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« Ministry of Geeky Links | Main | Terrorists Execute "Probing Attacks" Nationwide »
August 09, 2004

Wonkette: As Inventive as Ever

This Mozart-of-the-blogging world is now running a haiku contest, of all things.

Where does she come up with this stuff? It's like there's a Secret Room of Great Inventive Ideas somewhere and only she has the key.

And, oh: Yes, I know there's a contest-winners announcement due. It's coming. Promise.

Whoops, Forgot to Credit: Thanks to Scout for pointing this out.


posted by Ace at 01:54 PM
Comments



"Wonkette's Daily Affirmations"

Ass-fucking: funny!
Pimping an ass-whore: funny!
Malkin's just jealous!
-------------------
Aaaaand, if I never write another haiku, the world can only be a better place for it.

Posted by: ccwbass on August 9, 2004 02:12 PM

Wonkette's Woeful Fans

Even the people
who read that ass-fucking whore's
website aren't funny.

Posted by: george on August 9, 2004 02:17 PM

Oh, I dunno - after I'd counted out the syl-lab-les on each line, it occurred to me your effort was a lot better than anything I'd have come up with, while also being syntactically correct.

Bravo. To make you feel better, here's my attempt:

Sleazy reporter
Caters to anal sex freaks
Steal bits elsewhere, bitch

Posted by: Patton on August 9, 2004 02:22 PM

Thank's for the faux lez
photos you took with Cutler
Now, please, go away.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 9, 2004 02:48 PM

Burglary is the sincerest form of flattery.

Posted by: Johnny Walker Red on August 9, 2004 03:03 PM

I smell an anti wonkette haiku competition coming on. Or should I say, wonku?

Posted by: Johnny Walker Red on August 9, 2004 03:04 PM

I warned you awhile ago that she really does poach ideas ...

Posted by: Bill from INDC on August 9, 2004 03:12 PM

Wait, I've got it - Ho-ku!

Posted by: Johnny Walker Red on August 9, 2004 03:49 PM

Tomorrow at Wonkette: A foul-mouthed talking sandwich. Only this one's a sub. Wait till you see what she does with it!

Posted by: Paul Zrimsek on August 9, 2004 06:11 PM

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought he had to work "butt fuck" into a haiku when he read that post.

Wonkette made a post;
Try to guess the funny joke.
Rhymes with "mass chucking."

Posted by: Joe R. on August 9, 2004 06:30 PM

Here's a link to a story that, in spite of the title, has nothing to do with Wonkette.

Posted by: Sobek on August 9, 2004 08:03 PM

I stole this from Ace.
I'm so unoriginal.
Must shoot self in head.

Posted by: Wonkette on August 9, 2004 08:28 PM

Ace, I want your bod.
I read your blog, lick the screen...
I'm touching myself

Posted by: Wonkette on August 9, 2004 08:29 PM

Ace, you have a fan.
A skanky, filthy whore fan.
Better than nothing?

Posted by: Sobek on August 9, 2004 08:30 PM

Hey, I have an idea...

Lets have a Haiku contest!

Posted by: Don Callaway on August 9, 2004 11:57 PM

If we tag team that
senator, we'll have eight bills
to drop at the Gap.

Posted by: Glove on August 10, 2004 12:39 PM

Should I be surprised that 3 of the 5 haikus featured by Wonkette contain the incorrect number of syllables? 5-7-5 folks, it's not hard.

Posted by: Beck on August 10, 2004 02:46 PM

Hee, hee, hee.

Posted by: ace on August 10, 2004 04:54 PM

Ace, is that an excited "Wonkette has a crush on me" giggle?

Posted by: Sobek on August 10, 2004 05:00 PM

I don't know how to react, as I think the person who wrote it is actually a dude.

Posted by: ace on August 10, 2004 06:16 PM

Would laughing at such a dirty haiku, written by a dude but ostensibly written by a woman, be considered "gay"?

I've got thirty-five years of solid heterosexual quals going here, and I don't want to do anything to jeoparize that. I'm told that if I make it to forty they give me a blender.

Posted by: ace on August 10, 2004 06:18 PM

I confess, I wrote it (I didn't do much to conceal my identity - if you click on my link you get my blog). No, I don't think it's gay to laugh at, but now I'm forced to wonder whether I've taken a step towards Andrew Sullivan-ville by writing dirty poetry to you in the guise of a woman. My wife will be unhappy to hear about this.

Keep me posted on the blender thing, BTW.

Posted by: Sobek on August 10, 2004 06:47 PM
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@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
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That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
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@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.


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Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.
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@DPJHodges

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@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
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