I got one. Everytime the word "Vietnam" is used take a drink.

On second thought that might end up with people dying....

I have a feeling Kerry is going to use 'I have been very clear on this' to mask the fact that he hasn't been clear on anything. If he mentions Vietnam even once, I think it's all over for him.

Debate drinking game:
1. Every time Bush uses a malaprop take a drink.
2. If the word 'nuclear' is mispronounced take a drink.
3. If Kerry breaks out in flop sweat, take a drink.
4. Every time Kerry's response is longer than Bush's take a drink.
5. If Kerry finishes speaking and you still have no clue what his position is, take a drink.
6. If Kerry revises his position on an issue during a debate, take a drink.
7. If Kerry insults one of our allies in Iraq or Afghanistan, take a drink.
8. Every time 'Vietnam' or 'TxANG' is mentioned, take a drink.
9. If Ghengis Khan is pronounced 'Jenjiss Khan', take a drink.
10. If you're watching it on CBS and Dan Rather uses forged documents to bash Bush in his analysis, drink the rest of the bottle.

When this results in alcohol poisioning, I will not take responsibility. I actually told you not to drink that much before I told you to drink that much.

Brett -

Come on, that's way to complicated. Take #4, for example. You expect a drunk to keep track of how long Kerry speaks? He'll just fall asleep! Even sober people will just fall asleep...

Let's keep the rules simple. Just listen for specific words (or phrases). Focus people! Focus!

(# of sips from the beer glass - word or phrase)

1 - Vietnam
1 - Fallujah
1 - I have been [very] clear (Kerry only)
1 - weapons of mass distruction
2 - Cambodia
2 - Halliburton
2 - Texas Air National Guard
2 - gay marriage
3 - Quagmire
3 - Bin Laden
3 - Terezzza
3 - Dan Rather

PS It may be a long way to complicated, but I really meant "too".

On the Kerry side:

1. Every time Kerry says "don't spin here" or any reference to spin, chug-a-lug.

2. Any time Kerry metions a Republican "secret plan", a jello shooter.

3. "Tax cuts for the richest Americans." Drink up. Same goes for "ignoring the Poor, the elderly, etc.

4. Any reference to doing things "better than Bush" without actually providing details, means another gulp.

On the Media Side:

1. Anytime you think you can ask a better question than the one being posited, hoist your tankard and drink deeply, knowing you'd be right.

And here I have been thinking that Nyquil and pain pills were only ol'Smitty's problem....

Ok,Rich, you win:
amend #4: Anytime John Kerry starts to put you to sleep, take a drink.

Regretfully, as Bush is a "dry Christian", no Presidential Drinking Contest is likely.

I suspect if he fell off the wagon he would be a riot though. A wee bit cruel, but witty.

You know, if I wasn't married, sober, and saved, I'd never been President, but I would have still had a lot of fun! Johniie baby, even with all your wife's money, you don't enjoy it, do you?? All soooo serious! Even when you play, like your wind flip-flopping, you look like you have a 2X4 shoved up your ass. OOoooo, Christ will be pissed at me for that! Whoops! But come-on John! You and Theresa???? Bwhaaaahaaaa! But I reckon after that prostate surgery it isn't a big deal. Hey, ya know Bob Dole? After you lose this election, he's looking for a famous miserable man for his commercials. Why does Theresa Botox your dick as well as your face? Oh, darn! That's another sin! Sorry, Jesus!"

Kerry shit-faced? Even more pompous, sonorous, slow self-promoting droning. Just slurred:

"As I saaaaaay,, 'hup! hup!', let me say that again, as I saaaayyyy, and I repeat myself as I saaay as a man who has said many things in combat, under great stress and pressure that would have daunted, yes daunted a lesser man than someone like myself, if I may saaaay........err, could you please repeat the question???"

I know Ralph Nader isn't allowed in the 2-Party lock on the system to speak, but I'd pay to see him go do a drunken "mano a mano" with Kerry and Bush:

"Neither of these corrupt suckers cares about mother Earth, Gaia! They are both whore-pimps of big business who don't care if a caribou lives or dies so we can have oil, more oil, more caribou blood for ooiiillll! Heee, heeeee, heeee!"

"Mr Nader, you seem to have some bleeding from the side of your mouth! Shall we take a break?"

"No, thasssOK! I just smiled for the first time in 40 years and my mouth wasn't used to the stretch...just a little skin crack....and speaking of Mammy's cracks...nooooooo, maybe I shouldn't with little innocent consumers watching...But come on! Caribou? You think I really care about caribou? Fuck the cari-Boooooo!! Boo-hooo for Caribooooo! They're just Greenie props. Come on! We don't want industry there so jobless Indians spend most of their time killing the Cari-Boooo that stupid wealthy environmentalists that give the money that has made me a multi-millionaire love so?????

Ralphie hunches into a conspiratorial stage whisper:

"The truth is there are 5 times as many cari-Booooo-Boooos at Prudhoe Bay after drilling dere, mean there, started. I know how it goes. I ate nothing but organic brown rice and vitamin infused Tofu for a year. I hate it. Eskimos hate caribou meat. Sick of it. They'd rather have the money so they could eat twinkies and other processed food 24/7. You drill in ANWAR - sounds like another war to me - Heee Heee! Shit I'm bleeding again! You do it, and Eskimos making 80K a year on their oil biz jobs get satellite TV, watch CSI, munch pizza, and could care less about going out in -30DEG weather to shoot 20 Caribou for their dogs or meat locker. ANWAR will be up to their ass in cari-fucking -boos!"

Holy crap, Cedarford just caused me to spray my monitor. Caribou blood for oil. I'll be laughing about that randomly for the rest of the day.

How about every time Kerry does the Disco finger jab you take a sip of beer. You'll still be blind-drunk in about five minutes though.

Every time Senator Lizard licks his lips, take a sip. You won't last long!

1 for every time Kerry says "wrong." I'm hoping for the "wrong war, wrong place, wrong time" line personally.

Everytime Dubya says something with that little heh-heh chuckle/ cowboy 'Aw shucks," grin and gets a laugh from the audience, take a drink.

Everytime Kerry looks cranky and says something that makes you want to punch his pompous horse face, take a drink.