Oliver Willis SAT's

Verbal Section. You will have twenty minutes to complete this section.

Analogies. For each question, select the answer whose word-pair most closely shares the same relationship as the given word-pair.

1. KRYPTONITE: STUPID::

A) Dexatrim: weight loss

B) salads: arterial health

C) neck-fat: blubbery insulation

D) bacon grease: delicious beverage

E) Oliver Wills: writing talent

2. LIBERAL BLOGGING: KNEEJERK HACKERY::

A) inventive comedy: 400th lame "fake news story" about Britney Spears

B) cogent analysis: Just linking whatever Josh Marshall just wrote

C) undeniable originality: still using soooo-1999 putdown "beeeyatch"

D) thoughtful substance: accusing Instapundit of a "right-wing smear"

E) Filet-O-Fish: tartar sauce

Math Section. You will have twenty minutes to complete this section.

1. In the equation,

(x + y)(x - y) = 9,

what is the value of x?

A) x equals 5

B) x equals -5

C) x equals 5 or -5

D) It cannot be determined without knowing the value of y.

E) What's a fellow have to do to get a Taco Bell Gordito around here?

2. Assume a parallelogram with angles, in clockwise order, A, B, C, and D. Angle A is 60 degrees and Angle B is 120 degrees. What can you conclude about the parallelogram?

A) Angle C measures 60 degrees

B) Angle D measures 120 degrees

C) Diagonals AC and BD are equal in length

D) All of the above

E) Is there some kind of hold-up on that Gordito?

3. You are rated, at best, a 2 as far as looks. You would like to insult a woman who easily rates an 8.5. How fucking idiotic is it for you to attempt to insult her based on her looks?

A) Really fucking idiotic

B) Somewhat fucking idiotic

C) Not fucking idiotic at all

D) 6.5

E) It cannot be determined without knowing the value of y.

Free Response Section. You will have twenty minutes to compose essays responding to the following questions.

Question 1. Would you like to Super-Size that?

Question 2. A critic accuses you of being untaleted, unoriginal, unfunny, and generally uninteresting and unremarkable as a writer. He also notes that you would appear, upon first blush, to be the sort of man who really knows his way around a sausage sandwich. Compose an essay in which you seek to prove that these observations constitute an "assault on your race" or are otherwise motivated by bigotry. Bonus points will be rewarded if you can simultaneously cry "racism" while making an unfunny, gratuitous joke about the skin color of a woman of Filipino descent.

PENCILS DOWN.

THERE'S A GUY OUTSIDE FROM DOMINO's. DID SOMEONE ORDER A DEEP-DISH DOUBLE-CHEESE SUPREME?