"Wonkette's Daily Affirmations"

Ass-fucking: funny!
Pimping an ass-whore: funny!
Malkin's just jealous!
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Aaaaand, if I never write another haiku, the world can only be a better place for it.

Wonkette's Woeful Fans

Even the people
who read that ass-fucking whore's
website aren't funny.

Oh, I dunno - after I'd counted out the syl-lab-les on each line, it occurred to me your effort was a lot better than anything I'd have come up with, while also being syntactically correct.

Bravo. To make you feel better, here's my attempt:

Sleazy reporter
Caters to anal sex freaks
Steal bits elsewhere, bitch

Thank's for the faux lez
photos you took with Cutler
Now, please, go away.

Burglary is the sincerest form of flattery.

I smell an anti wonkette haiku competition coming on. Or should I say, wonku?

I warned you awhile ago that she really does poach ideas ...

Wait, I've got it - Ho-ku!

Tomorrow at Wonkette: A foul-mouthed talking sandwich. Only this one's a sub. Wait till you see what she does with it!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought he had to work "butt fuck" into a haiku when he read that post.

Wonkette made a post;
Try to guess the funny joke.
Rhymes with "mass chucking."

Here's a link to a story that, in spite of the title, has nothing to do with Wonkette.

I stole this from Ace.
I'm so unoriginal.
Must shoot self in head.

Ace, I want your bod.
I read your blog, lick the screen...
I'm touching myself

Ace, you have a fan.
A skanky, filthy whore fan.
Better than nothing?

Hey, I have an idea...

Lets have a Haiku contest!

If we tag team that
senator, we'll have eight bills
to drop at the Gap.

Should I be surprised that 3 of the 5 haikus featured by Wonkette contain the incorrect number of syllables? 5-7-5 folks, it's not hard.

Hee, hee, hee.

Ace, is that an excited "Wonkette has a crush on me" giggle?

I don't know how to react, as I think the person who wrote it is actually a dude.

Would laughing at such a dirty haiku, written by a dude but ostensibly written by a woman, be considered "gay"?

I've got thirty-five years of solid heterosexual quals going here, and I don't want to do anything to jeoparize that. I'm told that if I make it to forty they give me a blender.

I confess, I wrote it (I didn't do much to conceal my identity - if you click on my link you get my blog). No, I don't think it's gay to laugh at, but now I'm forced to wonder whether I've taken a step towards Andrew Sullivan-ville by writing dirty poetry to you in the guise of a woman. My wife will be unhappy to hear about this.

Keep me posted on the blender thing, BTW.