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August 11, 2004

Top Ten Kerry Answers to Question, "Were You In Cambodia, or Not?"

10. "Yes"

9. "Not really"

8. "I was pretty close"

7. "Maybe"

6. "The people making these allegations are partisans with a rooting interest in this election (unlike myself; I have no rooting interest whatsoever in seeing me become President)"

5. "It depends on the meaning of 'in'"

4. "George W. Bush has lost seventy bazillion jobs"

3. "I have a mistaken recollection that was 'seared' into my memory"

2. "What are you, some kind of narc?"

... and the Number One Kerry Answer to the Question, "Were You in Cambodia, or Not?"

1. "The question isn't whether I was in Cambodia; the question is whether I was in Vietnam, and I have surprising news for you: I was"

posted by Ace at 03:48 PM

Comments

Kerry was in Vietnam? This changes everything!

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 03:53 PM

John Kerry:

I was there all right
I saw them slaughter a cow
and then I killed Kurtz

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on August 11, 2004 04:14 PM

Dreamy John Kerry
Your CIA hat, sexy
Cock your thumb, say "POW!"

Posted by: Sully on August 11, 2004 04:24 PM

MoveOn.org:

Why talk about this
when you could report about
Bush's rugby pic!

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on August 11, 2004 04:26 PM

You are hilarious. Stuck on Viet Nam and Cambodia again? Get a life, losers.

Go to this website if you need some enlightened discourse. But I guess you're too wimpy to challenge yourselves?

Posted by: Akefa on August 11, 2004 04:28 PM

What happened to your html linker? Too technical to maintain?
Nevermind. Go here, losers:
http://stevegilliard.blogspot.com/2004/08/celebrate-racism.html

Maybe you'll understand why Bush has to be fired.

Posted by: Akefa on August 11, 2004 04:30 PM

Akefa, did you intend to include a link in that last comment? You might want to give it another go.

"Stuck on Viet Nam and Cambodia again?"

For as long as John Kerry makes it the centerpiece of his campaign, yes. If he's let it go, conservative bloggers would let it go.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 04:31 PM

Ah yes, I've seen that. Basically, Atrios' hypersensitive reaction to a shirt - note, not the one Reynolds is actually wearing, but a similar shirt, you see - has made him a laughing stock.

I'll do a more thorough fisking on my blog. Should take half an hour or so.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 04:34 PM

My memories? Seared.
So what if my details are
incorr... um, nuanced?

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on August 11, 2004 04:34 PM

Akefa, moonbat,
Will brook no criticism
of John Forbes Kerry

Posted by: zetetic on August 11, 2004 04:51 PM

Ace, the greatness of your Top 15 list is seared into my memory.

Posted by: Tom on August 11, 2004 04:52 PM

Seared in memory
Christmas in Cambodia
I remember Dick

Friendly fire mortars
Falling in Cambodia
Nixon's confetti

The farthest inland
Unit in this man's Navy
Shamed at Nixon's words

Seared in memory?
Nixon wasn't President?
I remember dick.

Posted by: Dave Pasquino on August 11, 2004 05:06 PM

There was a contest
It is seared in memory.
What Haiku contest?

Posted by: Dave Pasquino on August 11, 2004 05:08 PM

Results are delayed
One judge is taking his time
Coldcuts, you're dead meat.

Posted by: on August 11, 2004 05:21 PM

It never snows in Southern Cambodia

Cambodian hooch--
The President forgot you--
Cool snow, searing shame

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on August 11, 2004 05:26 PM

Seared in memory?
Nixon wasn't President?
I remember dick.

...is hilarious.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on August 11, 2004 05:28 PM

Ace is too busy
writing funny top ten lists
just be patient Dave

Posted by: lauraw on August 11, 2004 05:32 PM

We never said that!
Wait, you have a tape of it?
No hablo ingles

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on August 11, 2004 05:33 PM

Ok, my fisking is complete. Enjoy.

Perhaps Akefa can explain how knee-jerk charges of racism, based on invented facts, constitute "enlightened discourse."

And why GWB should be fired for a shirt he didn't design, endorse, sell or wear.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 05:35 PM

It happened on his watch, Sobek!

