Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















« Best of: Michael Moore Goes on Mid-Manhattan Lunchtime Death Spree | Main | Best of: Special Ace of Spades HQ Guest Editorial »
September 17, 2004

Best of: The "Shadowy Links" Between Senator John Forbes Kerry and Bigfoot

The New York Times desperately tries to pack the toothpaste back into the tube, but the truth is now out and it's not going away.

jfkvn.jpgb2.jpg
L to R: John Forbes Kerry, "Bigfoot." No reliable reports ever place either in Cambodia.

I hate to get ahead of myself, but as Leonardo DiCaprio said in Titanic just before the final rise and fall of the breaking ship: "This is it!"

Update-- Know Your Shaggy-Haired Apocryphal Creatures!


Top Ten Points of Comparison Between Alleged Humanoid Bigfoot and Alleged "War Hero" John Forbes Kerry

10. Bigfoot stands 8'3"; John Forbes Kerry, slightly taller

9. John Forbes Kerry sports an importantly-coifed mane of hair meticulously stylized by one of America's most expensive tonsorial artistes; Bigfoot once masturbated behind a Portland SuperCuts

8. Bigfoot subsists mainly on roots, nuts, and berries; John Forbes Kerry subsists cheifly on a diet of foie gras and lonely heiresses

7. John Forbes Kerry attended an exclusive Swiss finishing school and the tony St. Paul's Academy for Boys, and has all of the refinements that an elite education and aristocratic pedigree can provide; Bigfoot, by contrast, wipes his ass with tree bark and pumice

6. Bigfoot is alleged to have stalked and killed at least five Pacific Northwest hikers; John Forbes Kerry is suspected in only three such disappearances

5. John Forbes Kerry prefers the pasttimes of the idle rich, such as "kite-surfing" and "extreme biking;" Bigfoot is an ace at Pictionary and Boggle

4. John Forbes Kerry briefly dated actress Morgan Fairchild in the 1980's; oddly enough, so did Bigfoot

3. John Forbes Kerry enjoys fox-hunting with horse and beagle; Bigfoot employs less refined methods for killing small game, such as farting in gopher holes

2. John Forbes Kerry is a personal friend of Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary; Bigfoot once toured with Foghat

...and the Number One Comparison Between Bigfoot and John Kerry...

1. One is a shadowy, elusive freak of nature concocted by fabulists and childish imaginations; the other is called "Sasquatch" by North American Indians

Indpendent Discovery Update: Turns out I was scooped on the Kerry-Bigfoot photographic similarities by a month.

posted by Ace at 03:13 PM
Comments



Beat you to it by a couple months.

http://jameshudnall.com/archives/002094.html

Posted by: James Hudnall on September 17, 2004 03:38 PM

Oops, wrong link.

http://jameshudnall.com/archives/002095.html

Posted by: James Hudnall on September 17, 2004 03:39 PM

I just credited you as having made the first photo-comparison.

I can only say that I never saw your post on it.

If you don't mind, I'd like to take your picture, because you really did a great job on making them look even more similar.

If you object, that's okay too. I understand.

Posted by: ace on September 17, 2004 03:51 PM

No problem. When I did it I was worried someone would beat me to the idea. :)

Posted by: James Hudnall on September 18, 2004 06:13 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
FBI raids home of John Bolton, former Trump national security advisor "The probe is eyeing multiple instances of the use of classified documents in leaks to news media. NBC reported that the investigation into Bolton began during the Biden administration, but did not go further before President Joe Biden left office in January." [CBD]
Money Wired to Mexico Hits a Decade Low as US Immigration Policies Take Hold
Now bump the fee to 10%, and mandate proof of legal residence for all money transfers out of the United States [CBD]
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Boots on the ground in Ukraine? We're against it! Trump shines a light on voting, Miss Universe wearing a suicide vest? And more!
"As the discussion continued, Fox News host Charlie Hurt asked Trump directly to confirm there will be no U.S. troops involved in this potential security umbrella for Ukraine. "Well, you have my assurance, and I'm president," Trump replied."
Good! I hope I am wrong! [CBD]
Lost Seventies Mystery Click: The Darkest Song Ever Recorded?
I think Professor of Rock (on YouTube) claimed this song was so upsetting that people used to pull over to the side of the road when it came on the radio. It's about a fatal plane crash, but obviously it suggests a fatal car crash too, which could wig out a driver.
It's like one of those nasty 70s anti-war body horror movies. Not for the squeamish. I'm not even going to post the lyrics because they're upsetting too.
Compilation of Naked Gun intros
That theme gets me charged.
Compilation of all Police Squad! openings. They're all the same except for the last few seconds where they reveal the Special Guest Star and the title(s).
Pitch Meeting: Amazon's new, terrible War of the Worlds
I don't know why these tech monopolists spend so much money on ripoff/sequel/remake slop. I like popcorn entertainment but is it legally required to be terrible?
Lost 90s Mystery Click: College Radio Edition
Well you look fantastic in your cast-off casket
At least the thing still runs
This nine to five bullshit don't let you forget
Whose suicide you're on.

Also:
You wax poetic about things pathetic
As long as you look so cute
Believe these hills are starting to roll
Believe these stars are starting to shoot
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: In the last Episode of the season CBD and J.J. Sefton chat about Texas Gerrymandering, The Islamist who is about to be the mayor of NYC, Jim Acosta's ghoulish interview, Israel needs a new strategy for Gaza, and more!
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Garrett's Favorite Band Edition
Everybody wants you
Everybody wants your love
I'd just like to make you mine, all mine
I'm frankly surprised the title is 107 Days. I would have thought it would be:

Days Are Important: The Amount of Days Was a Number and That Number Was 100 Plus 7 Which is 107. 107. One Hundred and Seven. It's a Memoir and Memoirs are About Remembering Things Because Remembering Things is Good. Not Bad. Good. Memoir. A Memoir. Like a Reservoir But With Memory. We Have to Let it Flow. We Have to Let It Flow Into the Reservoir of Our Mind and Our Heart. Our Heart Which is the Beating Heart of Not Just Our Blood, But Our Progress. And Our People. And Democracy. The End.

Posted by: ...
Recent Comments
I used to have a different nic[/s][/b][/i][/u]: "Posted by: pedophileTomAlexandrovich at August 22, ..."

Ian S.: "[I]The city of Oakland has decided they need to bu ..."

Black Orchid: "the pics of Bolton are fun yes his mansion is p ..."

fd: "" I know Bolton has turned Dickhead, but what coul ..."

FenelonSpoke: "I like Winsome Sears. I hope she's able to pull of ..."

rhennigantx: "Serial Sex Offender Opts for Castration in Plea De ..."

bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door : "Judging by Bolton's Bethesda home, he must be doin ..."

Ian S.: "[I]The Post reports an illegal migrant in NYC trie ..."

fd: "The city of Oakland has decided they need to build ..."

I used to have a different nic[/s][/b][/i][/u]: "[i]I know Bolton has turned Dickhead, but what cou ..."

Additional Blond Agent, STEM Guy[/i]: ""“The biggest thing that surprised me is tha ..."

Lady in Black[/i][/b][/u][/s]: "Israel is purposefully destroying the educational ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives