Ace of Spades HQ

« al-Sistani Supports New Iraqi Government | Main | Rudy Can't Fail, Part II: Bushies Talking Up Guiliani for DCI »

June 04, 2004

Jackass of the Week

Occasional Ace of Spades HQ contributor Aaron Burr has decided to do a half-blog feature over on The Perfect World, and I think it's a pretty good one.

The Jackass of the Week: Chris Lehane. I'm sure everyone can get behind that call, even though I'm not sure what makes Chris Lehane the Jackass of this particular week.

Perhaps it's more of a Lifetime Achievement thing. Maybe the Irving G. Thalberg Award for Lifetime Technical Achievement in Jackassery.

He invented the Dolby (TM) ass-jacking process.

Not-necessarily-safe-for-work Advisory: Aaron Burr doesn't call him a "jackass." No, he goes for the very, very potty-mouth word that got Mr. Lenny Bruce into so much trouble all those years ago.

The "c" word. The other "c" word, the longer one. The one you might use for John Kerry, rather than the one you'd use for Barbara Boxer.

Apparently Aaron Burr doesn't follow the Ace of Spades Golden Rule: You'll never fill the big rooms workin' blue. I attribute that to a simple lack of maturity and restraint on his part.

I'm still pulling for Dana Milbank and/or any of the useless, girlish shriekers at the amateur webzine Slate. (Mickey Kaus excepted, of course. William Saletan partially excepted.)

Quibble: As odious as Chris Lehane is, I am convinced he's working for our side.

Oh, he might not think he's working for our side. But objectively he is. Even liberal reporters recoil from him as if he were a stinking rummy with his dick hanging out of his haggard pants.

He's kind of like a metrosexual Nosferatu. Every time this lisping nightwalker appears, I get the willies something awful.

I am convinced he has the power to command rats and vermin with his voice. Somebody must take his simpering seriously, I figure.

It's a mystery to me how someone so bereft of charm, grace, or rhetorical persuasiveness could have possibly worked himself up to such a high position in media relations.

posted by Ace at 02:16 AM

Comments

Apparently Aaron Burr doesn't follow the Ace of Spades Golden Rule: You'll never fill the big rooms workin' blue.

Maybe, but you can fill the medium-sizers. The big A was known to drop an f-bomb or two in his day and he did okay traffic-wise.

Posted by: Allah on June 4, 2004 02:33 AM

"metrosexual Nosferatu"

Now *that* is writing!

Mo Dowd thinks she writes like that, but she doesn't.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on June 4, 2004 09:03 AM

Forget jackass or cocksucker of the week.

We need "metrosexual Nosferatu" of the week.

Posted by: on June 4, 2004 09:04 AM

The first time I ever saw Chris Lehane I got the creepy feeling that a certain propaganda minister for a european dictator in the 30's and 40's had survived and fathered a son in his old age.

Posted by: jj shaka on June 4, 2004 09:36 AM

Metrosexual Nosferatu of the Week would be a great title.

Posted by: rdbrewer on June 4, 2004 09:36 AM

Ace,

Writing like this is why you've become #2 (after LGF) on my blog to-read list checked daily and several times a day at that. (especially now that Allah's on hiatus)

Making the phrases "command rats and vermin with his voice" and "a stinking rummy with his dick hanging out of his haggard pants" work in the same context is simply excellent writing.

Maybe you're a little, ahem, "enthusiastic" (read too male and funny) for the general population, but I think you're the thinking man's Frank J.

Posted by: hobgoblin on June 4, 2004 02:38 PM

Sorry. To me, the name Aaron Burr is still synonymous with a certain commercial for a certain dairy product.

Posted by: Da Goddess on June 4, 2004 05:18 PM

Hmmm... I don't know which product you mean.

Must have been a regional product.

Posted by: ace on June 4, 2004 05:35 PM

Oh, and thanks all to the praise for "metrosexual Nosferatu."

He really is.

Maybe you're a little, ahem, "enthusiastic" (read too male and funny) for the general population, but I think you're the thinking man's Frank J.

I've always wanted to be the thinking man's something. Frank J. is as good as anything else.

Posted by: ace on June 4, 2004 05:36 PM

All hail Ace on yet another fine piece of work!

But am I the only one here with clue-deficit disorder? What's this past-tense stuff coming from A-double-lizzle?

Did I miss a memo? Must I now remove the Allah link that's next to my Ace link at the top of my not-to-be-missed sites list?

Posted by: Patton on June 4, 2004 07:19 PM

Allah was taking a break last time I checked.

Posted by: rdbrewer on June 4, 2004 07:29 PM

Yeah, the Mighty and Wise One is On Sabbatical, although he might object to that Jewish-derived term.

A-double-lizzle mentions that he drops the f-bomb on occasion, and suffers no loss of traffic. Well, Allah, have you been reading my site lately? I've been dropping the f-bomb like I was a B-52 loaded with profanity but losing fuel and needing to lighten my load.

I'm talking about drooping my schween over boys' faces, for cryin' out loud.

I was being ironic, you foolish false god, you.

OTOH, I really didn't think it would be appropriate to put the word 'cocksucker' into the title of a post. A big font makes a word like that unsafe for work. So I changed it to "jackass," and then did an ironic lecture about "keepin' it clean."

Posted by: ace on June 4, 2004 07:51 PM

RDB: Of course I'm looking forward to Allah's triumphant return, and I am painfully aware of the Sabbatical. The phrase that tossed me off was (above):

"The big A was known to drop an f-bomb or two in his day and he did okay traffic-wise"

From this, I took the meaning that his day "was" in the past. I continue to hope this was just a semantic slip.

As an aside, and to get back on topic, I'm still yukking it up over Ace's cautionary words about safe for work posts. I tend to be fairly clean-mouthed on my site, not because I have a problem with more colorful language, as anyone who knows me would attest. I just can't weave it into a story as well as Ace or Allah, and they do it well enough to keep my relatively goody-two-shoes speechification from polluting the internet.

Posted by: Patton on June 5, 2004 03:55 AM

HAH. metrosexual Nosferatu. keep up the good work.

Posted by: phoniq on June 17, 2004 01:07 PM

Join the Linux community. Linuxwaves.net

Posted by: Michael on July 5, 2004 05:31 PM

Amazon.com Widgets

Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]

Top Headlines

Oh no! Hamas' de facto press agent at the UN complains that she can't use her credit cards or rent a card now that she's been sanctioned as a terrorist operative
Why does this keep happening to members of the "political organization" (per Tucker Carlson) of Hamas?!?!

Tucker Carlson claims that it's weird that Ted Cruz is interested in the massacre of Christians by Nigerian Muslims, because he has "no track record of being interested in Christians," then blows off the massacre of Christians by Nigerian Muslims, saying it might or might not be a real concern
Tucker Carlson enjoys using the left-wing tactic of "Tactical Ignorance" to avoid taking positions on topics. Is Hamas really a terrorist organization? Tucker can't say. He hasn't looked into it enough, but "it seems like a political organization to me." Are Muslims slaughtering Christians in Nigeria? Again, Tucker just doesn't know. He hasn't examined the evidence yet. He knows every Palestinian Christian who said he was blocked from visiting holy sites in Bethlehem, but he just hasn't had the time to look into the mass slaughter of Christians in Nigeria that has been going on since (checks watch) 2009. He doesn't know, so he can't offer an opinion. Wouldn't be prudent, you know? Don't rush him! He'll sift through the evidence at some point in the future and render an opinion sometime around 2044.
Of course, if you need an opinion on Jewish Perfidy, he has all the facts at his fingertips and can give you a fully informed opinion pronto. Say, have you ever heard of the USS Liberty incident...?
You'd think that the main issue for Tucker Carlson, who pretends to be so deeply concerned about Palestinian Christians being bullied by Jews in Israel (supposedly), would be the massacre of 185,000 Christians in Nigeria itself. But no, his main problem is that Ted Cruz is talking about it, "who has no track record of being interested in Christians at all." And then he just shrugs as to whether this is even a real issue or not.
Whatever we do we must never "divide the right," huh?
Tucker is attacking Ted Cruz for bringing the issue up because he's acting as an apologist for Jihadism, and he can't cleanly admit that Jihadists are killing any Christians, anywhere. There is no daylight between him and CAIR at this point.
One might conclude that Tucker Carlson himself isn't interested in the plight of Christians -- except as they can be used as a cudgel to attack Jews.
Just gonna ask an Interesting Question myself -- why is it that Tucker Carlson's arguments all track with those shit out by Qatarian propaganda agents and the far left? That if Jews crush an ant underfoot it is worldwide news, but when Muslims slaughter Christians it elicits not even a vigorous shrug?

