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| Best of: Special Ace of Spades HQ Guest Editorial »
September 17, 2004
Best of: The "Shadowy Links" Between Senator John Forbes Kerry and BigfootThe New York Times desperately tries to pack the toothpaste back into the tube, but the truth is now out and it's not going away.
I hate to get ahead of myself, but as Leonardo DiCaprio said in Titanic just before the final rise and fall of the breaking ship: "This is it!" Update-- Know Your Shaggy-Haired Apocryphal Creatures! Top Ten Points of Comparison Between Alleged Humanoid Bigfoot and Alleged "War Hero" John Forbes Kerry 10. Bigfoot stands 8'3"; John Forbes Kerry, slightly taller 9. John Forbes Kerry sports an importantly-coifed mane of hair meticulously stylized by one of America's most expensive tonsorial artistes; Bigfoot once masturbated behind a Portland SuperCuts 8. Bigfoot subsists mainly on roots, nuts, and berries; John Forbes Kerry subsists cheifly on a diet of foie gras and lonely heiresses 7. John Forbes Kerry attended an exclusive Swiss finishing school and the tony St. Paul's Academy for Boys, and has all of the refinements that an elite education and aristocratic pedigree can provide; Bigfoot, by contrast, wipes his ass with tree bark and pumice 6. Bigfoot is alleged to have stalked and killed at least five Pacific Northwest hikers; John Forbes Kerry is suspected in only three such disappearances 5. John Forbes Kerry prefers the pasttimes of the idle rich, such as "kite-surfing" and "extreme biking;" Bigfoot is an ace at Pictionary and Boggle 4. John Forbes Kerry briefly dated actress Morgan Fairchild in the 1980's; oddly enough, so did Bigfoot 3. John Forbes Kerry enjoys fox-hunting with horse and beagle; Bigfoot employs less refined methods for killing small game, such as farting in gopher holes 2. John Forbes Kerry is a personal friend of Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary; Bigfoot once toured with Foghat ...and the Number One Comparison Between Bigfoot and John Kerry... 1. One is a shadowy, elusive freak of nature concocted by fabulists and childish imaginations; the other is called "Sasquatch" by North American Indians Indpendent Discovery Update: Turns out I was scooped on the Kerry-Bigfoot photographic similarities by a month. posted by Ace at 03:13 PM
CommentsBeat you to it by a couple months. http://jameshudnall.com/archives/002094.html Posted by: James Hudnall on September 17, 2004 03:38 PM
Oops, wrong link. http://jameshudnall.com/archives/002095.html Posted by: James Hudnall on September 17, 2004 03:39 PM
I just credited you as having made the first photo-comparison. I can only say that I never saw your post on it. If you don't mind, I'd like to take your picture, because you really did a great job on making them look even more similar. If you object, that's okay too. I understand. Posted by: ace on September 17, 2004 03:51 PM
No problem. When I did it I was worried someone would beat me to the idea. :) Posted by: James Hudnall on September 18, 2004 06:13 PM
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Paul Sperry
Deport...Deport...Deport The F***ing Lot! A new UK anthem? [Hat Tip: S.E.] [CBD]
Trump: Ukraine War 'Thousands of Miles Away' is 'Nothing to Do' with America Russia isn't threatening to kill Americans! [CBD]
Update to Gavin Newsom Under Investigation story: This investigation was begun under Senor Dementia:
Adam Housley
Teen Driver Tayvin Galanakis Wins Jury Trial Against Officers Who Charged Him With DUI Even After He Blew 0.0 on A Breathalyzer And Passed Sobriety Tests. One Officer Accounted For 72% of All DUI Arrests For That PD [dri]
Days before the woman was stabbed in the neck by a taxpayer-supported Cultural Enrichment Officer, in the same general area, another taxpayer-supported Cultural Enrichment Officer attacked a boy and bloodied his head with a brick.
What is the UK Regime's plan for protecting the citizens from the savage criminals they've foisted on the populace? They offer NONE. They do, however, have a plan for protecting the savage criminals from the citizens: The citizens must STAY CALM and not get angry and not share videos of citizens being attacked by savage criminals. The public keeps saying "protect us from the foreign savages you have imported against our wishes and over our objections" and the UK branch of The Regime keeps proposing plans to protect the foreign savages from the public. Soclose to what the public is demanding, just, you know, the complete opposite. Just a thought: Maybe you wouldn't have to worry about the public attacking the savage criminals if you actually introduced a plan to protect the public from the savage criminals. Maybe they wouldn't feel as if it was necessary for them to protect the public through self-help.
Courtney Subramiam, one of the "journalists" who "previewed" her questions for the decrepit and demented Biden so that he could "answer" it with a pre-scripted response, rewarded by promotion to president of the White House Press Corps
Bonchie You know what's really terrible? There are Daily Signal reporters in the press room. That's the Real Scandal Here!
English racist garbage-person who's on the wrong side of history warns the corrupt Regime that the people cannot take much more of this -- and won't take much more of this
The English have rebelled before.
You might think that movie critics by nature are effeminate and bitchy, but, did you know that grass is green and red peppers are red?
Odd 90s-Retro Susan Collins ad against the Nazi Hotchkiss "hobby farmer"
I like the throwback AOL style of the ad.
Seattle mayor shrugs off millionaire-tax concerns as 44% of business leaders consider leaving
It happens in all the blue states, but WA and Seattle will be different! [CBD] Recent Comments
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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