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August 16, 2004
I'm BackSorry about the unannounced abesenteeism. It happens. Hey-- it's not like any juicy stories were in play last week or anything, right? posted by Ace at 01:19 PM
CommentsGlad to see you again, Ace. I assume you spent your mini-vacation chatting with Wonkette re: screen-licking? Posted by: Sobek on August 16, 2004 01:30 PM
*At least I assume I'm a star-fucker. No stars have as of yet ever allowed me in their presence, so the precise level of my star-fucking is undetermined. Posted by: ace on August 16, 2004 01:38 PM
I thought you were probably just busy deciding the winner of the haiku contest. Posted by: Scout on August 16, 2004 01:56 PM
Yeahp, doing that too. It hasn't been forgotten. If you want to know, the main problem seems to be the host, Paul Anka. And the problem is that I just can't think of anything funny for him to say. I've got funny stuff that the judges say, but nothing funny for Paul. I've been thinking about just going with a kinda lame announcement, because I know it's very past-due at this point. Winners will be announced by Wednesday, by hook or by crook. Posted by: ace on August 16, 2004 01:58 PM
grumble grumble grumble..... Posted by: underappreciated haiku-phile on August 16, 2004 02:38 PM
Have you gone back to listen to the Primary Fucking Anka Document for inspiration? Posted by: lauraw on August 16, 2004 02:40 PM
Lauraw, No, but I pretty much have most of it memorized. I need a take on it, which I don't have. A context to put the "slice like a hammer" quotes into. The take last time around was gay marriage and Paul feuding with John about how many people Beulah's Playhouse seated. It's not as if I need some brilliant take, but I need some minimal one, and I haven't come up with any. Posted by: ace on August 16, 2004 03:33 PM
Okay, coming soon-- as in, hours -- the qualifying round for the actual contest. Not all possible winners will be mentioned. I've had this particular thing done for weeks. I didn't want to post it because I'm not sure if I can follow it up for the actual winner's show post. Oh, well. I owe you all something. But if the winner's show comes out lame, it's because I just blew my load by posting this thing. Posted by: ace on August 16, 2004 03:35 PM
I wonder what Mr. Paul Anka would think about Teresa if he met her at a party. Posted by: lauraw on August 16, 2004 05:05 PM
It's probably too late, but I think there might be some dispute about the actual syllabic count in the lines that Paul could tell us that it's just the way it is. Posted by: Nathan on August 17, 2004 10:47 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Ireland's 'Air Force One' lacks a key safety system for fog -- thanks to country's ban on Israeli products
Ireland's best emigrated 150 years ago. The current Ireland is a sad joke. [CBD]
The Short Unhappy Life of a Russian Soldier: Why recruits die in 20-30 minutes
Interesting video. Some key parts: drones were responsible for 70-80% of all battlefield deaths in mid-2025, and I bet it's higher now. The Russian army is incredibly corrupt. Men get assigned to the most dangerous frontline units, the "Storm" units, unless they pay a superior $2,000 to be assigned to a different unit. Furthermore, there is often no real training for recruits -- commanders pocket the money that would have gone towards fuel and ammo costs incurred during training. Much "training" consists just of taking a single picture of soldiers doing something soldier-y, like fording a river, and publishing that as proof that the training was done. Even when it is done, training is only two weeks long.
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
She's totally committed to major independence She's a lady through and through She gives them quite a battle, all that they can handle She'll bruise some, she'll hurt some too
Update to the video of a Russian soldier being spun around and thrown by the machinegun he was operating: The soldier was testing an old, archaic Russian machinegun intended to be mounted to a helicopter. The old gun was pressed into service as a possible anti-drone gun. The Russian army is generally depleted and being forced to bring a lot of old, unreliable weapons and platforms to the front.
Also: Ukranian drones have
Top Men!
FDA is providing an update regarding the sample of lettuce supplied by Taylor Farms de Mexico which was reported positive on July 18, 2026. Due to the complexity in detection of Cyclospora, FDA laboratory experts re-reviewed the sample results and have concluded that the finding does not represent true amplification and should be considered a false positive. Information about the sample has been removed from the July 18, 2026, update below. FDA has notified Taylor Farms and continues working with the firm to ensure product implicated in this outbreak has been removed from the market. FDA and state partners continue to collect and analyze product samples. As of July 19, 2026, there are no confirmed positive sample results for product testing for Cyclospora.[CBD]
FEDERAL APPEALS COURT STRIKES DOWN
NJ "ASSAULT WEAPONS" BAN/MAGAZINE BAN! Let's see if it reverts to the previous 15 round limit or I can actually run my weapons as God intended! [CBD]
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