The matrix sequels. They ruined the original for me, too.

Platoon.

Every stereotype about Vietnam rolled into two hours of heroic music.

ET

Giant wrinkly aborted fetus versus evil G-men. I couldn't follow the plot. Plus, it was gross AND icky sweet at the same time.

Like the way they put scent in disposable diapers, so that used ones smell like perfume AND shit.

The American President. Talk about stereotypes! Noble Democrats, idealistic enviornmentalists, and cynical, prudish, loud-mouth Republicans. My non-political wife watches it every time it comes on TNT, and I just rip into it.

"Starship Troopers" because they took a great book and ruined.

I can understand that they didn't feel like concentrating on some of the political aspects of the book, but they even ruined the action. A disorganized, irritating mess.

"Natural Born Killers"

So self-indulgent and forced, like something a high school kid would make.

I hate "Natural Born Killers" more than any other movie ever. Oliver Stone has made some good movies before [JFK & Nixon, fantasy,yes; but good fantasy], but not this one. I saw it because I thought, "Hey a QT script, directed by Oliver Stone, I'm there!" How wrong I was. Three hours I will never get back.

My fantasy ending to this abortion of a movie is that after they showed Woody & Juliette living happily ever after in their RV, that someone would carjack them, torture and execute every one of them including their children. Never has a movie inspired me to such levels of hatred.

The Deer Hunter.

Most boring "good" film I have ever watched.

bj

Anal Pirates IV

Needs more anal and fewer pirates.

p.s. - worst "bad" movie I have ever seen is "Down to You".

"The Family Stone" was the most godawful dreck I've ever seen. Surpassed "Showgirls" for my all-time worst movie endured.

I was actually groaning and muttering under my breath at the imbecility of certain plot lines and dialogue. If it weren't for Claire Danes (!) appearance near the end to serve as eye candy, there would be no redeeming qualities to this film. That's right: it could qualify as obscene under Supreme Court precedent.

When Claire friggin' Danes is the only redeeming quality, you know its bad.

Worse than bad. Give you one quick example to prove my point: during the movie, Diane Keaton's character opens her pajama top to allow Craig Nelson's character to cop a feel. A feel of her boob scar from breast cancer surgery.

'nuff said.

Off-topic:

Dave, I think you should see the Disney movie Rocket Man. It's great. I think you'd like it. Only, it's not normally available on DVD. Disney is probably trying to disown it.

"Home Alone". I didn't laugh at once. And I was 10 when it came out. Just wanted to beat the crap out of that kid.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Worst movie I ever saw. To make it worse, paid Movie Theater prices from a GF who wanted to see it. Had an argument over her wanting to see it AGAIN the next week...

'Do the Right Thang'-Spike Lee is a talentless, pretentious ass-hole who makes crappy movies who are enjoyed by other pretentious ass-holes.

No one has said The Blair Witch Project yet??

OK, I will. If there was ever a bigger waste of 2 hours and 8 bucks, I cannot find it.

Some off the top of my head:

Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace. Lucas should have had to do jail time for that abomination.

Hook by Steven Spielberg. Hate is too mild a word.

Popeye by Robert Altman. Holy Jesus, what were they thinking? And what was I thinking when I paid good money to see it?

Angels in America. There are so many things wrong with this hunk of shit that I would have to use multiple colored pens and a large sheet of paper to explain it.

If These Walls Could Talk. Got dragged to this by my ex, and then had to listen to a nonstop man-hating dirge for the rest of the night. I despise this movie with every molecule of my body.

Magnolia. Not directed by Robert Altman, but exactly like a Robert Altman film, if you know what I mean.

Beaches. Another "date" movie that made me wish for the sweet release of death.

Pretty Woman. A moral black-hole of a movie; I never could understand what was so "romantic" about it. (And you just show me a street-hooker that looks one-tenth as good as that. A true-to-life hooker would have been skanky, skinny, strung out on crack or meth, and ugly enough to cause heart-attacks in the elderly.)

I'll think of others....

I hated everything about the Matrix - all of it.

What's wrong with you people who like that stuff? A bunch of models, posing seductively and spouting off cheezy lines, while doing slo-mo, impossible kung-fu stunts.*

It's porn for twelve year olds.

*also describes Underworld and that new heap, Aeon Flux.

Brokeback Mountain. It's a Fag Republican propaganda film!!!

Off-topic:

My favorite so-bad-it's-good movie is R.O.T.O.R. For most bad movies, the question is whether nor not you and your friends with a camcorder could make a better film. But with R.O.T.O.R., the question is whether or not you and your friends could possibly make a worse movie. Believe me, after you see it, you still don't know how bad it is. You missed stuff. It's even worse than that.

If you build it they will come, everyone though except me. Field of Dreams does not even make it to my top 25 of sports movies. On the other hand, I put The Natural somewhere at the top of my list and that movie is constantly bashed as overrated. Go figure.

Now that you mention Diane Keaton, Freddy, that Jack Nicholson movie where Keaton shows her tits (Something's Gotta Give) is pretty awful. Why can't she insist on wearing gloves over those. I'd rather see her hands. That movie made me dislike old people.

Speaking of horrid Nicholson flicks, About Schmidt made me want to euthanize old people.

But the worst movie I can think of right now would have to be Gone Fishin with Joe Pesce and Danny Glover.

Showgirls
Matrix (any)
Star Wars (anything after Return of the Jedi)
California Suite (only movie I ever walked out of)

You should have categories though. The worst movie with the best trailers was the SciFi hit 'Millennium" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097883/

To see the trailers make you think that its the coolest, most exciting SciFi ever, the problem is; every good scene in the movie is in the trailer while the plot from the book (which was decent) is trashed.

Also, APEX sucked most extremely.

I'll second Do the Right Thing.

The American President and Dave were both love-letters to Bill Clinton. (Ever notice how all Hollywood Presidents are always Democrats? Well, except maybe for Bill Pullman in ID4.) Liberal wet-dreams, both of them. Pure crap.

Zuke said: "Home Alone". I didn't laugh at once. And I was 10 when it came out. Just wanted to beat the crap out of that kid."

Dead on there, Zuke. I forgot how much I hated that movie when I saw it. Hated Culkin, hated the story, and just felt that the whole thing was kinda vile ("Ha ha ha, here he smacks Joe Pesci again! Get the kiddies to laugh at testicular damage-- ha ha ha!").

I mean, painful slapstick is one thing with the Three Stooges, but that was just painful.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

I'm with you, Adolfo. The Matrix was lame. The acting was atrocious. And it was full of plot holes.

The Matrix reminded me of Dark City, only truly awful. (Not saying Dark City is great, mind you. But I liked it more than the Matrix.)

The movie with Chuck Norris and and the black guy from An Officer and a Gentleman where they were treasure hunters like Idiana Jones... the only movie I ever walked out of... I demanded, and got, my money refunded... it was so friggin bad that I can't remember the name of it!

Pretty Woman! Oooo! Good choice! I went to see that after all the hype, and I almost stood up in the theater and shouted, "wait! She's a hooker?!? Ew!"

Also: Moulin Rouge, Bram Stoker's Dracula and Plunkett and MacLeane. No connection between the three except that they are unbearably pretentious, awful flicks recommended to us by the same friends. We couldn't sit through any of the three, out of sheer embarrassment for all concerned. Including the friends who recommended them.

1. 28 Days. The title aptly describes the duration.

2. Anything from Mikey Moore.

The Dark Backward Obscure, but a decade-+ later the pain still resonates.

Summer of Sam. A Spike Lee crapfest.
Matrix sequels.
Hildago - couldn't even finish it, and it had Aragorn in it!
About Schmit - Ugh!

The Wicker Man. Had it recommended to me by a friend. I figured that since it had Christopher Lee in it, how bad could it be? Answer: pretty goddamned bad. And boring. And incoherent. I wouldn't have hated it so much except for how much my friends talked it up beforehand.

Shit... almost forgot about Eraserhead! The only reasons I made it through that one: 1) Late Movie on TV and 2) REALLY stoned at the time.

Eraserhead usually shows up toward the top of any worst-movie-of-all-time lists.

Oh God yes, you're all right . .

The new Star Wars trilogy - like getting kicked in the scrotum.

The Ring, Blair Witch, etc. - nothing happens, I could have been watching a blank screen.

American President? - I wanted all my money back from Hollywood, not just the three bucks it cost to rent this log, but ALL OF IT.

I can't stop, this is so therapeutic.

You guys actually watched "The American President"? Voluntarily?

The only movie that I ever made me get up and walk out of the theatre though was a 'deathwish' style movie called "The Exterminator". The gang members being eaten by rats in the tenement was okay but when the perv started buttering his soldering iron with vaseline I was out of there.

Batman and Robin, AI.

The TV version of The Wrath of Khan. With a single edit of a couple of seconds they completely changed the character of Scotty.

Compare:

He stood his ground when the trainees ran.

with:

He was my brother's son. He stood his ground when the trainees ran.

Scotty changes from being an engineer's engineer to just another joe worried about his nephew.

Easy Rider. Quite apart from the fact that it glorifies being a hairball and drug addict, it just sucks. Badly made, badly acted, badly paced, poorly lit. I actually cheered when the "heroes" got shotgunned by the rednecks at the end.

Forrest Gump. I got dragged to it by the girl I was dating at the time, and I hated it. My hate has only grown over the years. A manipulative, saccharine cheesefest and probably Tom Hanks' worst movie.

Striptease. Another moral black-hole of a movie (and Demi ain't all that, if you ask me).

Regarding Henry. Could a movie be any more lame? Harrison Ford does a worse retarded guy than Tom Hanks does. Annette Bening is her usual bitchy self.

The one about Gay Firemen, which was surpresssed by the Red Stater Fascists.

DailyKos 4 Ever!!!!

How about a prediction? The New World with Colin Farrel. The previews show Christopher Plummer saying, "Let not America stumble in it's first hour".

Use your Jedi mind powers and tell me where that's going.

JAWS. I have seen it at least 100 times, but for some reason I can't walk away from it or change the channel.

Roadhouse.

There's the scene where Patrick Swayze says Sam Elliott's character is the greatest bar bouncer ever and the club owner seriously says "he's getting old," as if bouncers were famous.

No mention of Titanic yet? Maybe everyone else's memory of that film is wrapped in the sweet, sweet embrace of PTSD-induced amensia.

Count me in on American President too. The final speech is an obscenity.

Gigli doesn't count, though, because that was intentionally bad. You don't make that crappy a film by accident.

Finally: Battlefield Earth is sort of borderline. I can't decide if it's so-bad-it's-good or just really, really bad.

Ok, I have to delurk because noone has mentioned that pretentious piece of excrement called "American Beauty."

Whoever said "Blair Witch Project", I second that. And third and fourth. I have never felt cheated as I did when that movie was over.

Also, anything with Streisand, Rosie O'donnel, or Bette Midler. Too painful to ever mention the titles.

Glimmer Man, a Steven Seagal flick that was so horrible, every moment of it is permanently scarred into my brain.

Steven Seagal, a cop, gets suspended, then kicks a bad guy through a window onto a spiked fence in broad daylight with lots of civilians around (while suspended, remember), and his chief does what? That's right: apologizes for suspending him.

> The American President. Talk about stereotypes! Noble Democrats, idealistic enviornmentalists, and cynical, prudish, loud-mouth Republicans.

Haven't seen it, but it sounds similar to one of my own personal least-favorites, The Contender.

I remember thinking Deep Impact was pretty bad even by disaster movie standards.

Patch Adams was kind of a stinker, too.

