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« Sick of Oliver Willis' Crap | Main | Rudy Didn't Fail: Guiliani Speech Sways More Voters than McCain or Arnold »
September 06, 2004

Clinton to Kerry: Shut Up About Vietnam

Hey-- it worked for Clinton, right?

Clinton had other good advice for the Sinking Senator, who by the way served as Michael Dukakis' Lieutenant Governor: when chatting up a willing young intern, never introduce yourself as the President of the United States. Always say that you are regional director for an auto-parts franchise based in Jupiter, Florida, and that your name is "Ricky."

Just Ricky. If she asks for your last name, just say, "What are you a narc or something?" and then deftly change the subject by telling her she has a "first-rate caboose."

If she's still hung up on that whole last-name thing, she's far too intrusive and clingy to become involved with.


posted by Ace at 02:32 AM
Comments



Ace--

Thank you, pal.

That's all I have to say.

A hearty big cheer,
Dave
Arlington, Virginia

P.S. Your well-earned PayPal donation will be filed tomorrow, once my bankers in the Caymans get to work.

Posted by: Dave on September 6, 2004 02:53 AM

Oh, don't. It's just a link, and I have to draw the line at explicit quid-pro-quo donations.

Notice "explicit" is the operative word there.

Posted by: ace on September 6, 2004 03:13 AM

Hey Ace, you can't do that. What happened to the Leaves of Grass reference? Tropic of Cancer? I liked that. It made me swoon.

Revising your humor, ex-post-facto. . . sigh. You're my muse, my Cobra Kai sensei. I LEARNED IT ALL FROM WATCHING YOU!

Man, I though it was all about the improv, the inspiration, the thrill of living for the moment. It used to be about the music, man!

I question the timing of your post-posting edits.

:-)

Goodnight, God bless, and have a pleasant tomorrow,

Dave
Arlington, Virginia.

P.S. I don't really understand this word you use, "explicit." Can you please use it in a sentence? Preferrably one referring to Traci Lords?

P.P.S. Oh, did I promise a *donation*? No, you must have me confused with someone else, someone twice my size but who likes the crispy golden flakiness of Filet-o-Fish. Besides, there's only a, hmmm, twenty dollar bill in my wallet. Or, maybe there's not.

P.P.P.x10+23.S. Now, if I were to only get a "New Blogger Showcase" link on your sidebar, that's where the prizes *really* get interesting. . .

Posted by: Dave on September 6, 2004 03:21 AM

I have been promising a lot of things lately, and one of them was updating my blogroll. I haven't done it, and I need to, and I will.

You'll be on it.

I asked a while ago who wanted to be on it, and only like three people sent emails. I was hoping for more responses, so I didn't do it right away, thinking more people would eventually ask, and then I could take care of all of them at once.

I'll do it Tuesday.

As for revising jokes-- I thought the original joke was gratuitously dirty. I don't mind dirty, but I think the dirtier or more offensive a joke might be, the funnier it has to be to justify it. The joke wasn't very good and so I didn't think it justified using the word "pooter."

I sort of made up that word (although other people seem to say it-- independent discovery, sort of like Newton and Leibniz), and so it's not a very well known word, but I think people can figure out what it means.

I've got female readers-- around six of them. I really can't afford to lose any of them, or else this site will become what I always feared it would be-- a bunch of rightwing dudes talking about Dungeons & Dragons, jacking off, and Jerry "The King" Lawler.

Posted by: ace on September 6, 2004 03:28 AM

AHA! Found you. I like this game. Then again, I like most any game I can play without pants on.

Yeah, I understand, you gotta ration the use of the P-word. Too many times, and it's no longer funny. Eventually, even Willis may start using it.

As for the womenfolk, I also understand. My whole idea behind starting my own blog (aside from shutting up everyone who yelled at me for two or so years to start one) was just to have an easier way to joke with my friends, some of whom are surprisngly female. Bombarding them all with endless email throughout the day, when we all have very busy lives, was getting on their nerves, even if they did laugh, or at least tell me they did (you know, so my feelings didn't get hurt).

Of course, the second I put the thing up, I discovered I didn't really want to write solely for my friends. Sure, they've been calling, and saying "ha ha ha" and stuff. But I'm really enjoying the rush of new bloggerdom. I just hope I can pace myself, and not burn out or get bored too quickly.

Like you. ;-)

But I also know that if I want to email-post from work, or hell, even have a blog at all, I need to make sure I don't put anything up there that can get me in trouble. Like liberal and gratuitous uses of the word "pooter." DoD surprisingly has a great sense of humor, as long as nothing's classified, of course. But everybody here in Washington got the message when the whole Cutler deal went down, so I'm not gonna mess around with that. I'm going to keep my whoring adventures to myself, thank you very much.

Anyways, been a long night.
Dave

Posted by: Dave on September 6, 2004 03:42 AM

Well since the topic of links came up, was surfing USS Clueless the other day and couldn't help noticing that 'Ace of Spades HQ' was one of the scant few links listed on his site. Even Instapundit doesn't have that honor. Is there a story behind that?

Anyway getting on topic, how dare that Vietnam-dodging Clinton tell Kerry to shut up about his service in 'Nam. Doesn't he know that its a viscious attack on Kerry's patriotism?

Wonder if he'll take his advice; I don't think Kerry has it in him to finally shut-up about his abundant "heroism" in Vietnam.

Posted by: Cpl. Menno on September 6, 2004 04:30 AM
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