Howdy! I'm not volunteering to judge, but I can suggest a good judging method. I have used it several times in the past and it's worked quite well. I've only started visiting this site recently, so please forgive me if I am beating a dead horse.

The method is called a "Borda count". You select a number of choices each judge can pick. Let's say you allow each judge five choices. Well, then, each judge's choices get point scores of 5, 4, ..., 1 (with 5 being the best). That's the only slightly counterintuitive part: a judge's number 1 choice scores five, while the number 5 choice scores 1.

Then you tally them up and the highest total scores are the winners. In my experience this almost always produces results that everyone finds reasonable (or at least all the judges find reasonable).

Just a suggestion... take it or leave it!

And, uh, duh, on re-reading, I see that you were not seeking judge volunteers at all. I was misled! Misled, I tell you! My apologies.

Thanks, Dim. But I've edited the original post. I'm not longer asking for an outside judge; I'll just run it as an informal exhibition.

For some reason, I just hate judging these things. This may sound stupid, but I really get worried people will get mad if their haikus are ranked highly.

Thanks, Dim. But I've edited the original post. I'm not longer asking for an outside judge; I'll just run it as an informal exhibition.

For some reason, I just hate judging these things. This may sound stupid, but I really get worried people will get mad if their haikus aren't ranked as highly as they think they should be.

Good enough for me.
Run it through the copier
Fifteen fucking times.

Bush lied! Bush lied! Bush...
What? The documents are fake?
Oh, never mind then.

"Who do we blame, Dan?"
"We know Mapes likes to go down,
have Lockhart out her."

Dan Rather's a hack,
And a really bad one too.
I question timing.

The documents are
actually real in content if
not in their forged form.

Burkett isn't a base
political partisan
he's unimpeachable.

Dole would kick his ass
Surely, he's on fricken' fire,
Like a viking, ace.

"Who do we blame, Dan?"
"We know Mapes likes to 'go down,'
have Lockhart out her."

An empty walker.
Bedside oxygen unhooked.
Who let Rather out?

I have documents.
Kerning? What the fuck is that?
Fake, but accurate.

Unimpeachable,
unless you doubt a nutjob.
Bush equals Hitler.

Not good enough, Dan.
Millions, clad in pajamas,
Want to see him fired.

It can't just be me
who sees Bill Burkett and thinks
Grown-up Ralph Wiggum.

Its not forgery
If the content is truthful
You stupid bloggers

Damn! forgot the title;

Crane Wades in Nonexistent Pond

Its not forgery
If the content is truthful
You stupid bloggers

Pajamas, how warm
and fun to wear, lets join the
pajamahadeen.

Target: W
Dan shoots. It bounces. Blame Bill!
John asks "Who? Clinton?"

A haiku for Ace
is like a cherry blossom
thrown into the wind.

Contest! he proclaims;
A winner will be announced!
And yet we still wait ...

What is "Powerline?"
What the fuck is "LGF?"
Oh, my retirement.

Michael Moore was right.
Those Repubs will doubt the truth
Even when it's fake.

If I lose this gig
I hear that George Soros has
a lot of money.

I've never been wrong.
Oh, General Westmoreland.
That one doesn't count.

Palms

There is no story
Unless I report on it;
Dammit I been scooped let's see some more hurricane coverage please oh shit oh shit oh shit what do I do now

Apple Blossom Crushed on Pavement

You are so right George
That last contest hurt our hearts
So many entries...

It is OK, Ace
We are all big boys and girls
Its all in good fun

Most of the fin is in the titles, let's see some more good titles. If I remember correctly Ace likes the one-word ones the best.

Er, 'FUN.'

Am I tearing through the bandwidth Ace? Let me know, I'll float ya' couple $

Forged? No! But Dan blinks.
Fake but accurate! um, no.
All apologies.

Ace, Allah and IDNC
Powerline and Little Green Footballs all
Have Dan by the nuts

If Ace doesn't like
the haikus that I've written,
Burkett will visit.

Then Burkett will build
a radio transmitter
in Ace's front yard.

We'll coordinate
our plans with the DNC
and Rather from there.

John and Maria Teresa Antoinette
Heinz Heinz Kerry de Bourbon
We'd Rather not thanks.

