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January 18, 2006

Top Ten Ways The House Of Representatives Is Like "A Plantation"

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton used Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday yesterday to blast the Republican-led House of Representatives, charging that it's "run like a plantation."
Speaking at a Baptist church in Harlem, Clinton used the explicit racial analogy to describe Republicans who she said refuse to allow "contrary points of view" to be heard.

"When you look at the way the House of Representatives has been run — it has been run like a plantation, and you know what I'm talking about," Clinton said.

I'm not sure many people did know what Hillary! was talking about. However, being a student of antebellum American history, I do. So I thought I'd enlighten you all.

Top Ten Ways The House Of Representatives Is Like "A Plantation"

10. Just like on a plantation, it's still all about the cotton, sugar & tobacco

9. The most junior slaves on a plantation were invariably assigned the least desirable offices, often in the basement of the Russel Building

8. Congressmen are paid over $170,000 per year, just a fraction more than what slaves were paid; plus, slaves had to pay for their own stamps, if you can imagine such barbarism

7. Slaves were often subject to the indignity of being jetted off to Boca Raton golf courses to be lobbied on okra subsidies

6. Two words: "Majority Whip." Do I have to spell it out for you?

5. Slave-masters were notoriously cruel and arbitrary about allowing their slaves to "extend and revise" their remarks for the Congressional Record

4. Whether it's the "manacles" of having one's amendments voted down or actual, literal manacles holding your body as you bake in the punishing noontime sun, hey, it's all still basically just "chains of oppression," right?

3. Slaves were often looked down upon as the lowest rung of society, hardly fit to acknowledge even as human beings; Congressmen... well, more or less the same

2. Just like slaves did after a backbreaking day's toil in the fields, Congressmen end their days by heading over to Ted Kennedy's Georgetown bachelor pad for hookers & foosball

... and the Number One Way In Which The House of Representatives Is Like a Plantation...

1. Like slaves, Congressmen are openly bought and traded

posted by Ace at 02:11 AM

Comments

Magnificent work, Ace. Especially #1.

Posted by: John on January 18, 2006 06:36 AM

In a related story, Toby Maguire announced that he would show solidarity with the slaves and protest the GOP-controlled House of Representatives.

Toby declared that he will go by the name Kunta Kinte Maguire until there is a Demcrat-controlled Congress.

LeVar Burton could not be reached for comment.

Posted by: BumperStickerist on January 18, 2006 08:10 AM

Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several states which may be included within this union, according to their respective numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons and Republicans.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 18, 2006 08:49 AM

Great list!

Posted by: 3rd_Bird on January 18, 2006 08:58 AM

Honestly, I think it was #1 that was Clinton's actual reasoning. I'd almost agree with her, too. *shudder*

Posted by: Malderi on January 18, 2006 09:12 AM

Very good list, but number one is perfect.

Posted by: Silk on January 18, 2006 09:43 AM

Great post! But, what sane person would be posting at 2:11 AM? Your'e freaking me out, man!

Posted by: The Johnson on January 18, 2006 09:48 AM

That's gotta be worth an Insty link.

Posted by: Dave S on January 18, 2006 10:07 AM

More from the witch and her band of flying monkeys what else will she be babbling to get the rest of the mindless jackasses to listen to her?

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 18, 2006 10:23 AM

Nah, Insty doesn't link humor. A lot of people don't. Michelle Malkin is great with links, but I don't think she's ever linked a humor piece of mine.

Posted by: ace on January 18, 2006 10:31 AM

Hypocrisy In Action

Posted by: on January 18, 2006 10:44 AM

Wouldn't minority whip be more apropo?

Posted by: Beck on January 18, 2006 10:57 AM

Excellent list.

#8 cracked me up

Posted by: lauraw on January 18, 2006 10:58 AM

I read these yesterday and I'm still giggling! You're on target with wit and insight!

Posted by: Gullspirit on January 18, 2006 11:12 AM

Fie on Instapundit - National Review is using you like you use Allah.

Well, not exactly like . . .

Posted by: Victoria on January 18, 2006 11:42 AM

Very well done!

Posted by: theanchoress on January 18, 2006 03:39 PM

Just finished reading this list -- excellent in every way. Number 4 puts it all in context.

I actually thought I heard the strains of an old slave song in Hillary's words. See http://elblogero.blogspot.com/2006/01/hiilary-clintons-view-of-life-on.html.

Posted by: El Blogero on January 18, 2006 05:07 PM

If the House of Representative is the 'plantation' what does that make the Senate? The Big House where the senators smoke their ceegars and drink mint julep?

Posted by: docdave on January 18, 2006 06:03 PM

How many PLANTATION are there in ARKANSAS?

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 18, 2006 10:02 PM

Re: #1

We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

Posted by: Warthog on January 18, 2006 10:28 PM

Pure evil genius. Not "gassing beagles" evil, but evil nonetheless.

Posted by: Mack on January 19, 2006 02:18 PM

I absolutely loved it. Now, what can you cook up about Ray Nagin and his chocolate city? Those two ate shoe leather on monday.

Posted by: Raven on January 19, 2006 10:14 PM