooooo!! Boo-hooo for Caribooooo! They're just Greenie props. Come on! We don't want industry there so jobless Indians spend most of their time killing the Cari-Boooo that stupid wealthy environmentalists that give the money that has made me a multi-millionaire love so?????

Ralphie hunches into a conspiratorial stage whisper:

"The truth is there are 5 times as many cari-Booooo-Boooos at Prudhoe Bay after drilling dere, mean there, started. I know how it goes. I ate nothing but organic brown rice and vitamin infused Tofu for a year. I hate it. Eskimos hate caribou meat. Sick of it. They'd rather have the money so they could eat twinkies and other processed food 24/7. You drill in ANWAR - sounds like another war to me - Heee Heee! Shit I'm bleeding again! You do it, and Eskimos making 80K a year on their oil biz jobs get satellite TV, watch CSI, munch pizza, and could care less about going out in -30DEG weather to shoot 20 Caribou for their dogs or meat locker. ANWAR will be up to their ass in cari-fucking -boos!"

Posted by: Cedarford on September 29, 2004 01:45 PM

Holy crap, Cedarford just caused me to spray my monitor. Caribou blood for oil. I'll be laughing about that randomly for the rest of the day.

Posted by: Brett on September 29, 2004 02:04 PM

How about every time Kerry does the Disco finger jab you take a sip of beer. You'll still be blind-drunk in about five minutes though.

Posted by: Dacotti on September 29, 2004 02:23 PM

Every time Senator Lizard licks his lips, take a sip. You won't last long!

Posted by: Terry Notus on September 29, 2004 03:32 PM

1 for every time Kerry says "wrong." I'm hoping for the "wrong war, wrong place, wrong time" line personally.

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer on September 29, 2004 04:48 PM

Everytime Dubya says something with that little heh-heh chuckle/ cowboy 'Aw shucks," grin and gets a laugh from the audience, take a drink.

Everytime Kerry looks cranky and says something that makes you want to punch his pompous horse face, take a drink.

Posted by: lauraw on September 29, 2004 05:38 PM

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After threatening that the "clock is ticking" for renewed strikes on Iran, Trump once again calls them off to give negotiating a chance.
I can't even cover this any more. It's embarrassing. It's like covering the endless negotiations over DHS funding. Trump is going to drag this out through the midterms and then lose them.
Note to the president: At some point, allowing the Regime to remain in power without actually forcing them to give up nukes is just a back-door, unacknowledged renewal of the Obama policy.
Well, I guess we just have to wait for their economy to collapse and their troops to desert.

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This was her actual complaint. The mushed-up tomato looked like blood so it's a death threat and these violent attacks on me must stop. What is dis bitch, CNN?

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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
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Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"