Scooby-doo defense:
I would have gotten away
if not for bloggers.

Chewbacca defense:
If the docs are done in Word,
your story's absurd. (thoroughly stolen from protein wisdom)

Lacking honesty
An anchorman falls like snow
Blown from a mountain.

Texas rattlesnake coils
---
Angry left eye stares
Tiny superscripts lie bare
bunny slippers pounce

Epiphany

I 'found' a memo
Says Bush fellates porcupines.
'Splains all his band-aids.

BUNNY SLIPPERS POUNCE!! roflmao
I can't breathe.

election cycle
the kerry campaign withers
musty autumn leaves

Scoop tours press, Kerry.
Fake docs really dupe moonbats
Kerry, press, tour poop.

Rather
---
Rather glib story
Dan would rather forget now
Some now rather glum

This week's Ann Coulter
Will make last week's Ann Coulter
Look like Larry King.

Burkett

Unimpeachable
You were supposed to check them
It's all your own fault

If I go to jail
Lockharte and Cleland go with
Blame the DNC

Not me officer
Mape's and Rather forced me to
I didn't make them

Yes Sir, your Honor
I thought they were really real
I didn't forge them

I love my cellmate
Inmates mess with him, not me
His name? Dan Rather

A New record
---
Dan goes on record
Documents aren't forgeries
"Oops." A new record

Yucca Mountain now holds
Dan Rather's reputation
John Kerry's chances

I call this haiku "Medical Miracle":

Burkett sprongs some wood.
Rather fact-checks the condom.
Kerry gets pregnant.

Double
---
Merry seas. Burnt Bush.
Carry rather bogus bills.
I see BS too.

Stop Drop Roll
----
I'll never go pro
I prefer flame retardant
not flaming retards

Mapes said they were real.
That dumb bitch had better sleep
With one eye open.

Just wait
---
A Texas man wronged
Waits his day to get even
That's Bush, in six weeks

"Fuck me? No, FUCK YOU!"
Paul Anka said to Ms. Mapes.
Got your docs...RIGHT HERE.

Bagpipes

Oh Danny boy, the
Blogs, the blogs are calling you
a lying sumbitch

Too subtle
---
Subtle differences
Subtle as a sledgehammer
Subterfuge slams Dan

Where's Jeff Goldstein when
we need him? Haikus are, like,
his thing... I'm hungry.

Ode to Rosanna Rosannadanna
---
Look, compelling files.
Questions need to be answered
What? Oh. Nevermind.

Dan's sandbox
---
Stop picking on me!
You're poking me in the eye!
I've lost my marbles!

It turns out they're fake.
Mapes, get your ass in here now.
And bring the KY.

A Chill Wind is Blowing

Danny put me some
Fucking Integrity here.
Do you like your job?

Everything Is Pathetic

See BS haiku?
snows approach; bury Kerry
MeTooThen pick mine!

Decision '04

Gunslinger eyes of
Dan, shift from Glock to bourbon.
Make your move, Tuco.

Ired
---
Dan is looking tired
Wired choir cries "lier!"
Dan is getting fired

"Anka Premonition"

Who knew that when Ace
Joked about INTEGRITY
It would come to this?

New Fangled
---
Dan's seen better days
He's seen great typewritten copy
But never *that* good.

mot juste
---
On that pathetic
Document controversy
One word: Pajamas

Apology to Lileks
---
Haiku fest full of
schadenfreude, crunchy goodness
You can't bleat just one

One story was big
News today, but Atrios
Was awfully quiet.

"Partisan Political Mad Scientist"

I confess! I'm the
One who travelled back in time
With Microsoft Word.

Oops, I forgot to
Fill in my name and email
On that last haiku.

If this gets too big,
I'm starting to wonder if
Kerry pulls a Torch.

Gay American
Thinks collusion isn't bad
No need to resign.

Michael Badnarik
hopes for more stories like this
to get one percent.

clintonistas burn
hillary doesn't need them
quel dommage, n'est-ce pas?

burkett places blame.
but who's lucy ramirez?
shrug. fuck if i know.

http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/20040921/1a_cover21x.art0.htm

A Filet lover
Has little to say except
That Fox News is bad.

But hey, Oliver,
When did the Fox journalists
Use fake documents?

Check out this here link.
Mark of the beast is just, uh,
Coincidental.

http://www.oliverwillis.com/node/view/666

looooocy! oh, looooooocy!
you got some splainin' to do
please call lockhart fast

Burkett was patsy
Burning all evidence up
Might be Nigerians

The punchlines are loud
SNL is on its way
Just wait til then, guys

Kerry on late show
did you see it? go find it.
Dave almost punched him.

cheers,
M@

"fake but accurate"
has got to be the greatest
haiku line ever

"fake but accurate"
has got to be the greatest
haiku line ever

(name didn't show up)

Options

Tools, AutoCorrect
Ordinals with superscript
Uncheck this next time

Liability

Shahve it, eediots!
I'm funny, cheeky, zexy!
Who iz dis 'Tootsie'?

This haiku is fake
but despite your misgivings
it is accurate.

Clinton in his bed
Gazes up at the ceiling
There's a mirror there

On the wall, a pic
Of himself at the White House.
Whispers, "I'll be back."

(Dan torpedoes John)
Slum'bring with the TV on
A smile turns Bill's lips

Dan picks the wrong hill
What's the frequency, Kenneth?
Karl Rove pulls the strings

VLWC

VC, the flying
dog, dropped like the other shoe
on Rather's fat ass.

CBS eye blinked
Apology, sort of, but...
USA Today?

Haiku experts tell me
That this poem has the requisite
Number of syllables

Hello, CBS?
This is John Kerry's coffin.
No more nails, ok?

All you have to do:
superimpose the memos.
Little rats scurry.

Dan Rather:

Our story's source is
(dammit, he fainted again)
unimpeachable

bright burning memos
Cinders fall on black asphalt
Nothing can trace them

Bill Burkett:

Finally, it's here!
Proof that Bush lied about Nam!
Where is my Zippo?

"Apology"

Just because I made
it all up doesn't mean it's
not completely true...

CBS' Demand

Internet bloggers!
Please stop pushing this story!
We want to be first.

Oliver Willis:

Memos are old news.
Hey, Britney Spears got married!
I need a sandwich.

Meanies

Don't make fun of Dan.
It's not nice; hurts his feelings.
His mom thinks he's cool

Priorities

Even if they're fake,
Let's not forget Abu Ghraib.
It's time to move on.

How's "I will not rate?"
"Sweet" said Mr. Tickles (the
Dude on my shoulder).

Dems going down fast
Scam the delusional Dan.
Bye-bye Danny boy!

My Dear Dan Rather,
Never show hard evidence.
Yours, Kitty Kelley

Please call a plumber
Rather's credibility
is in the toilet

Burkett's OCD

Its funny to think
He burned the originals
What a fucking kook

Proves accessory
In an investigation-
Already confessed!

Parsing

Okay, so Burkett
May have lied about memos;
Trust him about Bush!

Unemployable?

Methinks Bill Burkett
Just lost any shot he had
Working for Kerry

Requiem

Trust, career destroyed.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls,
Dan, it tolls for thee.

Night

Fear not that dark night
Whence echo news voices past -
Courage, Dan, courage!

Red Sun over Houston

Lucy Ramirez!
Maybe Burkett hopes that we'll
Blame the Mexicans

Falling

Snow on Mt. Fuji
Settles soft and white, like death,
Like burnt memo ash.

Assistance

Forgeries are hard.
I hate jobs Rather gives me.
Thank God for Clippy!

Cadre

McAuliffe, Burkett,
Rather, Mapes, Kerry, Edwards:
Axis of Morons

Wonkette:

Ace, I love your skills
At taking down Dan Rather.
Please return my calls!

Who cares 'bout memos?
Let's talk important issues -
things like gay marriage.

In fact, gay marriage
is much more important than
all other issues.

A war in Iraq?
How's that impact gay marriage?
It's a civil right!

Men marrying men.
That's more crucial than terror.
Terror's so last year.

What? Wahhabists want
to kill me because I'm gay?
They're not in P-town.

My right to man-love
is the one burning issue
in this year's campaign.

You say John Kerry
opposes gay marriage too?
He's not mean, like Bush.

Plus, let's just face it.
That John Edwards is dreamy,
while Cheney's frumpy.

Forged documents,
sharpened weapons, inflict a
Rather paper cut.

or

Forged documents,
sharpened weapons, rather a
paper cut inflict.

th
--
Thumbing through thrilling
theory, thieves thank themselves. Think
thomeone'll notith?

Feminist, madman agitate,
causing Blowhard to fall.
Almost bloodlessly.

Lament

CBS is not
the font of journalism.
No kern-el of truth.
----------------------

To-do

Must fake Guard memos.
But where is my Selectric?
Oh well. Word will do.

----------------------

Objectivity

I trusted he who
said what I wanted to hear.
Does that make me bad?

Stare 'em down, he thought
Proles won't know the difference
I AM the news, bitch

Word fails me
---
There are not enough
letters in the word sorry
to balance Dan's lie

All Seeing Eye
---
In a world of blogs
The one eyed network anchor
is king of the fools

Dangerous animal
---
Dan's story recoils.
Gripped too tightly, it turns and
bites. Who's sorry now?

Pajamahadeen
---
Pajama footies
pad softly in cyan glow
Truth wielding "ninjas"

Tears fall silently on
CBS mementos glistening,
Dan sits on the sidewalk.

Cambodian Christmas


Like seared memories,
Forgeries show inner truth.
Fuck actual truth.

Tie that binds
---
A common thread binds
the French, The Dan, and Kerry:
A lack of courage

Mother Teresa

Speaks to audience
On Talk like a Pirate Day
"Scumbuckets they be!"

Like fallen leaves
Big media turns to dust
Blown away by truth

Hand over the goods?
Some attention would be nice
said the insider

Nuance
---
Impressed by Dan's stand
Kerry settles on nuanced
new slogan: Pravda

Burkett in grievous torment says, "Lucy you got some 'splainin' to do."

Burkett in grievous torment
says, "Lucy you got
some 'splainin' to do."

I saw no prohibition
of multiple haiku
on just one post

Kerry would lead
with ever new face
isotropic no direction

Thoughts like birds fly free
who can know whence
Yet Kerry will follow each one

War and rumours of War
Who will bravely lead
That French man who windsurfs

Circumstances Multiply
beckoning with a question
Where's the boeuf?

Nations hold their breath
in thrall they wonder
What is Kerry's secret plan?

Twitching now and then
captured like some bug
Kerry dangles in the web.

John displays no anger
steady, unperturbed he
triumphant botox

Lament not Dan's demise
Kerry hourly new slants
spawn Media growth

Notes yield to stepwise probe
Slowly like Kerry stoned to death
by popcorn

The Blog

comes
on little bunny slippered feet.
It sips coffee
sleepy eyed
with uncombed hair
and then moves on.

Such sweet innocence!
Mary had no idea
Dan would RAT HER out.

Doppler Dan sings old
lonesome train songs. Whistle fades-
around the bend, gone.

Do you Wonder?

If C BS will do this for Kerry
What Pray tell will they do for Hillary
Against the next Republican

Lest We All Forget

Just remember who is in charge
of the folks in the Kerry campaign
At last count, mostly Clintonistas
Could you expect less from this sorry bunch?
Keep your eyes on the prize folks
2008 and Queen Hillary are coming next

CBS News has
"What's the Frequency, Kenneth?"
as its theme song

http://ask.yahoo.com/ask/20010619.html

Words of Confucius:
"Beware of 'truthtellers' who
have an axe to grind"

Future history
---
Texas history
remembers the Alamo
and Dan's BS show

Ad campaign
---
Burger King reveals
their new spokesman. Show Dan:
"I'll have a whopper"

Burnt
---
Dan scans the ashes
of his career. Pokes them with
a stick. Still burning

Been two fucking weeks
He still can't say "forgery"
Dan must fucking DIE

Forgot the haiku title:

Sumbitch Rotting in Own Putrid Excrement

Been two fucking weeks
He still can't say "forgery"
Dan must fucking DIE

Another delicate flower of haiku quietude and poise;

Ratbastard Swilling in Trough of Bullshit

"Can't authenticate"
Not the same goddamn thing, Dan
as "I lied, I'm sorry."

Wow, I was feeling pretty good last night.