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January 20, 2006

Random Facts About Jack Bauer.

Any 24 fans out there? Then you'll get a kick out of this list.

Personal favs:

-- Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

-- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. (LOVED that line from the premiere)

-- Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

-- If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

True, very true.

posted by Dave From Garfield Ridge at 07:34 PM

Comments

I like this one:

If Jack Bauer ran Starbucks

Posted by: shawn on January 20, 2006 07:56 PM

My favorite:

"Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location."

Posted by: The Comish (sic) on January 20, 2006 08:04 PM

Anyone know when they might repeat the season opener?

Posted by: shawn on January 20, 2006 08:17 PM

Man, Dave.

I've been lurking here for over a year and have long fallen in love with you. Now I gotta post.

But Jack Bauer still has it on you. Sorry.

Another great line from this season:

"you will tell me what I need to know, and I'll decide how much it will hurt." (or something like that)

He's my ultimate white-hot thug after Dave from Garfield Ridge.

Posted by: nance on January 20, 2006 08:18 PM

My fave:

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Posted by: nance on January 20, 2006 08:29 PM

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Wait til Ace sees this. THAT'S OLD, DAVE. I tipped him to it the other day, and he posted it. Heeeeeeeeeeeee.

Posted by: CraigC on January 20, 2006 08:42 PM

Uh oh. That was the "24" drinking game. Boy, is my face red. BUT IT'S STILL OLD.

Posted by: CraigC on January 20, 2006 08:44 PM

Depending on what the meaning of "old" is.

Posted by: CraigC on January 20, 2006 08:45 PM

Dave never does anything old.

Posted by: nance on January 20, 2006 08:59 PM

Give him a few drinks, he will do anything.

Posted by: on January 20, 2006 09:05 PM

Hmm. I've got a twelve pack chillin'.

Posted by: nance on January 20, 2006 09:09 PM

Do you guys think the Lefties watch 24 each week hoping this time Jack Bauer will be arrested for breaking the rules?

Posted by: Golden Boy on January 20, 2006 09:14 PM

Jack Bauer can play an entire round of golf in nine holes.

Posted by: CraigC on January 20, 2006 09:19 PM

Anything for the ladies, Nance.

Although, be careful-- kevlarchick could get jealous.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 20, 2006 09:21 PM

When Jack gives you a list of 8 things, 8 'effin things on it,

You better have the first 7 done already.

Posted by: Paul A. on January 20, 2006 09:24 PM

That's some very funny stuff. "24" rocks and Jack Bauer is a stud. Kind of like Chuck Norris.

He doesn't sleep. He waits.

Heh.

Posted by: California Conservative on January 20, 2006 11:28 PM

Jack Bauer knows where Joe is.

And he ain't talkin.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 01:36 AM

Jack Bauer can make a crazed, gun-wielding terrorist piss his pants at 50 paces just by squeezing his sphincter muscle.

Posted by: Jabe on January 21, 2006 01:52 AM

What's next -- random facts about Emeril Lagasse?

Posted by: on January 21, 2006 07:55 AM

I try to emulate Jack Bauer in many ways. So, I took kevlarchick out. Now we can be together, Dave.

Posted by: nance on January 21, 2006 08:48 AM

An oldie:

Don't run away from Jack Bauer; you'll just die tired.

And my beloved Dave,

Nance's last words were "take...care of....Dave." So, I'm going to honor the wishes of the dead.

Posted by: KevlarChick on January 21, 2006 09:05 AM

that other Dave, right? you know, the Dave at GR. The one you never make clear is the one you're talking about?

*sigh* don't get my hopes up. Just add an @ to "Dave", s'all I ask.

Jack Bauer doesn't need a breath mint. Breath mints need him.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 09:14 AM

oh wait, dammit, you did make it clear it's D@gr, upthread and from earlier posts.

dammit. dammit.

In a contest between Death and Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer would kick Death's ass by dying first to meet him in the Underworld, holding his hand up and saying "Death, look at my thumb", and sucker punching him.

Jack Bauer would say "gee you're dumb" before bringing himself back to life. By biting his tongue.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 09:21 AM

Dave in Texas,

I lived in Texas for seven years. At one point I may have caught your sweet fragrance on the wind. I may have felt your vibe in the same city.

The problem is that there are so many white hot thugs like you on this blog, and so few chicks. Not that I'm complainin'.

In the future, I will clearly indicate which white-hotness I am addressing, you darling man.

Posted by: KevlarChick on January 21, 2006 09:44 AM

I will clearly indicate which white-hotness I am addressing, you darling man.

Thoughtful and hot. You must be making some guy somewhere very happy.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 11:21 AM

Dave in Texas

You sweet thing. Keep that up, and you may just turn my head. Are you anything like Jack Bauer? If you're a Texas man, it's a given.

Posted by: KevlarChick on January 21, 2006 12:26 PM

We need a "Random Facts About Dave in Texas" thread.

Posted by: geoff on January 21, 2006 12:40 PM

Are you anything like Jack Bauer?

Yes. In a few episodes, Jack's weapon of choice is an HK USP .45, although his preferred weapon seems to be a Sig. p228

But when he carried a .45, we are like, twins or something. Maybe it's the hazel eyes?

Fun Facts about Dave in Texas

He knows more about Thomas Jefferson now than he did in 1976.

Posted by: on January 21, 2006 01:01 PM

groan... when he carries

apologies to Mssrs. Strunk and Wagnall, I do remember you boys telling me subjects must agree with they verbs.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 01:03 PM

that was me at 1:01, screwing up subject/verb agreement

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 01:08 PM

Don't you mean Strunk and White? Or Funk and Wagnalls? Man, don't be mixing metaphors.

Fun fact #2 about Dave in Texas, when he mixes your metaphors, you'll be nothing but a stain on the ground when it's over. And you'll have to clean it up youself.

*sigh...* white-hotness.

Posted by: KevlarChick on January 21, 2006 02:46 PM

Man, don't be mixing metaphors

It could be just the goobered up engrams, misfiring again. The warranty ran out in 89.

Fun Facts About Jack Bauer: Jack Bauer once killed a man in Reno. To get some information.

He was not watching when the man died.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 21, 2006 03:20 PM

For the love of everything holy, don't check the root page of this link (http://www.notrly.com/). Just don't. Old men. No clothing. Bad.

How do I know this? No, I didn't check it. I sent the top thirty facts page to my dad, and he checked it out.

Thanks a lot, Dave. You bastard.

Posted by: El Ricko on January 22, 2006 01:49 PM

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