Pretty Woman because it preached to young women that...

a) Dressing a whore in nice clothes turns her into a lady.

b) The dream is to marry a billionaire twice your age.

Also..

c) Julie Roberts is an ugly horse face whose idea of acting is incessantly flaring her nostrils.

d) I hate that fucking song.

e) Richard Gere is a smug little dickbag.

Commando. Probably Arnie's worst action flick (and that's a rich field to choose from, folks). Eraser was a better movie with essentially the same plot.

Keanu Reeves should probably have his own category, but I saw "A Walk in the Clouds" (date or early marriage, can't remember) and have been trying to replace the testosterone that was leached away ever since.

(Lauraw will probably say "keep trying," so I'll save her the time.)

Plan 9 from Outer Space

hey wait, that WAS the worst movie ever made

Alexander

I went opening night thinking it would be a great movie, the only reason I stayed was because the person I was there with wanted to finish the popcorn.

SWAT was pretty bad too.

What!? Commando was classic.

Totally unrealistic, but classic.

"I lied."

"I let him go."

etc.

Commando. Probably Arnie's worst action flick (and that's a rich field to choose from, folks).

Great one-liners, though.

How about Signs.

"Road House" falls in to the so bad, its good category.

Monty -

Was "Wicker Man" the flick that took place on some little island off England where they are pagan?

Warden you beat me to it.

Pretty Woman.

I hate that stupid slut Julia Roberts and that whiny little gerbil-loving communist Richard Gere.

The movie sucked too.

Golden Boy? Roadhouse?!?

Get out. Now. While I let you live.

Thou shall not speak ill will of Roadhouse in my presence.

Only movie I walked out of was "Americathon" classic late 70s view of what the future would be like for America

Plan 9 from Outer Space

But Plan 10 from Outer Space is very amusing.

Incidentally, "Raw Deal" was definitely the worst Ah-nuld movie until "End of Days". (I've blotted all traces of "Junior" from my mind.)

Both are too stupid to really hate though.

Action Jackson. The. worst. movie. ever. It beats out Point Break. In fact, I actually enjoy PB in an entirely masochistic, stop and watch a car-wreck way. It brings together the two worst actors of all time and provides them with the worst script ever written. Not just the dialog sucks, mind you. It is a testimony to how much Action Jackson sucked that it beat out such strong competition, though Morgan Fairchild and Billy Dee Williams give the Dirty Dancer and Neo a run for their money with their acting chops.

I had to give American Beauty a break because Thora Birch showed her cans. That alone made the whole tedious journey worthwhile. Mena Suvari's pontoons are pretty okay, too. (God, I feel dirty -- those girls are like twenty years younger than me....)

I, Robot was an affront. If they'd just disavowed any connection with the Asimov story, I wouldn't have been so put off; but the movie had no connection to Asimov's works. I had hoped for so much better.

Starship Troopers is a truly horrible movie. Book is brilliant and deals with a lot of issues. The movie takes the book and turns it into a farcical nazi propaganda film.

"If you build it they will come, everyone though except me. Field of Dreams does not even make it to my top 25 of sports movies. On the other hand, I put The Natural somewhere at the top of my list and that movie is constantly bashed as overrated. Go figure. "

Most reviews of the Natural complained cuz he hit the home run at the end of the movie, when he didn't in the book. Didn't hear a single complaint along those lines for SST.

But two of the worst movies I have ever seen both starred Harrison Ford. The ironicaly titled "Frantic" and "Random Hearts." There wasn't even some gay artsy way to rationalize even this kind of boring. Then there is also Ben Stillers "greatest acting effort to date" "Permanent Midnight"

"The Hunger," with David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve. The only movie I've ever walked out of. Tony Scott was so intent on hiding the plot behind pretentious, arty bullshit that it wound up being totally incoherent.

I did stay for the lesbian shower scene, though.

Roadhouse rocks! Every time it's on TV on a Saturday afternoon, I drop everything!

The Swayze pwned that shit!

Dave at GR, I will defend with you to the death.

Speaking of Bowie, what about 'The Man who fell to Earth'. I understood nothing in that movie.

Oh, man, Signs was awful. I at least expected some kind of explanation for the crop circles they used to advertise the film. But, nothing. The aliens can travel through interstellar space and levitate in invisible flying saucers. They arrive on earth and decide to be our enemies. Only, their sole weapon is a poisonous mist they spray out of their wrists at close range, they're defenseless against being locked in a closet, and they can be killed with water. Yeah, that makes sense.

Was "Wicker Man" the flick that took place on some little island off England where they are pagan?

yeah, that's the one.

The Golden Child with Eddie Murphy. I saw that turkey for free and still felt cheated.

Mmmm, Thora Birch's cans aaaghghghhhh.

Only, their sole weapon is a poisonous mist they spray out of their wrists at close range, they're defenseless against being locked in a closet, and they can be killed with water.

They have no weapons or groung transportation or clothes. Talk about not doing your homework before embarking on an interstellar invasion.

Waterworld - I ended up rooting for mother nature to finish the job
The Day After Next - See previous
The Royal Tannenbaums - excrutiatingly boring
Field of Dreams - Field of Left wing Dreams
Eraserhead - WTF is that movie about???
David Lynch's Dune - for that matter, how many ways to ruin a great book
The Phantom - walked out after 5 minutes never saw a 6th
King Kong 1976

Have to separate this into I'll-never-have-those-two-hours-of-my-life-back and so-bad-it's-good...

For starters, how about Soldier (Kurt Russell & Jason Scott Lee)? I tagged along after an afternoon of drinking, and evidently wasn't drunk enough... my brain cells were screaming for mercy after twenty minutes.

And my wife's absolute favorite movie, Dirty Dancing... unendurable alleged drama, combined with that godawful tune at the end... I would rather be forced to Rick Astley and Tom Jones for 24 hours than sit through that tub of shit ever again.

Oh, and Madfish Willie? The name of that Chuck Norris-Lou Gossett Jr. shitfest was "Firewalker"... it battles "Sidekicks" for the worst Chuck Norris movie ever.

On the other hand- if you ever have the opportunity, run out and find one of the following movies...

"No Retreat No Surrender"- Van Damme's first US movie- picked-on kid resurrects the ghost of Bruce Lee to teach him karate. It only gets better from there... this movie gets more hilariously bad each time.

And, finally, "Dead Alive"- all you need to know is that a Catholic priest trained in kung fu takes on undead zombies. Dialogue is liberally sprinkled with such Oscar-winning moments like "I kick ass for the Lord!"

Words don't do it justice.

tmi3rd

and they can be killed with water

No shit! Plus, why would water-phobic aliens try to take over a planet whose surface is 75% water?!? That movie was so stupid it gave me a headache. I didn't even bother to go see The Village.

Yor: Hunter From The Future was awful. But then, the title alone should have tipped me off.

As long as we are raggin on Arnold , I though Last American Hero was his worst.

Eh, as nice as they were, Thora Birch's melons just can't save that abomination. Mena Suvari exposing herself is NOT a positive.

Forest Gump was execrable. Nuff said.

Titanic was badly written. We already know the ship is going down. The only possible suspense is which of the lovers will die. Hey, I know! Let's wrap the story in a present day frame so we already know Rose made it! And then, let's make sure she remembers stuff that happened when she wasn't there. And to cap it all off, let's make it 30 hours long with LOTS of splashing water, so you really come to regret that biggie Coke when you're stuck in the middle of the row with no easy escape route.

And then there's Phantom Menace, where a planet run by gangsters and smugglers doesn't seem to have any money changers. WTF? Are we really supposed to believe that Jabba's cronies couldn't find a use for the Republic's currency, and wouldn't be happy to extort a huge commission from rich but desparate travellers?

Powder. I thought I might need insulin afterwards.

Monty, you must have been watching Encore last night! Why, they had Yor on two different channels!

Pardon me- must go purge...

tmi3rd

Monty, if you disparage Golden Child or Commando again, I will fight you.

In regards to Starship Troopers "The movie takes the book and turns it into a farcical nazi propaganda film."

Yes, but they did a really good job of it, and it had Denise Richards!!!!

Everybody who's read the book, hates the movie. That's why I don't read anymore....

Best line ever:

I used to fuck guys like you in prison

Sin City -- I would have liked it when I was fourteen

Donnie Darko -- Mostly because a lot of dipshits think it's especially deep. They also use words like "PoMo", which is a face-stabbing crime.

I'm shocked, simply schocked that no one has said

Pearl Harbor

yet. That movie was a travesty. Terrible is the best word to describe it.

Also, I second whoever mentioned Eraser. The scene where he actually tries to have a "deep" moment with the chick, explaining that her identity is what's inside her ... I hated that whole movie so badly, but that was the pinnacle of horribleness.

And to cap it all off, let's make it 30 hours long with LOTS of splashing water, so you really come to regret that biggie Coke . .

I'll never look at the movie the same again.

And my wife's absolute favorite movie, Dirty Dancing...

I feel your pain, tmi3rd. For a few years, I lived with a woman who absolutely adored that movie. I've seen it too many times. Get back in the corner and shut up, Baby.

Oldies:

Cocoon
Quest for Fire
Krull [yes, every time Ace references it, it makes me ill]

Oh, off subject. How about a movie that's supposed to be bad and we're embarrassed that we liked it? Bubba-ho-tep?

Golden Boy, how the hell can you call out Roadhouse? That is one of the most enjoyable cheesy movies ever. Plus that chick is smokin hot.

Sleepless in Seattle. Worst. Movie. Ever.

Are you kidding? Bubba-Ho-Tep may have been one of the funniest things I've ever seen!

tmi3rd

Steaming Piles of Cinematic Shit:

Sideways: Sorry Dave... it is crap.

Broken Arrow: I think this is when John Woo went over to the darkside/Scientologists.

Chicago: Richard Gere is a twat.

Those would probably start my list...

The Road to Wellville. Yeeeaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

The movie with Chuck Norris and and the black guy from An Officer and a Gentleman where they were treasure hunters like Idiana Jones...

That would be Firewalker. Yeah, very bad film...so bad I loved it. But I like bad films for the most part (Yor: The Hunter from the Future was on last night--so bad it's fantastic!).

Attack of the Clowns, er, Clones. This film proved to me that Lucas is either a) horribly naive about what kind of a writer he is or b) is in it for the money. The capitalist in me hopes its B, but I know he is not a big fan of our country so it's likely A.

Can't...stop thinking...about...Thora Birch's...cans--which brings me to Dungeons and Dragons. She doesn't show her cans, but she whines and moans a lot. The FX were okay, but the story was silly and Jimmy Olsen screaming in anguish over the death of his dipshit friend gave me the giggles.

Ditto on American President and the Matrix sequels, and Home Alone makes me glad that Macaulay Culkin's career tanked.

There are a lot of bad movies I love, but a few that I actively hate come to mind:

Mentioned above, *Point Break* is mostly a stupid cop movie with the typically unbelievable casting of Keanu Reeves as an FBI agent. But what makes me loathe it is the Patrick Swayze "zen surfer bank robber" character, a violent criminal who the audience is supposed to empathize with because he's so "deep" or something....

*League of Extraordinary Gentlemen* - not just for deviating from the excellent graphic novel source (I'm generally pretty easy on taking necessary liberties with adaptation.) But because the whole thing is so frickin' stupid in that insult-the-audience's-intelligence sort of way. (Not the worst example, but the funniest, is the appearance of the Nautilus in just about the single least likely place for a submarine - Central Asia!)

The worst movie I ever payed for was Lake Placid.

I just had a little one on one with Monty about Commando. Don't worry, "I let him go."

Fucking Thomas the Tank Engine movie sucked the life out of me. My husband was the lucky one who kept taking the kid with the runs to the can throughout... while I watched with the other kid.

Robin Hood Men in Tights...walked out of it. It must have been edited by a middle school special ed. A/V geek. The timing was pathetic. It made me hate Richard Lewis even more. Is that even possible?

Any fucking movie with Meg Ryan. I freaking hate everything about Meg Ryan. She is useless.

I actually watched Madonna's Truth or Dare back in college. I still get nightmares. Madonna has serious personality disorders. Boarderline personality disorder comes to mind. She's a pathetic crotch.

Anything with Winnie The Poo would make our enemies prayerfully weep.

Oh I could go on and on...

Monty, are you sure you were watching the same Commando I was? "Let off some steam", "He's dead tired", "I lied", "I eat Green Berets for breakfast" ... not to mention over 100 on-screen deaths, the awesome (as Joe Bob Briggs would put it) garden-shed-fu scene (though they had to cut the shot, where after cutting the thug's arm off with a machete, Ahnold bludgeons another thug with it), the awesome "I feel strong, John!", and tons of other gems.

But of course the best part was a Freddy Mercury look-alike (with a chainmail vest over the large beer gut) as the bad guy. Priceless.

If the movie had taken itself seriously, it would have been as bad as Cobra.

Haven't read all of the posts here yet but am putting in my 2¢ worth.

First show that came to mind was Caddyshack 2. What possessed Dan Aykroyd to particpate in that wretched turd is beyond me.

Van Helsing
The Hulk

I love 80s movies: I have a huge soft spot for "Pretty in Pink," "Sixteen Candles," "The Breakfast Club," "Better Off Dead," etc.

But there was one 80s movies that just made me angry: "Less than Zero." I hated the characters and found it to be totally implausible.

My husband, by the way, likes it and says people like me (meaning, normal people) aren't supposed to be able to relate to the characters.

Also, I know we're all supposed to bow down and pay homage to movies that win major awards. But I really hated "Lost in Translation." What a couple of whiners! I actually wanted both of the main characters to stay miserable at the end of the movie.

How to Make an American Quilt with Winona Ryder.

Saw it because girl I was with wanted to see it. It's amazing what a man will do for some tail. But this movie sullied the whole night. On top of being the worst movie ever, I lost my self respect.

No, not embarrassed that I thought Bubba-Ho-Tep was funny. Embarrassed that I got teary-eyed!

Ditto on Sideways. Was it terrible? Well, sure, but lots of movies are terrible. That one pissed me off.

I say this as a guy who's pretty handy with a pull-tab and magical with corks, but those people are drunks. And nobody would say the obvious: Their lives are crappy because they are drunks.

Any fucking movie with Meg Ryan. I freaking hate everything about Meg Ryan. She is useless.

The Day After Tomorrow - Shit. Plain and simple.

Donnie Darko - Sorry, I just didn't get it....

King Ralph - No reason needed.

I'm with you on Lost In Translation, Beth. What a stupid movie. I didn't care about the characters, I didn't sympathize with their angst, I don't see why their infidelity was glamorized, and I just couldn't see anything worthwhile about the movie at all. It was boring and annoying.

The scene when he was filming the commercial was funny, though. So, you know, it had one worthwhile minute.

Personally, I hated Castaway for reasons of boredom.

I agree on the Matrix sequels, Ring 2, and Waterworld. Waterworld is just plain bad, not even good-bad.

However, I think The Day After Tomorrow is quite possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. What makes it particularly deserving of ire is the fact that it attempts to be preachy, but it's so ridiculous that it falls completely flat. In the end, it's simply pathetic. If the movie were a person, I want to beat the crap out of it, but then I'd feel guilty about it afterwards.

Also, I'm not sure I can count this, since I only saw the second half, but AI was awful.

The only thing good about Golden Boy was when Charlotte Lewis was dressed in the leather and tied up with the toilet paper... they should have cut those puppies loose!

Caddyshack 2
Father of the Bride 1 and 2 (remakes)

Caddyshack 2
Father of the Bride 1 and 2 (remakes)

AI was not only awful, but never ending. My friend and I saw it in the theater and had to resort to making jokes about that damn teddy bear to keep ourselves (and those sitting around us) mildly entertained.

Ooops. Well, we'll just call the 2nd post a "sequel"

Pay It Forward... GOD, what a sappy turd of a farce.

Tango and Cash, Cobra, Over the Top, Stop or My Mom will Shoot....

Sly could have his own folder of stinkers.

But what makes me loathe it is the Patrick Swayze "zen surfer bank robber" character, a violent criminal who the audience is supposed to empathize with because he's so "deep" or something....

Forgot about that one David C. The skydiving scene where they carry out a conversation during their freefall made my blood boil.

I love Road House! Except for the nasty scenes. What irritates me is that when it's shown on TV, they cut out the nasty scenes, but they also cut out a significant portion of the plot.

The movie everyone loves that I hate: An Affair to Remember. The characters we're supposed to want to get together are both engaged. They don't even have the class to wait until their engagements are broken off before they start getting involved. Wth? I've never understood why you would want to be with someone who cheats. I mean, if he cheated on the last chick, he'll cheat on you. Also, "If you can paint, I can walk!" is the dumbest line EVER.

The Long Kiss Goodnight.

War of The Worlds.

Electra Glide in Blue.

Wicker Park

Unwatchable.

Mr. Wrong. Saw it on a plane. Wished I'd crashed.

The American President was my first choice, but several people already jumped all over it.

Also... 2 Fast 2 Furious. The script sounds like it was written by 3 fratboys over a weekend. I can only stomach it because of Eva Mendes' prominently featured ass.

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. My wife and I sat through and kept thinking "This can't get any worse" and then it did. Opening scene - man being beaten and rubbed with dog crap. Later on, I seem to recall a little boy having his belly button cutout and force fed. And to top it off
****Spoiler
When the wife cooks her lover (think pig roast) and feeds him to her husband...

second - Erin Brokovich(Sp?)

I'm a big Eastwood fan, but Bloodwork was a corn and peanut encrusted cinematic grunter. Poorly directed and acted. Paul Rodriguez' attempt at acting had me wishing he'd get shot in the face at point blank range with a bazooka.

I think Monster in Law was terrible. Gagh, going through that thing was an exercise in lefty name and credential dropping (oh, we had lunch with Mandela) and the characters were revolting.

Have not bothered to see the usual lefty fare, like Day After, but from the 25 seconds I saw while flipping around on HBO showed it getting sooooo cold that a flag froze in mid-wave. right......

Oh, and Jarhead, which turned an ok book into a collection in cliches and USMC urban legends which incidentally, was all about masterbation. No action. at. all. And a whiny bitch as the "protagonist."

AI did suck...I didn't even need to see it with captioning to know how badly it sucked. I didn't get how we were supposed to feel bad for AN F'N ROBOT. It's a piece of machinery, people. It doesn't have feelings. It's simulating them. That's all.

And how about Gladiator? I saw it in the theater and, as is my wont (I'm profoundly deaf), made up my own dialogue to go along with what I could tell was happening from the lines I did catch, the body language, etc. I thought the movie kicked ass. And then I saw it on DVD with captioning and fell asleep. Obviously, dialogue makes a huge difference. So now I generally reserve judgment until I see the movie with captioning. Gladiator taught me that lesson.

The Star Wars movie with Jar Jar. Walked out of it and haven't paid to see any Star Wars movie since... you know, just in case Jar Jar's in it.

Yeah, what The Warden said about Pretty Woman.

Haven't seen Roadhouse yet. I bought it on Dave's recommendation. Just waiting for the perfect moment.

My Spidey Sense told me not to see:
American President and Dave.
A Walk in the Clouds.
Anything by Spike Lee.
About Schmidt.
Moulin Rouge.

I obeyed.

I'm glad.

Romeo is Bleeding and Things to do in Denver When You're Dead still make me ill whenever I think of... BLBLHGGGLLUUURRKCH

See?

Oh and the Ring sucked. I hated it. It made no sense (jeeper creepers had a good 15 minutes then it sucked-BTW). It wasn't scary and I hate, hate, hated it. Like, er, how does this farmhouse girl get into the TV sets? I mean, she was kept in a barn.

Also, two Nicholas Cage abominations: 8mm and Snake Eyes. I'm sure there are others.

The Comments about "Signs" that point out the idiocy of the aliens. I can't help but remember when on Stargate SG-1, right before the movie came out on DVD, Dr. Carter (Amanda Tapping (who should star in porn, and soon)) is making those EXACT arguments, without naming the movie. The other idiotic argument is how do they navigate through space if they need crop circles to know where the water is on earth?

Anything with Rob Schneider.

The Day After Tomorrow; what a piece of naked propaganda. It has about as much to do with the dangers of climate change as Godzilla had to do with the dangers of nuclear testing. In another decade, it will be universally recognized as laughably camp. Ditto Waterworld.

I'm shocked, simply schocked that no one has said

Pearl Harbor

Blackjack, I will find you and make you pay for reminding me of that movie.

However, PH is redeemed because it provided some great lyrics for Team America.

About Signs - not that I thought it was any good, but it really isn't a movie about aliens. It's a movie about faith and the idea that everything happens for a reason. So, the aliens are just a reason to tell the story.

Jason, I actually really like Snake Eyes, because I love that the Nicolas Cage character does the right thing even though he knows he'll suffer for it.

Hee! Nothing like a movie post to get the venom flowing!

I hate Dr. Strangelove. Dumbest.Movie.Ever.

Naked Lunch was the biggest WTF? movie ever.

Rho, sometimes I question your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Fucking Thomas the Tank Engine movie sucked the life out of me. My husband was the lucky one who kept taking the kid with the runs to the can throughout... while I watched with the other kid.

Did I mention this had Peter Fonda and Alec Baldwin?

didn't anybody get the point of starship troopers? it was an indictment of contemporary america as an unnuanced fascistic, imperialistic society. no doubt its european director feels fully justified by events since 9/11.
detestable movies: any of the clinton propaganda movies ofn the 90's: american president, dave, air force one, the list goes on (there were about a dozen to indoctrinate the stupid little people) the one exception from hollywood was clint eastman's movie about the burglar, an overdue response to the clinton pr machine. the most unbearable movie of all time? ben stiller's zoolander!

Fucking Thomas the Tank Engine movie sucked the life out of me. My husband was the lucky one who kept taking the kid with the runs to the can throughout... while I watched with the other kid.

Did I mention this had Peter Fonda and Alec Baldwin?

I refused to even watch Pearl Harbor (or Titanic, for that matter) on the grounds that it trivialized a great American tragedy. I would watch a documentary about Pearl Harbor any day, but not a movie that tries to change it into just a stupid love story.

Speaking of stupid love stories - The Notebook. I hated that show.

(I also refused to watch Titanic on the grounds that Leonardo DiCaprio strongly resembles a 12-year-old girl.)

Eraserhead? (Madfish Willie 01:47 PM) Jeez that movie was too damn confusing to hate.
The Phantom Menace, on the other hand, was an abomination and George "Fuck-the-fans" Lucas should be slowly tortured to death.

Less Than Zero. The only thing I remember about the movie is that when RD Jr. dies in the end, you can plainly see the artery in his neck pulsing. Nice.

The Neverending Story. Did not have the time to see it.

Chocolat is my most hated film. It is one of those movies that pretends that no one in the history of the world had any fun until the liberals showed up to tell them how.

The hero of the story sets up a chocolate shop in a tiny French town in the middle of Lent, and refuses to leave everyone alone until by the end they celebrate a heathen bacchanal festival instead of Easter. Happy ending! bah...

Catholics are shown as repressed, controlling, wife-beating arsonists, or their victims. No where is the idea expressed that faith or self-discipline are worthy values in themselves. Utter propaganda, passing itself off as a feel-good movie.

Finding Nemo

Everyone talked about how good it was but there were no funny lines, the actors doing the voices were all B list and by the end I could have cared less if Nemo ever was found or better yet I would have like to have seen him served with some fries and cole slaw.

"8mm"

I thought it was a good movie. It was a morality play, and pretty predictable in a lot of ways, but what I thought made it "good" is that nothing good came out of it. A bunch of people died, and a bunch of people got caught up in a detestible situation.

As we walked out of the theater, one of my buddies, who also liked the movie, said "I can't imagine reccomending that movie to anyone"

So I understand hating it. but I thought it was definately a good movie. Of course acting was mediocre and the plot was outrageous, but that isn't uncommon.

I hate Dr. Strangelove. Dumbest.Movie.Ever.

Enas, the movie doesn't wear well with time, but for it's time it was very good. For reference, my father thought it was very funny the first time he saw it (which was a couple days after he got shot down by a very lucky Viet Cong sniper)

I know this makes me some sort of inhuman monster, but I've always fucking hated E.T. with a burning passion. I even hated it when I was a little kid.

Fuck him and his Reese's Pieces.

Finding Nemo

B-list actors for voices, dumb plot, generally boring to the point I could have cared less if hey found Nemo or not. In fact I would have like to have seen Nemo served on a platter with fries and some cole slaw.

Also, 80% of the movies TNT claims are "New Classics" I mean Under Siege 2 and Major League II are considered "New Classics"?

Double post! Oops!

Over the Top.

St. Elmo's Fire.
A couple of wretchers. But I love Sideways. I dig Virginia Madsen. Plus I thought the pic was funny.

AssJammers 6--AssJammers 1-5 was awesome, they should have just let the epic end there.

Did anyone else want to knock Rain Man upside the head?

I'm afraid to sign my name to this question.

I know this is kinda backwards, but I loved Dr. Strangelove (and still do - I recall enough of the period not to let it feel dated).

Anyway, I've been so busy slapping Mary M. around I didn't get into this thread, but you're right, all these other movies suck ass!

Especially Pearl Harbor and that godawful Out of Africa. Mind-numbingly boring.

The Neverending Story. Did not have the time to see it.

I am still watching it.

Just dawned on me- Congo may have been one of the worst of the worst... but a good prequel to Silverback Mountain...

tmi3rd

Speaking of, Best Of The Best was pretty bad...

Working Girl. "I have a head for business and a bod for sin." God, I hate Melanie Griffith. The entire cast should have been set on fire.

How anyone can say The Deer Hunter was a bad movie is beyond me. Some of the best acting I've ever seen in any movie, period. For worst films, Natural Born Killers, The Doors (how to make a junkie appear God-like), Waterworld, Hudson Hawk, to name but a few.....

> Chocolat is my most hated film. It is one of those movies that pretends that no one in the history of the world had any fun until the liberals showed up to tell them how.

I only made it halfway through that one, though I did finish another movie in the same vein: Pleasantville.

Come to think of it, the lead actress was the same in Pleasantville and The Contender... (after a quick Google) Joan Allen.

I have a feeling this Joan Allen is up to no good.

Worst movie I watched all the way through was the Jim Carrey McCarthy movie "Paradise" or some such.

The cardboard characters and stupid politics was bad...but..

The end has him in a writers meeting in hollywood where they are pitching a stupid "tearjerker" ending to a movie and he tells them how stupid it is.

Then the movie takes him back to the small town where everyone meets him at the train station! including his best girl! and the guy who used to hate him!

Don't remind us about manipulative hoolywood endings, and then have a manipulative hollywood ending.

I gotta disagree with Slublog about Long Kiss Goodnight. I love the dialog:

Nathan: Alice, please? Your dog, Alice - it and my appetite are mutually exclusive.
Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog?
Nathan: Simple: he's been licking his a--hole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention and I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge, is either gone for good... or there to stay.

Samuel Jackson had some good lines also:
Mitch Henessey: ...everyone knows, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of "u" and "umption".

Charlie: Easy, sport. Got myself out of Beirut once, I think I can get out of New Jersey.
Mitch Henessey: Yeah, well don't be so sure. Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.

Here's more:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116908/quotes

I'm afraid to sign my name to this question.

Don't be shy, Ace. After all, this is your blog.

Don't get hung up on Starship troopers. Fuckheads want to read into how its a blah blah blah about military societies or fascism or creating enemies out of forces of nature.

Since most liberals generally are ignorant twits, they can create and respond to their own myths with breakneck speed.

The movie is about a fairly prosperous, multi-ethnic society with what is apparently a good sized military (or at least a military tradition). Aside from the discussion of civilians versus citizens (or whatever) the actual conduct of the society is never really touched. What we do see is the military culture of this society and how it responds to an attack from an enemy they initially underestimated.

So, why do retards call it fascism. Because apparently, that's what they call a society with a military tradition. Its a good popcorn movie. And if you smoke the weed, I guess it will give you something to talk about (you know "the man" and "fascism" and "big bugs").

Speaking of sequels that ruined the original:
Highlander 2,3,4...
First movie was great. The 2nd and following stunk very, very badly

Oh, and mad props to Roadhouse and Commando

"Pain don't hurt."

Yes, Virginia Madsen is smoking, but the movie was about drunks and nobody could guess why their lives were shit. Some funny stuff, but I hated the characters.

Alec Baldwin, for all his political histrionics, is a capable actor. But after seeing Thomas and his Conductor and his freaking magic dust I wanted to disembowel Alec Baldwin on the Sodor train platform and leave his giblets out and watch the passengers to slip onto the tracks in front of a steaming Useful Engine.

My hate has rendered me incomprehensible but I'm hitting the Post button anyway.

Meesa don't get no respect! Why does everyone hate Jar Jar?

I actually like Bloodsport. I never cease to be amused by the scene where Jean-Claude breaks the bricks and Chong Li says dramatically, "Very good. But brick...not hit back." It amuses me because it so strongly recalls the scene in Enter the Dragon, in which Chong Li breaks a board and Bruce Lee, unimpressed, says, "Boards...don't hit back."

You know, sort of like how Claudius's question about "what if this cursed hand were thicker than itself with brother's blood, is there not enough rain in the sweet heavens to wash it white as snow" recalls Macbeth asking himself, "Is there not water enough in all Neptune's ocean to wash this blood from my hand?" But the difference is that Macbeth's question has an answer: "No, this my hand would rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine!"

Ok, I admit it...I brought that up just so I could say "incarnadine." Ooh, that felt good. I'm going to say it again.

Incarnadine!

sandyberger, it wasn't Ace, it was me.

I wanted to say to Rain Man "Stop mumbling, dammit! And you will live without fucking Judge Wapner!"

I guess such a point of view will fit in this thread as well as any other of you miscreants.

Also, I hate Tom Cruise intensely. Too many beards, along with his own version of "small man syndrome."

Right now I'd have to say it's a toss up for me between M Night Shyamalan's The Village and Forrest Gump, but I'm sure I'll think of some others.

Village. Really cool beginning, indescribably lame ending due to stupid premise (yes there is a reason good horror movies DON'T use the "fear is an illusion we inflict on ourselves" schtick). The only way that one could have been saved is if they did a double twist near the end, revealing that in fact the evil was real and gets loose because everyone wrote it off as a stupid prank. But they had to be "clever".

Gump. Really, really hated how his girlfriend finally comes back and marries him in order to dump her kid on someone before she dies from the lifestyle she chose over being with Forrest. She was not "bittersweet", she was a completely selfish twit who used a rich retard and got applauded for it. Would have enjoyed that movie much more if Gump had shacked up with someone else already and his long lost girlfriend had to take a hike and pay for her stupidity all by herself while everyone else enjoys a happily ever after.

Space Balls. Sorry, the part about the vacuum cleaner going from suck to blow really just isn't that funny.

Oh yeah, I hate Tom Cruise too, and that brings me to A Few Good Men. Not a bad show, but every time I've seen it, I've sympathized more and more with the Jack Nicholson character. "You exist under the shelter of freedom that I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it?"

"Space Balls. Sorry, the part about the vacuum cleaner going from suck to blow really just isn't that funny."

No, but Ludicrous Speed, is funny as hell.

Working Girl. "I have a head for business and a bod for sin." God, I hate Melanie Griffith. The entire cast should have been set on fire.

True, but at least we got a couple of shots of her rack, IIRC.

Several of you have mentioned Pretty Woman. I hate that fucking movie with the white hot intensity of 50 suns. And I loathe Julia Roberts. Loathe.

Well gee, Scott, she dies. That ought to be enough punishment. And besides, the cute kid needed to hang out with a 'tard because he had no Daddy. You wouldn't want to put that kid in the foster program--who knows what kind of family he might end up with?

(referencing comments made on an earlier thread):
Boxing Helena

Sartyricon, and any other felliniesques bs.

Just about any brat-pack movie

Any movie that tried to repeat:
Animal House
Stripes
Caddyshack
Scary Movie
and failed miserably.

Ordinary f'ing people - sure they're ordinary, alright.

Placesinthetermsofendermentgreentomatoesongoldenpondgrandcanyonpetesfreindsetc. Krep

Well gee, Scott, she dies. That ought to be enough punishment. And besides, the cute kid needed to hang out with a 'tard because he had no Daddy. You wouldn't want to put that kid in the foster program--who knows what kind of family he might end up with?

She dies as some kind of bittersweet tragi-heroine, as if she was just a victim of circumstances - she was a moron who considered herself too good for Gump until she had no other options, and then we're supposed to believe she came back actually because she finally discovered that she really did love him.

The kid was a cheapshot to force the viewer to buy into that crap, which made me all the more resentful.

Bonfire of the Vanities.

Anything with Samuel L. Jackson in it except Pulp Fiction.

Did I mention that I fucking hate Julia Roberts? Just making sure.

Well gee, Scott, she dies. That ought to be enough punishment.

Of AIDS, no less, right?

I love Dr. Strangelove but mainly for reasons that would have made Kubrick's blood boil: I love J.T. "King" Kong's character (Slim Pickens). Plus Col. "Bat" Guano is just hilarious: "I think you're a preevert." I love the dialogue in that movie.

I stand by my Commando remarks. Sobek can bring his weak shit on -- that movie blew dead goats, but it wasn't even bad in an entertaining way. It was just frenetic dumbness.

Out of Africa. I wanted to punch Meryl Streep in the neck for days after seeing that stupid waste of a movie. And while I'm on a hate-Streep binge: The Bridges of Madison County. Another date movie that I deeply regretted afterwards. Clint Eastwood oughta be ashamed.

The Exorcist II: The Heretic. Not "bad" in the sense of badly made or even badly acted; just incomprehensible, and full of that 1970's bibble-bibble that totally sold-out the original (and far better) film. And it showed the tragedy of Linda Blair -- she had the potential to be very hot, but ended up looking like she had eaten most of a whole cow.

Ghosts of Mars. Carpenter ought to be ashamed of himself for this total waste of film -- he knows how to make quality stuff; he just didn't bother. On my list as one of the top 20 worst movies I've ever paid to see.

Mission to Mars. Gary Sinise looked like he was wearing mascara. The only good part was where Tim Robbins gets exposed to the vacuum of space. The rest of this shitty flick was so mind-bendingly bad and wrong that I wanted to buy the DVD just so I could microwave it and then flush the remains down the toilet after taking a shit on it.

'Palmer's Pickup' with Robert Carradine. Not just because the plot made no sense, not just because it had Morton Downey Jr as the anti-christ, not just because it went straight to video, but because the ass-wipes made me eat the crew leftovers and then cut the only scene I was in!

A Star is Scorned.

"because the ass-wipes made me eat the crew leftovers"

Odd, that doesn't read as good as it did in my head.

Moulon Rouge - the wife rented it once and I couldn't get past the first 5-10 minutes. Like a Duran Duran video played at high speed on an endless loop, it had the sense of thinking itself to be very clever, fast moving and sexy not realizing the joke was on itself. After I saw enough to get the sense that "yes it does look like this is more than just a stupid opening", I hastily left the room before I could give in to the temptation to do violence on the DVD. My wife lasted maybe 5 more minutes before she clicked stop/eject.

Batman and Robin.

Exhibit A.

Meet the Fokkers, which was actually worse than Last Year at Marienbad. Number 3 would have to be The Tingler, with Boris Karloff.

Jerry Maguire.

Conceived entirely by marketing dweebs, written by committee, and tested by focus groups - "Hey, I got it - let's put sports in it for the guys, and sappy romance in it for the girls, and we'll come up with the ultimate date movie!". Because doesn't everybody just love being pandered to like that?

The absolute stupidest, and (probably not coincidentally) most inescapably ubiquitous, catch phrase of 1997 - "show me the money!" Shut the fuck up, you high-fiving shitheads.

Tom Cruise. I have never, not once, seen him in a movie where I didn't have the overwhelming urge to punch his character in the fucking face. This dates back to the 80s, before it was cool to not like him.

"You complete me." I had little involuntary shivers of disgust just typing that line.

And no, the kid wasn't cute.

Ludicrous Speed, is funny as hell

Overall, Spaceballs wasn't very good. But you're right, there are a couple of good funnys buried in it.

Anybody ever see Jill Ireland and Charles Bronson in From Noon Till Three? Perhaps the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

Amazingly it was on a couple of days ago. I got an instant headache.

The Way We Were. This fawning piece of crap about dim-bulb American lefties lit a fire of hatred in me for Barbra Streisand that has not abated to this day.

All the Police Academy sequels sucked. The original was great, but by about no. 4 they were almost aggressively unfunny.

I generally give pseudo-science in movies a pass because most Hollywood people are mentally retarded arts graduates types and it's not fair picking on retards. But The Core was, mirabile dictu, even more atrociously stpid than The Day After Tomorrow.

Oh, and Krull was really bad, too.

I used to like Jody Foster. Then I saw her in Nell and wanted to hit her with a crowbar. Lousy, stinking, condescending flick.

On Golden Pond. I should have stayed home, where I can sleep for free.

Dogma. I don't like Kevin Smith films as a rule, but I hate this particular one with a special kind of fierceness. Ben Asslick and Matt Duh-man as angels? There as a hostile anti-Christian vibe to this movie that even I as an atheist found completely uncalled-for. (Would they even have dared this with any other religion -- say Islam? I bet not.)

Young Guns. Everything a good Western should not be, this flick was.

Scott, I see your point. I guess if you're the kind of person that actually likes retards and so wants to believe that broad would fall for him eventually and tard-love would win out, then the ending was all feel-good and shit. Guys like us wanted to kick her in the ass and shove her to the curb.

I despised Dogma. Oh, look how cynical I am but still loving and open-minded. I am Hollywood! Plus Matt. Damon. Talk about your 'tards.

Somebody help me out, here.

What was the name of the movie with Dana Delaney, Dan Akroid and Rosie O'Donnell where they end up in some S&M retreat? Anyone? Anyway, despite getting to see the lucious Ms. Delaney in various bits of lingerie, the movie was unbearable.

Here's a new one for this thread - Dutch. An airplane movie about a generally submissive dum-dum bonding with his girlfriend's snotrag of a son by way of getting kicked in the nuts and similar scenes that left me unsure of which character I hated worse - the brat for being such a little wanker or Dutch for being such a clumsy doormat. Chock full of bad stuff.

Ahh, Jill Ireland. Bronson's own Sondra Locke, but not quite as pretty. I think more people would watch Charles Bronson movies if he had gone ahead and cast actual actresses.

Evil That Men Do was the worst Bronson, I think.

That was me, not Slublog, dissing Long Kiss Goodnight and I stand by it, cutesy dialogue included. People outrun fire. It's dumb.

Fearless with Jeff Bridges. New Age mumbo jumbo, with probably the worst actress of modern times in Rosie Perez. (Bridges made up for it with The Big Lebowski, however.)

Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise. Another movie I hate so much and in so many ways it would take too long to explain.

Joe Versus The Volcano. Tom Hanks is just goddamned lucky that movie didn't kill his whole career. Between that and Forrest Gump, he has a lot to answer for.

oh yes - I'll second Jason's Day After Tomorrow.

What a pretentious lefty stinkbomb that was. They could have combined that with Signs and called it Validation: Day of the Tinfoil Hats.

Pretentious war movies with too much sappy narration: The Thin Red Line and Cold Mountain. When you're trying that hard to be artsy, it just becomes annoying. And TTRL just keeps going, and going, and going . . .

Also, The English Patient. Did you ever see that Seinfeld where Elaine sees it, hates it, then has to see it again. Towards the end she screams out loud, "JUST DIE ALREADY!" That's how I felt about ten minutes in.

I hate Julia Roberts, as well, and pretty much everything she's been in that I've seen. I've never really understood her appeal. I don't think it's so much among men as it is among women who think men should like her.

Anyway, my girlfriend recently rented Mona Lisa Smile, and while I didn't really watch it, I caught a few scenes here and there, and it seemed like it was trying to re-fight already won battles concerning marriage and gender roles. It may have made more sense if it had debuted in the 60's or 70's, but seems rather silly now.

Also, I agree on Jerry Maguire, if only because I never quite bought the relationship between Cruise's character and Zellweger's. I never got the feeling that he actually loved her, so much as needed a woman around, and would screw her over the first chance he got to hook up with a hot model or something. If you're going to attempt a romantic story, at least make it look like the characters actually like one another.

Casino Royale. Hey, we're wacky! Oh, my but we're farcical! Tally ho, here comes the zany!

See-Dubya,

I read somewhere that the finicky roommate Neil Simon based Felix Unger on was his roommate in NYC, Charles Bronson.

Oh, and btw, love the smoking jacket.

What was the name of the movie with Dana Delaney, Dan Akroid and Rosie O'Donnell where they end up in some S&M retreat?

Exit to Eden. Thanks a lot, Kelly. Years of therapy, down the drain just like that.

To be fair, the movie did explore the mysterious linkage between pleasure and pain. For example, whatever pleasure you might have gained from seeing Dana Delaney in skimpy lingerie was utterly wiped out when you saw Rosie O'Donnell in bondage gear.

It's obvious since nobody's mentioned it that none of you were unlucky enough to see Dune.

Another actor I've come to despise is Robin Williams. The wife and I caught Mrs. Doubtfire last weekend on the tube and, gawd, is it preachy. Some parts are still pretty funny but overall it's a libtard sermon to all us stump-toothed, rednecks in flyover Jesusland about tolerance. Set in San Fran, natch.

Dr. Strangelove - awesome movie. Can't understand how any right thinking person wouldn't love it. Movies I hate... not sure. I wouldn't be a big fan of wasting my time seeing a movie that I could just avoid - of which there are many, many. But terrible, terrible movies? The worst one I remember seeing was D.A.R.Y.L. I'm sure many others would have mentioned it, but I am pretty sure I was the only person who ever saw it. Totally lame re-telling of Pinnochio - the little robot who wanted to be a real boy - if only the military/industrial complex would let him!

The Shrimp on the Barbie.

Oh, but it's got Cheech Marin!, you might be thinking to yourself. Emma Samms! It's good for a few laughs, right? Worth a two-dollar weekend rental?

Don't do it. Run as if all the houds of hell are at your heels. (It's directed by "Alan Smithee", so even the director was ashamed of this steaming dog turd.)

Thanks Dave. The ladies love it. I think my hair looks better than Biden's.

Space Cowboys blew, as did My Fellow Americans. Jim Garner turned into sure fire stinkeroo material there somewhere after Maverick.

My Fellow Americans was just like a giant Mark Russell comedy hour. I don't think I laughed once.

Ah, yes, Exit to Eden.

Armageddon. For many, many reasons but mainly for 2 scenes

1. The "heroes" theaten to not save the world unless they get tax breaks etc.

2. The main "hero" delays blowing the charges that will save the Earth, way past the time they should be blown, in order to save his daughter's boyfriend.

I hate that movie.

I'm pretty pissed off at all the Cheech & Chong movies that came after Up In Smoke. Talk about pissing on the grave of a good thing...

I admit, I didn't hate Forrest Gump, even though I detest magical retard movies in general, but I also wanted to see Jenny kicked to the curb by the end of it. Selfish little bitch who always came back to Forrest whenever she needed something, but ignored him whenever she wanted to go off and live her fast-paced, party lifestyle. I was glad when she died, so Forrest wouldn't have to put up with that crap anymore. Their relationship wasn't romantic, it was her taking advantage of a mentally challenged man.

Sorry about all that therapy coin going down the drain, though, Utron.

As Leonard Pinth Garnell would say, "Bad cinema. Really bad."

Joe vs Volcano was indeed another bad flick, although my reaction was more of "dislike" than "hate"

Oh, God, I just remembered another one that caused me actual, physical pain: Antitrust. I'm a long-time UNIX nerd, so I was interested to see what Hollywood's take on the whole open-source thing would be. I knew it would be stupid, you understand -- I just didn't know how stupid.

Plus it had Tim Robbins in it as a super-evil Bill Gates clone, and I loathe Tim Robbins in every movie he's ever been in except for Bull Durham and The Shawshank Redemption.

7 years in Tibet felt like.......... 7 f'in years in Tibet, in prison, being ass raped by Richard Simmons.

Gotta cast a huge props to Roadhouse. Great bad movie.

About Last Night. Everyone was annoying and Demi Moore can't act for shit

Ghost. Same as above

Also any movie with Meg Ryan or Melanie Griffin. Plasticized whores!

My name is Tina, and I am addicted to movie musicals. It has been four days since my last viewing of Chicago.

What was the Western with Sharon Stone and Leonardo DiCaprio? The one where the big boss of the town has been forcing everyone to participate in the gunfight tournament to the death every year since Sharon was a little girl, and somehow the U.S. Fucking Army doesn't come in and string him up?

Joe vs. the Volcano was funny for the first few minutes, then it became painfully stupid. Much like Cabin Boy. "Would you like to buy a monkey?"

Mystic River. So an ex-con kills a totally innocent man and just...gets away with it? I despised this fucking movie, and I couldn't understand what everyone was raving about. (It also, unsurprisingly, had Tim Robbins in it.)

I Am Sam. Sean Pean as another magical retard. Beyond parody. My ex-wife loved it; I wanted to use this fact against her in the divorce.

tina:

You're thinking of The Quick and the Dead.

Aha! I saw ppl going off on Demi Moore (who I actually don't mind as an actress), and I thought:

G.I. Jane

Hate, hate, hate. Why? Because it pushes a lefty premise - that women are not only a good addition to the armed forces (which they are), but that they are just as good on the frontline.