Posted by: lauraw on August 11, 2004 05:36 PM

I had 3 children on his watch, perhaps I should sue him for child support. It is all his fault!!!!!

Posted by: Jennifer on August 11, 2004 05:40 PM

Ace:

Sorry to report, your repetitive moonbat schmuck filter is broken. Must be too technical to maintain.

Before I wander off to Sobek's place to enjoy the fisking, I'll wonder aloud what part of the entry Akefa pointed to is supposed to constitute "enlightened discourse". I read it the other day and found absolutely nothing about it that wasn't laughably loony.

Posted by: Patton on August 11, 2004 05:45 PM

I discovered the problem with Akefa's first attempt at a link. When I cut and pasted the sentence "go to this website if you need some enlightened discourse" into my blog, blogspot found a "close ref" mark at the end, but nothing at the beginning to indicate an actual link.

Granted, that's all pretty technical stuff...

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 05:48 PM

Jennifer, three kids during the Bush administration alone? Are you in a race or something?

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 06:03 PM

Sobek,

Your Kung Fisk is strong. I am impressed.

/poorly dubbed dialogue

Posted by: Brian B on August 11, 2004 06:54 PM

Brian,

It's not hard when the guy I'm fisking relies for his entire premise on people not actually looking at the shirt he's discussing.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 07:07 PM

For the last few days, it's been fun debating with the pansies at Olliver's place. But with Cambodia, they've got nothin'.

NOTHING.

They know it's a lie and they can't even respond.

It's kinda sad, really . . . except that it's not.

Posted by: hobgoblin on August 11, 2004 07:27 PM

seared, SEARED in my mind,
Was I in Cambodia?
You bet, I might have.

Posted by: krakatoa on August 11, 2004 07:38 PM

Looks like Margaret Cho is in the news again.

Posted by: on August 11, 2004 07:44 PM

So now we have John Kerry in his magic hat on a secret mission to Cambodia w/ his flying dog.

Don't forget the flying dog.

Posted by: Golden Boy on August 11, 2004 07:53 PM

Jennifer, any twins or triplets in there or are you just really enthusiastic about reproducing?

To quote Groucho: "I love my cigar but I occasionally take it out of my mouth."

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on August 11, 2004 07:54 PM

Hah, he fooled all of you. He was "between Cambodia and Vietnam".
Never thought of that one, did you?!

Posted by: Donnah on August 11, 2004 08:50 PM

I just heard the most amazing BS spin from a Kerry supporter at my work: "See, Kerry's boat was in the Mekong River, and the water in the river comes from Cambodia, so he was in Cambodian water, which is like totally the same as being in Cambodia! Besides, Bush lied!"

Yes, she also has a lot of trouble filing in alphabetical order.

Posted by: David on August 11, 2004 09:57 PM

<a href>
A Haiku for Akefa

Hypertext Linker?
That's for losers, Akefa
Use an anchor tag...DUMBASS!

Posted by: Smack on August 11, 2004 11:14 PM

Ace, Ann Coulter may be your soul-mate:

"Kerry was in Vietnam for only four months, which, coincidentally, is less than the combined airtime he's spent talking about it. It takes a special kind of person to get that many people to hate your guts in so little time. The last time this many people hated one person after only four months was when Margaret Cho had her own sitcom."

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on August 12, 2004 10:54 AM

Joan,

My favorite line is, "If memory serves, the last book Democrats tried this hard to suppress was the Bible."

Posted by: Golden Boy on August 12, 2004 02:41 PM

I don't know what the Senate rules are regarding sanctions or removal from office for unethical behavior, but shouldn't there at least be a Senate investigations of Kerry's lies in support of Communist insurgents in Central America. I mean he traded on his reputation as a war hero, and blatantly lied to support fricking Marxist scum. I think he should be removed from office.

Posted by: Mark on August 12, 2004 09:23 PM

KERRY = NIGHTMARE

Posted by: todd on August 15, 2004 06:52 AM

In Cambodia?
Well, I took my Super 8
Let's make history!

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 15, 2004 09:43 PM

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Posted by: Missy on November 5, 2004 11:43 PM

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Top Headlines

Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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