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September 23, 2004
FAQ: What is the Deal With the Cowbell?Every once in a while, a new poster asks, "Gee, Ace, I kinda like your site, but what the hell is the deal with the cowbell?" I feel I have to respond, because, as we all know, cowbell is the "real issue" in this presidential campaign. Long story short, cowbell is good. I put the cowbell up for good economic news. You're gonna want that cowbell. All you babies are gonna be wearin' gold-plated diapers if we just have enough cowbell. And yet, some are still perplexed. This is a wonderment to me. I can scarcely begin to imagine that anyone, anywhere does not yet know of the magic of the cowbell. If you want an explanation, here are two. This is the video of the famous SNL cowbell sketch. If that goes down, due to our scary-enormous Ace-o-Lanch effect, then you can content yourselves with transcript/description/ovation to the most awesome sketch ever involving 1) Will Farrell 2) Christopher Walken and 3) a cowbell. The video was found on The Cowbell Chronicles blog. RDBrewer gets a double hat-tip for first pointing this out. The quality of the video is pretty darn good, and it's pretty quick if you've got broadband (10-15 seconds download time). Even if you've got dial-up, trust me, fellas-- you're gonna want that cowbell. If you don't want to download video, you could at least listen to the theme from Simon & Simon, and ponder what the theme -- nay, the show itself -- would be without all that kickin' cowbell. And of course this cowbell-enhanced Christopher Walken rap was redubbed for me by Blaster's Blog. Kinda Related Update: The other big in-joke here involves Mr. Paul Anka. Any time you see some strange reference to "When I move, I slice like a fucking hammer," or "Vinny Falcone," or "integrity" versus "loose shit," that's all from this howlingly funny audio of Mr. Paul Anka cursing the life out of his band for five minutes or so, occasionally breaking to ask Zen-like questions like "Do you like your jobs? Do you want to keep your fucking jobs? Well do you?" It's not exactly work-safe, but it's almost worth risking getting fired over. And if you think it's pretty funny to hear Mr. Paul Anka tell his band "don't make a fucking maniac out of me," then you might want to check the additional material listed in the Almost Complete Paul Anka Archives, also found in the sidebar. posted by Ace at 02:32 AM
CommentsPretty self-explanitory to me. Posted by: Moonbat_One on September 23, 2004 02:44 AM
I would pay money to hear Van Morrison sing the phone book, Christoher Walken read the want ads (schooge closer children - okay that was Jay Moore but you know what I mean) and the Ace rip Dan and cohorts a new one. More Cow Bell! Posted by: Skinny Benny on September 23, 2004 02:53 AM
Mr. Paul Anka played the dinner theater a block from my pad a little while back. They get quality entertainment like him and Tony Orlando all the time. Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer on September 23, 2004 03:04 AM
Saddam HATE cowbell. BOOOSH is criminal! Posted by: fat.elvis on September 23, 2004 03:11 AM
I got a fever and the only prescription is more whiskey. Posted by: fat.elvis on September 23, 2004 03:14 AM
Koran say scotch is for true kool-aid drinkers. And Kofi Annan. Posted by: fat.elvis on September 23, 2004 03:17 AM
For anyone that wasn't around during the "Paul Anka Integrity Kick" you are doing yourself a huge injustice by not going back and reading everything you can about it. Make sure you listen to the audio at least 20 or 30 times. No, it does not get old. Tell your friends about it. You haven't lived until you get a drunken voicemail at 4 am from one of your buddies (pissed off because you are in bed and they are still going strong) yelling about the guys getting shirts and threatening to come to your house and slice like a fucking hammer. Posted by: Jersey Matt on September 23, 2004 10:55 AM
Is there that much new traffic coming in that you need a FAQ every other day? :) If so, damn I'm glad to be gettin some link love - hah. Posted by: fat kid on September 23, 2004 11:35 AM
Man, Scotty at the Cowbell Chronicles has a major spambot infestation! Posted by: Nathan on September 23, 2004 12:13 PM
You forgot one other Mr. Paul Anka inside joke reference: "Where's Joe?" Loose shit, Ace. Posted by: Brian B on September 23, 2004 12:47 PM
Brian makes a good point. Posted by: Jersey Matt on September 23, 2004 01:20 PM
Dammit Brian! Don't you know that the guys get shirts??? Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on September 23, 2004 04:48 PM
I thought... Posted by: Brian B on September 23, 2004 05:24 PM
Answer for the humor-impaired: It's his schtick, baby. And Ace? I've got a fever. And the only prescription is MORE COWBELL! (So I don't get lambasted: The guys get fucking small goofy shirts that ride up when you play that cowbell with passion!) Posted by: Margi on September 23, 2004 07:45 PM
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Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
She's totally committed to major independence She's a lady through and through She gives them quite a battle, all that they can handle She'll bruise some, she'll hurt some too
Update to the video of a Russian soldier being spun around and thrown by the machinegun he was operating: The soldier was testing an old, archaic Russian machinegun intended to be mounted to a helicopter. The old gun was pressed into service as a possible anti-drone gun. The Russian army is generally depleted and being forced to bring a lot of old, unreliable weapons and platforms to the front.
Also: Ukranian drones have
Top Men!
FDA is providing an update regarding the sample of lettuce supplied by Taylor Farms de Mexico which was reported positive on July 18, 2026. Due to the complexity in detection of Cyclospora, FDA laboratory experts re-reviewed the sample results and have concluded that the finding does not represent true amplification and should be considered a false positive. Information about the sample has been removed from the July 18, 2026, update below. FDA has notified Taylor Farms and continues working with the firm to ensure product implicated in this outbreak has been removed from the market. FDA and state partners continue to collect and analyze product samples. As of July 19, 2026, there are no confirmed positive sample results for product testing for Cyclospora.[CBD]
FEDERAL APPEALS COURT STRIKES DOWN
NJ "ASSAULT WEAPONS" BAN/MAGAZINE BAN! Let's see if it reverts to the previous 15 round limit or I can actually run my weapons as God intended! [CBD]
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Northern Lights Division
Our topic today is music That's right, like 'Cause my brother and I are now experts in the field, eh Yeah, right, 'cause we're a band now Uh, yeah, so Except for him, I'm a band Aw, how can you do that? You're making me look bad You're such a Hosehead
CNBC ranks Tennessee as dead last in its “Worst States to Live” analysis. The specific reason is that cross-dressing men in TN are denied access to children and women’s private spaces. Texas finished 49th. The “worst” states were all red states. [Buck]
Senator Lindsey Graham (R - SC) has died after a "brief and sudden illness." [Buck]
The "Evel Knievel Experience," a museum dedicated to the famous daredevil, opens in (where else) Las Vegas
Well I guess they could have opened it on the Snake Canyon.
In response to someone asking why the video tape doesn't show Tyler Robinson's face (PS, it does, but it's crappy video so it's blurry):
Candace OwensFor such an "open and shut case" they have thus far provided ZERO evidence of anything outside of a criminal government conspiracy, the likes of which hasn't been seen since the JFK assassination.
More "fedslop" that Cavernous Nostrils is too smart to be taken in by:
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