They even had the drill instructor performing a mock rape of her character in an overzealous attempt to drive it home to her newly converted male platoon-mates what happens when females are inserted into the blood, filth and horror of face-to-face combat - and the big dummies all just turned their backs on him, as if to say "the only problem we see here is that you are a sexist pig, sarge - everyone knows the Iraqis/Taliban/etc would never treat her that way, nope, nuh-uh".

Another Validation: Day of the Tinfoil Hats candidate.

Dangerous Liasons
The worst movie I ever saw in a movie theater. The plot was non-existent and the dialog and acting painfully pretentious. It was so boring, I would have walked out after 10 minutes but I was with people. My thumb was actually twitching involunarily to change the channel on an imaginary remote. When I wasn't on one of my 10 trips to the bathroom even though I didn't have to go, I sat there with my head turned away. It was topped off by the worst and most boring ending ever where the Malkovich character gets stabbed in a duel and takes 15 minutes of stumbling round before he dies. I hate John John Malkovich and Glenn Close because of that movie.

Bob Roberts, for obvious reasons.

Farenheit 911, and the whole Moore ouevre, ditto.

I actually really liked Forrest Gump. People either love it or hate it.

I'm delighted at how many of these movies I haven't seen. Saddened at how many i have.

My candidates:

Schindler's List. The holocaust in the hands of an arrested-adolescent narcissist is shallow, pretentious preening at its worst. Topped off by the media credit given to Spielberg for "rediscovering" Hitler's genocide. Ugh.

Titanic. Not a dingle critic noted the fact that Kate Piglet had in her possession Picasso's "Demoiselles d'Avignon," THE painting that launched cubism. Never saw her rescuing it. Where did she have the rolled-up canvas secreted?

The Parallax View. Warren Beatty's paranoid snoozer about assassination conspiracies. The only redeeming feature was his implied death at the end.

The All-Time Top Ten Chick Flicks: Gone with the Wind, The Way We Were, Beaches, Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman, Terms of Endearment, Fried Green Tomatoes, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, and You've Got Mail, and As Good As it Gets. Just add up the female character attributes that women identify with -- bitch, whore, sappy sentimentalist, shallow, pretentious egotist, sexually repressed cipher, and permanent-would-be-high-school-prom-queen afflicted with equally permanent penis envy. I hate them all.

No wonder so many young men are experiencing brokeback syndrome.

I gotta categorically agree with all "magical retard" movies - that term is perfect.

OK, I'm really bad at remembering movie titles so, again, I need some help.

Harrison Ford, Anne Heche, and "Ross" from Friends. (See, I can't remember that douche's real name either.) Ford is the gruff pilot struggling with the bottle and Heche is the annoying little bint from NYT that is forced to hire him to get off some island. Anyone?

Seizure-inducingly awful and thus hated.

Mdatek, I had forgotten about The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover. I saw it when it came out about twenty years ago and I am still scarred by it. An unpardonable movie. In that opening scene, I believe a guy gets a fork stuck into his face, also.

I actually kind of liked Starship Troopers. Criminal that they went camp with such a fine book, but at least they didn't hold back once they went that way. I don't think it was a political statement -- Denise Richards isn't exactly Tim Robbins. Don't look for deep meanings there.

Roadhouse is a classic. Swayze's inspirational speech to the employees of the Double Deuce ranks right up there with Baldwin's bit at the beginning of Glengarry Glen Ross as employee motivation at its best.

And I also liked The Wicker Man.

Dan Aykroyd ought to have a category of his own. Caddyshack II, Ghostbusters II, Doctor Detroit (Call the doctor!), Coneheads, Exit to Eden, Dragnet, Blues Brothers 2000 -- this guy's a serial killer of my recreational time, no doubt about it.

Harrison Ford, Anne Heche, and "Ross" from Friends

Six Nights and Seven Days. Truly awful

kelly:

Six Days Seven Nights

absolute dreck. ford hasnt done a good movie in years

what brak said. you can tell I was impressed enough to commit it to memory

I always get mad when people rag on Gone With the Wind, and then I remember they're talking about the movie, which I've seen maybe once.

GWTW is one of those handful of books that I reread at least once every other year, because I find new insights every time.

How could I forget the Shadow Conspiracy, with Charlie Sheen and Donald Sutherland? I was in DC when it ws being filmed and tried to sneak in as an extra. Didn't work out. I'm so glad my visage is nowhere to be seen in that predictable wreck.

At the climax--let me spoil it for you--this model helicopter pops up and tries to assassinate somebody. Really some of the most stupefyingly bad special effects I've ever seen there--and the "suspenseful" climax turned completely farcical as soon as you saw this little model helicopter with, apparently, a roll of Black Cats tied on to it to simulate "machine gun fire".

Instapunk, my wife's dad agrees with you about Schindler's List--he walked out.

I actually watched Madonna's Truth or Dare back in college. I still get nightmares. Madonna has serious personality disorders. Boarderline personality disorder comes to mind. She's a pathetic crotch.

Yeah, well, after I saw Evita I started having nightmares that were sung by Antonio Bandaras. Very annoying.

Van Helsing

Ah yes. The movie in which a crucial plot point hangs on full moons happening a couple of days apart. I had forgotten about that. Thanks a bunch!

I'm absulutely dying. Guess who still isn't through?

It's like watching a dog gnawing on a t-bone. She just can't. Let. Go.

Hey Dave in GR:

Start a new thread about the best movies we've ever seen.

And if any of you cock gobblers (reference, anyone?) brings up some obscure, artsy, or foreign film, you will be banned.

"I always get mad when people rag on Gone With the Wind, and then I remember they're talking about the movie, which I've seen maybe once."

Mrs. Peel. It feels like you're betraying your namesake. Scarlett O'Hara and Mrs. Peel couldn't be farther apart, and I'm talking about both the movie AND the book.

Scarlett is the ultimate Universe of One, unmindful of any consequence of her obsessively selfish behavior. Yes, she survives. So? Who cares.

Mrs. Peel, on the other hand, has a well developed sense of humor, a genuine affection for men, an obviously self-confident sexual persona, and a zest for life that involves no manipulation or acquisitive preening.

It's been said -- rather accurately, I think -- that GWTW is as good as a book can be that isn't actually literature. I endorse that wholeheartedly. I'll bet Mrs. Peel, upon due reflection, might agree.

Tell me this: what's so damned fascinating about Scarlett to women? Because men can't see it. Or if they can, they don't want to.

Leonard Part 6. I was a kid when I saw that at a free matinee, and even then I wanted to chain Bill Cosby to a cement weight and drop him in the middle of the ocean. This movie is so bad it could actually give you a brain aneurysm.

Ditto to whomever dissed on Patch Adams. I'd also add Good Morning, Vietnam and Awakenings for the same reason: Robin Williams is just too smarmy.

Good Will Hunting. God, when Matt Duh-man starts approvingly quoting Noam Chomsky, I wanted to rush the screen and tear it to shreds. Ben Asslick, Matt Duh-man, and Robin Williams: it's torture. (Plus how Matt can kick someone as hot as Minnie Driver to the curb I'll never know....)

I see why Ace gives Dave the Big Blog Bucks to guest blog.

Dave brings teh comments.

I love men. My beloved husband pegged Scarlett O'Hara when he said:

"Scarlett O'Hara is one of those chicks who sucks but doesn't swallow."

See-Dubya,
Wait... people can't outrun fire?

It must be true, I've seen it in countless films.

BTW, I liked Forrest Gump too... a lot.
I got a kick out of the early Photoshop Skilz that put him into all those historical moments.

What Dreams May Come

Wizards. I was fine until she climbed into the tank and then I was totally lost.

American Ninja III: The Domination One of the few movies I've walked out on.

I'm sorry, that's Ninja III: The Domination. American Ninja was something else entirely. Not certain I've seen it.

Movies are so formalaic and derivitive these days that I dont' recall the last enjoyable movie I saw (well, "Sin City" WAS something else...).

I watched "Alexander" the other night....what a mess! Supposed ancient macedonians speaking with Irish brogues - wtf?

Dick Cheney can outrun fire, of course.

I want to direct a movie someday where on character turns to the other and starts to scream RUN! to the other in extreme slow motion...just as the rocket engines ignite or the napalm-filled grenade goes off or whatever. But he won't even get the word out before the still extremely fast fire fills the tunnel around them.

One of the characters will be played by Tim Robbins. I'd like that movie.

Bulworth - a movie so horrendous, stultifying, boring, nonsensical could only be redeemed by the distribution geniuses who conned the major theatre chains into showing an obviously made-for-TV movie on their screens. Genius, pure genius.

The Handmaid's Tale - more made-for-TV madness. This effing cesspool forever wrecked my 12-15 minute commercial Arcadian rhythm; I'm ready for some relief but it - just - never - comes!

About Last Night - my wife adores this movie; I adore Dimi Moore's tiny boobies. But that's it. Dimi and Rob fall in love, fall out of love, reconcile themselves to out falling of love and THERE'S NO EFFING REASON FOR ANY OF IT. YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON SO WHY THE EFF DID YOU EVER EVEN DATE?

The French Lieutenant's Woman - did I read some folks bitching about Eraserhead? Yeah, right.

Anything by Kevin Smith - That ain't the title of a long, lost film school short, either. Set shot, set shot, set shot, set shot, set shot, set shot, set shot, set shot, set shot. A year's worth of Daily Kos profanity that most definitely does not relieve the boredom. The only forum where Ben Affleck actually stand tall as an actor. Sort of like Mickey Rooney among the Oompa-Loompas.

"What was the Western with Sharon Stone and Leonardo DiCaprio?"

The Quick and the Dead? I'm not sure because I didn't see it, but that sounds right.

Monty, all that hate's gonna burn you up. After I kick your sorry, pansy ass all over the place for your Commando comments. Emminently quotable, ludicrous stereotypes, a chick who learns to fire a rocket-launcher by reading the instructions (but who still manages to shoot it backwards on the first try), Arnie ripping the front seat out of a car, throwing a circular saw like a frisbee and chopping off someone's hair...

There is nothing not to like about that movie. I've even started wearing a chain mail vest.

What was the name of that movie with Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley where they were on the run from something and hiding out with Amish. What a turd that was. I was hoping that the Amish would turn out to be cannibal Amish and eat them. They could have lived for *years* off Alley.

I can't believe I forgot to mention The Life of David Gale.

Watched it with my girlfriend. We both walked in opposing the death penalty. We both walked out being in favor of the death penalty, with particular application to anyone involved in filming, distributing, or catering that movie. She wanted to stage show trials; I just wanted to shoot anyone with a nasal voice.

What was the name of that movie with Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley where they were on the run from something...
For Richer or Poorer, awful movie.
Tim Allen's had some stinkers in the past few years.

Sobek, I'm right there with you on Commando - classic Arnold flick!

Oh, and the Krull bashing has to stop. That was an awesome movie. On this subject there can be no disagreement.

Retired Geezer, yah lotsa comments but that's not due to Dave mad blogging skillz - anything movie related on this site brings everybody out.

Struggling free from the clutches of repressed memory syndrome, the Spielberg sequel to Peter Pan, Hook suddenly popped into my head (I almost wrote 'pooped'). Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, bad, bad, bad.