Sydney Sweeney has passed from celebrity to Meme Legend

Garth Merenghi is interviewed by the only man who can fathom his ineffable brilliance -- Garth Merenghi
From the comments:

I once glimpsed Garth in the penumbra betwixt my wake and sleep. He was in my dream, standing afar, not looking my way, nor did he acknowledge me. But I felt seen. And that's when I knew I was a traveler on the right path. I'm glad he's still with us.

Now that's some Merenghian prose.
Garth Merenghi on the writer's craft

Greetings, Traveler. If you still have not experienced Garth Merenghi -- Author, Dream-weaver, Visionary, plus Actor -- the six episodes of his Darkplace are still available on YouTube and supposedly upscaled to HD. (Viewing it now, it doesn't appeared upscaled for shit.)
I think the second episode, "Hell Hath Fury," is the best by a good margin. Try to at least watch through to that one. It's Mereghi's incisive but nuanced take on sexism.

TJM Returns with a discussion of Auteur Theory.

Podcast: The elections! NYC, Virginia, New Jersey, Texas, California, and the future prospects of the Republican party...

Update on Scott Adams:

Scott Adams had approval for this cancer drug but they hadn't scheduled him to get it. He was taking a turn for the worse. Trump had told him to call if he needed anything, so he did. Talked to Don Jr (who is in Africa) , then RFK Jr, then Dr Oz. Someone talked to Kaiser and he was scheduled. Shouldn't have needed it but he did and he says it saved his life.
Posted by: Notsothoreau

"Trump" goes trick-or-treating

Funny retro kid costumes, thanks to SMH
Good to see people honoring Lamont the Big Dummy

Four hours of retro Halloween commercials and specials
The first short is the original 1996 appearance of "Sam," the dangerous undead trick-or-treater from Trick r' Treat.

ICYMI: Australian journalist actually presses Kamala Harris when she repeatedly dodges questions about Biden's mental fitness
Kamala admits she didn't have the stamina to run for president, while continuing to insist he had the mental capacity to serve as president. He was too frail to run but perfectly strong enough to govern. Yeah sure whatever lying whore.

On Wednesday, we'll see the "Beaver Super-Moon." Which sounds hot.

Podcast: Historian and Pundit Robert Spencer joins us for a wide-ranging discussion about the Islamists in our midst: Mamdani in NYC, all across Europe, and others.

Full Episode: The Hardy Boys (and Nancy Drew) Meet Dracula
I don't remember this show, except for remembering that Nancy Drew was hot and the opening credits were foreboding and exicting

According to Grok, Latrine John-Pissoir has never failed to mention she is "black" (or "queer") during her book interviews
She may not know what the hell her book is about, but she definitely knows that "every day I wake up black and queer." Join the club, sister!

Schmoll: 53% of New Jersey likely voters say their neighbors are voting for Ciattarelli, while 47% say the cheater/grifter Mikie Sherrill
The "who do you think your neighbors are voting for" question is designed to avoid the Shy Tory problem, wherein conservative people lie to schmollsters because they don't want to go on record with a likely left-winger telling them who they're really voting for. So instead the question is who do you think your neighbors are voting for, so people can talk about who they themselves support without actually having to admit it to a left-wing rando stranger recording their answers on the phone.

Hackers take over University of Penn website, calling the school a "dogshit elitist institution full of woke retards" and threatening to release its admissions files to prove illegal racial discrimination
No lies detected so far

Live Now: Dana Loesch is interrogating Heritage President Kevin Roberts on his insistence that the gay Nazi Nick Fuentes is an absolutely essential "conservative" voice whose ideas we must take seriously and who we must absolutely not exclude based on his Naziism

TJM Complains about Wreck-It Ralph The very topical premiere of TJM's YouTube Channel.

Interesting football history: How the forward pass was created in response to the nineteen -- 19! -- people killed playing football in 1905 alone
The original rules of football did not allow forward passes. The ball was primarily advanced by running, with blockers forming lines with interlocked arms and just smashing into the similarly-interlocked defensive lines. It was basically Greek hoplite spear formations but with a semi-spherical ball. As calls to ban the sport entirely grew, some looked for ways to de-emphasize mass charges as the primary means of advancing the ball, and some specifically championed allowing a passer to throw the ball forward.