Ahoy Smitty

Smittiy? I don´t like that at all.

Thank you.

I feel more like myself already.

Call me Paco. Er, okay, Booger.

Sigh.

Look, you wanna look at pictures of Madonna, okay - do that. Just stop listening to her, m'kay? M'kay.

My version of the Old Testament doesn't have anyone named Smitty in it...

Is this the California Kabbalah?

Hey now, let's go easy on Madonna. You think it's easy remembering to use a fake English accent all the time?

Smitty, my boy. When ya gonna learn? (W.C.Fields voice) Smittys are a dime a dozen but an Ace, especially an Ace o'Spades, that's speshal. Go with the Ace, it'll take ya far, real far.

Smitty? Smitty-o-spades? Hmm. This isn't some weird set-up before you throw your vote to Kerry is it?

I can already here what Anka might think of this...

Let me congratulate your for your courage in admitting this, Smitty, and let us all have a good laugh at how you fooled us. Ha ha ha. Now you get right back out there, scamp, and keep making the world a safer place for children and hugs and flowers.

Ace of Spades? Yeah, that's me, third row near the back of the deck.

Smitty? As in, Walter Smitty?

The "ACE" does get lost. It happens when you've smoked too many Marlboros, drank too many vodka rocks and put the torch to the MONSTER to frequently. Rip off the filters, pretend they're Lucky Strikes, smash the glass and unplug the 'fridge then pull up the corner of the rug and retrieve that 5"x 3" zippered leather case. You should feel better in the morning.

Well done Ace, errr, sorry, Smitty. It takes a big man to admit this, but takes even a bigger man to rename himself 'Smitty'. Nevertheless, Smitty it is!

"If you knew me, you'd know I was no Ace of Spades. I'm a Six of Clubs at best."

C3PO phallus trading card...D&D references....giving a rat's ass about Andrew Sullivan.

We knew, Ace, we knew. It's OK.

Your real Delta name is Pinto. Face it.

Does this mean no more Cowbell? When I think "Ace of Spades," I think Cowbell. But when I think "Smitty," I think of those damned tinkly little sleighbells they play in Christmas music.

I don't think I can live if this change means you take away Cowbell.

Okay, it turns out this wasn't even a 24-hour joke. I got bored with it after just a couple of hours.

And few thought it was funny, which is the worst part. It sucks to be the only one giggling at something. You feel like a retard.

"Ace" is the name that rednecks who work odd jobs and live in trailer parks off the highway give themselves. Please don't go by just "Ace." Even "Bill Clinton" is better.

mcgurk. Stifle it. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Anyway, your description probably appeals to Ace.

Well ok then smitty, I'm taking back Apocalyptica, Piaf and da Bugs, & leaving you to mash-up Peggy Lee & the hurdy-gurdy guy on your own. What you can do with the saxophones is anybody's guess.