Well, instapunk, it's all about the ending for me. When I first read the book, she made me furious, and all my sympathy was for Rhett. But upon rereading, I've noticed that at the ending, for the first time in the book, Scarlett reacts as an adult. Before the night of Melanie's death, she's already come to realize the consequences of her former behavior (no friends, her children are estranged from her, etc.). But on that night, she is able to see someone else's pain (I'm thinking of Pittypat) and feel pity without mixing it with contempt. She realizes that in Ashley she merely loved a suit of clothes, not a man (a lesson I remember learning, and it's not an easy one), and she loses her last support (Rhett). And yet, she squares her shoulders, takes the news as calmly as she can, and even earns a bit of respect from Rhett.

I always close the book with the distinct impression that she's taken her first steps into her adult life. And that she'll never be conquered. That's what I like the most about her - "we're not wheat, we're buckwheat. When a storm comes along, it flattens ripe wheat, but ripe buckwheat's got sap in it and it bends."

I see a lot of myself in her, and not just positive qualities; I can easily imagine myself developing that same sort of hard edge under similar privations. But the big difference is that I do have principles, and I'll never betray them (granted, mostly because I'm stubborn, but still).

The Trial Of Billy Jack.
I can’t go on anymore my head still hurts because of this movie.

Enas, Krull blew donkeys with an intensity, fervour and singleminded attention to detail seldom rivalled in the annals of cinematography.

Tim Allen has done some turkeys, but Galaxy Quest was inspired and Joe Somebody was sweet without being sickly (plus Julie Bowen as the blond love interest was all kinds of hot).

"Speaking of sequels that ruined the original:
Highlander 2,3,4...
First movie was great. The 2nd and following stunk very, very badly"

I have to agree wholeheartely.

Tim Allen has done some turkeys, but Galaxy Quest was inspired and Joe Somebody was sweet without being sickly (plus Julie Bowen as the blond love interest was all kinds of hot).

^to my last post hit enter accidentally
I'd forgoten about Galaxy Quest, better than many movies out there, as for Joe Somebody, never saw it.

That remake of Psycho with Vince Vaughan. WTF? A shot-for-shot remake? Why bother? What's the frigging point? Plus Anne Heche brings bile to the back of my throat no matter what movie she's in.

Intolerable Cruelty. The people who titled this movie weren't just being cute. About ten minutes into this piece of shit, I wanted to cave in George Clooney's head with a shovel. The feeling persists to this very day.

Pumpkin. Christina Ricci falls in love with a retard. Man, this movie had so many layers of wrong about it. Plus Ricci's got this ginormous head -- her forehead could double as a drive-in movie screen, I swear.

Tim Allen? How about Christmas with the Cranks? Uhhg. I had a little crush on Jamie Lee Curtis since Trading Places. Even through True Lies it was moving along into middle age nicely. Christmas with the Kranks cured it.

I knew it. I'm surrounded by a bunch of assholes!

Galaxy Quest was freakin' brilliant. It single-handedly makes up for anything else he could possibly do wrong.

Greystoke - the Legend of Tarzan. came out in the mid 80s(?) - with Christopher Lambert and Andie McDowell (whose voice was dubbed by Glenn Close.) The Disney Tarzan version was closer to the book than this one. This was so bad that screenwriter Robert Towne had his name removed. Instead the screenplay was credited P. H. Vazak, the name of Towne's dog. Then again, maybe Vazak did write this one.

Two more movies:
Top Gun- it has Tom Cruise and a dumb ass song, enough said
Backdraft- any movie with any Baldwin sucks

Dazed and Confused. What a completely pointless waste of time.

Oh, I just thought of one more:

"The Piano."

I went to see it with my two best friends from high school, who had to see it because it was an "important" movie. I just thought it was a pretentious movie.

Plus, that one particular Harvey Keitel scene was just plain scary.

Movies that should have been great but sucked:

1. "Dodgeball" licked the back of my nuts. Why, Vince, Why?

2. "Meet the Fockers" was completely abysmal, a horribly over the top cheap imitation of the original.

3. People say "Field of Dreams" was sweet, but I literally walked out after the book burning scene.

Zoolander was unwatchable. Could not stay in the seat for 5 minutes. Hey, Ben Stiller, would it KILL you to say NO to a script?

Bad Lieutenant, bad bad bad.

"Elf"

I was stoned off my ass and drank a six pack while watching that flick - utterly unfunny.

Battlefield Earth.

SERIOUSLY overbearing, triumphant music every time anyone so much as picked their noses. A main character named "Johnny Goodboy."

An utterly implausible script. Take, for example, when the good guys find 1,000 year-old Harriers in their hangers. Still intact. With useable jet fuel in their tanks, no less.

Forest Whitaker at his very worst. We're talking on-par with "daytime soaps" worst. Travolta, substituting the word "leverage" for actual acting.

And last but certainly not least, ripping off whole swaths and genres of good movies right down to the camera angles. Witness the running-and-shot-from-behind scene that can be matched frame-by-frame with Bladerunner.

You can't make "camp" on purpose, you have to be actually trying and fail miserably, and that's the only way that this movie becomes watchable. So go see it.

Jason

Oi, Steve, I liked Elf! Just saw it on the plane over the holidays, and I thought it was a very good-natured film, un-shat-upon by any cynical snark. Which wouldn't have been so much of a compliment in 1965, but is pretty rare and courageous these days.

Hollyweird hasnt maid a good movie since UNCLE WALT maid STEAMBOAT WILLIE with that libral MICKEY MOUSE

1. Tremors 2
2. Pearl Harbor
3. Working Girl
4. Suburbia with Giovani Ribisi
5. Sliver

S. Weasel -

You better not be insinuating that it was the weed or the beer - thats the kind of talk that could end up being very unhealthy for a man;-)

Almost forgot, even though this thread is probably dead, Dropzone with Snipes and Airborne the rollerblading movie.

I got a kick out of the early Photoshop Skilz that put him into all those historical moments.

Zelig did a better job, earlier. Still a so-so movie, though.

Independence Day: Concentrated stupidity.

King Solomon's Mines--80s version. Kinda boring overall, but then they took the movie's one truely redeeming character--the badass Russian bad guy--and had the witch doctor kill him. I don't care if that was in the book or not, it pissed me off! I didn't even finish the movie after that.

The Last Samurai was cool for about a 20-minute segment, the rest of it sucked. I didn't 'hate' Master and Commander but it left me really underwhelmed. Young Guns and Young Guns II both seemed to kill off the only characters in them I actually liked.

Finally: X-Men II. This almost caused me to cease being an X-Men fan. No retribution against Magneto or Mystique? Lady Deathstrike some mindless mute? And THAT is how they wanted to start the Pheonix storyline? Gean Grey--how'd it happen now--dying while lifting the blackbird above a wall of water? wtf? Words cannot describe how cheated I felt after watching that movie.

I have to get in on this. Pretty much any movie with Kevin Costner, but especially "Postman" (idiotic) and "Dances with Wolves" ("The horror, the horror") I am also really cranked that he screwed up "Robin Hood" 'cause I really like Mary Elizabeth Mastroantonio

Enfant:

Oh, God, I had forgotten about The Postman. I liked the David Brin book, thought the movie would be okay. Boy was I dumb. I do like some Costner stuff, though: Bull Durham is an old favorite, as is Silverado. Open Range is a pretty damned good western, too. I used to like No Way Out better than I do now, but it's not a bad movie.

being john malkovitch
the thin red line
sphere.

got dragged to all of them by my wife. someday I may put a pillow over her face for making me go see sphere, the biggest pile of crap ever.

Terror Toons was the first movie to give me a headache since Angry Red Planet. The Hulk made my anus hurt a little, that's why I'm afraid to see Brokeback. I'd forgotten about Millenium, worst robot ever, including the talking motorcycle in Warrior of the Lost World.

I did meet a prostitute who looked a lot better than Julia Roberts, when I was buying a corn dog at a gas station. There was this vanload of very obvious crack-skanks stopping off there at the same time, but she didn't look like she was with them. I think by ho standards she was probably plus size or something, because she didn't have that Whitney Houston look at all. Anyway, I talked to her for a really long time without realizing she was a hooker, I was like, man, this chick DIGS me!

The worst movie I ever saw was "The Grifters" with John Cusack and Angelica Huston. It was technically excellent, but I had not one emotional connection to the characters or the story, and it simply could not be enjoyed as a "bad" movie, where you can be amused at the usually unintentional performance art of people with very little talent.

How about "The Contender" I think was the name of it about that train pulling slut that was going through congressional approval for some positon that the President wanted her to fill. Talk about bullshit, why wouldn't anyone not want to have a whore who likes to get it on with a bunch of dudes have any problem getting approved.

I'm late to the party, but;

I saw Kate and Leopold on an airplane and I still thought of walking out of it. Any movie that has a plot point of a butter commercial is the cinematic equivalent of a prostate exam with a samurai sword.

Day after Tomorrow was craptaculer, as well. Boring, sanctimonious, and I hate both the Gylllenhaleyllells-whatever the F.

I'm on board with hating Forrest Gump, too. Manipulative and corny, and I hate magical retards, too.

Cleft Palate : Adominable Proboscis:: Prince of Tides : Cedarford

Since nobody else mentioned it: Prime Cut

"Mary M."

- repetitive
- ponderous
- horrible dialogue
- insulted the audience

Speaking of Jim Carey movies, "Me, Myself & Irene". How bad was it? My wife and I left when the dog craps on the lawn but I was getting ready to leave already when that came on the screen.

Oh, and "Cable Guy".

Any Star Wars movie that wasn't the original trilogy.

Under Siege 2

A common theme is that the star controlled production. Travolta, Stalone, Arnold, Kostner, etc.

Director/producers who also write. Oliver Stone is in a class by himself with Platoon, JFK, and Alexander. The latter being proof of his declining casting skills. Runner up is Brian DePalma for Body Double.

Actresses w/o a clue - Roberts, Griffin, Nancy Allen. Worst handling of an actress - Jane Fonda lived in Klute, and Nancy Allen lived in Body Double.

Superb melding of all bad things: The Way We Were. Barbra and Robert make you truly wish we had lost WW2. Runner up: Pearl Harbor confirms that feeling.

Who was more disturbingly and underagedly attractive, Heigl in Under Seige 2 or Portman in Beautiful Girls?

Ocean's Twelve. Un-fucking-watchable. Ultra rich movie stars partying in Europe on a studio's dime, then making a film of it based around a silly, thin plot. The whole abortion of a movie had this "Look how cool and rich we are" vibe to it that made me wishing for George Fox from Day of the Jackal to arrive and murder every one of them.

re: the unbearable zoolander wasn't a bad script choice by ben stiller, it was his project all the way... the result of his getting a blank check from inbred hollywood as a reward for being a "genius".

The real shame is that Dave from GR hates Blade Runner. I think he should be lynched for that alone...

Town and country, bunch of desperate old fuckers. I was given a dvd of it by my brother as a bad joke. I shot it at the quarry last week.

OK I don't go to movies much lately.

I refused to take my girlfriend out to Love Story when it first came out, 1971. She went with her mother, and dumped me a few months later. I kinda regret that.

Easy Rider has already been mentioned.

Billy Jack. What a hateful, violent, hypocritical son of a bitch. Him and his fucking hippy friends. And that song...tin soldiers or something.

Rocky. Sylvester Stallone is a big dumb muscle bound asshole who can't act for shit. And the plot of that movie was so predictable a four year old could have written the screenplay. I never saw Rocky II-XLVII so I can't comment on them.

Dazed and Confused. What a completely pointless waste of time.

And double-bonus points for being among the most overrated. I've had no less than a dozen people tell me what a great/funny/rockin'/cool flick it is. After using toothpicks to keep my eyes open to finish this waste of videotape (surely they didn't waste film on this pointless project) -- not propped open, mind you, but stuck into my eyeballs like hor doerves olives -- it became apparent that I needed a whole new social circle, job and family. Still working on that; a time-consuming and complex project given that I've forsworn all forms of murder as means to accomplish it. It's not the conscience, mind you, but all that stuff about "felony" and "trial" and "jail" and "jail shower" and "Bubba wants to talk to you in the shower, kid, and -- hey, can you pick up his soap?"

holy fuck...Mary M. is having a marathon session on that Jon Stewart thread.

Doesn't she have anything better to do? Hell, I've gotten laid, painted my living room and went out for Italian in the time that she has been feverishly typing away.

She has spent over 24 hours checking in on AofS. Doesn't she have an occupation?

Liberals must lead very unhappy lives. Poor thing.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMTION i cant stand movies about glorified killers all those stupid remakes of classics.FREE WILIE the whale did,nt want to be set free.BORN FREE i hate the stupid theme song.any movie with GEORGE CLOONIE and THE LORD OF WAR they are attacking our second amendment rights and ALL THE CRAP FROM MICHEAL MOORE

Monty, I'm with you in regards to the Wicker Man. I watched it a few months ago. I LOVE the idea--an island full of creepy cultists--but the movie had to have a *message*.

My least favorite movies:
-The Matrix. I hated this so much I turned it off at the stupid spoon-bending kindergarten scene.
-Any of those ghastly French art house movies, often starring Catherine Denueve. I just keep watching them for some reason, and they're always the same--pretentious tripe with confusing non-endings.
-Shrek. Not funny.
-Erin Brockovich. Since when is being a rude harpy considered laudable?
-Grave of the Fireflies. Seta is an idiot and is ultimately responsible for his and his sister's fate.
-Fight Club. Pathetic, mewling rage portrayed as...cool?

Bad Lieutenant, bad bad bad.

"Fuck that noise, how 'bout the Mets?"

I lost a bet and was forced to watch Teh Bridges of Madison County. Six-and-one-half-hours of Streep's phony Eastern European accent combined with Eastwood's Cigar Store Indian impression comatosed me.

I'm still on the long , painful road to recovery.

"St. Elmo's Fire". The "Little Chill" is so banal, so vapid and nacisstic as to cause mental terror. Arguably the worst movie ever made.

Jason: "Jerry Maguire, if only because I never quite bought the relationship between Cruise's character and Zellweger's. I never got the feeling that he actually loved her, so much as needed a woman around, and would screw her over the first chance he got to hook up with a hot model or something. "

Well, that was the point. He was superficial and talked a good line about the importance of relationships, but didn't know how to actually love someone. Anyone who spends time in sales or marketing can appreciate that movie.

"The Cook, The Wife, whatever" - thanks for ruining my weekend by reminding me of that one. Especially bad because it was so critically acclaimed, 2 thumbs up etc. & was so thoroughly CRAPPY. In every aspect.

"Torque" - let's watch Ice Cube sneer and two morons, who couldn't act their way to a gig doing Prilosec ads, race motorcycles on city streets going what, 400 miles an hour?

COBRA

"Battlefield Earth" - you know it's bad when the best endorsement they can put on the DVD case is "great scene transitions and some of the better special effects of the year," from joblo's movie emporium(huh? yea, it's on the web). It wasn't campy, it was trying to be epic and failed miserably.

Chocolate.One long, condescending sneer.
Eraserhead. One long bowel movement.
The entire genre of futuristic prison movies.
There was some horrible movie with Margaux Hemingway. She had a speech defect and they decided her love interest should be named steve.
Two hours of "Oh. Schteeve."
Dangerous Liasons, though, was great. You should read the book.

Prayer of the Rollerboys. Corey Haim and Patricia Arquette. Need I say more?

License to Drive -- Corey Haim AND Corey Feldman.

I Come in Peace -- bad when Dolph Lundgren is your best actor.

Dick Tracy -- Warren Beatty at his most leathery AND Madonna.

Bulworth -- Warren Beatty again. Unfortunately, Halle Berry doesn't show her tits in this one.

Monster's Ball -- pro, Halle Berry is topless in this one. Con, so is Billy Bob Thornton.

Rhinestone. Stallone and Parton. Make it stop, please!

Tank Girl. STARRING Lori Petty. Christmas with the Cranks (Curtis DOES look like a horse eww). Any Ben Affleck movie where he's not Daredevil.

but the all time "winners" are Demolition Man. Stallone at his most unintelligible, plus Wesley Snipes eating the scenery, spitting it out, and chewing it again. Plus Rob Schneider. Tied with Judge Dred. Stallone, Schneider together again. Oh the humanity.

Last Action Hero gets a thumbs up for me, simply for "To be or not to be. [Pause as stuff blows up] Not to be."

Tarzan the Ape Man. Yes, it had lots and lots of nude Bo Derek, but come on...as a horny teen, I walked out of that one. Even a 14- year old can choke the chicken only so many times.

Rocky 4...now, I'm a Philly native, and we have a perverse attachment to the Rocky movies. But when our favorite pug gives that mind-bendingly sappy world-peace speech at the end, I could shoot myself.

I also agree with Golden Child, Pearl Harbor, and especially The Postman!

Pretty much any movie with Kevin Costner

you must all watch Fandango and tell me what you think about the parachute scene.

it cracked me up.

that and I liked the Pat Metheny score.

I don't know if anyone has said this, but I got three words: Men. At. Work. I was too young and naive when it first came out to realize the glaring flaws in it, but when I actually got to the age when dialogue and acting were of some consequence and toilet humor did not a movie make.

This was easily the beginning of the decline of the young lions of the Sheen/Estevez clan.

you must all watch Fandango and tell me what you think about the parachute scene.

Loved the movie. Own the movie. And the Pat Metheny song in the Fandango scene always hits me just right.

No, Rockford, I can't agree with part of your last post; I thought License to Drive was hilarious (the two Coreys hadn't yet drank, toked and snorted away their talent when LTD was made). On the other hand, Corey Haim filmed another stinker that makes Prayer of the Rollerboys look like Casablanca: a piece of crap called Watchers, which was very loosely based on a Dean Koontz novel of the same name. The climax of the film involved a three-way hand-to-hand battle royale between Haim, Michael Ironside and some guy in a gorilla suit, with a clearly visible zipper running up the back. Gorilla-Suit Boy was supposed to be a genetically-engineered monster that escaped from a military lab; Michael Ironside was playing a government assasin who was trying to eliminate both the monster and Haim. Guess who wins...unbelivably, it wasn't Ironside.

geoff, isn't most of the music from As Falls Wichita, So Falls Wichita Falls? I know that one where they're dancing at the wedding is...I think. Dang it's been years.

I know that one where they're dancing at the wedding is...I think.

Yeah, that's the Fandango scene I was talking about. I think that song is It's for You. I don't think there's anything else from that album, though (at least I didn't notice anything).

yeah, I remember that now. Lyle Mays on the keyboards.

Lyle Mays on the keyboards.

Yeah, I miss Pat & Lyle together - I saw Metheny in Boulder in September. Good show, but it wasn't the same.

I remember Lyle and Pat doing a show at NTSU (the second college I got kicked out of) in 78. Awesome.

gotta go to bed... later y'all

While we're ragging on Kevin Costner, has anybody mentioned Waterworld yet? That has got to be one of my personal biggest wastes of a video rental fee...

Several of you have already justifiably thrown rotten tomatoes at The Day After Tomorrow, so I'd like to nominate another stinker of an action film with a pro-environmental message: Steven Seagal's On Deadly Ground. A film in which, in order to save the environment (!), Seagal blows up an oil refinery and an offshore drilling platform. Atrocious acting all around, even from Michael Caine as the stereotypical evil CEO, and even the martial arts action scenes sucked.

And can we stop trying to make comedies about drunken fraternity jocks? Everybody who tries to go that route ends up trying to re-create Animal House, and fails miserably. Take, for example, Old School.

I'm sure Old School sounded like a cute idea on paper; Will Farrell and Vince Vaughan go back to college, pretend to be students, and form their own fraternity in order to recapture the lost glories of their youth. That's not the way it worked out; there wasn't a single damn funny joke in the whole movie, and the only "cute" part of the show was Elisha Cuthbert's scantily-clad bottom, in the scene when Vince Vaughn wakes up the morning after the party and finds her sharing his bed. And to get to that point, we had to sit through a lengthy and completely unobstructed shot of Will Farrell's fat, pasty, naked ass in a totally gratuitous streaking scene.

Blecch.

Reservoir Dogs

'artistic' bullshit from gay Tarantino.

Agree about "Torque" Ice Cube doesn't need that on a resume.

But! The bad guys girlfriend: very cute evil nasty pierced girlfriend.............well now! Impure thoughts came a jumpin'

But maybe, that's just me.

That crummy 1998 remake of GODZILLA those stupid lizards staring at the mushroom cloud THE SHAWSHANK REDEMTION in cant stand movies about convicted killers BORN FREE i cant stand the stupid song FREE WILLIE those kids are tuaght to be theives AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON peice of crap. WOLFEN more crap AIR BUD disney did a overkill of those stupid movies FERNGULLY mindless eco SAVE THE RAINFORESTS crap all those crummy remakes of classics and anything made by MICHEAL MOORE and OLIVER STONE and ANY MEMBER OF THE HOOLYWOOD LEFT INCLUDING GEORGE CLOONY

The Lord of the Rings #3.

What was up with the gay hobbit porn that made up the last half hour of the movie?

Obviously none of you have seen Teenage Caveman. Compared to that everything mentioned so far is small change.

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0283043/

It's just bad.

As for the person who dissed Tank Girl, that movie is just damned awesome. Cmon, how can you not like human-kangaroo hybrid killing machines?

As for the person who dissed Tank Girl, that movie is just damned awesome.

Does anybody know where that poem Malcolm MacDowell recites comes from? The snippet he recites goes:

Eight, Eight, the burning eight. Between Sunday and Monday there lies a day so dark it will devastate.

Rocky... And the plot of that movie was so predictable a four year old could have written the screenplay.

There are WAY too many similarities to the career of Joe Frazier for that movie NOT be based on. Joe Frazier actually take a bit of offence that Philly put up a statue of 'Rocky' and not him.

Not so much a movie to hate, but definitely in the category of "so-bad-it's-otherworldly": the 1980 Franco-German epic The Price of Survival. I don't think it's possible to do justice to the sublimely whacked-out nature of this in a mere comment - it's the perfect storm of bad acting, awful production values, and European prejudices regarding "typical" Americans. A definite must-see: check out especially the hilarious depiction of stock car racing - (think NASCAR meets demolition derby) and the climactic scene involving a busload of "hearing-impaired" schoolchildren who apparently improvise their own version of American Sign Language on the spot. And no, it's not intended to be a parody - from all indications, this was meant to be a deadly serious commentary on the foibles of modern America.

Ordinarily I wouldn't try to jump on the bandwagon this late into the parade, but I have to mention one that no one else has touched.

Twister. I guess the story was ok, but the continual refusal to acknowledge the laws of physics was breathtaking. Tractors and cows and trees and shit are flying all over the screen, but the sturdy Dodge half ton pickup stays planted right there on the road. And then in the final scene, where he ties himself to the pumphouse plumbing to avoid being sucked up by the tornado. After it's all said and done, theres not a structure left standing, the pumphouse has been sucked away, and yet........he doesn't have a single bloody wound on him. Every single fuckin' piece of debris passed him by. Luckiest sumbitch in history.

And to the person who mentioned that Independence Day sucked I would like to add a hearty AMEN.